Friday, February 15, 2008

Hugs Galore.


Post 410~~Friday, 15th February, 2008.

Hi Everyone ~~ Started off with a picture
named "Bad Parenting" that I thought
might bring a smile. I hope you are all
having a good day. Mine has been lots
of fun- -not.

I went and had a mammogram for a
check-up and that's not a lot of fun.
However it is better than dying.
Have I ever told you that a male cousin
of mine had breast cancer years ago ?

After lunch and a few jobs and reading
the papers, I thought, I will get an early
start on this post. However, not to be,
"They" could not find my blog - -for
ages, until I switched off and started
again. After checking the e-mails, then
go to my blog, first call, check on my
little brother. Cannot be found, so
will try later. Hi Peter, are you lost ?

Just a reminder that tomorrow 16th Feb. will be Olive 's first
blogiversary. Olive is our oldest blogger at 108 and blogs with
the help of her helper Mike. It would be nice to say Happy
Anniversary to this wonderful lady who share her stories and
songs with us. Have a Happy day dear Olive and Mike.

I recived a lovely e-mail from one of my granddaughters, Bec, the
other day with lots of amazing pictures on it. I have only the words
to share with you. It is called "Hug War" Thanks Bec. Love you.

This is a test to see how many friends you have on the internet.

It's just a test. OK here goes.

When you receive this message pass it on to at least 10 people.

You have just been hugged !!

That's right, there's no getting out of it this time.

This is part of a full-scale Hug O' War !!

So hug everyone you know !.

Hug your friends, your enemies, everyone !

The hug is my favourite sign of affection.
It can mean so much, and many things at the same time.
It can be a sign of love, friendship, comfort or anything.
So here you go.
All I can say it will brighten someone's day.
I mean, we all need a hug once in a while.

So pass this on to anyone who may need a hug, and show
someone that you care. Goodness knows, we could all use
a hug sometimes.
<><><>

After Hugs, time for some jokes ~ ~ ~

My friend Sandy sent me a couple today. Thanks Sandy.

Bubba went to a psychiatrist . . . .
"I've got problems. Every time I go to bed, I think there
is someone under my bed. I'm scared and think I'm going
crazy."

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink.
"Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able
to get rid of those fears."

"How much do you charge ?"

"Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.
"I'll sleep on it," said Bubba.

Six months later the doctor met Bubba on the street. "Why
didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you
were having ?" asked the psychiatrist.

"Well, eighty dollars a visit, three times a week for a year is
an awful lot of money ! A bartender named Joe cured me
for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that
I went and bought me a pick-up."

"Is that so ? And how may I ask did a bartender cure you ?

"He told me to cut the legs off my bed ! -- Ain't nobody
under there now !!"
<><><>

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age
and thinking : Surely. I can't look that old !!
Well, you'll love this one.

My name is Alice and I was sitting in the waiting room for my
first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS Diploma
which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark haired boy with
the same name had been in my class some 30 odd years ago.
Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back
then ? Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such
thought.

This balding, grey-haired man with the deeply lined face was way
too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth,
I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

"Yes. Yes I did . . .I'm a Mustang . .He gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate ?" I asked.

He answered, . . . "in 1975, Why do you ask ?"

"You were in my class". . .I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely, Then that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled,
fat ass, grey-haired, decrepit son-of-a-bitch asked :
"What class did you teach ?"
<><>

One from real life that my Taxi driver told me as he brought me
home. Apparently a few years ago he hurt his back badly and Dr.
ordered an x -ray standing up. For some reason, he was asked to
drop his pants which he did. The X-rays were taken and the lady
radiographer said. "You can pull up your pants now."

BUT with the severe pain he could not do so. So the lady said
she would help As she pulled up his pants for him, another lady
walked in with a shocked look of horror. The Taxi driver, saw
her face and said, "It's all right, Love, we're engaged !!" And
the married lady and he both laughed and laughed, which was
also painful for him at that time.
<><><>

My son John sent me this one ~ ~ Thanks John.

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out
of the car . . . and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and
life-stuff seems to get funny ?

Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . . . he was a DWARF !

He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says,
"I AM NOT HAPPY !"

So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then ?"

. . . .and that's when the fight started.
<><>

A doctor gave a speech to a large audience about nutrition. He said,
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed
most of us sitting here."

"For example, red meat is awful, Soft drinks corrode our stomach
lining, Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be
disastrous."

"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and
we all have, or will eat it. Would anyone care to guess what food
causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it ?"

After several seconds of silence, a 75 year old man raised his
hand and said, "Wedding Cake."
<><>

California (car lee four near)
The new Californian Governor has just announced an agree-
ment whereby English will be the official language of the
state, rather thab German which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, The Terminator's Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improve-
ment and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be
known as "Austro-English
(or if nobody will be offended,
"Austrionics."

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. (Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy.) The hard 'c' will be
dropped in favor of the 'k'. This should klear upkonfusion, and
keyboards kan have one less letter.)

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when
the troublesome 'ph; will be replaced with the 'f''. (This will
make words like fotograf 20% shorter.)

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes
are possible.

Governments will emkourage the removal of double letters,
which have always ben a deterent tp akurate speling. Also,
al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag
is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th year, the peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replacing 'th' with 'z'z and 'w' with 'v'.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords
kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl
riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difokultis and evtivun vil find ot
ezi to understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil
finali kum tru.
That was not ezi to type !!! And Spell-checker has gone beserk!!
<><>

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, David
and his wife listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential
that husbands and wives know the things that are important to
each other.

He addressed the men, "Can you describe you wife's favourite
flower ?
David leaned over and touched his wife's arm gently and
whispered, "Black and Gold self- raising, isn't it ?"

(This is a store brand of all purpose flour.)
<><>
Just a few quotes ~ ~ ~

A library is thought in cold storage.~~Herbert Louis Samuel.

Remember me when I am gone, gone far away into the silent
land. ~ ~ ~ Christina Rossetti.

The lunatics have taken charge of the asylum.
~ ~ ~ Richard Rowland.

Most of what matters in your life takes place in your absence.
~ ~ ~ Salman Rushdie.

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each
other but in looking together in the same direction.
~ ~ ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery.

O, What a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to
deceive. ~ ~ ~ Sir Walter Scott.

Enough for tonight. Take great care my friends and have a
wonderful weekend when it gets to you. Must go find my little
brother. There are floods in Queensland and they suspect
there may be crocodiles in the flood waters. This is in the north
of Qld. not where Peter is. I hope all my friends everywhere
are safe, well and happy. Love and best wishes to you all.
Cheers, Merle.

Post 410 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 15th February, 2008.
<><><>



19 comments:

Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

I'm sure glad they finally found your blog! It was a hoot!
I laughed so hard, I had tears. You really outdid yourself this time.

Loved Hugs. And the lady who went to the dentist was funny. And who can blame the Not Happy Dwarf for getting mad! LOL. And I agree with the 75 year old man about the Wedding Cake being a dangerous food! Haha. But the best one of all the funnies here was the one about the California Governor's "Austrionics!" Got to copy and paste that one and show it to some friends. And by the way, although my accent was Hungarian, (most of it is gone by now) I always had trouble with the v's and w's! Still do. LOL. And love the quotes, too, dear Merle.

Well, I'm off to start my Friday with a smile, and you, dear Merle are off to bed? If my time figuring is right.

Have a wonderful weekend! Thank you for the chuckles and smiles.

Love and Blessings,

Renie


PS. Hope you found your brother. I'm glad he isn't in Queensland!

UKBob said...

Hi Merle, glad you found your blog again, I'd hate to lose that. You're right about having the tests done. Cancer is a terrible thing and the ruination of so many lives, the frightening thing being that anyone can have it no matter whether you have a history of it in the family or not and worst of all is you may have it and not even know so you be sure to have those tests even if they are horrible. Best wishes, Bob.

Jim said...

Hi Merle -- I can get your blog from over here and send it to you if it keeps getting lost. Anytime you need it.

My friend, the Basketball coach at our college, had breast cancer. He is completely free now.

Hope your rain is decent, we don't want those crocs around where you live either.

I will send my sister the under the bed one. She wants me to discuss her fear of monsters under the bed (she is almost 70, and claims I got it started when we were kids) in my "Ask Dr. Jim (blog)" blog.
http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com/

Lastly I am going to try pasting the award in my side bar very soon. Right now I am up to my ears in doing income tax stuff for my deceased Dad, my Mom's trust, and all. I think there must be eight returns, because Dad had to do an Iowa and a Nebraska one also.

So blogging is almost standing still now, especially visiting around.

Cheers,
..

Dave said...

Excellent post Merle!!! You always get me laughing... *S*

Have a great weekend.

Patty said...

Dear Merle,
I also received the dentist and his patient in my e-mail this morning, thought it was very funny, was going to post, but changed my mind, sent it to a few of my older friends instead. As usual you had some funny ones. Hope you have a wonderful week-end.
Love,
Patty

The Ramblin Irishman said...

Hi Merle,
Been a while since I could visit your blog and I have missed my daily pickup's from your jokes. I loved the California one immensely. Thank you for mentioning Olive's blog. I jumped over there to check it out and am so impressed with her. Have a nice day.

Lady Di Tn said...

Nothing like a smash and mash day to get ya going. Then to loose the blog. Glad you found it before it landed on the space satellte that they are planning to blast out of the sky. Crocs in the water. Oh my that is rather scary.
You outdid yourself and I am still laughing at the jokes. It would be hard to pick a favorite out of those. Peace and thank you for the good laugh.

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle,,Hope you get good results from your Mammogram I agree no fun at all . I also had Mammogram plus other tests Thursday. great jokes cant decide which to vote on there all good.. Oh my I hope the Crocs stay away from the homes, its bad enough for the home owners without worrying about Crocs..

Joy Des Jardins said...

I just love the mother duck and her little ducklings Merle...too cute. I hope that really didn't happen....poor mommy duck.

So glad you found your blog again....I hope you found Peter.

Have a beautiful weekend sweetie...

Tracie said...

Hi Merle
Hope your having a good weekend and managed to track down your brother.
Great jokes as usual....
from Tracie

deborah wilson said...

Dear Merle,

This was a good post! Goes to show that sometimes it is better for man to figure out his own problems (or ask the bartender). lol

The accident and the dwarf - that one I have filed in my brain. A very good laugh..:)

Have a good day!

(I don't like mammograms either - but they are necessary. I'm glad that you are staying healthy and getting regular checkups)

Gattina said...

I also have to go for a mammo next month, I do it every year, but I don't like it either ! Mamma goose is so cute looking for her disappeared children, lol !

Gledwood said...

Och! The confused look on that duck's face on the last picture...

... I'm afraid that's the kind of parent I would turn out to be...

:-<...

Have a Great Weekend Merle!

Mountain Mama said...

Hello Merle. I sure hope the duckling's were saved, if that really happened.
It seems that there are a lot of human mothers that are as careless.

When I read about the flooding and Crock's it have me the shivers. I can't imagine how terifying it would be to find one of those things in my back yard. I have a hard enough time with garden snakes and lizards!

Good girl for getting your mamogram. I guess no one likes to get those things but as you said, it's better than the alternative.
I did pay Olive a visit. Isn't she a remarkable lady?

Your jokes are good. I especially liked the first one and have to remember about cutting the legs of the bed when the great grandkids' start complaining about the monsters who live there. LOL
Have a great week-end Merle.
Hugs!!

Susie said...

You've had quite the day with losing your blog and putting such tender parts in a vice! Hope all goes well with that. Loved all your jokes and catching up with you. Sorry my visits are far apart, but I know you understand.
xoxo

liza said...

This is the first time I stumble by your blog and I find it very interesting to read..love all the jokes you posted here..I'll keep coming back to visit here..;)

Peter said...

Hi Merle, who's a clever blogger now, I'm impressed that you put the virtual cat on your sidebar, well done.

Margaret said...

Dear Merle, glad your tests are over, I have been having running the gauntlet of tests as well. As Jan says it is better then the alternative.
Loved your post as usual.
love Margaret

audrey` said...

(((HUGS))) and more (((HUGS))) Merle.

You're so great =)

Would you like to join Facebook to interact with your friends?
We can exchange virtual hugs, gifts, comments, emails, photos etc. It's very interactive. It's fun too. I like it very much.