Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Guardian.

Post 408 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 12th February, 2008.

Hello Everyone, ~~ i hope you are all doing well and enjoying
your lives, as I am at present. Tonight I have included a really
lovely Floral Delivery from my dear friend Margaret and I
wanted to share it with you all. Thank you, so much
Margaret. They are beautiful.




My Home Care lady came today, so we are all tidy again with fresh
bed clothes which is always very nice. My son John also called in
and replaced a globe in my Security Light out in the back yard. He
also fixed a bird feeder that had blown down in the wind. I am
very grateful, as these are things that I couldn't do myself.

Now to find something to post ~ ~ ~
This is a story written by a young person named "Lola."

Guardian.
I have had psychic experiences since I was small, the first being
fear. . . anyway in 2000 I had a massive emotional breakdown
and a total of six months in a clinic. Before and after there were
many times where I needed a guide and sure enough they came
in some shape or form and even when people did hurt me.
Something seemed to always get them back for their actions.

I don't know if I have a living guardian or a spiritual one or both
. . . but I will say this now . . . I find it hard to believe in Churches
but it never disturbs my belief in God, even when I'm angry with
him, he has never walked away. He has never left me to really
get seriously hurt.

He has held my hand without me even realizing until afterwards
and he has rescued me in the final hour to make me continue living.

I have met people that just seem to know me and all the pain in
my head and they are there just when I need them. I will always
believe I have a guardian angel and I won't hate God no matter
what goes wrong. Even when I yell at him, he still looks out for me.

One day I nearly jumped from the top floor of college in High
Wycombe in the UK and just as I was really about to get up there
and do it, this guy appeared from a class room and said very calmly,
"You're not going to jump, are you ?" One night when I was walking
alone at night, because I couldn't sleep and couldn't cope with my
emotions . . .this guy offered to walk with me up the hill by my home
and then back again to make sure I got home safe. I have never
seen him again.

One day in the underground in London (a lovely city) an Asian man
walked up to me and asked how I was feeling and was my head hurting?
I sat down on the seat by the tunnel and I nodded. Without even
thinking how he knew I felt so bad. He told me to sit and be calm and
the headache would go away. He caught the next tube, while I sat and
tried to calm down. When I got up to catch the next tube, I realized
my head wasn't pounding anymore.

That's another reason why I believe that God is All . . . whatever
name or religion, it is just the same person with a million different
faces every day amd a million different names.

I don't know who my guardian angel is apart from God or God's
friend but I'd just like to say, Thank You.
<><><>
Joke Time Folks ~ ~ ~ First one from my friend Mountain Mama
Thank you for this one Bev.

A sharing Marriage.
The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and
a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half,
placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into
two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip of the drink and then
set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of
hamburger, the people around them were looking over and
whispering.
Obviously they were thinking, "That poor old couple - all they can
afford is one meal between the two of them.

As the man began to eat his fries, a young man came to the table
and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old
man said they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a
bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking
turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy
another meal for them. This time the old lady said, "No, thank you,
we are used to sharing everything.

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with
the napkin, the young man came over to the little old lady who had
yet to eat a single bite of food and asked, "What are you waiting for?"
She answered :

THE TEETH.!!!
<><>

My friend Embee sent the next items. Thank you Mike.

I was trying to day-dream, but my mind kept wandering.

The big print giveth and the small print taketh away.

You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if
you knew how seldom they do. ~ ~ Olim Miller.

Manners are especially the need of the plain. The pretty can get
away with anything. ~ ~ ~ Evelyn Waugh.

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what other people say you
cannot do.

Live a lot, trust a few, but always paddle your own canoe.

There is probably no moment more appalling than that in which
the tongue comes suddenly upon the ragged edge of a space from
which the old familiar filling has disappeared.~~ Robert Benchley.

Inside every old person is a young person wondering what the
heck has happened.

You cannot think rationally on an empty stomach, and a whole
lot of people cannot do it on a full one.
<><>

A young curate went to a conference at which most of the
gathering consisted of bishops, archdeacons and high officials ot
the Church. The weather was very cold and it was natural perhaps
that the older clergy should cluster around the cheerful fire in
the dining room as often as possible.

The curate thought that it was about time he did something about
this, so next morning he said in a loud voice, "I had a strange dream
last night, I dreamt I had died and gone to hell." After a few
moments of dead silence one of the number said, "And what did
you find there ?"

"Just about the same as here," was the reply, "I couldn't get near
the fire for bishops."
<><>

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a
sales rep for a large company.

The interviewer looks over the man's application
and says :
"You've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations
are wonderful and your experience unparalleled. Normally,
we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales rep has
a highly visible position and we're afraid that your constant
winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry, but we
can't hire you."

"But wait," says the sales rep, "If I take two aspirins I'll stop
winking."
"Really ?" said the interviewer. "Show me."

The applicant reaches into his jacket and begins pulling out all
sorts of condoms; red ones, blue ones, ribbed ones and even
flavoured ones. Finally, he finds a packet of Aspirin. He tears
it open and swallows two pills, and the winking stops.

"Well,"" said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this
is a respectable company and we will not have an employee
womanizing all over the country."

"Womanizing ?" the sales rep says, "What do you mean? I'm
happily married."

"Well then," the interviewer asks, "how do you explain all
these condoms ?"
"Oh that," the sales rep sighs. "Have you ever walked into
a pharmacy, winking and asked for aspirin ?"
<><>

One day three blondes were walking along and came upon
a raging, violent, river. They needed to get to the other
side, but had no idea of how to do it.

The first blonde prayed to God saying, "Please God, give
me the strength to cross this river."

Poof! God gave her big arms and strong legs and she was
able to swim across the river in about two hours.

Seeing this, the second blonde prayed to God saying,
"Please God, give me the strength and ability to cross this
river." Poof! God gave her a row-boat and she was able to
row across the river in about three hours.

The third blonde had seen how this worked out for the other
two, so she also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me
the strength, ability, and intelligence to cross this river."
And Poof! God turned her into a man. He looked at the
map, then walked upstream and across the bridge
<><>

OK that was one for the boys, now one for the girls !!

Relatives gathered in the waiting room of a hospital as
their family member was gravely ill. Finally the doctor
came out looking tired and sombre.

"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,,,,,,," she said as
she surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for
your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an
experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only
hope. Insurance will pay for the procedure, but you will
have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news.
After a great length of time, someone asked he, "Well, how
much does a brain cost ?"

The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain
and $200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not
to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some
actually smirked.

A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the
question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain
so much more ?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained
to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure.
We have to mark down the price of the female brains,
because they have actually been used."
<><>

The radio station is running a contest and the Grand Prize
is $50,000. The question is, "What does old Macdonald have?"

The American says. . ."That's easy, old Macdonald had a
ranch. RANCH.

"No. that's incorrect," said the announcer.

The Aussie guy says, , , "That's easy, old Macdonald had a
station. STATION.

"No that's incorrect," said the announcer.

The Irishman says . . . "I know this one, old Macdonald had a
farm, EIEIO !!"

(I think this was meant to be a Spelling contest, but it did
not say it was in the book.)
<><>

What do you give a man who has all the latest gadgets?

The services of a six year old boy to show him how to
work them all.
<><>

I'm not very good in the morning until after I have had
breakfast. For example, when I got up this morning,
I staggered to the bathroom, stared in the mirror and
wondered where I had seen that face before.
<><>
A few quotes ~ ~ ~

Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes
friends with its grandfathers. ~ ~ Lewis Mumford.

There is only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous.
~ ~ ~ Napoleon 1.

Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home.
~ ~ ~ John Howard Payne.

Recession is when your neighbor loses his job.
Depression is when you lose yours. ~~ Ronald Reagan.

Her face, at first . . .just ghostly
Turned a whiter shade of pale. ~ ~ ~ Keith Reid.

If it looks like a duck; walks like a duck; quacks like
a duck, then it just may be a duck. ~ ~Walter Reuther.
<><>

Well on that fun note, I will say Goodnight. I hope that
your week is going well and there are not too many
severe storms around. Look after each other and also
yourselves. Love and best wishes to you all.
Cheers, Merle.

Post 408 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 12th February, 2008.
<><><>




10 comments:

Dave said...

*S* Very good ones Merle....!

Have a wonderful Tuesday!

Jim said...

Hi Merle -- I liked your jokes today, as usual. EIEIO !!, are you sure you didn't turn two pages at the same time? I couldn't figure that one out.
I tell the older couple eating joke a lot, I have them at MacDonalds.
Finally, I don't have the good looks either, so it would be terrible if I had the winking problem.

Actually, I do wink. I wink at some girls/ladies I pass, depending on what I read from their approach. Never have I been slapped, most of them respond in some manner. And probably I smile more than wink.

Thank you for being concerned about Adi. She is such a good dog.
I haven't blogged about it yet, but we requalified this Saturday and we are now a certified therapy team for complex situations. Last time we only made the predictable situations catagory.
Adi would like to thank you for your concern also if she could.
Yes, the collar is to prevent her from biting and licking her surgery place and from removing her stitches.
We cut an inch and a quarter off the edges, that makes it better for her.
I take it off when she goes outside also, otherwise she can't smell the ground to investigate what has been going on since she has been there last.
..

david santos said...

Hello, Done Merle!
I love roses.
Happy Valentin Day.
Thank you.

JunieRose2005 said...

Dear Merle,

:) The jokes were fun, as always!

...And those roses are just beautiful! How sweet of your friend!

Junie

Patty said...

Dear Merle.
Once again you had some good jokes. The bouquet is beautiful
I'm not sure about the Old MacDonald joke either. Here are the words to the song:
Old MacDonald had a farm, ee-eye, ee-eye oh
And on that farm he had a duck, ee-eye, ee-eye oh
With a quack, quack here and a quack, quack there
Here a quack, there a quack
Everywhere a quack, quack
Old MacDonald had a farm, ee-eye, ee-eye oh

Old MacDonald had a farm, ee-eye, ee-eye oh
And on that farm he had a cow, ee-eye, ee-eye oh
With a moo, moo here and a moo, moo there
Here a moo, there a moo
Everywhere a moo, moo
A quack, quack here and a quack, quack there
Here a quack, there a quack
Everywhere a quack, quack
Old MacDonald had a farm, ee-eye, ee-eye oh

Old MacDonald had a farm, ee-eye, ee-eye oh
And on that farm he had a dog, ee-eye, ee-eye oh
With a woof, woof here and a woof, woof there
Here a woof, there a woof
Everywhere a woof, woof
A moo, moo here and a moo, moo there
Here a moo, there a moo
Everywhere a moo, moo
A quack, quack here and a quack, quack there
Here a quack, there a quack
Everywhere a quack, quack
Old MacDonald had a farm, ee-eye, ee-eye oh

Old MacDonald had a farm, ee-eye, ee-eye oh
And on that farm he had a pig, ee-eye, ee-eye oh
With an oink, oink here and an oink, oink there
Here an oink, there an oink
Everywhere an oink, oink
A woof, woof here and a woof, woof there
Here a woof, there a woof
Everywhere a woof, woof
A moo, moo here and a moo, moo there
Here a moo, there a moo
Everywhere a moo, moo
A quack, quack here and a quack, quack there
Here a quack, there a quack
Everywhere a quack, quack
Old MacDonald had a farm, ee-eye, ee-eye oh

Song and animation by Cambridge English Online Ltd

I don't know where the Irshman comes into the picture, perhaps that's part of the joke, but I don't understand it. Perhaps another blogger will be able to clear it up.
Good night, sleep well. We're having an ice storm at the moment, No one is suppose to be out, unless it's an emergency. I just hope the power lines don't snap, our furnance is gas, but we need the electric to blow the heat out of the vents into the rooms.
Love,
Patty

mreddie said...

Beautiful roses!! A fresh, clean house really lifts one's spirits. I'm glad you have someone to help out with your difficult stuff. The one about waiting for the teeth really got me. :) ec

Gattina said...

I just saw Australia on TV (the apologize to the aborigenes) and thought of you, lol ! These flowers are so beautiful !

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

Pretty flowers, how nice of your friend to send them to you.

Wonderful jokes as always, and I liked the used brain one LOL.

Janice~

Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

Oh, my, your flower bouquet is beautiful! What a lovely gift from Margaret.

The Guardian is beautiful. I know I have a guardian angel! Not sure about the McDonald's joke.

Cute story about the sharing marriage. Haha, funny about the female brain. Well, as always, I enjoyed my visit with you, and hope your weather remains pleasant and storm free as well. We are in a reprieve for a few days, before the next threat of snow and freezing rain. It has been a hard winter, and I'm anxious for spring.

Have a wonderful day, my friend.

Love and good wishes,

Renie

audrey` said...

Dearest Merle

The roses are so lovely =)
Margaret is so sweet.