Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The Poor People.

Post 421 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 11th March, 2008.

Hello Everyone ~~ How is the world treating you? I hear some
of you lost an hour. We are going to gain an hour in about 3 weeks.
I hope the weather has improved in the Northern Hemisphere, and
the snow is melting and roads are safer. It is still too warm here for
me ~ 35, 36 37 C. All around 100F. In Adelaide, they have had
days of 40C which is 104F. Bring on Autumn. (Fall)

My Home Care lady came this morning, so the house is cleaner and
the washed sheets are on the line. They dry very quickly these days.
Everyone I speak to is feeling tired, and we are blaming the heat.

Now to stop complaining and get on with the post. My son, John
sent me this story which I thought was a good one. Thanks John.

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son to the
country with the express purpose of showing him how the poor
people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would
be considered
a very poor family.
On return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad."

"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh, yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip ?"

The son answered : . . . .
"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they
have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars
at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole
horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that
go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have
friends to protect them."

The father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what
would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead
of worrying about what we don't have.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends.
<><><>

My friend Gina sent me this one. Good for a re-run, Thanks Gina.

A Woman's Poem.

He didn't like the casserole.
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard . . .
Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer,
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked the s**t out of him . . .
Like his mother used to do.
<><>

Some High School Test Answers ~ ~ The following questions
were actually collected from tests given in 2000 to 16 year
old student. Don't laugh too hard, one of these kids could be
Prime Minister one day.

Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water an be made safe
to drink.
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink, because it removes
large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q. How is dew formed ?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What is a planet ?
A. A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets
an election.

Q. What are steroids ?
A. Things for keeping carpets on the stairs.

Q. What happens when your body as you age ?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get
intercontinental.

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes ?
A. Premature death.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour ?
A. Keep it in the cow.

Q. How are the main parts of the body categorized ?
(Eg., abdomen.)
A. The body is consisted into three parts . . . . the
brainium, the borax, and the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains
the five vowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q. What is a fibula ?
A. A small lie.

Q. What does " varicose" mean ?
A. Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control ?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a
condominium.

Q. Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian section."
A. The caesarian section is a district in Rome.

Q. What is a seizure ?
A. A Roman emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness ?
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does benign mean ?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q. What is a turbine ?
A. Something an Arab wears on his head.

Q. What is a Hindu ?
A. It lays eggs.
<><>

The Laws of Work. ~ ~ ~

If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours,
work nights.

If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

No matter how much you do, you never do enough.

A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt.

Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use
being a fool about it.

The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible
for everything that goes wrong.
<><>

A blonde was speeding in an 80km zone when a local police
cruiser pulled her over and walked up to the car. The police
officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the
blonde's licence.

The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and
finally said to the blonde police woman, "What does a driver's
licence look like ?"

Irritated, the blonde cop said, :You dummy, it's got your
picture on it."

The blonde frantically searched her purse again and found a
small rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up
to her face and said, "Aha, Tis must be my driver's licence,"
and handed it to the blonde police-woman.

The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the
driver and said, " You're free to go. And if I had known you
were a police officer too, we could have avoided all this hassle."
<><>

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic
trees !
What beautiful animals !" he said to himself.

As he was walking along-side the river he heard a rustling in
the bushes behind him. He turned to look, A seven foot
grizzly was charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up
the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw the bear was
closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he
tried to run faster.

He tripped and fell to the ground. He rolled over to pick himself
up, but saw the bear was on top of him. At that instant, the atheist
cried out, "Oh, my God."

Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent as a bright
light shone upon him and a voice came out of the sky, "You deny
my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist, and
even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to
help you out of this predicament ?"

The atheist looked directly into the light. "It would be hypocritical
of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but
perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian.

There was a pause and then the voice said, "Very well."
The light went out. And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws
together, bowed his head and spoke, "Lord, Bless this food I am
about to receive and for which I am truly thankful."
<><>

My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took
it to the veterinarian.
He found the problem was hair in it's ears, so he cleaned both
ears and the dog could hear fine, The vet then proceeded to
tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from happening
again, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair
remover cream and rub it in the ears once a month.

The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair"hair
remover. At the register the druggist tells her, "If you're going
to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few
days."
"I'm not going to use it under my arms.."
"If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days."

The lady says, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must
know, I'm using it on my schnauzer."
The druggist said, "Stay off your bicycle for a week."
<><>

Now for a few quotes ~ ~ ~

'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved
at all. ~ ~ ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson.

Come not, when I am dead, To drop your foolish tears upon
my grave. ~ ~ ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson.

For of all words of tongue or pen. T he saddest are these,
"It might have been." ~ ~ John Greenleaf Whittier.

I wandered lonely as a cloud that floats on high o'er vales and
hills, When all at once I saw a crowd.
A host of golden daffodils; beside the lake, beneath the trees
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
~ ~ ~ William Wordsworth.
<><>

That's it for this post folks. I hope you found something of
interest Or something to make you chuckle... Take care
of each other and yourselves. Do something nice for a
person who looks miserable, even just a smile and A "hi."
Love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 421 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 11th March, 2008.
<><><>




22 comments:

HORIZON said...

Good morning dear Merle from sunny Scotland.
Sorry to hear about the head over there but at least there is a bright side- your sheets won't take so long to dry!
Funny answers to the medical questions- my daughter Melissa(student nurse) will get a laugh with them.
We've actually had some really bad weather over this way- mostly down south with gale force winds and very high tides.
hugs and bests xx

Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

Oh, 100 degrees is a bit on the warm side. We humans do complain a lot about the weather, don't we? lol.

Speaking of weather, things have really improved in my area, today will be sunny and mid-60s F, and I don't know what that would be in Celsius.

John sent you a very nice story about the wealthy son's visit to the country. And a Woman's Poem was right on!

Hahaha, the questions and answers were funny, and if they were actual answers, oi veh! And so funny about the atheist and the bear! And the nair on the schnauzer! Well, I got a good chuckle out of all the jokes. And I loved the quotes, and of course, Wordsworth's poem about the daffodils is my favorite.

Have a lovely week, my friend. I hope the temperatures cool off a bit. See you again, soon!

Love and Blessings,

Renie

Gledwood said...

That's an awful lot of typing Merle your fingers must've nearly fallen off with all that!

I like the one about being "poor"...

The Bible says the best riches are spiritual ones massed up in heaven; I've always thought the best furniture is the furnishings of our own mind and no amount of money can do that for you, though it can buy books, DVDs and experiences that help with the furnishings...

Many thanks for your message yesterday night. I am trying to work out what I have to do for tomorrow evening at the radio (I assume it is a round table discussion with mikes in the middle and us listeners being guided to talk about the station and what we like; the resulting dialogue will then be chopped up into snippets to run as miniature adverts throughout the day... something like that)

anyway: Take care my friend

;->...

PEA said...

Dearest Merle,

We did indeed lose an hour recently but I'm so loving having the longer days with sunlight now:-) With all the snow we still have (and getting more today and tomorrow!!) and the cold temperatures, at least having longer days helps a bit relieve the cabin fever! lol It's actually -1c right now which is a lot milder than what we've been having lately!

I so loved that story about the rich man bringing his son to see how poor people live...beautiful! As for the High School Test answers...omigosh, that truly is scary to think that our future is in their hands! lol

I laughed out loud when I read the joke about the blonde cop stopping the blonde woman driver...LOL!

Take care dear Merle!! xoxo

Old Lady Lincoln said...

Dear Merle,
Well once again you gave me a some laughs, and I read the Nair one to my husband and he laughed to. Now that one was really cute and funny.

Hope the heat where you're at isn't too much for you. Here if we tried to hang sheets on the line, they would freeze stiff as a board. In fact, I no logner have a line outside for clothes, I use the dryer even in the summer, that carrying the basket and stooping over and hanging them up just got too much for me. Well it's time once again to fix a bite for supper. So I'll be back tomorrow for another chuckle.
Have a restful sleep,
Patty

Lady Di Tn said...

surely those were jokes and not real questions and answer. lol Peace

mreddie said...

A clean house and sheets alway serve to make one feel better, even in hot temps. I have noticed that hot weather will make one tired - and want to stay inside. It is to be in the 70s (F) all this week in our locale, I hope all our frosts have past. ec

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I loved your jokes and "The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong"--sounds like what every new president says about the old one.

Janice~

Pearl said...

Dear Merle,
It is finally so nice to be able to blog again. The respiratory flu really got the best of me.
Woman's poem was very good. She learned well from her mother-in-law...lol

Hugs,

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle, The weather feels like were back in the middle of summer, Tomorrow 39c pheww and im Bowling in a tournament in Corowa.
Nice story about the rich showing his son the poor. rich Kids should be shown how the other half live.
Great jokes I laughed out load at the blondie cop. but had quite a chuckle at them all.
A host of golden daffodills one of best .. Take care dear dont venture out to much tomorrow... Love Jan

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

That’s a wonderful story about the poor, Merle.

When I was in seminary a Presbyterian minister from the Bahamas visited. He talked to one of our classes and told how he had sent up a seminary there because usually folks desiring to enter ministry went off to Britain and Canada to study. He said that as part of the curriculum of his seminary, students were required to spend time among the impoverished folk who lived in shanty towns.

My professor jumped in and said, “Yes, we must visit the poor to teach them.”

The minister from the Bahamas replied, “No! We send our students into the shanty towns to learn from the poor.”

Dave said...

Great post Merle!
I especially loved the story from your son.. *S*

audrey` said...

Dearest Merle

John's article is so insightful.
True happiness cannot be bought with money =)

Take care, my friend.
(((HUGS)))

Jim said...

Hi Merle! :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Thats because I read your Nair post! I was going to steal your work laws but now am going to steal the Nair thing too! They will go on my Happy Place blog, I haven't updated it for ages (some people still check it out).

Sorry I'm sooooo late in checking in here, I've been busy which is not a good excuse.

Cheers,
..

Calfkeeper said...

Merle,

Greetings from the Mid-west! Love your blog...it's great fun. I needed the laughs and the quotes were great, too. Love the Nair joke!

Cheers!

Calfkeeper

Lucy Stern said...

Merle, I grew up with no money, but I never felt poor. My family loved each other and we had a great time together.....I never will regret those days, it taught me what to be thankful for.....thanks for the story.

Gwen said...

Hi Merle.
Hope you can cope with the shock,
but I thought it was about time I
made the effort.
As usual great jokes had a giggle
hope all is well with you and yours
and hope to see you soon.xxx

JunieRose2005 said...

Hi Merle,


I liked the story about the poor farmer. That's a smart kid! I hope the father learned something from him!


Junie

Mountain Mama said...

WOW! It must be pretty toasty in your neck of the woods! We are having typical spring temps here and the bulb flowers are all beginning to bloom. Spring is my favorite time of year. Not too hot and not too cold.I'm geting some much needed yard work done. It makes me feel so good to see the gardens getting the weed's cleaned out but my back sure doesn't like that job. LOL
My puppies love getting out in the back yard to run their little legs off too. I have to watch them carefully because we have bald and golden eagles that would like to have my puppies for lunch.
I like your funnies too Merle. Thanks for sharing them.

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