Saturday, March 08, 2008

Friends and Balloons.

Post 420 ~~ Saturday, 8th, March, 2008.

Hello My Friends ~~ I hope you are all having a happy
day and enjoying your weekend. It is pleasant here, but the
next couple of days are daunting ~ 37 degrees forecast, so
it will see the Cooler on early at my house with a minimum
of movement and work is off until Tuesday.

On a brighter note, my football team, Carlton have had a
good pre-season and have won 3 out of 4 of their games.
Yesterday, we had our new recruit from the West play his
first game, after groin surgery and he played well and held
up well with his fitness. A better year ahead, I hope
Val, where are you, when things are looking up?

This was sent by my cousin's daughter and it's nice.
Thank you Kerry.

Friends and Balloons.

Friends are like balloons, once you let them go, you can't
get them back, so I'm going to tie you to my heart, so I
never lose you.

Here is the cure . . . just smile and say. . .

Dear Lord,
I know you're watching over me
And I'm feeling truly blessed
For no matter what I pray for
You always know what's best !

I have this circle of E-mail friends,
Who mean the world to me;
Some days I "send" and "send"
At other times, I let them be.

I am so blessed to have these friends,
With whom I've grown so close,
So this little poem I dedicate to them,
Because to me they are the "Most."

When I see each name download,
And view the message they've sent;
I know they've thought of me that day
And "well wishes"
was their intent.

So to you, my friends, I would like to say,
Thank you for being a part;
Of all my daily contacts,
This comes right from my heart.

God bless you is my prayer today,
I'm honored to call you :friend."
I pray the Lord will keep you safe,
Until we write again.
<><>

Remember, You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing.
<><>

First joke tonight comes from my friend Sandy.

A Dark and Stormy Night.

They were together in the house, just the two of them.
It was a cold, dark, stormy night.

The storm had come quickly and each time the thunder
boomed, he watched her jump.

She looked across the room and admired his strong
appearance . . . and wished that he would take her in his
arms, comfort her and protect her from the storm.

Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out . . .
She screamed . . .

He raced to the sofa where she was cowering.
He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms.

He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her
to pull back. He was surprised when she didn't resist
but instead clung to him.
The storm raged on.

They knew it was wrong . . .

Their families would never understand . . .
So consumed were they in their FEAR that
they heard no opening of doors, . . . just
the faint click of a camera.
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Good one Sandy. Thank you.

Another from my friend Robyn. Thanks Robyn.

Miracle Cure ~~ The magic effects of white wine.

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered Yes to any of those questions, ask your
doctor or pharmacist about White Wine.

White Wine is the safe natural way to feel better and more
confident about yourself and your actions. White Wine
can ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world
that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of White Wine almost immediately
and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any
obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you
will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding
and start living with White Wine.

However, White Wine may not be right for everyone. Women
who are pregnant or nursing should not use White Wine.

However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming
pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration,
erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of
money, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dry mouth,
dehydration, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all night rounds
of Strip Poker, Truth or Dare, and Naked Twister.

WARNING.

The consumption of White Wine may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.

The consumption of White Wine is a major factor in dancing
like an idiot.

The consumption of White Wine may cause you to tell your
friends over and over again, that you love them.

The consumption of White Wine may cause you to think you
can sing.

The consumption of White Wine may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to ring them at 4 in the morning.

The consumption of White Wine may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without
spitting.

The consumption of White Wine may create the illusion that you
are tougher, smarter, faster and better than most people.

The consumption of White Wine may lead you to think people
are laughing WITH you.

The consumption of White Wine may be a major factor in
getting your ass kicked.

NOW JUST IMAGINE WHAT YOU COULD ACHIEVE WITH
RED WINE.
<><><> Sounds a bit risky to me, Robyn!!

The cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for
speeding, rolled down his window.

"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The guy replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on
his way, without a ticket.
<><>

The housewife answered the phone and listened to the
voice in her ear,

"How are you , dear? What kind of day have you had?"

"Oh, Mum, the baby won't eat, the washing machine is broken.
I haven't been able to get out of the house to shop. I twisted
my ankle and have been hobbling around all day. On top of
that the house is a mess and we're supposed to have some
friends over for dinner tonight."

"Now dear, just stay calm. Sit down, relax, and I'll be over in
30 minutes. I'll do the shopping, clean up the house, and cook
dinner for you. I'll take care of the baby when I get there and
call a repairman I know who will get the washing machine
fixed. In fact, I'll call George at the office and tell him, he ought
to come home and help out for once."

"George? Who's George ?"
"Why, that's your husband, dear."
"Mum, my husband is Jim."

Is that 58255678 ?"
"Uh, no, it;s not. I think you have a wrong number."
The housewife paused.
"Uhhh, does this mean you're not coming over ?"
<><>

Some Bob Hope Quotes ~ ~ ~

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more
than the cake.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your
middle.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove
that you don't need it,

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

Don't tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.

(Asked shortly before he went to Vietnam if he was worth
50 million dollars,) If I had $50 million , I wouldn't go
to Vietnam; I'd send for it.

Bing Crosby doesn't pay income tax. He just calls the
government and says, "How much do you boys need ?"

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance -
waiting for the bathroom.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people
restoring the Statue of Liberty.

I left England at the age of four, when I found out that I
couldn't be king.

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean "your guess
is as good as mine."
<><>

One angel's hobby was compiling a list of people's last words.
His favorites included, "Pull the pin out and count to what?"

"Which wire was I supposed to cut?" and

"There's no need to worry. These are the types of wild
mushrooms it's perfectly safe to eat."
<><>

The main difference between a hunter and an angler is that
a hunter lies in wait, while an angler waits and lies.
<><>

I took a look at my wife one day and said, " Honey, 36 years
ago we had a cheap apartment, no car, no TV, no money and
we slept on a sofa bed, but I got to sleep every night with a
hot good looking 18 year old. Now we have a beautiful house,
two nice cars, king size bed, money and a wall screen TV, but
I'm sleeping with a 54 year old woman. It seems to me that
you are not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman.

She told me to go out and find a hot 18 year old beautiful girl.
Then she would make sure that I would once again be living in
a cheap apartment, with no car, no money and sleeping on a
sofa bed.

Aren't women great ? They really know how to solve your
mid-life crisis !!
<><>

On their way to get married a young Catholic couple is
involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found them-
selves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St Peter
to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to
wonder; could they possibly get married in Heaven ?

When St Peter showed up, they asked him. St Peter says,
"I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked.
Let me go and find out," and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed;
the couple was still waiting As they waited, they discussed that
IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the
eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work ?" they
wondered. "Are we stuck together FOREVER ?"

After yet another month, St Peter finally returns, looking
somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you
CAN get married in Heaven."

"Great," said the couple, "But we were jusy wondering, what
if things don't work out ?" Could we also get a divorce in
Heaven ?"

St Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clip-board onto
the ground.

"What's wrong ?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH COME ON," St Peter shouts, "It took me 3 months
to find a priest up here ! Do you have ANY idea how long
it's going to take me to find a LAWYER ?"
<><>

Now to find a few quotes ~ ~ ~

America is a vast conspiracy to make you happy.
~ ~ ~ John Updike.

Laughter . . . the most civilized music in the world.
~ ~ ~ Sir Peter Ustinov.

If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent Him.
~ ~ ~ Voltaire.

I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death
your right to say it. ~ ~ ~ Voltaire.

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while
Nature cures the disease. ~ ~ ~ Voltaire.

Work is the curse of the drinking class. ~~Oscar Wilde.
<><>

Bye for now my friends, enjoy the rest of your weekend
Stay well and happy, and be kind to everyone.
My son Geoff and his wife Jo are home safely from their
holiday. There was 14 and a half inches of rain one day
in Port Douglas. They enjoyed themselves and I am glad
they are safely back home.
Love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 420 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 6th March, 2008.
<><><>


11 comments:

PEA said...

Good morning dear Merle:-)

You certainly are having some very hot days...I'm not sure what I would prefer, the heat you're having or the cold we're having! lol It's -18c (-28c with the windchill) so I don't think I'll be going out at all today!! Think I'm going to spend the day catching up with all my blogging friends:-)

So many wonderful stories today...love the Friends and Balloons...A Dark & Stormy Night was just too cute! lol...The Magic Effects of White Wine had me wanting to go find a bottle of it! hehe

Glad to hear that Geoff and his wife are back home safely. It's always a worry when a loved one is on the road traveling.

Take care my friend and have a fabulous weekend. xoxo

Old Lady Lincoln said...

Once again you have a lot of goodies. Hope you've been having some nice weather where you're at. We've had snow, snow and more snow. I'm so sick of it. We hired four strapping young men to clear our driveway and sidewalk today. We had drifts and I knew I wouldn't be able to get our snowblower through them. Also tonight is the night we have to change our clocks, I HATE that. So I've already started changing them, now old man lincoln will be confused and probably go to bed an hour earlier then usual. LOL Have a few dishes waiting for me to clear way. Have a great Sunday.

Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

Oh, I do hope your weekend was a bit cooler. Our snow has melted once again, and we're back in a Spring mode. I'll be out enjoying the weather today.

Oh, Friends and Balloons is so true. Love the prayer. Dark and Stormy Night is so cute and funny! And the Consumption of White Wine is hilarious! And Bob Hope had some funny quotes. Everyone loved Bob!

Loved my visit as always dear Merle. I'm glad your son and his wife are safe home from their holiday. And I hope your Sunday has been lovely. Mine is just beginning, and I look forward to it.

Love,

Renie

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle..another few hot days to cope with S.A had 40c.
A dark stormy night was good I got the same from a friend today.
The white wine was so funny,I dont mind the odd glass of White, but not a lover of Red...This joke goes well with my blog.
Great Bob Hope Quotes.. Take care Merle stay in out of the heat... Love Jan

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
We blogger will not grow old if we stop by here. I am still LOL about finding a lawyer in heaven. Also, the wifes logic was priceless. Loved the entire post Thank you for being you and sharing all with us. Peace

Jim said...

Hi Merle - Texans drink more beer than they do wine. We do have Texas wine but not a whole lot of it.
I don't think the doctors want us to know the real meaning of 'virus,' but I believe you.
Cheers,
..

Gina E. said...

Hi Merle,
Great jokes and sayings as always. I sent you some a couple of hours ago, I don't know whether you can use them here - please yourself! Wasn't it awful today...our air con was on from noon until about 9pm. Still, when I read on tonight's MSN news that a large part of the USA continent has been covered by a huge dump of snow, cutting off power and transport...I think I'd rather put up with our heat. At least it cools down at night.

Dave said...

Great jokes today Merle... glad I didn't have any coffee in my mouth this time while reading! *laughing*

Gledwood said...

I love that dog 'n' cat picture: so true of so many human relationships... pug ugly behemoth of a man with svelte, feline wondrous woman (what on earth does she see in him?/why does she put up with him?~ I cannot help but wonder...

~As for your proverbial sayings:

For no matter what I pray for
You always know what's best !

That's all too true but difficult to accept in reality. Ie we can trust in God, accept that God knows best... don't have to "believe" even that God grants miracles because we know he does... what's difficult to accept is when our own purposes perhaps clash with a greater good and our own prayers cannot be answered in the rapid way we desire... that's what's hard sometimes (and I can hardly talk... I'm no paragon of virtue...)

Lovely post Merle
I hope you don't mind my Christian observations:
I quite like the Bible. Especially when the Lord commandeers Moses to reprimand Pharaoh, plague the Egyptians and lead the Israelites at long last out of Egypt and slavery... I'm not trying to preach (as if I'm in any position to!!!) ~ just my observations!!
Take care ~ I hope all is well ~ and all the best to you...

Gledwood xx

Gledwood said...

ps my 1st paragraph is a generalization sparked by the sight of cat and dog; that's all...

Merle can I ask you something... I posted how i was offered to come in the radio station and babble on about how good it was... and was thinking of asking for an internship/work experience gig at the radio station

I really cannot clean myself up more than just shaving and wearing nice clean clothes for Wednesday... I am a heroin addict what else can I pretend to be? Of course I'm not going to spout that out! But if you read my post have you any advice? It would be much appreciated!

audrey` said...

Dearest Merle

"Friends and Balloons" are so true.
Thank you so much for being my friend =)

(((HUGS)))