Thursday, March 06, 2008

The Dash.

Post 419 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 6th March, 2008.

Hello Everyone ~~ I hope all is well with everyone and that you
are looking forward to the weekend. We are due to have a long
weekend as Monday is Labor Day in Victoria. Other states have
different days. It doesn't make a lot of difference to me, but the
workers are glad to have a day off.

I have had a few busy days, with a few callers and yesterday had
blood tests at the hospital. Today I had to see a Specialist surgeon
to get results of my mammogram. Thankfully, it was perfectly
normal and I do not have to see him again, unless I have a problem
so that was great news. Admidst all that I cooked a large chicken
in the microwave and heaps of vegetables as usual.

Tonight I have a great poem for you. It is called The Dash and
was written by Linda Ellis in 1996. You may have seen it before,
but I just found it myself.

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end.

He noted that first came her date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears.
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own;
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life's actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

Now to find some jokes ~ ~ ~

First one was sent by my friend Sandy. Thanks Sandy.

At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's
marriage seminar. At the session last week, the priest asked
Luigi, who was approaching his 50th anniversary, to take a few
minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to
stay married to the same woman all these years,

Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Well, I've tried to
treat her nice, spend the money on her, but best is that I took
her to Italy for the 20th anniversary."

The priest responded, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to
all the husbands here. Please tell us what you are planning for
your wife for your 50th anniversary."

Luigi proudly replied, "I'm gonna go and get her."

Another from my friend Lady Di. Thanks Di.

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.
She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a news-stand to buy a paper.

Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind
my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," says the clerk.
"Nope, I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later, she goes to McDonald's and asks the girl
at the counter the very same question.

The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."
The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."

She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk
this burning question.
The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."
Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you."

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man
waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although
when I was young there was a sure fire way to tell how old a
woman was."

"It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my
hands under your bra. Then and only then can I tell you
EXACTLY how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiousity
gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell,
go ahead."

He slips both his hands under her blouse and begins to feel
around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs
each breast and he gently pinches each nipple.
He presses her breasts together and rubs them against each

After a few minutes of this, she says, "OK, OK, How old am I?"
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his
hands, and says, "Madam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible,
how could you tell ?"

The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"
"I promise I won't," she says.
"I was behind you at McDonald's."

Another from Lady Di. Thanks sgain Dianne.

Recently, while going through an airport during one of his
trips, President Bush encountered a man with long gray
hair and beard, wearing a white robe and sandals and
holding a staff.

President Bush went up to the man and said, "Has anyone
ever told you, you look like Moses ?"
The man didn't answer. He just kept staring straight ahead.
The President said, "Moses." in a loud voice. The man just
stared ahead, never acknowledging the President.

The president pulled a Secret Service agent aside and, pointing
to the man asked, "Does he look like Moses to you ?"
The Secret Service agent looked at the man and agreed.

"Well," said the President , "every time I say his name, he
ignores me and stares straight ahead, refusing to speak --
watch !" Again the President yelled, "Moses," and again
the man ignores him.

The Secret Service agent went up to the the man in white robe
and whispered, "You look just like Moses. Are you Moses ?"

The man leaned over and whispered back, "Sshh, Yes, I'm Moses,
but the last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years wandering in
the desert and ended up leading my people to the only spot in the
entire Middle East with no oil !!"

One from my son, John. Thanks John.

I was out walking with my four year old daughter. She picked up
something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.
I took the item away from her and asked her not to do that.
"WHY ?" my daughter asked.

"Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been,
it's probably has germs on it," I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration, and
asked, "Mummy, , , , ,how do you know this stuff?""Uh," I was
thinking quickly. "All mums know this stuff , it's in the Mummy
Test. You have to know it or they don't let you become a Mummy."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently
pondering this new information..
"OH, I get it," she beamed. "So if you don't pass the test, you have to
be the Daddy."

"Exactly, " I replied back with a big smile on my face.

Instead of quotes tonight, I have a Chinese proverb.

The Superior doctor prevents sickness.

The mediocre doctor attends to impending sickness.

The Inferior doctor treats actual sickness.

Goodnight for now my friends, Stay well and keep on
smiling. I am afraid I have just got too sleepy. enjoy
your lives ~ who know how long it is between
birth and death or how long the dash will be !!
Love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 419 ~~ ~ Thursday, 6th March, 2008.


Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I guess I'm the first one to post a comment tonight.

I loved the mommy test joke, and Chinese proverb; the doctors.

I hope you have a nice three day weekend, and I'm glad the test came out alright.


UKBob said...

Hi Merle, I'm pleased the test results came back all ok. You will be able to look forward to getting on with things again now. Thanks for the holiday wishes and don't worry I'm not about to give up holidaying - I'm already looking forward to the one after this which I will tell you all about in due course. Beside I have to keep going on holiday to get pics for you all!! Best wishes, Bob.

Dave said...

Thanks Merle... I laughed so hard on the facelift story, I spit out my coffee! *LOL*

Thanks for the good laugh!

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle.
Pleased to read your test results were all good from your Specialist.Carol and I both had a good laugh at your jokes tonight..Have a great weekend... love Jen

Lady Di Tn said...

Glad to hear the doctor visit turned out good. I had one yesterday and all my numbers are better, BP, Sugar, Weight. Yeah for us. I have started drinking a cup of Black tea in the afternoons and it gives the right charge to the old battery. I am trying to improve my Dash. Thanks for sharing my jokes with others. Peace

Gledwood said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gledwood said...

The Superior doctor prevents sickness.

The mediocre doctor attends to impending sickness.

The Inferior doctor treats actual sickness.

I like that!

mreddie said...

Good reports from the doc are always a good thing. Just today I went to the memorial service of a friend that passed away and the dash between the date of birth and death was the subject of one of the eulogies - very meaningful. ec

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I’d not encountered “The Dash” before. Thanks, Merle, for bringing it to my attention.

audrey` said...

(((HUGS))) Merle!
Praise the Lord!
Your appointment with the specialist went very well.
I'm so happy for you =)