Keep Your Fork.

Post 432 ~~ Saturday, 5th April, 2008.

Hello my friends ~~ I hope all is well with you and you are
enjoying a wrm and sunny weekend. A pleasant day here
and I got some washing dry and had quite a few visitors for
a nice change. Two nieces called in, one I hadn't seen for
many years, so it was a nice surprise, Lynnette and Lorraine.

Then an old friend, Vicki called in briefly and it was nice to
see you too Vicki even for a quick hello. Then John arrived
and climbed on my roof and turned off the evaporative air
conditioner (I wonder why?) Saves me paying for it to be done.
He also tried to work out why my printer won't work and
spent time sorting it out. It worked yesterday.

After he left, I worked out my crossword and the my friend
Michael called with a friend of his, so we talked and she got
her e mails on my computer and there was over 100, as she
has been ill for a few weeks.

A quick update on my niece, Vicki. She sent me an e mail
and the doctors are still deciding what is exactly wrong with
her and they are repeating tests to be sure of their first
diagnosis, so treatment is postponed for awhile.

Happily, Peter is flying to Adelaide tomorrow (Sunday) to
be with Vicki and Rex and will stay until it is all sorted and
treated. I am glad he is flying, because he has been so worried,
and it is such a long way. Please keep them in your thoughts
and prayers. Thank you so much, it is so appreciated.

The story tonight is called "Keep Your Fork." Thanks
Barbara.

There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a
terminal illness and had been given three month to live...
So as she was getting her things 'in order' she contacted her
pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain
aspects of her final wishes. She told him what songs she
wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like
read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in.

Everything was in order and the pastor was preparing to
leave when the young woman suddenly remembered some-
thing very important to her. "There's one more thing,"
she said excitedly. "What's that?" came the pastor's reply.

"This is very important," the young woman continued.
"I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand."
The pastor stood looking at the young woman, not quite
knowing what to say.

"That surprises you, Doesn't it?" the young woman asked.
"Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the
pastor. The young woman explained, "My grandmother
once told me this story, and since then, I have always
done so. I have also, always tried to pass along the
message to those I love and those in need of
encouragement."

"In all my years of attending church socials and potluck
dinners I always remember that when the dishes of the
main course are being cleared, someone would inevitably
lean over and say "Keep your fork." It was my favorite
part because I knew something better was coming . . .
like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie.
Something wonderful, and with substance."

"So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a
fork in my hand and I want them to wonder "What's with
the fork?" Then I want you to tell them : "Keep your fork,
the best is yet to come."

The pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged
the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one
of the last times he would see her before her death. But he
also knew that the young woman had a better idea of
heaven than he did.

She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than
many people twice her age, with twice as much experience
and knowledge. She KNEW that something better was
coming.

At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's
casket and they saw the pretty dress she was wearing and
the fork placed in her right hand.

Over and over, the pastor heard the question, "What's with
the fork?" And over and over he smiled. During his message,
the pastor told the people of the conversation he had with
the young woman shortly before she died. He also told
them about the fork and what it symbolized to her.

The pastor told the people how he could not stop thinking
about the fork and told them that they probably would
not be able to stop thinking about it either. He was right.

So the next time you reach down for your fork, let it
remind you ever so gently that the best is yet to come.

Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you
smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear
they share a word of praise, and they always want to
open their hearts to us.

Show your friends how much you care. Remember to
always be there for them even when you need them
more. For you never know when it may be their time
to "Keep your fork."

Cherish the time you have, and the memories you share.
Being friends with someone is not an opportunity but
a sweet responsibility. And keep your fork.
<><>

Thank you Mike B. for the "Stunning Senior Moment."

A very self-important collage freshman attending a recent
football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior
citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the
older generation to understand his generation.

"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost
primitive one," the student said, loud enough for many of
those nearby to hear. The young people of today grew up
with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the
moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear
energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with DSL,
bsp, light speed proceeding . . . . . and," pausing to take
another drink of beer.

The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's
litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't have all
those things when we were young . . . . . . so we invented
them. Now you arrogant little s**t, what are you doing
for the next generation. I love senior citizens !!
<><>

One from Barbara. Thank you Barbara.

Come and Get me PLEASE. Please excuse the rough
language in the following story. I would have deleted it,
but the story wouldn't be the same.

A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her
mother. "Well," said her mother, "so how was the honey-
-moon ?"

"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful -
so romantic . . . .

Suddenly, she burst out crying. "But mama, as soon as we
returned, Sam started using the most horrible language - -
things I'd never heard before! I mean all those 4-letter
words: You've got to take me home . . . PLEASE MAMA."

"Sarah, Sarah, her mother said, "calm down! You need to
stay with your husband and work this out. Now tell me,
what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"

"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter.
"I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful. Come and get
me PLEASE !!

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset?
Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words."
Sobbing, the bride said, "Oh Mama . . . he used words
like : dust, wash, cook and iron . . . "

:I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother.
<><>

One from my friend Lady Di. Thank you.
Copper Wire.

After digging to a depth of 10 yards last year, New York
scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100
years and came to the conclusion, that their ancestors
already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that
followed, California Archaeologists dug to 20 yards, and
shortly afterwards, headlines in the LA newspaper read:
Californian archaeologists have found traces of 200 year
old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors
already had an advanced high-tech communications
network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."

One week later, the "Newnan Daily Independent,; a local
newspaper in Georgia, reported the following :
"After digging as deep as 30 yards in cotton fields near
Newnan in Cowetta County, Bubba Johnson, a self-taught
archaeologists, reported that he found absolutely nothing.
Bubba therefore concluded that 500 years ago, Georgia
had already gone wireless."
<><>

This one was sent to me by Warren and again by Robyn.
Thank you both for Bulls**t and Brilliance.

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa,
taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for
company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies,
and before long, Cuddles discovers that he is lost.
Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly
in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh no, I'm in deep doo doo now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately
settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the
approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap , the old poodle exclaims
loudly, " "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if
there are any more around here?

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike,
a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the
trees. "Whew, that was close. That old poodle nearly had me,"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene
from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good
use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he
goes, but then the old poodle sees him heading after the
leopard with great speed and figures that something must be
up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the
beans and strikes up a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and
says,"Here, Monkey, hop on my back and see what's going
to happen to that conniving canine !"

Now the old poodle see the leopard coming with the monkey
on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But
instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his
attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just as
they are close enough to hear, the old poodle says, "Where's
that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me
another leopard !!"

Moral of this story . . .
Don;t mess with old farts . . age and treachery will always
overcome youth and skill ! Bulls**t and brilliance only
come with age and experience !!!
<><>

Yesterday I was in the doctor's waiting room and I heard a
96 year old man pleading with the doctor for a lower sex drive.

"Surely you're imagining things," said the doctor. "You're
96 years old. Isn't all the feeling for sex just in your head?"

"Yes," replied the elderly man, "that's why I want you to
lower my sex drive to the place where it might do some good."
<><>

"Doctor, doctor, I was playing my mouth-organ and I
suddenly swallowed it."

"Well, look at the bright side . . . you could have been playing
a grand piano.
<><>

Tonight a a little poem from my friend, Sherrill. Thanks.

A box of Gold. With a secret inside that has never been told.

The box is priceless buy as I see

The treasure inside is precious to me.

Today I share this treasure with thee.

It's the treasure of friendship you've given to me.
<><>


That is it for tonight. We put our clocks BACK an hour
tonight as Daylight Saving Time is finished for now.
Take care, everyone and have a good weekend. My
football team has lost the first 3 matches so far, but are
playing better, just not better enough!!
Love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 432 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 5th April, 2008.
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