Thursday, June 05, 2008

Before I was a Mom.

Post 461 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 5th June, 2008.

Hello again my friends ~~ Here goes for another
fun-filled post ~ well maybe. Hope the world is
treating you all well. I am fine and will try to stay
awake until this is finished.

First tonight, one that my friend Patty sent me.
Thank you Patty. Before I was a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous,
I never thought of immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much,
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure everything was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much
before I was a Mom.
<><>

A couple of jokes from Sue and Bob. Thank you.

Seniors.
A group of senior citizens was sitting around
talking about their ailments:

My arms are so weak I can hardly hold this cup
of coffee, said one.

Yes I know. My cataracts are so bad I cannot even
see my coffee, replied another.

I cannot turn my head because of the arthritis
in my neck, said a third one.

My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,said another.

I guess that is the price we pay for getting old,
winced an old man, as he shook his head.

Then there was a short silence.

Well, it's not that bad, said one woman cheerfully.
Thank God we can all still drive!!
<><>

The following is the transcript of an actual, radio
conversation in October 1985 between a US Navy
ship and the British authorities off the north
coast of Scotland.
BRITISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees
to the South, to avoid collision.

US NAVY: Recommend you divert YOUR course
15 degrees to the North to avoid collision.

BRITISH : Negative. You will have to divert your
course 15 degrees to avoid collision.

US NAVY: This is the captainof US Navy ship. I
say again, divert YOUR course.

BRITISH : Negative. I say again divert your course.

US NAVY: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER
"USS LINCOLN" THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP
IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET.

WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS,
THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT
VESSELS.

WE DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE
15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH
OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN
TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

BRITISH : We are a lighthouse. So get lost.
<><>

Next one was sent by my Taxi Driver Friend.
Thank you Eileen.

I answered a knock on the door over the
weekend to be confronted by a well-dressed
young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. If I
could take a couple of minutes of your time I
would like to demonstrate the very latest in
high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away", I said I haven't got any money.
I'm broke" and proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man, wedged his
foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty" he said, "Not until you have
at least seen my demonstration."
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse
manure on to my hall way carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces
of this horse manure from your carpet, I will
personally eat the remainder."

I stepped back and said, , "Well I hope you have a
good appetite, because they cut my electricity off
this morning. What part of "Broke" did you not
understand?"
<><>

An old boy had fallen down in the road and some
people came to his aid and helped him to his feet.
As he started to move, he ataggered and an old
lady asked, "Oh, my good man. Have you vertigo?

"No, Ma'am" replied the old boy, "Only just
around the corner."
<><>

A very attractive young girl was about to enter
the church in a topless dress, when the vicar
ran towards her.

"I'm very sorry, madam," said the vicar, "But I
cannot possibly allow you to go into Church
like that."

"But I have a divine right," protested the young girl.

"Yes," agreed the vicar, "and you have a divine left
too, but I still cannot let you into my church like
that."
<><>
Another joke from Patty, aka Old Lady Lincoln.
Thank you my friend.

Man Wife Disease.
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when
his wife walked up behind him and whacked him
on the head with a magazine.
"What was that for?" he asked.

"That was for the piece of paper in your pants
pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it.

"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura
Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on,"
he explained.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said, "I should have
known " Three days later he was watching a ball
game on TV when she walked up and hit him on
the head again, this time with an iron skillet,
which knocked him out cold.

When he came to, he asked, "What the heck was
that for?"

She replied, ~ ~ "Your horse called."
<><>

Just a few quotes to finish with ~ ~ ~

Remember that not getting what you want is
sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
~~ ~ Dalai Lama.

Self help is the best help
. ~ ~ Aesop.

The hand that rocks the cradle, rules the
world. William Ross Wallace.
<><>

Bye for now folks, Look after yourselves
and each other. Stay well and happy and the
weekend will soon be here. Love and Best
Wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 461 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 5th June, 2008.
<><><><>





14 comments:

Mountain Mama said...

Laura Lou called! HAHAHAHAHA
I love your jokes Merle.
So how's the weather in your neck of the woods? We have had rain rain rain. I beginning to get tired of it!
Take care,
Hugs

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

That’s a nice poem, Merle.

PEA said...

Hello dear Merle:-)

First of all, congratulations to your granddaughter on winning a trip to France, how wonderful!! She's a beauty too...must take after her grandma! hehe

I loved reading the Before I Was A Mom story...isn't it so true! Having a child in our lives sure changes us and sets our priorities:-)

Loved all the jokes as well...you realize I'll never be able to look at a Senior driving without thinking of all their ailments they have and yet are still driving! lol

Take care my friend!! xoxo

Old Lady Lincoln said...

I like the US Navy and British joke. Guess the US Navy needs to move it's butt. LOL Some funnies as usual. Have a good night and sleep well. Thank goodness the storms are over, but it's hot and very humid today.

Susie said...

Hi Merle,
I've seen that Before I Was a Mom verse before, but I always enjoy reading it again. So very true!
Loved the Laura Lou called joke!
Stay well
xoxo

Jim said...

Hi Merle
I was NOT a Mom, but our first kids were twins so I got to experience all that stuff.
Cheers,
..

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I loved the one on motherhood, so true so true.

The Britsh lighthouse story was hysterically funny, my daughter like it too.

Janice~

Gattina said...

Hi Merle, greetings from rainy Belgium !
When I read this poeme I wonder how I went through all this !

Jeanette said...

hi Dear Merle. ejoyed the mum story how true!..great jokes hehehe the poor vacumm salesmen deserved what he got..

im ok now was very tired for a few days and just needed some rest.. hope your well, and not doing to much in the garden on these last few sunny days. take care love Jan

Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

I hope things are going well with you, and you're enjoying and keeping warm on your flannel sheets. It seems like only yesterday that I was freezing in the cold weather and you were nice and warm. And now it's 90 F here, and the air conditioner is getting a work out!

Loved Before I was a Mom. Have to send a copy of that to my daughter. Funny joke about the seniors. We hang on to our drivers license for as long as we can! lol. And the transcript between the US ship and British authorities is hilarious, considering that it's for real. And Laura Lou called was funny, too.

All the jokes were funny, dear Merle. I always enjoy my visit here, although I have been running late, lately. So much to do, it seems, and just not enough time in the day to do it all.

Take care of your self, dear Merle, and have a wonderful weekend. I hope the temperatures won't be too chilly!

Love and blessings,

Renie

Hootin' Anni said...

I love the senior drivers!!! And the talking horse is something? rofl.

Your blog entry made my day again dear friend.

Hope your weekend will be super and very peaceful!!

Dave said...

Great post Merle... but just to be clear, the "US Navy vs Lighthouse" thing is ONLY a joke. It's not true at all according to snopes
http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthouse.asp

Have a great weekend!

Bear Naked said...

Love the navy vs the lighthouse joke.
Hope you are having a lovely weekend.

audrey` said...

"Before I Was A Mom" is so true =)
Motherhood is indeed so enriching.