Before I was a Mom.

Post 461 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 5th June, 2008.

Hello again my friends ~~ Here goes for another
fun-filled post ~ well maybe. Hope the world is
treating you all well. I am fine and will try to stay
awake until this is finished.

First tonight, one that my friend Patty sent me.
Thank you Patty. Before I was a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous,
I never thought of immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much,
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure everything was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much
before I was a Mom.
<><>

A couple of jokes from Sue and Bob. Thank you.

Seniors.
A group of senior citizens was sitting around
talking about their ailments:

My arms are so weak I can hardly hold this cup
of coffee, said one.

Yes I know. My cataracts are so bad I cannot even
see my coffee, replied another.

I cannot turn my head because of the arthritis
in my neck, said a third one.

My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,said another.

I guess that is the price we pay for getting old,
winced an old man, as he shook his head.

Then there was a short silence.

Well, it's not that bad, said one woman cheerfully.
Thank God we can all still drive!!
<><>

The following is the transcript of an actual, radio
conversation in October 1985 between a US Navy
ship and the British authorities off the north
coast of Scotland.
BRITISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees
to the South, to avoid collision.

US NAVY: Recommend you divert YOUR course
15 degrees to the North to avoid collision.

BRITISH : Negative. You will have to divert your
course 15 degrees to avoid collision.

US NAVY: This is the captainof US Navy ship. I
say again, divert YOUR course.

BRITISH : Negative. I say again divert your course.

US NAVY: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER
"USS LINCOLN" THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP
IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET.

WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS,
THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT
VESSELS.

WE DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE
15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH
OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN
TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

BRITISH : We are a lighthouse. So get lost.
<><>

Next one was sent by my Taxi Driver Friend.
Thank you Eileen.

I answered a knock on the door over the
weekend to be confronted by a well-dressed
young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. If I
could take a couple of minutes of your time I
would like to demonstrate the very latest in
high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away", I said I haven't got any money.
I'm broke" and proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man, wedged his
foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty" he said, "Not until you have
at least seen my demonstration."
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse
manure on to my hall way carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces
of this horse manure from your carpet, I will
personally eat the remainder."

I stepped back and said, , "Well I hope you have a
good appetite, because they cut my electricity off
this morning. What part of "Broke" did you not
understand?"
<><>

An old boy had fallen down in the road and some
people came to his aid and helped him to his feet.
As he started to move, he ataggered and an old
lady asked, "Oh, my good man. Have you vertigo?

"No, Ma'am" replied the old boy, "Only just
around the corner."
<><>

A very attractive young girl was about to enter
the church in a topless dress, when the vicar
ran towards her.

"I'm very sorry, madam," said the vicar, "But I
cannot possibly allow you to go into Church
like that."

"But I have a divine right," protested the young girl.

"Yes," agreed the vicar, "and you have a divine left
too, but I still cannot let you into my church like
that."
<><>
Another joke from Patty, aka Old Lady Lincoln.
Thank you my friend.

Man Wife Disease.
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when
his wife walked up behind him and whacked him
on the head with a magazine.
"What was that for?" he asked.

"That was for the piece of paper in your pants
pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it.

"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura
Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on,"
he explained.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said, "I should have
known " Three days later he was watching a ball
game on TV when she walked up and hit him on
the head again, this time with an iron skillet,
which knocked him out cold.

When he came to, he asked, "What the heck was
that for?"

She replied, ~ ~ "Your horse called."
<><>

Just a few quotes to finish with ~ ~ ~

Remember that not getting what you want is
sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
~~ ~ Dalai Lama.

Self help is the best help. ~ ~ Aesop.

The hand that rocks the cradle, rules the
world. William Ross Wallace.
<><>

Bye for now folks, Look after yourselves
and each other. Stay well and happy and the
weekend will soon be here. Love and Best
Wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 461 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 5th June, 2008.
<><><><>