Sunday, August 10, 2008

Start Over.

Post 493 ~ ~ Sunday, 10th August, 2008.

Hello Everyone ~~ After a couple of days being
off the air, I am back. I was too tired last night
to post. Are any of you watching the Olympics?
I like some of the sports, Swimming, Diving and
Gymnastics are probably my favorites. I watched
some of the rowing and sailing today.

My story tonight is called "Start Over." I hope
you will enjoy it.

When you've trusted Jesus and walked His way
When you've felt His hand lead you day by day
But your steps now take you another way,
Start Over.

When you've made your plans and they've gone awry
When you've tried your best and there's no more try.
When you've failed yourself and you don't know why,
Start Over.

When you've told your friends what you plan to do,
When you've trusted them and they don't come
through, And now you're all alone and it's up to you.
Start Over.

When you've failed your kids and they're grown and
gone When you've done your best but it's turned out
wrong And now your grandchildren have come along,
Start Over.

When you've prayed to God so you'll know His will
When you've prayed and prayed and you don't still
When you want to stop cause you've had your fill,
Srart Over.

When you think you're finished and want to quit
When you've bottomed out in life's deepest pit
When you've tried and tried to get out of it,
Start Over.

When the year has been long and successes few
When December comes and you're feeling blue
God gives a January just for you,
Start Over.

Starting Over means "Victories Won."
Starting Over means " A Race Well Run."
Starting over means "The Lord's Will Done.

We need not just sit there . . START OVER."

More of Sandy's jokes. Thank you Sandy.

A woman was in bed with her lover when she
heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted
him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you." She said,
"Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered
the room.

"Oh, it's a statue," she replied. The Smiths
bought one and I liked it, so I got one for us,too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the
kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like
that at the Smiths for two days and nobody offered
me a damned thing."

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and
ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that will be
one cent."
"One Cent," the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the menu and asked. "How much
for a nice juicy steak and a bottlr of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man.

"Where's the man who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs with my wife."

"The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs
with your wife?"
The bartender replied, " The same thing I'm
doing to his business down her."

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside,
He looked up and said weakly. "I have something
I must confess."
"There's no need to," his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace,
I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best
friend, and your mother."

"I know," she replied, "Now just rest and let
the poison work."

A pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Pope
and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane
together traveling through stormy conditions.

Suddenly the pilot ran back to the passengers
and announced that lightning had hit the plane
and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes.
"There are only enough parachutes for four of us,"
he announced. Since I am the pilot, I get one."
The pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of
the plane.

"I'm the world's greatest athlete." proclaimed
Michael Jordan. "So I must live."..He grabbed
a parachute and jumped out of the plane.

"I'm the smartest man in the world," bragged Bill
Gates. "The world needs smart men, so I must live."
Bill Gates then grabs a parachute and jumps out of
the plane.

At this point, the Pope began to speak to the Pizza
Delivery boy, "I have lived a long life compared to
you, and you may take the last parachute. I will go
down with the the plane."

"You don't have to do that," replied the pizza delivery
guy. "Bill Gates just jumped out with my back-pack.

A blonde was driving home one night when she
suddenly found herself in the middle of a bad hail
storm. The hailstones were the size of golf balls.
Her car was dented beyond description.

The next day, she took it to a repair shop Noticing
that she was blonde, the technician decided to have
some fun.

He told her to take the car home and blow real hard
intp the tailpipe and the dents would pop out,

When she got home, she started blowing into the
tailpipe as she was instructed. At that moment, her
blonde girlfriend drove by and saw her puffing on
the tailpipe.

Thinking the worst, the friend was startled and
asked, "What are you doing?"

She said the man at the body shop told me to blow
into the tailpipe and the dents would pop out."

Her girlfriend said, "Well, duhhhhhh! You need
to roll up the windows first!"

Someone saw a blonde eating a Tootsie Roll Pop
and asked her, " So how many licks does it take
to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll-Tootsie Pop?"

Without a thought, the blonde replied, "Beats me,
but it took almost the whole day just to lick through
the wrapper.

A disgruntled diner summoned his waiter to the
table, complaining, "My oyster stew doesn't have
any oysters in it."

"Well, if that bothers you, then you better skip
dessert," replied the waiter.."It's angel food cake."

Time to finish off now, time for bed for me as it's
nearing midnight here. We had snow close to
Melbourne today, the most for 20 years. We did
not get any in Shepparton, but it was bitterly
cold. Take great care, my friends and be kind
to each other. Love and Best wishes to you all.
Cheers, Merle.

Post 493 ~ ~ Sunday, 10th August, 2008.


Old Lady Lincoln said...

Good morning Merle, it's almost 10 am here, temp is about 62 F, nice cool morning, we've had about four days now and the weather has been just beautiful. Usually our August is very hot and humid.

Loved the jokes as usual, especially the blonde and her sucker. Really like the Start Over poem. Thanks for sharing.

Glad those kidney stones aren't moving anyplace, as long as they're not bothering you and giving you pain. Hope you were able to sleep well last night. I hate to think about Winter coming here. Have a great day. Love, Patty

Gattina said...

I have seen the opening of the Olympic games ! It was very beautiful. If you want to see a bit of London, I was there on Wednesday and posted some pictures.
Hope you feel like a young horse !

Gramma Ann said...

Hi Merle,
It is 1:30 pm on Sunday here. I hope you enjoyed your night of rest.

The weather here is lovely, in the 70s, and sunny. It doesn't get better then this.

Your jokes were funny, as usual. And I don't really watch the Olympic games anymore...when it is the winter Olympics, I enjoy the ice skating... but that's about it for me as far as sports goes.

Have a nice Monday, while I sleep;))

Nancy said...

Hi Merle,

I loved the "Start Over" poem! I already copied it and sent it off! As always, I enjoy your jokes!

We have cooled down to the low 90's...what a relief! Still humid, though. Guess it is winter there as you mentioned snow. I love snow!!! I am a transplant from PA so grew up with snow!

It is now 8:10pm here. Time for me to call it a day. Another work week starts tomorrow! Stay well!

(((((( HUGS ))))))

Jim said...

Hi Merle, I loved your 'Start Over' ditty. Now if we could just remember this when those wrong things happen.
Your blonde jokes were great also. I may have missed one, but I think you were running thin on blonde jokes for quite a while.
At our car club meeting yesterday, one of the fellows cleared a clogged fuel line (or one that needed priming) by blowing steadily into his friend's old Ford (1934).

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I'm glad your blog is up again. I tried to post a comment yesterday and blogger wouldn't let me.

I'm so glad the x-rays were alright.

I not sure which is my favorite joke today but I liked the blond tootsie roll joke, and the talic covered lover joke.

Take care,

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Merle, I know there's been snow down your way...we're getting the bitterly cold southerlies up here, 18c today. Bit cold for this hothouse flower.

Hope it starts warming up soon, I've had enough of winter.


Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle, Pleased to see blogger has fixed the problem,and you are able to post.. Yep im watching the Olympics I put the tv on soon as I get up so wont miss anything.I think im getting square eyes watching games....
Great jokes hard to pick a favorite tonight but think ill say the statue,,,, HEHEHE.
Take care dear Merle hope to see you very soon love Janxxx

Dave said...

Loved the jokes Merle!

I was getting worried Friday when I couldn't see your blog! Thank goodness everything's ok. *S*

JunieRose2005 said...

Dear Merle,

As always I enjoyed the jokes! I liked that one about Bill Gates jumping out of the plane with a BACK PACK! Ha!! And all the blonde jokes were fun!

Take care in that cold weather!


mreddie said...

Like you I have been watching the Olympics and the events have kept me late every night - very enjoyable if I had a little more will power about going to bed. :) ec

audrey` said...

Swimming, diving and gymnastics are my favourite too.
Did you watch the Opening Ceremony?
I liked the first hour and the last 30 minutes of it =)