Monday, September 08, 2008

Why We Forward Jokes.!

Post 506 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 8th September, 2008.

Hi Everyone ~~I hope that you are enjoying the in between
season's weather. It has been pleasant here and I hope it is in
your part of the world. The beginning of another week - they sure
go by fast. I had my heater fixed today with a new ignition switch
so all OK again. Tomorrow is Home Care Lady day, so I will get to
wash my sheets and put others on. Still using flannelette ones, as
it's not THAT warm at night.

I have a couple more photos, that I took the other day.

This is a little daisy patch which surrounds a very tall Palm tree.


A recent photo of my Fairy Garden with the lovely plaque that Connie
gave when she visited recently with the pretty mushrooms either side.
many thanks again dear Connie.


Last pic sent by my dear friend Jeanette. Thanks Jan. Good one!!

The first article tonight was sent by my good friend Linda May.
It is called "Why We Forward Jokes." Thanks Linda.

I knew there had to be a reason !!. . . . . .
This explains why we forward jokes.

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was
enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that
he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking
beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the
road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one
side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a hill
it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in
the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that
led to the gate looked like pure gold.

He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer,
he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough
he called out, :Excuse me, where are we?"
"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water
brought right up."
The man gestured, and the gate began to open, "Can my friend,"
gesturing to his dog, "come in too?" the traveler asked.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought for a moment and then turned back toward
the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill,
he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked
as if it had never been closed.

There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man
inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
"Excuse me," he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."
"How about my friend here ?" the traveler gestured to the dog.

"There should be a bowl by the pump." They went through the
gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump
with a bowl beside it.The traveler filled the water bowl and took
a long drink himself, then gave some to the dog. When they
were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was
standing by the tree.

"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked. "This is Heaven,"
he answered. "Well, that's confusing," the traveler said.
"The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates?
Nope. That's Hell."

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would
leave their best friends behind."

Soooo...Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding
jokes to us without writing a word. Maybe this will explain.

When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess
what you do? You forward jokes.

When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact,
you forward jokes.

When you have something to say, but don't know what, and
don't know how, you forward jokes.

Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are
still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for,
guess what you get? A forwarded joke.

So next time if you get a joke, don't think that you have been
sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been
thought of today and your friend on the other end of your
computer wanted to send you a smile. . . .

You are all welcome @ my water bowl !!
<><>

First joke is called "Poker Question."

A rabbi and his two friends, a priest and a minister,
played poker for small stakes once a week. The only problem
was that they lived in a very conservative blue-law town.
The sheriff raided their game and took all three before the
local judge.

After listening to the sheriff's story, the judge sternly asked
of the priest : "Were you gambling, Father?" The priest
looked toward heaven, whispered, "Oh, Lord forgive me,'"
and then said aloud, "No, your honor, I was not gambling."

"Were you gambling, Reverend?" the judge asked the minister.
The minister repeated the priest's actions and said, "No, your
honor, I was not."

Turning to the third clergyman, the judge asked, "Were you
gambling, Rabbi?"

The rabbi eyed him coolly and replied, "With whom?"
<><>

One man said to another : "What became of that horse
you bought at the sale a week or two ago?"
"Oh!" replied the other, "It died."
"What did you do about it?" asked the first man.
"Well," said the other, "I thought that it might be hard
to try and sue the previous owne, so I raffled it at $1 a time."
"But didn't anybody kick up a fuss?"

"On;y the winner," replied the second man, "so I gave him
his money back."
<><>

Two men were climbing a particularly difficult mountain
when one of them suddenly fell down a crevasse 500 feet deep.
"Are you all right Bert?" called the man at the top of the crevasse
"I'm still alive, thank goodness, Fred," came the reply.

"Here grab this rope," said Fred, throwing a rope down to Bert.
"I can't grab it," shouted Bert. " My arms are broken."
"Well fit it around your legs."
"I'm afraid I can't do that either," apologised Bert, My legs are
broken."

"Put the rope in your mouth," shouted Fred. So Bert put the
rope in his mouth and Fred began to haul him to safety, 490 feet . . .
400. . . 300 feet . . . 200 feet . . .100 .feet . . . 50 feet . . . and
then Fred Fred called ,"Are you all right, Bert?"
"Yeh-h-h...h...h..."
<><>

That one reminds me of one I tell Taxi drivers and others-

Eleven people were hanging on a rescue rope from a
helicopter, which was only meant to hold ten people.
There were ten men and one woman, and nobody
said anything for a while. Finally the woman said,
"I am used to sacrificing for men, so I will let go."

All the men clapped !!!
<><>

Another that I have told taxi drivers was about a
passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder. Well
this caused the cabbie to drive up on the pavement
and almost into a fence etc. before he stopped.

The passenger said, "Good Heavens, man, why did
you do that?"

The driver said it was his first day on the job, after
driving a hearse for twenty years."
<><>

A parson was driving his car and as he slowed down
to turn a corner, another car came out of the turning,
driven by a large woman who yelled at him one word 'pig'.

Well not to be outdone, the parson who was taken by
surprise, shouted in return 'cow' and then to his great
consternation as he turned into the other road, there
right before him was an enormous pig.
<><>

A father who was away from home all week was in the
habit of taking his little daughter for a ride in his car
each Sunday morning. One Sunday, however, he had
a very bad cold, but rather than disappoint the little
girl. her mother said that she would take her instead.

When they returned, the father asked his daughter if
she enjoyed the ride.
"Oh, yes Daddy," she replied, "and do you know, we
didn't see a single b *****d !!"
<><>

Our coach ground to a halt because it couldn't go any
further due to the thick fog. A torch was pushed into
my hand with instructions to find out where we were.
I was fumbling about in this churchyard and came
across a gravestone. I managed to read it before my
torch went out. On returning to the coach I told them
of my escapade and they wanted to know who it was.

" He was 92," I said. "A bloke called Miles, from London."
<><>

A few quotations tonight - - - -

I expect to pass through the world but once. Any good
therefore I can do or any kindness I can show to any
fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer it
or neglect it for I shall not pass this way again.
~~ Stephen Grellet, French Quaker Missionary.


God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw
it into the nest; He puts it in our way and gives us
the means of getting it ourselves.
~ ~ ~ Josiah Gilbert Holland. Novelist and poet.


If ordinary people don't demonstrate moral courage
on the job as well as at home, if they don't have the will
to do the right thing even when it costs more than they
want to pay, the bad guys will always win.
~ ~ ~ Michael Josephson.

Time to close this for the night. Take care my friends.
Enjoy your lives and spread some smiles around as
well as some love. Love and best wishes to you all.
Cheers, Merle.

Post 506 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 8th September, 2008.
<><><>

12 comments:

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
I had to read two post at once. I love the flowers in both post especiaally the red cammelia. Your fairy garden is lovely. The purple flower you asked about is a petunia and it is an annual here. They smell heavenly so I usually like at least one on the porch. This year Prince gave me one and Mimi one so the fragrance was two fold. Glad you got the heater fixed. It was 65 degrees here this morning and I smell fall in the air. Peace

Gledwood said...

is that your garden? it's absolutely beautiful, Merle

{{;->...

Old Lady Lincoln said...

Love the little fairy garden. And your car jokes were great. Apparently daddy runs into a lot of B_ _ _ _ _ ds on his trip. LOL

megz_mum said...

Your garden is looking great! It is obviously enjoying the more spring-like weather!

Gramma Ann said...

Your gardens are lovely. And your jokes were funny as well. Have a nice day and keep a smile on your face...

Ann

Dave said...

What a beautiful garden Merle!!! I love the purple flowers *S*

Gwen said...

Hi Dear Merle.
Those daisies are beautiful,and your fairy garden a delight,are the lights still working?
Loved your jokes and will talk soon
stay well Dear Merle xx

Puss-in-Boots said...

No wonder Victoria is called the Garden State...when I look at all the photos of the lovely gardens everyone has, I can understand why. Yours is another one, Merle.

I loved the joke about the taxi driver who had driven a hearse for 20 years previously...

It's getting warmer here. I can open all the doors and windows at 6 am now without freezing myself to death. Lovely.

Enjoy your fresh clean sheets!

Hugs.

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle, I dont know whats has happened to my comments here,and on last 2 posts there dissappeared. I was next under Gwen last night. Well ill try again.
Love all your plants, the camelia's and daisies make a pretty display.. Hope all your solar lights in the lovely fairy garden are all still working... Great jokes,,HeeHeee the Helicopter.. Take care my friend love Jan.xxxx hope this gets through

Bear Naked said...

Merle
I love your litttle fairy garden.
What a bright area of your garden that is.

Bear((( )))

Nancy said...

Your fairy garden looks magical!!! Just too pretty for words!

As always, you had some great jokes!

I have been out of sight for a few weeks as I am caring still for my son's 2 sick kitties....one just finished radiation and the other one has a severe heart condition. Both are coming along better now and starting to eat more. I have had my hands full with cats and working 2 jobs. Not much time for blogging, but I am trying to catch up a little at a time each day. I'll be back when time permits. I will have my son's cats for another 2 weeks yet.

Take care! Aren't those flannel sheets just the best thing since sliced bread? Stay warm...your Spring is just around the corner, isn't it? And here, we are getting closer to Winter!

(((((( HUGS ))))))

audrey` said...

Hi Merle

I love your little daisy patch very much.
It's so lovely =)