Thursday, September 11, 2008

Special Grocery List.

Post 507 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 11th September, 2008.

Hello Everyone ~~ I hope you are having a great week
as it nears the end. I am fine and the weather pleasant
but not very warm yet. It will come, and then I will be
saying it's too hot. Great topic of conversation is the old
weather.

I had a busy day yesterday, cooking etc, and was too
tired to post. So will try to find something to interest you.
This is the story of a Special Grocery List. Enjoy. It was
sent to me some time ago by my friend Patty. Thank you.


Louise Redden, a poorly dressed lady with a look of defeat
on her face, walked into a grocery store.
She approached the owner of the store in a most humble
manner and asked - if he would allow her to charge for a
few groceries.

She softly explained that her husband was very ill and was
unable to workl they had seven children and they needed
food.
John Longhouse, the grocer, scoffed at her and requested
that she leave his store at once.

Visualizing the family needs, she said, "Please, sir, I will
bring you the money just as soon as I can."
John told her he could not give her credit, since she did
not have a charge account at his store.

Standing beside the counter was a customer who over-
heard the conversation between the two. The customer
walked forward and told the grocer that he would stand
good for whatever she needed for her family.

The grocer said in a very reluctant voice, "Do you have
a grocery list?"
Louise replied, "Yes sir." "OK," he said," put your
grocery list on the scales and whatever your grocery
list weighs, I will give you that amount in groceries."

Louise hesitated a moment with a bowed head, then she
reached into her purse and took out a piece of paper and
scribbled something on it. She then laid the piece of
paper on the scale carefully with her head still bowed.

The eyes of the grocer and the customer showed amaze-
ment when the scale went down and stayed down.
The grocer, staring at the scales, turned slowly to the
customer and said begrudgingly, "I can't believe it."

The customer smiled and the grocer started putting the
groceries on the other side of the scales. The scale did
not balance so he continued to put more and more
groceries on them until the scales would hold no more.

The grocer stood there in utter disgust. Finally, he
grabbed the piece of paper from the scales and looked
at it with great amazement,

It was not a grocery list,
it was a prayer, which said :

"Dear Lord, you know my needs and I am leaving
this in your hands."

The grocer gave her the groceries that he had
gathered and stood in stunned silence.
Louise thanked him and left the store.

The other customer handed a fifty dollar bill to
the grocer and said, "It was every penny of it.
Only God knows how much a prayer weighs."

THE POWER OF PRAYER: When you read this,
say a prayer. That's all you need to do.

Just stop right now and say a prayer of thanks
for your own good fortune and trust God to heal
the sick, provide food for the hungry, clothes and
shelter for those who don't have as much as we do.
Amen.

Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive.
There is no cost but a lot of rewards.


May you always walk with Angels. God Bless !!
<><>

Now for some jokes ~ ~ ~ Thanks again Patty
for the first joke.

Ole staggered home very late after another evening
with his drinking buddy, Sven. He took off his shoes
to avoid waking his wife, Lena. He tiptoed as quietly
as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs
bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.

As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his
body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.
A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made
the landing painful.

Managing not to yell, Ole sprung up, pulled down his
pants and looked in the hall mirror to see his butt cheeks
were cut and bleeding. He managed to find a full box of
Band-Aids and began putting a band-aid as best he could
on each place he saw blood. He then hid the near empty
band-aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Ole woke up with searing pain in both
his head and his butt and Lena staring at him from
across the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night, weren't you Ole?"

Ole said, "Why do you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," Lena said, " It could be the open front door, it could
be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be
the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be
your bloodshot eyes, but mostly . . . .

"It's all those band-aids stuck on the hall mirror."
<><>

Another friend, Pearl who has a private blog. sent
this one. Thank you Pearl.

Two little kids are in hospital, lying on stretchers next to
each other outside the operating room for the first
surgeries of the day.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in
here for?"

The second kid says, "I'm here to get my tonsils out and
I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing
to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put
you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of
Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze."

The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
"WHOA !," the second kid says, "Good luck buddy. I had
that done when I was born.

Couldn't walk for a year."
<><>

A couple from Sue and Bob. Thank you.

Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through
the woods. All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up
a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo1" he called into the cave and
listened closely until he heard an answering, "Wooooo!
Wooooo! Wooooo!. He then tore off his clothes and ran into
the cave.

The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian
what it was all about. "Was the other Indian crazy or what?"

The Indian replied, "No. It is our custom during mating
season when Indian men see a cave, they holler " Wooooo,
Wooooo,Wooooo! into the opening. If they get an answer
back, it means there's a beautiful sqaw in there waiting for us."

Just then they came on another cave. The second Indian
ran up to the cave and hollered "Wooooo etc."
Immediately, there was an answer, "Wooooo etc "from deep
inside. He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while
and then spied a large third cave.
As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening,
he was thinking. "Hoo,man Look at the size of ths cave. It's
bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some
really big fine women in this cave.:

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might,
"Wooooo, Wooooo, Wooooo," Like the others, he then heard an
answering call, "WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO,
WOOOOOOOOO"

With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into
the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The followinf day, the headline of the local newspaper read . . . .

NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN ! ! !
<><>

A woman in her fifties is at home, unclothed, happily
jumping on her bed, squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asksm
"Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look?
What's the matter with you ?"

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says,
"I don't care what you think. I just came from having
a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I
healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year old."

Her husband replies, "What did he say about you
55 year old ass ?"

"Your name never came up," she replied.
<><>

A clergyman, who was summoned in haste by a woman
taken ill suddenly, answered the call though somewhat
puzzled, or he knew she was not of his parish, and was,
moreover, knowm to be a devoted worker in another
church. While he was waiting to be shown to the sick-
room he fell to talking to the little girl of the house.

"It is very gratifying to know your mother thought of me
in her illness," he said. "Is your own minister out of town?"

"Oh, no, "answered the girl in a matter of fact tone, "he's
home. Only we thought it might be something contagious
- and we didn't want to take any risks."
<><>

David saw a beautiful young girl walking along the beach,
dressed in an extremely tight pair of denim shorts
which
emphasized every movement of her walk.

Being a daring sort, he went up to the girl and said,
"I'm sorry to trouble you - but I'm fascinated about
your shorts. How can anyone possible manage to get
inside such a tight garment?"

The beautiful young girl smiled and replied, "You can
start by asking me out to dinner."
<><>

A boy, whose father had received a bad school report
of his son asked , "What do you think is the trouble
with me is, Dad - heredity or environment ?"
<><>

A Sunday School teacher asked her young class: "Can
anyone tell me who Matthew was?" There was no reply.
"Does anyone know who Peter was>"

Then a small boy remarked, "Please miss, I fink he
was a wabbit."
<><>

Well, my friends, time to say goodbye for now and
hoping you are all well and happy. Take care of
yourselves and each other. Love and best wishes
to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 507 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 11th September, 2008.
<><><>


14 comments:

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Thank you, Merle. The story of the grocery list is heartwarming—and so very true.

Old Lady Lincoln said...

LOL Once again some funny ones. Like the young girl walking along the beach. Have a great evening and sleep well.

Joy Des Jardins said...

Hi my sweet Merle...

I just tried to leave you a message, but something happened to it and it disappeared. I'll try again.

I know when you've been busy cooking...a lot of good things happen. I can only imagine what great things you have made and stored away in your freezer. I bet everyone loves eating at your house.

Take care my dear friend...much love coming your way.... ~Love, Joy

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
A very good story. I am gonna smile all night if I think about the train and the woman jumping on the bed. Those took the prize. Glad to here all is well on your side of Mother Earth. Peace

Rosezilla said...

Some good ones today, Merle. The one about the groceries reminded me of something that happened to my mother when I was a little girl. She was literally down to her last dollar. This being the 60's she could get milk, bread and a couple of other small items, leaving just a bit of change. But when she paid, the woman at the counter gave her change for a $10! Mom tried to protest, telling the woman she only gave her a dollar, but the lady got mad and wouldn't listen to her, saying she didn't make mistakes and Mom must be mistaken, etc. Mom finally gave up arguing with her and, thanking God, left the store with enough money to get by until payday.

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle, Im on early today Im on my way to Melbourne. for the weekend Im leaving in a few minutes Emily's 18th b/d...
Loved the story, , and great jokes hahaha the 55jumping on the bed,,pricelessthe little boy at sunday school "Peter Rabbit": take care Merle love Janxxxxx

linda may said...

G'Day Merle, I really loved your jokes, some very funny ones there. Especially the train one.
I also love your garden pics, it looks green and lovely there, I am jealous.

Dave said...

Great post as always Merle... had me smiling all the way through!

Have a wonderful weekend!

Diane said...

Loved the Naked Irishman...LOL.
Hilarious, as usual.

Love,
Diane

Gramma Ann said...

Lol "Who is Peter? I think he was a wabbit..."

We had some rain today, but the temperature was pleasant.

Have a nice week-end.

Ann

linda may said...

I was interested to hear both you and Peter know Biloela, I haven't been there yet,it is so far away. My sister is liking it there though.

Abraham Lincoln said...

Wooo Hooo! I loved that Grocery List. I thought maybe somebody had a hand on the scales and in a way they did.

Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

Since I don't have to rush this morning, because of the rain and high winds, I have also decided to read here, and love the Grocery List. Yes, prayer is the best free gift, with a lot of rewards!

Hahaha about the band aids stuck on the hall mirror. And that boy with the bad school report was pretty smart, wasn't he? LOL. The naked Irishman was a hoot.

Oh, I enjoyed this post as much as the one above, and the lights are still blinking, but on. Can't wait for daylight to arrive, as I don't like being in the dark. LOL.

Take care, dear Merle, and stay well and happy.

Love,

Renie

audrey` said...

"Special Grocery List" is so touching.
Our Lord heard her prayers.
Praise Him =)