Saturday, September 13, 2008

What Happens in Heaven.

Post 508 ~ ~ Saturday, 13th September, 2008.

Hello My Friends ~~ I hope you are all doing well
and that the dreadful storms are not doing too much
destruction. The scenes from Galveston, Texas just
looked so awful. I pray there will not be too many
casualties. May they all be safe from harm and their
homes safe to go back to, when it's safe.

It has been a very warm pleasant day here today
and Spring has finally arrived. We are hoping for
some rain tomorrow, but still warm.

My dear friend, Lady Di sent me the story about
What Happens in Heaven. Thank you Dianne.

I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was
showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside
a large workroom filled with angels. My angel guide
stopped in front of the first section and said, "This is
the Receiving Section. Here all petitions to God said
in prayer are received."

I looked around the area, and it was terribly busy
with so many angels sorting out petitions written
on voluminous paper scraps from people all over the
world.

Then we moved on down a long corridor until we
reached the second section. The angel then said to me,
"This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here
the graces and blessings the people asked for are
processed and delivered to the living persons who
asked for them." I noticed, again how busy it was
there. There were many angels working hard at -
- that station, since so many blessings had been
requested and were being packaged for delivery
to Earth.

Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor, we
stopped at the door of a very small station. To my
great surprise, only one angel was seated there, idly
doing nothing. "This is the Acknowledgment Section,"
my angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed
embarrassed. "How is it that there is no work going
on here?" I asked.

"So sad," the angel sighed. "After people receive the
blessings that they asked for, very few send back
acknowledgments."

"How does one acknowledge God's blessings? I asked.

"Simple," the angel answered, "Just say, 'Thank you,
Lord."

"What blessings should they acknowledge?"I asked.

"If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your
back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep you are
richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in the
bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are
among the top 8% of the world's weallthy."

"And if you get this on your own computer, you are part
of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity."

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness...
you are more blessed than many who will not even survive
this day"

"If you have never experienced the fear in battle. the
lonliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the
pangs of starvation. . .you are ahead of 700 million people
in the world."

"If you can attend a church without the fear of harassment,
arrest, torture or death you are envied by, and more blessed
than, three billion people in the world."

"If your parents are still alive and still married . .you are very
rare."

"If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm,-
you're unique to all those in doubt and despair."

"OK. what now? How can I start?"

If you can read this story, you just received a double blessing
in that someone was thinking of you as very special and you
are more blessed than over two billion people in the world
who cannot read.

Have a good day, count your blessings, and if you want, pass it
on to remind everyone else how blessed we all are.

ATTN : Acknowledge Dept. "Thank you Lord, for giving me
the ability to share this message and for giving me so many
wonderful people to share it with."

I thank God for everything, especially my family and friends.
Love and Blessings to you and yours.
<><>

Time for some jokes ~ ~ ~First one sent by my dear friend
Pauline, Jan's sister. Thank you Pauline.

Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how
you should spend the rest of your day. . . . .

There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating
the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses
himself to the shop keeper and the purchase is done.

Now, there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sun-
glasses, how should he express himself?"

Think about it before scrolling down for the answer.....
^

^

^
He opens his mouth and says, "I would like to buy a pair of
Sunglasses." If you got this wrong, please turn off the
computer and call it a day !!
<><>

Two from my friend Warren. Thanks mate.

For several years, a man was having an affair with an
Italian woman. One night she told him she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid
her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy and
secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the
child, he would pay child support until the child reached 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby
was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him
a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then
arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused
wife. "Honey," she said, " you received a very strange post-
card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain later."

The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card,
turned white and fainted.

On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti,
Spaghetti. Spaghetti. Three with meatballs and two without.
Send extra sauce."
<><>

The Miracle of Toilet Paper.
Fresh from my shower, I stood in front of my mirror
complaining to my husband that my breasts were too small.
Instead of romantically telling me this was not true, he
uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you
want your breasts to grow, then take a piece of toilet paper
and rub it between them for a few seconds every day."

Willing to try anything, I got a piece of toilet paper and
stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
:How long will this take?" I asked.
:They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband
replies. I stopped and asked. "Do you really think rubbing
a piece of toilet paper every day will make my breasts larger
over the years?"

Without missing a beat he said, "Worked for your bum, didn't it?"

He's still alive and with a lot of therapy, he may even walk again
although he will probably continue to take his meals through a
straw. Stupid, stupid man.
<><>
Bacon Tree.
Back in the wild west, a westbound wagon train was lost
and very low on food. No other people had been seen for days.

Unexpectedly, they saw an old Jewish man sitting beneath a
tree. The leader rushed up to him and said, "We're lost. Is there
someplace ahead where we can get food?"

"Vell," said the old Jewish man said, "I vould definitely NOT go
over the dat hill. Somevun told me you'll run into a big bacon tree."

"A bacon tree ! ?, asked the leader of the wagon train.
"Yah, yah, ah bacon tree. Trust me, For nuttin vould I lie."
The leader goes back and tells his people what the Jewish man
had told him. "So why did he say not to go there?" asked some
pioneers. "Oh, you know the Jewish folks - they don't eat bacon."

So the wagon train goes up the hill and down the other side. About
an hour later the leader of the wagon train returns to where the
old Jewish man is sitting and enjoying his drink
He was disheveled and wounded. The near dead man starts
shouting, "You fool. You sent us to our deaths. We followed your
instructions , but there was no bacon tree. Just hundreds of
Indians. They killed everyone but me."

The Jewish man holds up his hand and say, "Oy, vait a minute,
vait a minute." He gets out his English-Yiddish dictionary and
begins thumbing through it. "Oh, mine Gott, I made myself a
big mistake. It vuz not a bacon tree. I meant to say it was
a ham bush."
<><>
A couple from my dear friend Patty. Thank you.

A mother of a 17 year old girl was concerned that she was
having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and
adversely impact the family's status, so she consulted the
family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today
were very wilful and any attempt to stop the girl would
probably result in rebellion.

He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on
birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box
of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a
date the woman told her about the situation and handed
her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her
mother, saying : "Oh, Mom, You don't have to worry about
that. I'm dating Susan.!!"
<><>

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to
shake the hand of the preacher. He said, Preacher, I'll tell
you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good."

The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't
use profanity.
The man said, " I was so damned impressed with that sermon
I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate.:

The preacher said, "No s**t?"
<><>

Religious knowledge teacher : "Now, children, I've just decribed
all the pleasures of Heaven. Hands up all those who want to go
there?"

All the children put up their hands except for Debbie.
Teacher : "Debbie, why don't you want to go to Heaven?"

Debbie (tearfully): "I'd like to go, miss, but me Mum said
I had to go straight home after school. "
<><>
The father of a young lawyer thought he would try to
catch his son on a legal point Waiting until the clock struck
one, he asked : "If I were to take a hammer and smash
the clock, could I be arrested for killing time ?"

"Certainly not,: the son replied, "It would be self-defence.
The clock struck first."
<><>
Just a few Mark Twain Quotes ~ ~ ~

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous
he will not bite you. This is the principal difference
between a dog and a man.

Water taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people
think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to
have them and not deserve them.

Time to close this post. Stay well and happy and safe.
Love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 508 ~ ~ Saturday, 13th September, 2008.
<><><>

13 comments:

Bear Naked said...

Thank you Merle for the story about Heaven.
We truly are blessed aren't we?
Have a wonderful weekend.

Bear((( )))

Old Lady Lincoln said...

I'm afraid if someone had given me that advice about toliet paper, he would have gotten it stuck into his mouth. Hope you're having a great week-end. Rainy and humid here, but we need the rain.

Gramma Ann said...

Enjoyed those quotes by Mark Twain. He always knew just how to say something to bring the point home;)

We had 3.5 inches of rain in my area last night and this morning. Right now it is sunny out. But if Ike the hurricane, makes it to Iowa we will probably have some flooding again. I'm hoping it will stay south of us..We'll just have to wait and see.

Have a nice week.

Ann

Puss-in-Boots said...

The story about Heaven made one think, didn't it, Merle? Too often we forget to say thank you.

Mark Twain is wonderful for quotes for anything in life...he sure knows what to say when.

Glad it's warmer down your way, Merle. It was 27 here yesterday...lovely!

Hugs

Mountain Mama said...

Once again you are going into Spring and I am going into Fall. SSpring is my favorite season but somehow I am beginning to like fall too. It's a time of finishing up the garden chores and preparing for a more relaxed season.
I like your story about Heaven.
Take care Merle and enjoy your spring.
Love you

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I loved the T.P. joke that was a new one on me, lol.

Take care,
Janice~

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Thanks, Merle. Di sent you a neat one.

Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

Oh, the images on TV show so much damage from Ike. I feel so very sorry for the people affected by it. And this morning, we are getting the remnants of now tropical storm Ike, with sheets of rain and winds of 45 miles per hour! The trees are just swaying and bending and since my house is in the middle of the woods, it looks scary! It also looks like I will be staying home today, instead of driving to town to go to church. I have a ten mile drive, and I'd better not take the chance.

I am glad you're having a nice spring day there. It is warm here as well, but definitely not nice.

Loved What Happens in Heaven, and I do thank God for everything! And guess what? I passed the IQ test. LOL.
The jokes were funny as always, and had me forget the gusting winds out there. Until the lights just blinked. Yikes! Hope the power stays on. I hope you're having a lovely Sunday, my friend. Take good care now.

Love and blessings,

Renie

daffy said...

Merle, hi! Just sending you some hugs from a wet and gloomy North East of England!
Hugs! xx

linda may said...

G'Day, I passed the test too but I bet Debbie in the other joke, beats me on the final test score!

Ψ said...

love your blog!

Dave said...

Excellent post as usual Merle... I loved the Spaghetti joke! *LOL*

audrey` said...

Thank you Lord for His abundant grace, love and mercy in our lives =)