Post 536 ~~~ Friday, 21st November, 2008.
Hello again My Friends ~~ We are expecting a storm tonight with rain which is great, although floods are expected in some areas of the state. And in
Queensland, they have had severe storms and flooding which appear to be the worst floods for many years. Happily, none of my relatives are affected.
I hope all is well at your place and you are all enjoying your lives to the best of your abilities. Things here are going well, with the exception of my printer which currently won't work. It was going well until recently. I will sort it out
I hope. I tried turning it off at the power point overnight with no change.
My dear granddaughter, Kate who was in the three generation photo that Peter took, turned Twenty-one yesterday. I hope that your day was a really
wonderful one Kate, if you happen to be reading. I love you Kate.
Tonight's first article is called "The River Runs." Author Unknown.
The river of my life runs strong and deep, but throughout it's course,
It has taken on many colors and hues.
The river runs pink when I was born. I was small, wrinkled and pink.
The river runs orange for the happiest and brightest times of my life.
The river runs green for the times I was sick or needed to be nursed.
The river runs yellow all the times I was scared, not wanting to be alone.
The river runs yellow, so many times I cringed and cowered at your touch.
The river runs blue since the time a coldness has entered my soul.
The river runs red for the anger that courses through my being.
The river runs black, hatred for you who betrayed my trust.
The river runs . . . The river runs a rainbow.
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two, shiny silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady strolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady strolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular
numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light up in reverse order. Finally the walls opened again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son,
"Go get your mother."
On their honeymoon the new husband told his bride, "I have a confession that
I should have made before, but I was concerned that it might affect our relationship." "What is it?" she asked. "I'm a golfer," he said.
"What's the big deal about that?" she asked.
He replied, "When I say I'm a golfer, I mean that I'll be on the course Saturday, Sunday, Wednesday afternoon, and any holidays. If it comes to a choice between your wishes and golf . . . . golf wins."
She pondered for a moment and said, "I thank you for your honesty. In the same spirit of honesty, I should tell you that I've concealed something about my own past that you should know about. I'm a hooker."
"No problem," was his response, "just widen your stance a little and overlap your grip and that should clear right up."
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other woman replied, "Yes I am. I married the wrong man."
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. Man: "Hello."
Woman: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" Man: "Yes."
Woman: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
Man: "Sure, go ahead, if you like it that much."
Woman: "I also stopped at the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005
models. I saw one I really liked." Man: "How much?" Woman: $60,000."
Man : :OK, but for that price I want it with all the options,"
Woman: "Great. Oh and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
Man: "Well then go ahead and give them an offer - but just an offer mind you
Woman: "OK. I'll see you later and I love you."
Man: "Bye darl, I love you too."
The man hangs up, and the other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he asks, "Does anyone know who this mobile belongs to?"
A man was sitting on a bus looking ashamed. The man next to him noticed and asked what the matter was. He said that when he went to buy the bus ticket, the woman serving him had the most unbelievable breasts, so he got flustered and asked for two tickets to Tittsburgh instead of Pittsburgh.
The man net to him laughed and said, "Don't worry about that. We all make
Freudian slips. This morning I was having breakfast with my wife and I meant to say, "Pass the sugar," but I accidently said, "You stupid woman, you've ruined my life."
Q. Why is Turtle Wax so expensive?
A. Because turtles have very tiny ears.
Q. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment.
Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night.
A. A widow.
A couple of quotes from Mark Twain.
I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington.
He could not lie. I can, but I won't.
Post 536 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 21st November, 2008.