Post 535 ~ ~ ~ Wednesday, 19th November, 2008.
Hello again my Friends ~~ I hope that all is well with you and your loved ones. I am fine, and having lots of people call in and prevent me getting to this earlier. It is just after 6 pm so that is earlier than usual, so hopefully, there will be less typos. And going to sleep on the job!!!
Yesterday, I had a new roof put over my front porch as the old one was brittle and had some holes in it. So it looks much brighter out there now. It took
two men to remove the old sheets and replace the new ones. My son Geoff was going to do it for me but he doesn't have much time on his visits.
We have two more birthday girls this week. Tomorrow on the 20th, Lee Ann
from Pear Tree Cottage has her birthday. I hope you have a wonderful day
Lee Ann. Then on Friday on the 21st is the birthday of my good friend
Linda May, so I hope you have a lovely day also Linda. A very Happy Birthday to you both.
The first item tonight was sent to me by my sister-in-law, Jacqui, who used to blog at Bears Galore, but doesn't any more. Thanks Jacqui for this nice one. It is called "Why Women Cry."
A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman,"
she told him. "I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."
Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?" "All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.
The little boy grew up and became a man still wondering why women cry.
Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God
why do woman cry so easily?"
God said, "When I made the woman she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world. yet gentle enough to give comfort. I gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.
I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining. I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances even when her child has hurt her very badly.
I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her
from his rib to protect his heart. I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.
And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.
"You see, my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart -- the place where love resides."
Time for some jokes ~ ~ ~
Men know . . . .that Mother Nature's best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman.
Men know. . . .that PMS is Mother Nature's way of telling you to get out of the house.
Men know . . . .that if she looks like your mother, run.
Men know . . . .that there are at least three sides to every story. His, hers and the truth.
Men know . . . .never to run away from a fight that you know you can win.
Men know. . how to change the toilet paper, but to do so would ruin the game.
Men know . . . .exactly how much gas is left in the tank and how far it will get them.
Men know . . . that from time to time, it is absolutely necessary to adjust one-self.
Men know . . .that a woman will wear a low-cut dress and expect the man to stare at her cleavage. Men also know that the woman will get ticked off when they do, for reasons not totally clear to them.
Men know . . . that there is no such thing as a sure thing, unless her name is Bambi.
Men know. . . that it's never a good idea to tell your father-in-law how good his daughter is in bed.
Men know . . .that men are from here, and women are from way the hell over there.
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye . . . It reads . . .
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION. . . 10 km.
He thinks it is a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon he sees another sign, which says . . .
SISTER OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION . . . 5 km.
Suddenly, he begins to realise that these signs are for real . . . Then he drives past a third sign saying: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - - NEXT RIGHT.
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone buiding with a small sign next to the door reading : SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?"
He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing some business."
"Very well, my son. Please follow me."
He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."
He does as he is told and another nun in a long black habit holding a tin cup.
The nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway."
He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the cup. He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through, out the door, pulling it shut behind him.
As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing yet another small sign : GO IN PEACE. YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED
BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS. SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER !!
There was a man who had worked hard all his life and had saved all his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife."
So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that When he died, she would put all the money in his casket. Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend.
When the ceremony was over, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Just a minute. She had a shoe box with her, she came over and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers closed the casket and rolled it away.
Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket." She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I promised him I was going to put that money in the casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in with him?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it in my account and I wrote him a cheque."
Q What is a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q What's the difference between a nine month pregnant woman and a super-model?
A Nothing(if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.)
Usually the staff of the company plays Football.
The middle level managers are more interested in Tennis.
The top management usually has a preference for Golf.
Finding : As you go up the corporate ladder, the balls reduce in size.
When the waitress in a New York restauranr brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. "Good Heavens, what is this?"
"Why, it's bean soup," she replied.
"I don't care what it has been," he sputtered, "What is it now?"
Enough for this post - -I hope something amused you. Take good care, dear
friends and be kind to each other. Love and Best wishes to you all.
Post 535 ~ ~ ~ Wednesday, 19th November, 2008.