Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Big Difference.

Post 542 ~ ~ Wednesday, 3rd December, 2008.

Hello Everyone ~~ How are things at your part of the world. All going well, I hope. I am fine and not getting to this too early. I went out today and had my hair cut, and this afternoon had three callers. All enjoyed a sit in my new chairs. I am behind with replies, but should get them done tomorrow. Thank you for them, I do appreciate you taking the time and effort.

Tonight's story is a very short one, called "Big Difference." Hope you enjoy it.

The Boss drives his men, The Leader inspires them...

The Boss depends on authority, The Leader depends on goodwill...

The Boss evokes fear; The Leader radiates love. . .

The Boss says "I"; The Leader says "We" . . .

The Boss shows who is wrong; The Leader shows what is wrong. . .

The Boss knows how it is done; The Leader knows how to do it . . .

The Boss demands respect; The Leader commands respect. . .

Author Unknown.
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Children of Israel.

At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period.

"Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's something I can't figure out." "What's that Joey?"

"Well according to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea. Right?" "Right."

"And the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"
"Er- right."

"And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"
"Again, you're right."

"And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the Children of Israel fought the Romans, and the Children of Israel were always doing something important. Right?"

"All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So what is your question?"

"What I wanna know is this, demanded Joey. "What were all the grown-ups doing?"
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My friend, Lorraine sent me this one, which I thought was a good one

Message to the Australian Pensioners.

The federal government is sending each and every one a nice Christmas BONUS to help the economy.

If we spend that money at K-Mart, the money will go to China.

If we spend it on petrol, it will go to the Arabs.

If we purchase a computer, it will go to Taiwan.

If we purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras,
and Guatemala.

If we buy a good car it will go to Japan.

If we purchase useless crap it will go to Korea and none of it will help the Australian economy.

The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on beer
and booze,since these are the only products still produced in
Australia.

Thank you for your help, Kevin Rudd, PM and Wayne Swan, Treasurer
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Some creative Comeback Lines for use at the Office. From the Paper.

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificent.

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me

You're just jealous beccause the little voices just talk to ME.

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

I'll try being nicer, if you try being smarter.
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What Women said ~~ also from the paper.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb and I also know I'm not blonde. ~ ~ Dolly Parton.

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumbe guy. ~ ~ ~ Erica Jong.

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of them told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.~ ~ Rita Rudner.

Never lend your car to anyone you gave birth to. ~ ~ Erma Bombeck.

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. ~ ~ Rita Rudner.
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New Age Dictionary. The local paper is having a good run tonight.

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

CANNIBAL : Someone who is fed up with people.

HANDKERCHIEF : Cold Storage.

CHICKENS : The only animal you can eat before they are born and after they are dead.

EGOTIST : Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP : A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

MYTH : A female moth.

MOSQUITO : An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN : Grape with sunburn.

SECRET : Something you tell one person at a time.

SKELETON : A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE : The paon that drives you to extraction.

YAWN :An honest opinion openly expressed.

DUST : Mud with the juice sqeezed out.
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I will leave this for tonight. I hope something made you smile.
Take great care of yourselves and each other. My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 542 ~ ~ ~ Wednesday, 3rd December, 2008.
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14 comments:

Pearl said...

An afternoon in a gazeebo sounds wonderful. It is quite chilly here. We just had a small amount of snow.
Take good care of yourself.
Hugs,
Pearl

Beth65 said...

Loved your funnies, thanks much.

Gramma Ann said...

Hello Merle,

Well, I won't be setting in a Gazebo today at my house. We are expected to get between 3-6 inches of snow today. The temp. is around 27 degrees F. But, it feels good to know you are enjoying your warm summer weather, kind of makes me feel warmer.

You had so many funnies to chuckle over today, but I did like the quote by "Dolly Parton" she is a smart lady.

Nice hearing what a fun time you had with your friends on the gazebo. It is always wonderful to enjoy new things with friends, isn't it?

Well, Merle, you have a nice rest of the week and think of me here curled up in my nice warm afghan, reading a good book. ;)

Winifred said...

Yes enjoy that lovely weather in your new gazebo.

We're expecting a blizzard tonight but I'll have a lie in tomorrow and maybe do some sewing!

Take care

Jim said...

Hi Merle -- In a small business the boss drives (the pickup truck) and the leader sits on the passenger side beside the dog. The workers all ride in the back of the truck.
I liked your blonde from Monday who took the money and ran.
..

Jim said...

Merle, I have an award for you today on my blog. I think you will like it. I hope it is Okay with you.
..

JunieRose2005 said...

:) Those were all very
funny!


The Egotist was my favorite!
(Someone ME-DEEP in conversation.) ;)

Sounds like you are doing fine these days! That's good!


June

Squirrel said...

Dear Merle,

Thanks for all the humor! I too thought the children of Israel were little kids when I was a little.

also like the definitions.

xxx ooo have a great day!

Jeanette said...

Gday Dear Merle, The weather is perfect for you to sit and enjoy your Gazebo, made better by adding a few visitors for company.
Great jokes and sayings I like this one. DUST : Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Take care Merle, im off to bed got the girls here tonight,and have to get Rylie and Maddi off to school in the morning.. Love Janxxxx

Gramma Ann said...

G'day Merle,

Please stop by my blog: http://annsquotesandthings.blogspot.com/ for a well-deserved award. Thank you.

Ann

Christina said...

LOL @ CHILDREN OF ISRAEL! THE DEFINITIONS MADE ME SMILE TOO.

Puss-in-Boots said...

"What were the adults doing?" That's so funny. Your paper did well with all those funnies...did they run out of news? Lol!

Keep cool. Hugs.

audrey` said...

I had my haircut too =)
It's cooler now.

Rosezilla said...

You're really on a roll today, these were great!