Post 541 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 1st December, 2008.
Hello Everyone ~~ How are things in your neck of the woods? All OK here and I have had
some time sitting on my new chairs. The table had 2 large stickers on it and it took me ages to get them off and then wash the table. I am enjoying it and so far have not had any birds leaving little deposits as I feared they might. I feed them wild bird seed about 4 times a day so maybe if I treat them right, they will return the favour.
Thank you for all the comments and I will get to you all. Tonight I have a short poem called "Success." Author Unknown. I hope you enjoy it.
Success is speaking words of praise,
In cheering other people's ways.
In doing just the best you can,
With every task and every plan.
It's silence when your speech would hurt,
Politeness when your neighbor is curt.
It's deafness when the scandal flows,
And sympathy with other's woes.
It's loyalty when duty calls,
It's courage when disaster falls.
It's patience when the hours are long,
It's found in laughter and in song.
It's in the silent time of prayer,
In happiness and in despair.
In all of life and nothing less,
We find the thing we call success.
Some Holiday Eating Tips, from my good friend Patty. Thank you.
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they are serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You cannot find it any other time of year. So drink up. Who cares if it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an egg-nog alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one or two for me. It's later than you think. It's Christmas.
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano of your mashed potatoes. Fill with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they are made with skim milk or whole milk. If skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10 pound plate of food and that vat of egg-nog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the centre of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes.If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again
8. Same for pies, Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruit-cake? Granted it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories,, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by :
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to
skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
Have a great holiday season.
And some words of advice from my good friend Nancy. Thank you.
Forget health food. I am at an age where I need all the preservatives
I can get.
If there's no chocolate in heaven, I'm not going.
As you get older, your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
I would be unstoppable. If I could just get started.
Out of estrogen. Next mood swing - - 2 minutes.
The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.
You can't stay young forever. But you can be immature for the rest of your life.
My WILD OATS have turned into prunes and All Bran.
I live in my own little world. But it's OK as they know me here.
If you leave me, can I come too?
Have a fantastic day. There is always something to be thankful for.
For example ~ I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty
thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on baby, Mama needs new clothes."
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down, and squealed,
"YES, YES, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumb founded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered,
"I don't know ~ I thought you were watching."
Moral of this story. Not all Irish are stupid; not all blondes are dumb; but all men are men.
A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the
counter and says, "Hi.. I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffer and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on overseas holiday trips. You'll have to satisfy
her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bullshitting me!"
The Social Worker says, "Yeah, well ...you started it."
What is Santa's favorite pizza?
One tht's deep pan crisp and even.
Why is Santa always happy?
Because he knows where all the bad girls live.
What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labelled, "Chickens". "Chickens, eh?" says one guy.
"Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?"
"Heck," said the guy with the bag, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them."
"Hey, I guess there are three in that bag."
That's it for tonight my friends. Enjoy your lives and have a great week. My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.
Post 541 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 1st December, 2008.