Monday, December 08, 2008

Smile.

Post 544 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 8th December, 2008.

Hello Everyone ~~ The start of another week and Christmas getting closer all
the time. I hope all is well at your place, wherever you are in this wonderful world of ours. I am doing OK and got a few jobs done, and went to the Podiatrist today by Taxi. Also did some cooking, some braised steak and vegetables. Nice for a change. I did the steak in the crockpot or slow cooker
and put a can of tomato soup and some onions with it. It was tasty.

I read a nice verse today called "Smile." Simple and nice.
Smile.

A smile changed my life today
A simple gesture, in the sweetest way
I was feeling kind of down
But a smile wiped away my frown.
I never thought a simple thing
Could change the whole way that
I think I saw the joy in that person's face
It was like God just showed me his grace.
You never know what a small thing can do
So I'll never frown again, how about you? Author Unknown.
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Nine Words That Women Use. My friend Vicki sent this one,Thanks.

1. FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. FIVE MINUTES: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. NOTHING: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with Nothing usually end up in Fine.

4. GO AHEAD: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It.

5. LOUD SIGH: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to No.3 for the meaning of Nothing.)

6. THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's Okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake,

7. THANKS: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint.
Just say "You're Welcome." (I want to add in a clause here -This is
true, unless she says, "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "You're welcome." That will
bring on a "whatever.")

8. WHATEVER: Is a woman's way of saying F-- You.

9. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, I GOT IT: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to No. 3.
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Teresa Inside the Gates.

Mother Teresa died and went to heaven. God greeted her at the Pearly Gates, "Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asked God.
"I could eat," Mother Teresa replied.

So God opened a can of tuna and reached for a chunk of rye bread and they began to share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looked down into Hell and saw the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, and pastries.
Curious, but deeply trusting, she remained quiet.

The next day God again invited her to join him for a meal. Again, it was tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa could see the denizens of Hell enjoying lamb, turkey, venison, and delicious desserts. Still she said nothing.

The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. She couldn't contain herself any longer. Meekly, she asked,
"God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. BUt here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don't understand it . . . ."

God sighed, "Let's be honest Teresa," He said, ". . . . for just two people, it doesn't pay to cook."
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A husband and wife were moving from Illinois to Florida. The husband left 5 days earlier. He sent an e-mail to her when he got to their new home. He accidently typed in the wrong address, and it was sent to an elderly woman whose husband had just died, The message read:

"Dear my love, I've just arrived at my destination. Plans are made for your arrival tomorrow. Love, Your Husband.

P.S. It sure is warm down her."
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He will shut up once you let him in.
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A blonde walks into a department store and was interested in an item on display, and she asks the shop assistant what it was.
The assistant said it was a Thermos. The blonde asks what it was for. The shop assistant explained to her that it keeps hot food hot, and cold foods cold. The blonde was so impressed with it, she bought one

The next day, she goes off to work with the thermos proudly tucked under her arm. When she arrives at work, her boss, also blonde, inquires about the gadget. The blonde tells her it is a thermos and explains it's functions..

Her boss being interested, asks what she has in it. The blonde replies,
" 2 cups of tea and an ice block."
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A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from the trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times ten." "That's OK," said the woman.
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her that this would make her husband the most handsome man in the world. "That's OK, because I will be the
most beautiful woman in the world and he will only have eyes for me." So KAZAM- she's the most beautiful woman in the world.

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man world. And he will be ten times richer than you. The woman said "That's OK, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So KAZAM - she's the richest woman in the world.

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered,
"I'd like to have a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story to Women: Women are clever. Don't mess with them. The man had a heart attack ten times milder than the wife.

Moral of the story for Men: Women are really dumb but think they're smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.
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A man lives with his elderly mother and a cat and he loves them dearly, but he wanted to go on a holiday, so he needed someone to look after them. He asked his friend. "Sure," says his friend.

So the man went on holiday and as soon as he got there he rang up to see if his cat was alright. "How is my cat?"

"Well, actually," the friend explained, "she's dead,"
"How did that happen?" asked the man.
"Well, she was playing on the roof and she fell."

"Oh, that's horrible . . . ." he said. "Well, how is my mother?"
"Well, she was on the roof playing with a ball of string as well."
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Time to say Goodnight, my friends. Look after each other and share some smiles to brighten someone'a day. Love and best wishes to you
all. Have a really good week. Cheers, Merle.

Post 544 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 8th December, 2008.
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16 comments:

Jack K. said...

Thanks for the smile.

I've read some of the jokes before.

I only hope I am smart enough to NEVER try to outsmart a woman. Oops. Maryann is calling. Gotta run.

Great jokes.

Thanks for a fun way for me to start my day.

Dave said...

*LOL* Great post Merle!!!!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I'm smiling, Merle.

Have a joyful summer Down Under!

Gramma Ann said...

Oh! Merle, there you go again making me chuckle.

We are expecting a snow storm today, it is to start this afternoon and end tomorrow (Tuesday) afternoon. I'm hoping it will miss us. I can hope, can't I?

Have a nice week and enjoy your warm summer weather.

Winifred said...

Thanks for the laughs.

Hope you are enjoying your summer now.

Old Lady Lincoln said...

Dear Merle, I was just reading the nine words that women use, I've seen it before, but just had to laugh out loud when I was reading number 8. I just could never see you saying or even thinking that. LOL But if you're like me, there have been a few occasions when I have felt like saying it or using it.

Abe's check up with the lung doctor went great today. They removed three stitches that were in his side where the chest tube had been. Only thing we could figure was in the emergency room, they made the incision too large when they put in the chest tube so they had to sew it shut a little. Next week he'll be seeing the heart doctor and perhaps the kidney doctor. He has an ultra sound of the kidney this Wednesday. Well have to move on, time to get myself ready for bed and hopefully find a good movie on TV. I like to put my nightclothes on early and watch some TV. Sleep well my friend. I sure did last night, hope I do again tonight. Love, Patty

Jim said...

Well, Merle, that last one with the Mom playing on the roof witht the cat reminded me to ask you a question. Do they play "Grandma got run over by a reindeer" on your radio stations?
The U.S. blonde put ice tea and hot soup in her Thermos. :-)
..

Puss-in-Boots said...

Ha! Good jokes, Merle. Your mention of going to the podiatrist reminded me to make an appointment. Thanks for that!

Have a cool day. Hugs.

Jeanette said...

Gday Dear Merle.. OHH you braised Steak sounds so yummy I havent tryed it with Tomato soup but rest assred ill will be trying it out next time i make it I use french onion and bake it in oven... had quiet a laugh tonight at the jokes, and loved your stating verse "Smile"
keep well Merle im off to bed been a long day had to be on the bus for pennant by 7.45...love Janxxxx

Joy Des Jardins said...

Your braised steak and vegetables sounds very good Merle...and I know it was. I can almost smell it from here.

Christmas is fast approaching and I've been steadily working at getting ready for everyone coming in soon. I feel pretty organized....taking my time cleaning things on my "to-do" list...but it's all getting done. I'm starting to get excited to see my kids and grandkids. We've got a lot of fun things planned. I'm definitely going to need to remember to take my vitamins just to keep up. Happy Holidays to you my dear friend....much love and happiness to you and your family....Love, Joy

Bob story said...

Hi Merle, Another great post, I particularly like the nine words one, I will use that, keep well.

Deborah Wilson said...

lol - I like the #1, #3, and number #8 although I think #8 could also mean that someone just made a ridiculous, nonsensical, idiotic statement'.

#1 - go no further.

#3 - you're in the doghouse.

Squirrel said...

Thanks for the smiles and laughs Merle!

Cheers !

Christina said...

Good jokes, LOL at nine words women use. Your steak sounds yummy!

Rinkly Rimes said...

Thank you to all the people who send you such good jokes!

audrey` said...

Smile =) and more smiles =))) to you, Merle (((HUGS)))