Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Dark Candle.

Post 565 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 17th January, 2009.

Hello my friends ~~ I hope all is well at your place, as it is here except that we are having the worst
heatwave for 100 years. We have 4 or 5 days of 40C up to 43 C. Forty C is 104 F and 43 is 109.4.
So it is not fit for man or beast out of doors. I raced some laundry out and rushed it in shortly after.
My Home Care Lady came this morning so we are tidy again for awhile. Nice clean sheets on my bed
but it seems the nights are going to be horrendous also up to 30C - -86F overnight. Enough said.

I would like to wish my dear friend Pearl, from Connie and Rob a very Happy Birthday for
the 29th. I hope you have a wonderful day. She has a private blog, but you can wish her
Happy Birthday here if you wish.


My dear friend Patty has given me the lovely Friendship award. Thank you Patty, it is lovely and so are the many friendships I have made through blogging. And you are a very special one of those friends.

The rules for the Friendship Award are simple : ~ ~
Copy the badge and put it on your blog.
Link back to the one who passed it on to you.
Spread this award to at least 4 bloggers who you are friends with.

Since this is a friendship award, I would like to pass this on to the following ~ ~ ~

1. Margaret Cloud

2. Lady Di

3 Robyn

4. Jeanette

5. Bob aka Dreadnought

6. Nancy

All these friends have great blogs with very interesting posts, with stories and photos to
share with us all.

My story tonight is called "The Dark Candle." The author is unknown. Hope you enjoy.

A man had a little daughter ~ ~ an only and much beloved child. He lived for her - - she
was his life. So when she became ill and her illness resisted the efforts of the best obtainable physicans, he became like a man possessed, moving heaven and earth to bring about her restoration to health. His best efforts proved unavailing and the child died.

The father was totally irreconcilable. He became a bitter recluse, shutting himself away from his many friends and refusing every activity that might restore his poise and bring him back to his normal self. But one night he had a dream. He was in Heaven, and was witnessing a grand pageant of all the little child angels. They were marching in an apparently endless line past the Great White Throne.

Every white-robed angelic child carried a candle. He noticed that one child's candle was not lighted. Then he saw that the child with the dark candle was his own little girl. Rushing to her, while the pageant faltered, he seized her in his arms, caressed her tenderly, and then asked : "How is it, darling that your candle alone is unlighted?" "Father, they often re-light it, but your tears always put it out." Just then he awoke from his dream.

The lesson was crystal clear, and its effects were immediate. From that hour on he was not a recluse, but mingled freely and cheerfully with his former friends and associates.

"For You have delivered my soul from death. Have you not kept my feet from falling? That I may walk before God in the LIGHT of the living." (Psalms 56:13 NKJ)
Jesus Loves You.
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Thank you dear Patty for "The Golfer and the Devil."

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes.
"Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to himself.

Just then a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, "Would you be willing to give up
one fourth of your sex life?"

Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen, so he says, "Sure" and sinks the putt.

Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, "Gee, I sure would like to get an eagle on this one." The same stranger is at his side again and whispers, "Would it be worth giving up another fourth of your sex life?"

Shrugging, the golfer replies, " Okay." And he makes an eagle.

On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win. Without waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side and says, "Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your sex life?"

"Definitely," the golfer replies and makes the eagle.

As the golfer is walking to the club house, the stranger walks alongside him and says, "I
haven't really been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil, and from this day forward you will have no sex life."

"Nice to meet you," the golfer replies, "I'm Father O'Malley."
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One from my friend Nancy. Thank you, my friend.

The radio announcer said, " We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street so the snowploughs can get through. Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are having breakfast again, the radio announcer says, "We are
expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snow ploughs can get through."
Norman's wife goes out again and moves her car.

The next week they are again having breakfast when the radio announcer says, "We are
expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park . . ." Then the power went out.

Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face, she says, .."Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I park on so the snowploughs can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to Blondes exhibit, Norman says,.."Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time.?"
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Some Consumer Warnings, again from Patty. Thank you my friend.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed by stupidity, here are some actual label instructions found on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner. No purchase necessary. Details inside. Maybe a
shoplifter special?

On a bar of Dial soap: Use like regular soap.

On a Swanson frozen dinner" Serving suggestion" Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion.)

On Tesco's tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom of box): Do not turn upside down.

On Marks & Spencer bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging for a Rowena iron: Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boot's children's cough medicine" Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness.

On most brands of Christmas lights:For indoor or outdoor use only.(As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts : Warning: contains nuts.

On an American Airlines packet of peanuts: Instructions, open packet, eat nuts.

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

On a Swedish chain saw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
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A husband is at home watching a football match when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now."

He looks at her and angrily says. "Fix the lights now? Does it look like I have electrician
written on my forehead? I don't think so.

"Fine," " then the wife asks, "Could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right."

To which, he replies, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have whirlpool written on my forehead. I don't think so."

"Fine," she says, "then could you at least fix the steps at the front door? They are about to break."

"I'm not a carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps." he says. "Does it look like I have
home depot written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you, I'm going to the bar."

So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours . . .he starts to feel guilty for the way he treated his wife and decides to go home. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house , he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to the fridge for a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.

"Honey how did you get all this fixed?"

She said, "Well after you left I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, so I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was go to bed with him or bake a cake."

He said, "So what kind of cake did you bake?"

She replied, "Hellooo...do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead? I don't think so"
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A man got home from work one day to find his phone ringing. He answered it and said,
"Who is speaking, please?"
The voice said, "You are."
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Enough for tonight my friends. Take great care and be kind to each other.
Do you realize that January is almost gone, and it's only 11 minths intil Christmas.
My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 565 ~ ~ Tuesday, 27th January, 2009.
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17 comments:

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hello Merle. Thank you so much for the friendship award. You, too, are a very dear friend.

Love the jokes, especially the devil and the golfer.

Now, you're not supposed to say things like it's only 11 months til Christmas...I'm still reeling from the one before last...heheh.

Keep cool, I hope you have aircon. It's cooled down a bit here and I actually didn't need the aircon on today...lovely.

Hugs.

Nancy said...

Thank you so much for the Friendship Award, Merle! You are just the sweetest lady around!!! I still have that other award you passed to me a few weeks ago to acknowledge on my blog yet, and I will do that soon. Just have been laid up with bursitis in one knee and now I have phlebitis in the other leg! Can't win! LOL But trying to catch up a little each day.

Loved the joke about the priest and the golfing!!! LOL You sure get some good ones to post!!! The one about the little angel and her candle was so touching.

That really IS hot there!!! Here we are all waiting for that summer heat to arrive! LOL Is it humid there, too? Here, it's that humidity that kills us. Hope you are staying cool. Stay inside and blog is a good way to beat the heat!

((( HUGS )))

linda may said...

G'Day Merle,
I hope the heat is not knocking you around too much.
I had a lovely read through your blog tonight, back to where I last visited you. Thank you for sharing with me.
The school holiday cleaning has been pretty full on and I have been busy. My work hours are going up to 6 and a half hours each day when school starts back, A.C.T. & N.S.W. so that will be nice in the pay packet. The hrs will also mean I don't get home until late so I will get to have tea out every night He he. Sounds like a good excuse for a diet doesn't it? Nah just joking, I will have to take it with me instead.
I am pleased you enjoy the bits and pieces I send you. Thanks for thinking of me to pass on the noblesse oblige award, I am honored.

Dave said...

Yep, 18 more days till vacation! WHOO HOO!!

Loved the story of the little angel!!! ~S~

Jack K. said...

As usual you have poignant stories and funny stories. I love them all, even those I have read before. It is nice to be reminded.

If you and your faithful readers would like to have a few more light moments, you can always go to FuzzieChadsRule and cast your vote weekly for the cutest critter.

I do it every week. It is a wonderful addiction. chortle.

Margaret Cloud said...

Thank you for the friendship award, I feel honored. Very nice post as always, can you feel me smiling, ha ha., what would we do without you.

Gramma Ann said...

A lovely post today, and the jokes were funny also.

I hope it is not to hot for you, but as you said before you do have aircon to use. I would be lost in the summer without my A/C.

Have a wonderful week.

Ann

PEA said...

Happy Belated Australia Day to you, dear Merle! Goodness, I would absolutely wilt with the high temperatures you're getting over there. I find anything over 25c too hot! lol We are standing at -11c as I type this so at least it's not the -30's we'd been having for a while.

Congratulations on receiving those two well deserved awards, my friend!! I don't know Lady Di or Bob but I do know the rest and I'm so glad you passed on the award to them because they deserve it as well:-)

Loved the Dark Candle story, it really makes you realize that grief is not something we should hang on to. I laughed so much at the Golfer and the Devil story, too cute! lol You always find delightful jokes to post:-)

Take care dear Merle. xoxo

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

On a Swedish chain saw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. The wouldn't have that warning if someone wasn't stupid enought to actually do it.

I hope you had a happy Australia day.

Janice~

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle.Thank you so much for the lovely award..your a sweetie.. I hope your coping with this heat Ohh my a few very hot days and sleepless nights forecast.. love youe story once again and your jokes.. Ive left an award and tagged you at my place.. Take care dear Merle ive got some of the kids comming for the weekend... Love Janxxxxx

Dreadnought said...

Hi Merle, Thanks for the award, thats very kind of you and I appreciate the thought behind it very much. I will deal with it at the weekend if thats okay with you as thats when I have time to burn. Have a nice day and stay cool if you can, Bob.

Pearl said...

Dear Merle,
You are just the sweetest person to mention my birthday. It is funny how the years roll on and people just don't make a fuss about birthdays any more.
I am really going to miss my call from my dad this year. I know mom and dad will be with me in my heart.

Hope you get some relief from that terrible heat very soon. It can really drain your energy.

Take good care of yourself.
Sending you hugs,
Pearl

Old Lady Lincoln said...

The man, his daughter and her candle was very nice. Loved the joke about the man saying, he didn't have electrician, depot or whirlpool written on his forehead and she said she didn't have Betty Crocker written on hers.. That is funny. I'm still chuckling.

Joy Des Jardins said...

I can't believe I'm telling you to stay cool Merle when we just got some more snow here today and it was 13 degrees this morning. But we all have our weather woes don't we? Our snow wasn't very much...and it was pretty soft and fluffy stuff. Please take care of yourself my sweet friend in those sweltering conditions....thinking of you.....Much love, Joy

Jim said...

Hi Merle, I hope today is a little cooler for you. And I am hoping you have a nice air conditioner. It sounds rather warm right now. Do you think it is global warming? We got up to 81F yesterday but today cooled off. The rest of the week will be in the 50s and 60s with 40s today.

Thank you for the heads up on the blonde joke. I like blonde jokes and blondes (female ones!).

Do you know who it was, a movie star, and in what movie the old fellow in Alaska came in from the cold and announced that it wasn't "fit for man (n)or beast out" there? For the life of me I can't remember.
..

Susie said...

Dear Merle,
I'm finally starting to have a bit more time to visit. I've truly missed your jokes and inspirational stories. The one today "Dark Candle" is a perfect example of the great ones you share.
It sounds as though you are about to melt from all that heat. We have sunshine here in CA, but none of the rain we so desperately need..
Hope you can stay cool and comfortable despite the weather!
xoxo

audrey` said...

"The Dark Candle" is so touching. Take care, my dear friend Merle =)