Monday, January 19, 2009

The Right Place.

Post 560 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 19th January, 2009.

Hello my friends ~~ My little birthday book tells me we have another blogger having a birthday tomorrow, 20th January. Please pop over and wish my dear friend Robyn a
very Happy Birthday. I hope you have a great day Robyn, watch the blood pressure!!

I hope all is well with you all and the weather is bearable. I am OK and it has been very hot,
but tomorrow is expected to be 41 C which is near 106 F. My shopping day, but we have air-conditioning in the shops and the car we travel in. So I will probably survive!!

My story tonight is called "The Right Place." and the Author is Unknown.

God has a way of allowing us to be in the right place at the right time.
I was walking down a dimly lit street one evening when I heard muffled screams coming
from behind a clump of bushes. Alarmed, I slowed down to listen and panicked when I realized that what I was hearing were the unmistakable sounds of a struggle: heavy
grunting, frantic scuffling and tearing of fabric.

Only yards from where I stood, a woman was being attacked. Should I get involved?
I was frightened for my own safety and cursed myself for having suddenly decided to take a new route home that night. What if I became another statistic? Shouldn't I just run to the nearest phone and call the police?

Although it seemed like an eternity, the deliberations in my head had taken only seconds, but already the cries were growing weaker. I knew I had to act fast. How could I walk away from this? No, I finally resolved, I could not turn my back on the fate of this unknown woman, even if it meant risking my own life. I am not a brave man, nor am I athletic. I don't know where I found the moral courage and the physical strength --- but
once I had finally resolved to help the girl I became strangely transformed. I ran behind the
bushes and pulled the assailant off the woman.

Grappling, we fell to the ground, where we wrestled for a few minutes until the attacker
jumped up and escaped. Panting hard, I scrambled upright and approached the girl, who was crouched behind a tree, sobbing. In the darkness, I could barely see her outline, but I could certainly sense her trembling shock.

Not wanting to frighten her further, I at first spoke to her from a distance. "It's OK." I said soothingly. "The man ran away. You are safe now." There was a long pause and then I heard the words uttered in wonder and amazement, "Dad, is that you?" And then, from behind a tree, stepped my youngest daughter, Katherine.

Do all the good you can, In all ways that you can, In all places that you can, At all times you can. To all the people you can. For as long as you can.
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Now to wipe my tears, and find some jokes ~ ~ ~

A True Friend. I received this from a friend to whom I had sent one of those pleasant friendship/ angel messages. You know the kind that promise certain benefits in a short period of time.

A True Friend is a work of heart.
To all my friends and relatives who have sent me best 'wishes', chain letters, angel letters
or other promises of good luck.

NONE OF THAT S**T WORKED !!

Could you please just send cash, vodka, chocolate, Italian food, wine or airline tickets
instead. Thank you.
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This one is a true story . . . heard on a Wisconsin radio Station, reporting the incident and
was sent to me by my dear friend Nancy. Thank you very much.

A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500.00 (with monthly payments of $560.00)

He and a friend go duck hunting in Upper Wisconsin. It's mid winter . . . and of course, all the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the ice with their GUNS, a DOG ... and of course the new NAVIGATOR. They decide they want to make a natural looking open water
area for the ducks to focus on . . .something for the decoys to float on.

Now making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck, is going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can produce.

So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40 second fuse. Now our two Rocket Scientists, afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the fuse ( and become toast , along with the Navigator)
decide on the following course of action: they light the 40 second fuse; then throw it with a mighty thrust, they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as possible.

Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, the GUNS and the DOG...???

Let's talk about the dog: A hiighly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING; especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it: the dog takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite, with the burning 40 second fuse, just as it hits the ice.

The two men swallow; blink; start waving their arms; and with veins in their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, holler at the dog to stop. The dog, now apparently cheered
on by his master, keeps coming.

One hunter panics; grabs the shotgun' and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot . . . hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, then continues on. Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomees really confused . . . and of course terrified . . .thinks these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover . . . .UNDER the brand new Navigator.

The men continue to scream as they run. The red hot exhaust pipe on the truck touches the dog's rear end; he yelps; drops the dynamite under the truck and takes off after his master,

Then """""""" BOOM """"""""""

The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake . . . leaving the two idiots standing there with "I can't believe this just happened" looks on their faces.

The insurance company says sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy. And he still had to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments. The dog is OK, doing fine.
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How do you tell if there's an elephant in the fridge?

There are footprints in the butter.
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A crusty old biker named Dave, on a summer ride in the country, walks into a tavern and sees asign hanging over the bar that reads "

CHEESEBURGER : $1.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH : $2.50

HAND JOB : $10.00.

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to the
exceptionally attractive bar-tender serving drinks to a group of farmers.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

"I was wondering," whispers the old biker, "are you the young lady who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes, I am, " she purrs.

The old biker replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
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A Department of Water representative stopped at a ranch and talked with the old rancher.
He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation."

The old rancher said, "OK, but don't go in that field over there."
The Water represeentative said, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government
with me. See this card? The card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any
agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear. Do you understand?"

The old rancher nodded politely and went about his chores. Later the old rancher heard loud screams and saw the Water Rep running for the fence, and close behind was the rancher's bull. The bull was gaining on the Water Rep with every step. The Rep was clearly terrified so the old rancher immediately threw down his tools, and ran to the fence and shouted out: "Your card. Your card. Show him your Card."
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A few quotes to finish with tonight ~ ~

"I must do something" always solves more problems than "Somthing must be done." Anon

With every civil right there has to be a corresponding civil obligation. ~ Edison Haines.

To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. ~ ~ George McDonald.

Honesty pays, but it doesn't pay enough to suit some people ~~ F> M> Hubbard.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom, and for what.
~ ~ ~ Michael Josephson.
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Enough for this post folks. I hope you all have a great week and enjoy your lives.
My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 560 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 10th January, 2009.
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14 comments:

Gledwood said...

Hi Merle!
I did get your meme last time but have to give it some thought first...
Just calling by to say hello really... take it easy ;->...

Joy Des Jardins said...

Hi sweet Merle,

The Right Place post really got to me....so touching and it certainly made me think about my girls. Thank you for posting it Merle.

I hope you are doing well my dear friend. I am fine. Had a great birthday dinner with Jen and Joe. Still pretty snowy, but the below temps have warmed up to the teens and twenties in the last few days. Might get some more snow flurries soon. Take care of yourself Merle....We'll be swearing in a new president tomorrow...very excited and hopeful about that. I'll be watching every minute of it.... Love, Joy

Lady Di Tn said...

What a hoot about the new navigator. Too bad they did not have someone filming to put on u tube.
Thanks again for all the enjoyable reading you give us in blog land. Peace

Beth E. said...

"The Right Place" was an awesome story...it brought tears to my eyes! Of course, I was laughing a moment later as I read your jokes.

Thank you so much, Merle, for always brightening my day! :o)

Old Lady Lincoln said...

Great story about the man helping the woman to find out it's his own daughter. Loved the True Friend and Old Biker jokes. Yes I keep sending out crap that says in 10 mins, or two days or what ever, something good will happen, or you'll get a big surprise. So far NOTHING. LOL.Sometimes I forward something I really like and delete the part about sending on to others for good luck, or send to so many so you won't have bad luck. Let's face it, they just don't work that way. LOL Still very chilly here.

Abe went to see his lung doctor today and doesn't have to go back for six months. So it sounds like he's healing. He sees the eye doctor this month and we both go to the dentist to have our teeth cleaned. Even though I only have 8 left below, it cost the same as if I had all 32 teeth. Just doesn't seem right does it?

Sleep well my friend, have a wonderful Tuesday.

Christina said...

I love the Right place story, and the jokes are great as usual!

Jack K. said...

As usual, your story is right on target.

At this time in our country, doing something is gaining popularity, as is taking responsibility.

Now, where did I put that card? Hmmmm. Snerx.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Merle. Thank you so much for your kind wishes. Yes, the blood pressure is doing very nicely at the moment and I don't wish to rock the boat!

Loved the joke about the two guys on the lake...what a pair of idiots.

Take care and keep cool.

Hugs.

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle, Hope the heat didnt knock you about to much while out shopping..
nice story "the right Place"
Hehehehe, the the biker..

keep the air con going 43c here today.. Im a little tired after .watching the tennis late last night and up at 6am to get ready for bowls this morning.im going to watch a little tennis before I head to bed..that is if I can stay awake..night love Janxxxxx

Dave said...

Great post and jokes, as always Merle!!!

Gramma Ann said...

Hello, Merle,

What a story about the man who ran the attacker off, to find out he saved his own daughter!

But, your jokes put a smile back on my face.

Our weather as warmed up a bit, in the teens and twenty's some days. So much nicer then the deep freeze weather we were having.

Have a nice week and keep that air conditioning running.

Ann

Deborah Wilson said...

Merle,

I can't decide which is worse, 11 degrees or 106 degrees!

Stay cool today - meanwhile, I'm trying to stay warm...:)

Hunters should train their dogs so well...lol

Margaret Cloud said...

Very very good Merle, applaud, applaud. You should write a book and include everything in it. I really laughed at the Lincoln Navigator.

audrey` said...

HaHa! There are so funny jokes =) Thank you for the laughter, Merle.