Saturday, February 07, 2009

How To Stay Young.

Post 570 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 7th February, 2009.

Hello My Friends ~~ We have had the the hottest day ever recorded in Melbourne and in Shepparton.
The temperature got to 46 C which is 114.8 F. Melbourne have got their cool change and ours will be
on the way. I cannot believe that we will have only 32C tomorrow and then 4 days in the 20 s which is somewhere in the 70s F. The shock will probably kill some more of us.

It has also been a horrific day for fires as was expected, very high winds. Many houses burnt and they do not know yet if anyone was in some of them. They are in lots of different places and I watch and listen to the news and worry for the people close to them and especially for the firemen who must be just exhausted. One was badly burnt today and is in hospital, so I pray he will recover.

I sure hope things are better for you. I guess the cold and snow are very hard to take also. A happy
medium would be nice. John is leaving his little dogs with me tomorrow for about a week. He is going on another ride this time up as far as Brisbane, to meet his first granddaughter Chloe who is now 4 months old and hopefully see his daughters, Rachael and Bec. Then he heads back down to Nambucca Heads in NSW for the biker's Far Riders meeting.


He sent me the first joke tonight. An oldie but a goodie. Thanks John.
The Computer Swallowed Grandma.

The computer swallowed Grandma,
Yes, honestly it's true!
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.

It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.

I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.

In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online.'

So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
My Grandma you should see,
Please 'Copy', 'Scan,' and 'Paste' her
And send her back to me.



GO GRANNY GO !!!

My nice article for tonight was sent to me by my friend Embee, from the UK. Hi Chris.
Thank you Mike on the advice "How to Stay Young." The aim of us all !!

1. Try everything twice. On one woman's tombstone she wanted this epitaph:
"Tried everything twice . . . . loved it both times.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (Keep this in mind if you are a grouch.)

3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the
brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop."And the devil's name is Alzheimers.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend
who makes you laugh, spend lots of time with HIM / HER.

6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our
entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love: Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants,
hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond
what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a different country
but NOT where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. I love you my special
friend.

11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second chance.

Share this with someone. Remember! Lost time can never be found.

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
<><>

My dear friend Nancy sent me the next one called Men Strike Back. Thank you Nancy.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me . . . .'

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 %.
It is called Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until . . . . . .
They can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
<><>

My good friend Linda May sent me the '7 Resons not to mess with Children.' Thank you.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically
impossible for a whale to swallow a human because aalthough it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated
that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The little girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her 5 and 6 year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy father and thy mother, she asked
"Is there a Commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill"

One day a little girl was sitting watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some
of your hairs white Mum?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Mummy, how come ALL of Grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. Just think how nice it will be to look at when you are all grown up and say, "There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer. or "There's Michael, He's a doctor.
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "There's teacher, she's dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter
clearer, she said, "Now class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn'r run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and posted it on the apple tray: "Take only ONE . . . God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
<><>

Len and Sam exited and locked their car in a hurry, forgetting to remove the key which was still in the ignition. Realising the mistake, Len said "Why don't we get a coathanger to
open it?" "No, that won't work," Sam said. "People will think we're breaking in."
Then Len suggested, "What is we get a pocket-knife to cut around the rubber and stick a finger in to pull up the lock?"
"No," said Sam, "People will think we 're too dumb to use a coathanger."

"Well," sighed Len, "We'd better think of something fast. It's starting to rain and the sun roof is open."
<><>

That is all folks for this post, must get into the shower AGAIN to cool off. It is 10.30 and still 35 C here, 95 F. I hope your weekend is going way better than mine and hope I haven't missed too many typos. There were 14 deaths to date and they expect more. There is a fire near where we used to live as kids and it brought back some scary memories.
Enjoy your lives and take great care of each other. My love and best wishes to each and every one of you. Cheers, Merle.
<><>
Post 570 ~ ~ ~Saturday, 7th February, 2009.
<><><>

21 comments:

Jeanette said...

gday Dear Merle.. Phewww its been a hot day I just checked the yarrawonga radah it still 37c here oboy a hot night coming up..
the fires are shocking. Donna has friends staying with her and there been told their street has been evacuated and told not to try go home till its safe they live at Eden park an estate near whittlesea. gary lives in doreen South Morang and said its rather scary and the air thick with smoke and Elvis is flying over them...ill ring him tomorrow.. just heard on the news over 100 homes lost and 14 dead 6 in one car..

great jokes Hehehe the computer swallowed Grandma.. take care merle love janxxxx

Old Lady Lincoln said...

Dear Merle, hope you were able to get some sleep with all of that heat. I can't imagine it being that hot at 10:30pm. If only you could bottle a little of it and ship it over here. LOL Love the kids way of thinking. Aren't they great. Really enjoyed the two dummies that locked their keys in the car. Hope you soon get some cooler weather. Also hope the doggies are good for you while they are visiting and hope your son has a safe trip. Love, Patty

Winifred said...

Oh Merle I don't know how you cope with all that heat. Those fires look really terrible too. Glad your heat is going to diminish, 70 sounds gtreat to me but it is a massive drop for you. Take care of yourself.

I loved the dancing grammy and the computer tale. It's mint!

Gattina said...

That must be terrible this heat ! I had 50°C once in Egypt at noon, it was horrible but that was in the sun ! We quickly went back to the hotel !
I can hardly imagine how people get along with this heat especially the once who don't have any aircondition ! This year is a year of records, or too hot or too cold !

Beth E. said...

Merle,
I'm so sorry you are having such terrible heat and fires! I know the cooler temperatures will be welcomed by everyone there. I pray the fires will be brought under control very soon. We are finally warming up here. We are supposed to get temperatures near 60 F. It will only last 2-3 days, then temps will cool down once again.

What do you do to cool down? I remember in a previous post you spoke of getting a fan. You don't have air conditioning?

Please take care of yourself and keep hydrated!

I got a chuckle out of your computer poem. :o)

Blessings...
Beth E.

Gledwood said...

I'm glad you're still in once piece Merle and haven't melted...

Margaret Cloud said...

Nice post again, I loved the ones about the kids, especially the apple and cookie one, you can just picture a couple dumb clucks trying to get in car that has top down. Hope your shower cooled you a little, take care friend.

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
Hopefully it will cool off soon for you. 114 degree is awful hot. yikes. I cannot imagine how those firemen are suffering in the heat. Enjoyed the jokes. Peace

Susie said...

Hi Merle,
It's hard to imagine heat like that!
You must be just miserable. I keep praying for those in the path of those terrible fires.
Loved your jokes, and the advice on how to stay young. We can all use that!
Stay well and cool my friend..
xoxo

Mountain Mama said...

My goodness!! I can't imagine living in such heat!
I am so sorry about the fires too. I have read about them in other blogs and and certanly feel sorry for all who are affected.

We don't have fires like that here in northwestern Washington State USA, but my daughters lived in San Diego California for several years and they do have fires there. I am thankful to God that they are both living here in my town now.

Take care Merle and try to stay cool
God bless you and keep you safe.
Love Hugs & Prayers

Lucy Stern said...

Merle, so sorry to hear that you are experiencing all of that heat...The fires must be terrible, I hope you stay safe...Keep taking those showers.....I love all of your stories, especially the ones about the children...Kids can be so cute.

audrey` said...

Dearest Merle

"How To Stay Young?" attracts my attention ^grin^
Thank you for sharing it with your friends.
(((HUGS)))

Please take very good care of youself in these extreme weather conditions.

megz_mum said...

Hi Merle
Just checking in to see you are OK after all those high temperatures and terrible fires. Thank goodness for the change in the weather, wish we could send you some of our rain

Granny on the Web said...

Thanks for all the giggles.
hope you are keeping cooler. We are shivering in the UK.
Love Granny

raccoonlover1963 said...

Hello dear Merle. I do hope you're not in the vicinity of the fires! How close are you?
Great post as always.
I'm trying to get better at posting and visiting.
Have a great week.
Lisa

Rinkly Rimes said...

It's been hot here in NSW but the UTTER DEVASTATION in your state has been hellish! I've been worrying about you but I don't hear anything about your immediate area.
Brenda

Technonana said...

Merle... I have been thinking about you and your beautiful country since I first heard about the fires... please tell me that this is not close to you!!!
I am so sorry that it has been swelteringly hot in your part of the world.
It has been very cold here for about 3wks. But yesterday and today, we were in the 60sF.
I'm sure the heat is not good with all the fires!!
Praying for you and all of your countrymen!!
I may borrow "the computer ate grandma" if you don't mind!! It's just too cute!!
Love,
Sharon

linda may said...

Omg Merle! Beechworth isn't that far away from Shep, from memory the wind does not go in your direction from there does it? Are you on the edge of town or in it.
Keep cool and safe. Cooler today isn't it, Thank God. I hope it helps.

Puss-in-Boots said...

I hope you're nowhere near the fires, Merle, nor any of your family or friends. The heat must be absolutely dreadful and now there's smoke to add to that. God willing it rains very soon.

Do take care, Merle. Hugs.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Now that is HOT!

All of Australia remain in my prayers.

Hootin' Anni said...

Hi Merle...
Thank you so much for leaving the birthday wishes on my comments today.

I've been watching your country's floods and wildfires and hoping that you are out of harm's way. It's been so hot for you all down there...I do hope there is some relief soon.