Post 583 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 13th March, 2009.
Hello My Friends ~~ It is with a sad heart that I am posting tonight. One of my dear friends passed away yesterday. She was Jeanette's dearest friend, Gwen who blogged
at Gwen's Den, although she hasn't done too much lately, owing to ill-health. She will be very sadly missed by many of us. See Jeanette's post for more details.
I have posted a few photos of Gwen, who was a very fun loving lady as you will see.
This is four bloggers together at my place. Merle, Jeanette, Gwen and Connie/aka Meow.
Here Gwen and Jeanette's sister Pauline are fighting over a piece of bubble wrap, having fun.
Here dear Gwen gave me a fluffy soft toy duck and a hug. R.I.P. dear friend.
Tonight's story is about a kind elderly lady. Thank you dear Linda.
Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven
your enemies?" About 80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small
"Mrs. Neely? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," she replied.
"Oh, Mrs Neely, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can
live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation and said,
"I outlived the bitches."
Another from Linda. Thank you very much.
The Three Bears ~~~ A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning.
Baby Bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl.
It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and
it is also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch and yells, "For goodness sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up
first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and
put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen.
It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper,
and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table. It was Mummy Bear who walked the dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food and refilled their water.
"And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear asses downstairs and grace Mummy
Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once.....
I HAVEN'T MADE THE B****Y PORRIDGE YET !!!"
Yet another from Linda ~~~ Thank you again my friend.
This is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended. This is the message that the
Maroochydore High School, Queensland. staff voted unanimously to record on their school
telephone answering machine. This is the actual answering machine message for the school. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework.
The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades
changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.
The outgoing message :
Hello. You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to the options before
making a selection :
To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2
To complain about what we do - Press 3
To swear at staff members - Press 4
To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and
several flyers mailed to you - Press 5
If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8
To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
To complain about school lunches - Press 0
If you realize this is the real world and your child must be Accountable and responsible
for his/her behaviouy, class work, homework and that it's not the teacher's fault for your child's lack of effort : Hang up and have a nice day !!
If you want this in another language, move to a country that speaks it.
Now two from my good friend Warren. Thanks Mate.
This is a true story.
On July 20th , Commander of the Apollo 11 Lunar module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon, "That's one
small step for Man, one giant leap for Mankind." were televised to Earth and heard by millions.
But just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck,
Many people at Nasa thought it was a caual remark concerning some Soviet
cosmanaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or the
Over the years, many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" meant but always Armstrong just smiled.
On July 5th 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech,
a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally
responded. Mr. Gorsky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
In 1938 when he was a kid in a small, midwest town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard, His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor's yard by
the bedroom window. His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky.
As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong hears Mrs. Gorsky shouting at
Mr. Gorsky. "Sex. You want sex? You'll get sex when the kid nextdoor walks on the moon." July 20th, 1969. This is a true story.
Making a Baby ~~ and there's not one dirty word in it. Right Warren. I trust you I think.
The Smiths were unable to conceive and decided to use a surrogate father to start their
family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed hs wife Goodbye and said, "Well I'm off now. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring
the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning Ma'am" he said, "I've come to....."
"Oh no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, ddid you know babies are my speciality?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps
a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can reaLLy spread
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me."
"Well Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several
different positions, and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you will be pleased
with the results."
"My, that's a lot." gasped Mrs Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five
minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it?" said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh my word, " said Mrs Smith grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well -- when you consider their mother was
so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes," said the photographer replied, "and for more than three hours, too. The mother
was constantly squealing and yelling, I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness
approached I had to rush my shots. Finally when the squirrels began nibbling at my
equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward, "Do you mean they actually chewed on your uh...equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes...well if you're ready, I'll set upp my tripod and wecan get to work
"Well, yes Ma'am. I need a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted." Good one Warren - LOL as I typed it.
Well, my friends it is time to close for tonight. I hope all is well at your homes and life is good. Have a really great weekend. Love and Best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.
Post 583 ~~ Friday, 13th March, 2009.