Saturday, May 09, 2009

! Corinthians For Mothers.

Post 596 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 9th May, 2009.

Hello Everyone ~ ~A Very Happy Mother's Day for tomorrow for all those who celebrate
it then. That is the second Sunday in May each year here. Both my sons are calling in tomorrow and I guess the girls will telephone or e mail me.

Thank you all who showed concern for me, but I am fine and the fall was gentle and elegant and it was the getting up that was so hard and caused muscles to ache that I
didn't know I had. However all is well now and I am not having many pain-killers at all, thankfully. First thing in the morning is my worst time, until I get moving around.

I do hope the firemen can control those awful fires in California, very soon, My thoughts
and prayers are with those who lost their homes and belongings.

Tonight I have a nice story called "! Corinthians For Mothers." Hope you enjoy.

If I keep my house immaculately clean, and am envied by all for my interior decorating,
but do not show love in my family -- I am just another housewife.

If I'm always producing lovely things - sewing, art; if I always look attractive, and
speak intelligently, but am not loving to my family -- I am nothing.

If I am busy in community affairs, teach Sunday School and drive in the car-pool,
but fail to give adequate love to my family -- I gain nothing.

Love changes diapers, cleans up messes, and ties shoes -- over and over again.

Love is kind, though tired and frazzled.

Love doesn't envy another woman -- one whose children are 'spaced' better, or in
school so she has time to pursue her own interests.

Love doesn't try to impress others with my abilities or knowledge as a mother.

Love doesn't scream at the kids.

Love doesn't feel cheated because because I didn't get to do what I wanted to do
today -- sew, read, soak in a hot tub.

Love doesn't lose my temper easily.

Love doesn't assume that my children are being naughty just because their noise level
is irritating.

Love doesn't rejoice when other people's children misbehave and make mine look good.

Love is genuinely happy when others are honored by their children.

Author Unknown.
<><>

First joke was in an e mail to me. It is called "Battle Hymns."

A battle arose between the Pastor and the Choir Director of the Lutheran Church of
Grace.
The first hint of trouble came when the Pastor preached on "dedicating yourselves
to service." And the Choir Director chose to sing: "I shall not be moved."

Trying to believe it was a coincidence, the Pastor put the incidence behind him.
The next Sunday he preached on "giving." Afterwards, the Choir sqirmed as the
director led them in the hymn: "Jesus Paid It All."

By this time the Pastor was losing his temper. Sunday Morning Attendance swelled
as the tension between the two built. A large crowd showed up to hear his sermon
on "The Sins of Gossiping." Would you believe the Choir Director selected "I Love
to Tell the Story ?"

There was no turning back. The following Sunday the Pastor told the congregation
that unless something changed, he was considering resignation. The entire church
gasped when the Choir Director led them in "Why Not Tonight?"

Truthfully, no one was surprised when the Pastor resigned a week later, explaining
that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was leading him away. The Choir Director
could not resist.. "What a Friend We Have in Jesus."
<><>

The next two jokes came from my dear friend Linda. Thank you Linda.

Happy Gardening.

A man takes a lady out to dinner for the first time.
Later they go to a show. The evening is a huge success and as he drops her at her
door he says "I have had a lovely time. You looked so beautiful. you remind me of
a rambling rose. May I call on you tomorrow?"
She agrees and a date is made.

The next night he knocks on the door and when she opens it she slaps him hard
across the face.

He is stunned, "What was that for?"
She said, "I looked up rambling rose in the encyclopedia last night. and it said :
"Not well suited to bedding, but is excellent for rooting up against a garden wall."
<><>


As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt
was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind her to
unzip her skirt a little, thinking this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She
tried totake the step, only to discover that she couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt
a littlr more, and for the second time attempted the step/

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to
the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to
take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by
the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you
touch my body? I don't even know who you are."

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but
after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."
<><>

Little Johnnie's neighbor had a baby. The baby unfortunately was born with no ears.
When they came home from hospital, Johnnie's family were invited over to see the
Baby.
Before they left the house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and told him that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him if he so much as mentioned anything about the
baby's missing ears or even said the word 'ears', he would get the smacking of his life
when they got home.

Little Johnnie told his dad that he completely understood.
When Johnnie looked in the crib, he said, "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, "Why, thank you , Little Johnny."

Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands. A cute little nose
and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"
"Yes," the mother replied, "we are so thankful, the doctor said he willl have 20/20
vision."

"That's great," said little Johnne, "because he'd be screwed if he needed glasses."
<><>

A man said: Why are Married women heavier than SINGLE women?

A woman said : Single women come home sees what's in the fridge, and goes to bed. Married women come home see what's in bed, and go to the fridge.
<><>

A man and woman were having problems at home and were each giving the other the
silent treatment. Suddenly the man realised that the next day, he would need his wife
to wake him up at 5 am for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first who broke the silence (and LOSE) he wrote on a piece of
paper, "Please wake me at 5 am." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up only to discover it was 9 am and he had missed
his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him, when
he noticed a piece og paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5 am. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
<><>

Well that is it folks. Have to get off to bed as John is buying me breakfast tomorrow
and then Geoff and Jo are arriving for lunch. Take great care my friends and whatever
you do, do it well. My love and best wishes to you all. I will talk to you all soon, after
my visitors leave. Cheers, Merle. And I really am OK.

Post 596 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 9th April, 2009.
<><><>


17 comments:

Beth E. said...

Oh, Merle...you always make my day with your jokes! Thanks for the smiles. :o)

Happy Mother's Day!
Beth

Pamela said...

I knew that note was coming -- ha ha.

Sorry you fell.

-- I slipped and fell when the gravel slid under my feet last week. I was walking down an incline and ka-boom. Scraped my knee. In front of a bunch of people. Not one offered to help me up or ask me if I was okay.

audrey` said...

Happy Mother's Day, Merle =)

Jeanette said...

Gday Dear Merle.Hope you had a lovely Mothers Day.I was pleased I called in for a cuppa and I could see you were unhurt and chirpy after you told me about your fall.before I read it hear,,
A beautiful Mothers Day post and just love little Johnnie..He always makes me smile at his antics..
Take care dear Merle. Watch that step... Love Janxxx

Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

I so enjoyed your Mother's Day post. I am glad to hear your fall was a gentle one! And I'm sure your son's have made your Mother's Day special. My younger son is here, and will take Eileen and me to dinner after church, and my other 2 children will be calling.

Happy Mother's Day, dear Merle!

Love and blessings,

Renie

Hootin' Anni said...

I wanted to stop by and send along my very best wishes for you that you have a wonderful, happy Mother's Day!!! Be blessed.

Joy Des Jardins said...

Oh Merle, I am relieved to hear that you are doing better after your fall. I suspect your achy muscles will continue to ease up with time. Everything seems to take more time with us, doesn't it Merle? Happy Mother's Day sweetie...Love, Joy

mreddie said...

So glad you are doing better - I did enjoy the description of your fall - not sure I have ever had a "gentle and elegant" one of those. :) The story "Corinthians for mothers" was excellent, thanks. ec

Margaret Cloud said...

I am glad you are going to hear from your children. Glad to hear you are recovering from your gentle fall, I know mornings are hard to get started, it is like all your bones has to realize they are connected to one another and have to move together. Merle that zipper one was very good, made me smile. Nice post and funny, hope your moms day was great and enjoy your breakfast. Take care my friend and be safe.

Fred said...

Happy Mother's Day. Merle. I hope you had a great one!

Lady Di Tn said...

Glad to hear you bounced back from the fall. Sounds like a wonderful Mothers Day to be had by you. Peace

Puss-in-Boots said...

That Corinthians for mothers was very interesting, Merle. I wonder how many of us can actually live up to that. I know I probably failed several times.

Glad to hear you're feeling better, but an elegant and gentle fall??? Mine was nothing like that, I slammed down like a ton of bricks...lol! I paid for it too.

Take care. Hugs.

Nancy said...

Hi Merle,

I loved the story of the battle between the Pastor and the choir director.

I heard of a similar story where the pastor told the congregation that they should destroy every bottle of whiskey and wine they had. He said the evil whiskey should be thrown in a nearby stream.

The music director then proceeded to have the congregation sing," "Shall We Gather at The River?"

Dave said...

I'm glad you're OK Merle!!!

Great post as always.. *S*

Big Dave T said...

Hope you had a great Mother's Day. Try to stay light on your feet. I'm finding that's harder as you get older though.

So John is buying you breakfast? Does that mean you go out for an omelet, pancakes, or eggs and bacon? I'm a big fan of eating breakfast out. Probably do it every weekend at least once.

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I'm glad your not too badly hurt from your fall. I slipped a month ago and still feel it in my shoulder.

I hope you had a lovely Mother's day.

Janice~

Mountain Mama said...

Hello Merle. I'm glad you are doing ok after the fall you took. I know it can take some time for all the pain to leave.

I love your jokes, especially the one about the husband and wife not speaking to each other.
My husband and I always spoke no matter how mad we were. Maybe sometimes we shouldn't have. LOL!

Take care, and no more falls!
Hugs