Friday, June 26, 2009

Forever Friendship.

Post 610 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 26th June, 2009.

Hi Everyone ~~ It is a dreary and cold day, so it's indoors for me. I did some cooking
yesterday, so thought I would do this post before tonight, when my football team play.
It is Australian Rules and my team Carlton play Essendon. We have each won 6 games
and lost 6 games, so it should be even. So I have to barrack hard tonight.

How are things with you? All going well, I trust and the weather to your liking. If it is not
rest assured it will change in time. I am happy to have the shortest day over and done
with -- that was June 21st here. So I guess those of you in the Northern hemisphere
have just had your longest day- or Summer Soltice? So our days should gradually stretch
out a little. And get a little warmer. Or cooler as the case may be.

A short item sent to me by my dear friend Patty. Thanks Patty, this is nice.

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;

Someone who changes your life just by being part of it.

Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop;

Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world.

Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just
waiting for you to open it.

This is Forever Friendship.

<><>


Now to find a few jokes...First one came from my friend Embee from the UK.Thank
you Mike. I had a good laugh at this one. Small things amuse small minds.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Stop and think about
it and decide on your answer before you scroll down.
^
^
^
The correct answer is : Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.

This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.


2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigertor?

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the door?

WRONG ANSWER.

Correct answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and
close the door.

This question tests your ability to think through the repercussions of previous actions.


3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All animals attend . . . except
one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct answer: The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there.
This tests your memory.

Okay
, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.


4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles and you do not have a
boat. How do you manage it?


Correct answer: You jump in and swim across.
Haven't you been listening?
All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Conference.

This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.


According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the Professionals
they tested got all questions wrong, but many pre-schoolers got several correct.

Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most
professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.

Send this to frustrate all your smart friends.
PS : Just the fact that I sent it to you should make you feel good.
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Another from my cousin Bill. I have posted it before, but I lke it. Thanks Bill.

Letter from Grandma.
Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes :
Dear Grand-daughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a bumper
sticker that said "Honk if you Love Jesus." I was feeling particularly sassy that
day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a
thunderous prayer meeting.

So I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection just lost in thought about the Lord
and how good He is, and I didn't notice that the lights had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked I'd have
never noticed. I found that lots of people loved Jesus.
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy and then he leaned
out of his window and screamed, "For the love of God! Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!!

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love.

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling
something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him
the good luck right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.
Why, even he was enjoying this religious experience.!!

A couple of people were so caught up in the joy of the moment, that they got out of
their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what
church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt - kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we shared.

So I slowed down the car, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian
good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks.

Will write again soon. Love, Grandma.
<><>

The bartender asks a guy "What'll you have?"
The guy answers, "A Scotch please."

The bartender hands him the drink and says, "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies; "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."

A lawyer sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender
"You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding
contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of renumeration."

The bartender is not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink.
But don't ever let me catch you in here again."

The next day, the same guy walks into the bar. The bartender says, "What are you
doing here? I can't believe you have got the audacity to come back."

The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life,"
to which the bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."

To which the guy replies, "Thank you. Make it a Scotch."
<><>

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.
The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK, Time to retire old boy."

The old rooster replies, "Come on, you can't handle ALL these chickens. Look what it's
done to me. Can't you at least let me have the two old hens in the corner?"

The young rooster says, "Beat it. You're washed up and I'm taking over." The old rooster
"I'll tell you what, young stud, I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coup."

The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so to be fair,
I'll give you a head start." The old rooster starts off running.
About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him.

They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster has cosed the gap. He's
already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast

The farmer, meanwhile is sitting on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by.
He grabs his shotgun and BOOM. He blows the young rooster to bits.

The farmer sadly shakes his head. "Damn...third gay rooster I bought this month."
<><>

A grieving widow was discussing her late husband with a friend, "My Albert was such a
good man, and I miss him so. He provided well for me with the money from that
insurance policy --- but I would give a thousand of it to have him back."
<><>

A few quotes for you ~ ~ about sport tonight.

If you live long enough, you'll make mistakes.
But if you learn from them, you'll be a better person.
It's how you handle adversity, not how it affects you.
The main thing is never quit, never quit, never quit. ~ ~ Bill Clinton.

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style. ~ ~ Quentin Crisp.

If at first you do succeed-- try to hide your astonishment. ~ ~ Harry Banks.

If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score? ~ ~ Vince Lombardi.

A champion is someone who gets up when he can't. ~ ~ Jack Dempsey.
<><>

Bye for now folks, until next time. Love and Best wishes to you all.
Cheers, Merle. One of my grandsons is 20 today ~ Happy Birthday Joh.
Post 610 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 26th June, 2009
<><><>

20 comments:

Dave said...

Excellent post as always Merle... I hope you're staying warm there, and I hope your football team won! *S*

Have a great weekend!

Gledwood said...

Hmmm ~ the person who sent in that giraffe joke, I'd love to see their fridge!

Hootin' Anni said...

Hello dear Merle!!! It's been way too long since I've stopped by for a visit.

I'm happy to hear that you're doing well. It cheers my every cell in my body to know that.

Yep, we are in an inferno here in the Northern H. Just yesterday the city [Houston] where our son lives, broke a high temp record...105 [F]...but where I live, it's also HOT...but not that bad. We had 92 for a high. Still uncomfortable, and now as you say...our days will slowly get shorter and cool down. But it'll take about 3 months to cool down to comfort zone.

Hope you continue to do well my friend.

Patty said...

Good morning Merle, hope you slept well last night. It was hotter than blue blazes here yesterday, now don't ask me, because I have no idea how hot that is. LOL But I've heard it before. Our temp showed between 91 and 93F. We had a thunder storm with rain through the night, and abe said the rain gauge showed 2 1/4 inches of rain. We needed it. Today so ar, it's a lot cooler, which is fine with me. Yesterday the humidity was high.

Love Grandma and her driving, also the old rooster joke. Have a good day. Love, Patty

Mountain Mama said...

Yes our temps are climbing
but this past week we have had some much needed rain. Today the sun is out and the sky is blue with fluffy white marshmallow clouds. I need to get outside and get some work done before it gets too hot.
That test fooled me and gave me a good chuckle too.
I'm glad to hear you are doing well Merle. Keep it up!
Hugs from the Pacific Northwest, USA

Winifred said...

Well Merle the weather's been cold and dreary here too and it's supposed to be flaming June.

Love the grandma story it's really funny. Best of luck with the football.

Christina said...

Our weather has been unseasonably hot - in the 90's every day and humid!

I love the grandma story. I have read it before but it made me laugh again, thanks!

Margaret Cloud said...

Hope your football team wins. Today our weather is a hot 89 degrees, at least it stays daylight until 10 pm, I like that a lot. Patty is right about the friend that makes a difference in our lives. I really smiled at the Jesus one, it had a lot of good lines. The rooster one was really funny. You have a great weekend, take care my friend and be safe.

Beth E. said...

Merle,
The days here are quite warm. We had a high of 88F today, with lots of humidity. I have to admit that I don't care much for hot weather. My favorites are fall and spring.

Thanks for all of the jokes. The rooster one had me laughing out loud!

Blessings,
Beth

Lady Di Tn said...

My face hurts and my side in a twit. I need to not try and catch up on your blog at once. After reading several post my grin is from ear to ear. Now seriously, I was sorry to hear about the ear ache. The poem from Peggy was wonderful. Peace

Gramma Ann said...

G'day Merle, The weather here in my little corner of the world has been HOT and HUMID. I got up at 5:15 this morning so I could do some long over due cleaning work in the house before the really HOT HEAT gets here. Thank goodness I'm finished, so thought I would take a break and read your blog.

As always there is something to make me chuckle in your post and today wasn't any different. The Grandma one made me chuckle, I suppose because I am now a grandma and if I didn't understand about the Hawaiian Wave, my grand children would have don't the same to me and then laughed their heads off. But, fortunately I know what the Hawaiian Wave was about. hahaha

Merle, I hope you have a warm and wonderful week-end. Did your team win? I hope so.

Ann

Jack K. said...

Glad to know you are feeling better.

Great post as usual.

Loved the jokes. I'd seen the rooster one and the quiz before. Laughed at the rooster, flunked the quiz. lol

Alice said...

We've just spent six weeks in the Northern Hemisphere, Merle, and it always amazes me just how long their twilight is. In Nth Wales it never seemed to get dark at all - still, I wouldn't want to have their early sunset in the winter.

Jeanette said...

Gday Dear Merle, BRRRRR. it has been bitterly cold, I cant wait for summer, but not the extreme temps.I had a good laugh again, Grandma won my vote tonight.
Well Dear Merle,
Ive just turned my electic blanket on and yawning my head of been staying up watching the tennis till all hours and been bowling all day today so feeling rather tired im of for an early night.
Take care, keep warm my friend love Janxxxxxx

GutsyWriter said...

Hi Merle,
I live in California so we're having summer now. Love your friendship description and the Grandma joke, as well as the scotch. My husband is a lawyer, so I could relate.
Thanks for making me laugh.

Jim said...

Hi Merle, it is a dreary and HOT day, so it's indoors for me now. I'm back to blogging. Not full swing, but back.
My small mind was very amused but I missed all of those questions. ;-)
I've heard the gay rooster joke quite a few times and I never tire of it. After all us old guys have to stick together.
..

Linda said...

Hi Merle,
I always enjoy your blog posts. We just had one of the hottest weeks ever - every day in the upper 90's with heat indexes of over 100 degrees. But now this week, it's sunny and cooler. Such is life in the Midwest state of Illinois.

Hope you have a lovely week,
Linda

Pamela said...

I think I've seen Grandma out driving around here. ha ha

carl h. sr. said...

Hi Merle it is difficult to imagine cold weather when we have heat indexes up to 112 almost daily.
Glad to get the chance to say hello.
Lot's going on here.No spare time at all.
But here is my confession"I stayed up all night last night and now that the sun is up I feel very strange.I have my wading boots on and I plan to plant my bamboo on the other side of the stream,and bring some very nice ferns back from the other side to place along my waterfall for my little fishpond.God willing ,after that ,nap time! God Bless you Merle!carl

audrey` said...

Honk! Honk! Honk! We love Jesus! Jesus loves us! =)

Take care, Merle.