Post 610 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 26th June, 2009.
Hi Everyone ~~ It is a dreary and cold day, so it's indoors for me. I did some cooking
yesterday, so thought I would do this post before tonight, when my football team play.
It is Australian Rules and my team Carlton play Essendon. We have each won 6 games
and lost 6 games, so it should be even. So I have to barrack hard tonight.
How are things with you? All going well, I trust and the weather to your liking. If it is not
rest assured it will change in time. I am happy to have the shortest day over and done
with -- that was June 21st here. So I guess those of you in the Northern hemisphere
have just had your longest day- or Summer Soltice? So our days should gradually stretch
out a little. And get a little warmer. Or cooler as the case may be.
A short item sent to me by my dear friend Patty. Thanks Patty, this is nice.
Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;
Someone who changes your life just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just
waiting for you to open it.
This is Forever Friendship.
Now to find a few jokes...First one came from my friend Embee from the UK.Thank
you Mike. I had a good laugh at this one. Small things amuse small minds.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down.
The correct answer is : Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.
This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigertor?
Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the door?
Correct answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and
close the door.
This question tests your ability to think through the repercussions of previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All animals attend . . . except
one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct answer: The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there.
This tests your memory.
Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles and you do not have a
boat. How do you manage it?
Correct answer: You jump in and swim across.
Haven't you been listening?
All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Conference.
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the Professionals
they tested got all questions wrong, but many pre-schoolers got several correct.
Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most
professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.
Send this to frustrate all your smart friends.
PS : Just the fact that I sent it to you should make you feel good.
Another from my cousin Bill. I have posted it before, but I lke it. Thanks Bill.
Letter from Grandma.
Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes :
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a bumper
sticker that said "Honk if you Love Jesus." I was feeling particularly sassy that
day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a
thunderous prayer meeting.
So I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection just lost in thought about the Lord
and how good He is, and I didn't notice that the lights had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked I'd have
never noticed. I found that lots of people loved Jesus.
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy and then he leaned
out of his window and screamed, "For the love of God! Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!!
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love.
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling
something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him
the good luck right back.
My grandson burst out laughing.
Why, even he was enjoying this religious experience.!!
A couple of people were so caught up in the joy of the moment, that they got out of
their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what
church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt - kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we shared.
So I slowed down the car, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian
good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks.
Will write again soon. Love, Grandma.
The bartender asks a guy "What'll you have?"
The guy answers, "A Scotch please."
The bartender hands him the drink and says, "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies; "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."
A lawyer sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender
"You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding
contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of renumeration."
The bartender is not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink.
But don't ever let me catch you in here again."
The next day, the same guy walks into the bar. The bartender says, "What are you
doing here? I can't believe you have got the audacity to come back."
The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life,"
to which the bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."
To which the guy replies, "Thank you. Make it a Scotch."
A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.
The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK, Time to retire old boy."
The old rooster replies, "Come on, you can't handle ALL these chickens. Look what it's
done to me. Can't you at least let me have the two old hens in the corner?"
The young rooster says, "Beat it. You're washed up and I'm taking over." The old rooster
"I'll tell you what, young stud, I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coup."
The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so to be fair,
I'll give you a head start." The old rooster starts off running.
About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him.
They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster has cosed the gap. He's
already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast
The farmer, meanwhile is sitting on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by.
He grabs his shotgun and BOOM. He blows the young rooster to bits.
The farmer sadly shakes his head. "Damn...third gay rooster I bought this month."
A grieving widow was discussing her late husband with a friend, "My Albert was such a
good man, and I miss him so. He provided well for me with the money from that
insurance policy --- but I would give a thousand of it to have him back."
A few quotes for you ~ ~ about sport tonight.
If you live long enough, you'll make mistakes.
But if you learn from them, you'll be a better person.
It's how you handle adversity, not how it affects you.
The main thing is never quit, never quit, never quit. ~ ~ Bill Clinton.
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style. ~ ~ Quentin Crisp.
If at first you do succeed-- try to hide your astonishment. ~ ~ Harry Banks.
If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score? ~ ~ Vince Lombardi.
A champion is someone who gets up when he can't. ~ ~ Jack Dempsey.
Bye for now folks, until next time. Love and Best wishes to you all.
Cheers, Merle. One of my grandsons is 20 today ~ Happy Birthday Joh.
Post 610 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 26th June, 2009