Post 603 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 1st June, 2009.
Hi Everyone ~~ I hope all is well with you. I am fine and getting back to normal after a
very fun and happy week. It has been a drizzly rain day today without a lot of actual rain.
I made a large steak and kidney casserole and did heaps of vegies, so no more cooking
for a few more days. I may even catch up on my replies tomorrow. Fingers crossed.
Today is the first day of our Winter, so Autumn and the leaves are nearly all gone.
We have had lovely weather - around 18 C to 20 C which is 66 F to 68 F. Guess it will
get cooler from now on. The nights have been cooler, already.
I have a very small poem from a Friendship Book, which I hope you may enjoy.
Time is such a precious thing,
It's more than wealth untold!
It's something that we cannot store
And nobody can hold.
Life goes by so speedily,
Before we scarce can taste it,
And time can never be regained . . .
So why do people waste it?
John finally sent me the two pictures he took during our lunch on Sunday 24th May.
L to R Back of Scotty. Bec. Me , Heather and Geoff.
L to R Geoff, Scott, Joanne, Bec and a bit of me, Heather in Front.
And a nice time was had by all !!!
Now to find some jokes for you...
No Speak English . . .
A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto. However the lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to
communicate with her husband. The real problem arose when she had to go shopping.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how
to put forward her request, and in despeeration, clucked like a chicken and lifted her
skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message, and gave her chicken legs.
Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it and so
she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts.
The butcher understood again and gave her chicken breasts.
On the 3rd day, the poor lady wanted to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brouht her husband to the shop . . . . .
Please scroll down . . .
What were you thinking? Hellooooo, her husband speaks English !!
A few more Whys of Men. Thank you Linda.
Q What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A. A Rumor.
Q Why do little boys whine ? A. They are practicing to be men.
Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e mail?
A. Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'
Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath & calling your name?
A. You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; and
Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength. I'll beat him to death. Amen
Life may not be the party you hoped for. . . .but while you are here, you may as well dance.
Overheard: "My greatest fear is that I will be standing behind Mother Teresa in the
Final Judgement line and I'll hear God tell her. "You know, you should have done more.'"
You Know You Are Living in 2009 when . . . . . Thank you dear Robyn.
1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home
to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first
20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to
go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to send this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back to check there wasn't a #9 on this list.
One from my dear friend, Barbara. Thank you so much Barbara, I hope all is well.
The couple were 90 years old, and had been married for 70 years. Though they were
far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.
Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's
insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their
plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St Peter escorted them inside. He took them to
a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "Why, nothing," Peter
replied, "Remember this is your reward in Heaven."
The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course,
finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth. "What are the greens fees?"
"This is Heaven," St Peter replied, " You can play for free, every day."
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable
cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic desserts and free flowing
"Don't even ask," said St Peter to the man. "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy."
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.
"Well where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and decaffeinated tea?" he asked.
"That's the best part," St Peter replied. "You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven."
The old man pushed, "No gym to work out at?"
"Not unless you want to," was the answer.
"No testing my sugar or blood pressure?"
"Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."
The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your bran muffins. We could have
been here twenty years ago !!"
Some Bible Riddles . . . . .
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharoah's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little
Q. What sort of man was Boaz before he married. A, Ruth-less.
Q. Who was the first drug addict in the Bible.
A. Nebuchadnezzar. He was on grass for seven years.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
A. Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord.
A. 2 Cor.48 describes going out in service in a Volkswagon Beetle: "We are pressed in
every way, but not cramped beyond movement."
Q. Who was the greatest commedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?
A. They really raised Cain.
Q. What excuse did Adam give his children as to why they no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?
A. The thought never entered his head before.
Q. What do they call Pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.
Q. What is the first recorded case of constipation in the Bible.
A. It's in Kings, where it says David sat on the Throne for forty tears.
Q Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Well, time to get off to bed for me. I hope you found something of interest here.
Take very good care of yourselves and each other. Enjoy every day of your lives.
My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.
Post 603 ~~~ Monday, 1st June, 2009.