Saturday, July 04, 2009

Before I was a Mom.

Post 612 ~~ Saturday, 4th July, 2009.

Happy Independence Day to the Americans who visit here. Have a great day.

Hello Everyone ~ ~ I hope all is well with you all and life is good. It is OK here, although the
weather has turned quite a bit colder. Which I expect is quite normal for winter. I hear next
week we are to have some frosts which means very cold mornings, but usually a nice day afterwards. I don't know where the week has gone, so will get on with this post right now.

The first item tonight was sent to me by my good friend, Patty. Thank you Patty.

Before I was a Mom, I never tripped over toys, or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about imminizations.

Before I was a Mom, I had never been puked on, pooped on, Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom, I never held a screaming child so doctors could do tests or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom, i never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom, I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I din't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom, I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure he was OK, I had never known the warmth, the joy,
the love, the heartache, the wonderment or satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

May you always be overwhelmed by the Grace of God rather than the cares of life.

After that nice one from Patty, she also sent the next item. Thanks again my friend.

A first grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher
asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I am smarter than she is. I think I should be in the 3rd grade too."
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the Principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the
situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry : "9"
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry : "36"
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, " I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I only have two of?"
Harry, after a moment, : "Legs."

Ms. Brooks : "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered why she would ask such a question.
Harry replied "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks : "What does a dog do that man steps into?"
Harry : "pants."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks : "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide before he could stop the answer.
Harry replied : "Bubble Gum."

Ms. Brooks : "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" Harry: "Shake hands." The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks : 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and
excitement?" Harry : "Firetruck."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth grade, I got
the last six questions wrong . . . . "

When the fellow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told
him that the rates depended on room size and number of people.
"Do you take children?" the man asked.

"No sir," replied the clerk, "Only cash and credit cards."

An English traveller, asked by Australian immigration if he had a criminal record, expressed some surprise that such a qualification was still required.

The miserly millionaire called a family conference. "I am placing a box of money in the attic."
he said. "When I die, I intend to grab it on my way to heaven. See to it that no-one
touches it until it's my time to go."

The family respected his wishes. After his death, the millionaire's wife looked in the attic.
The box was still there. "The fool." she said, "I told himm to put it in the basement.

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakes
after surgery to find himself in care of nuns in a Catholic hospital

As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he would likke to pay
for his treatment. She asked if he had health insurance.
He replied in a raspy voice. "No health insurance."

The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied, "No money in the bank."
The nun asked if he had any relative who could help you?"

He said, " have only a spinster sister, who is a nun.

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters, Nuns are
married to God."
The patient replied, "Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

"Hello. Is this the Police?" "Yes it is, how can we help you?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor, Wazza, he keeps his cocaine in his fire wood."
"Thank you very much for your call, sir. we will investigate straight away."

The next day police officers and sniffer dogs descend on Wazza's house in great
numbers They search the house and then proceed to the shed where the firewood is kept.
Usung axes, they bust open every piece of firewood, but there is no cocaine. They swear
at Wazza and then leave. Then the phone rang at Wazza's house.

"Did the police come?" "Yeah." "Did they chop the firewood?" "Yeah."
"Happy Birthday, mate."

Some parenthood quotes. . . .

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
~ ~ ~ Phyllis Diller.

If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do matters very much.
~ ~ ~ Jackie Kennedy Onassis.

We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and
the next 12 years telling them to sit down and shut up, ~ ~ ~ Phyllis Diller.

Always end the name of your child witha vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
~ ~ ~ Bill Cosby.

Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you.
~ ~ ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Time to call it a day. Look after each other and yourselves. Enjoy the 4th July celebrations
but take great care my friends. My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 612 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 4th July, 2009.


audrey` said...

Yeah! I'm number one in the comment box ^grin^

"Before I was a Mum" is a very good article. So true.

Keep yourself warm when the weather is cool. Take care, Merle =)

Gledwood said...

I like the drugs in the firewood one (well I would, wouldn't I??~!~?)... anyway that reminds me of one I heard about the Czech playwrite Vaclav Havel who was in prison. His wife wrote to him complaining how weary she was and how she needed to dig the gardens to plant potatoes but hardly had the energy...

... he wrote back saying: before you dig anything, be careful in that garden, I buried manuscripts out there!

... she wrote back saying, Secret Police came in the night and dug up all the gardens

... he wrote back saying: Now plant your potatoes!

Gledwood said...

ps isn't the Aussie word "Mum" not Mom?

Margaret Cloud said...

Thnk you for wishing our country a happy birthday. The mom one was so touching, I relived them all, thanks to Patty. Very funny post as usual. Hope you have a nice weekend, take care friend and be safe.

PEA said...

Hello dear Merle:-)

It sounds like Winter is really getting a good hold of you over there! We're in Summer here and yet right now it's only 15c!! We had a heat wave for a couple of weeks and then it turned cold so there seems to be no in between! lol

Thank you so much for having come over to wish me a Happy Canada Day on the 1st...that meant a lot to me:-) I had a fun time at the auction but unfortunately it was pouring rain and cold that day so I didn't get to do any outdoor things.

So enjoyed the jokes and always know how to cheer up one's day:-) Take good care and keep warm!! xoxo

With Loving Stitches said...

I shall never again visit this blog first thing in the morning with a coffee cup in hand. NOt a good scene!! Too funny.

Patty said...

Dear Merle, glad everything is alright in your corner of the world. It's rather chilly here this evening, raining, and a cool 67F. Suppose to get down to around 59F tonight, now that's pretty cool for July, but by Thursday it should be back up in the high 80's. Personally I would rather have it a little cooler like it is now.

Girls have all gone home, except for the daughter and Granddaughter living with us at the moment. As quickly as everyone seems to eat, makes you wonder if it's worth all the time preparing the food. LOL

Well I'm going to find something to put on my arms, I'm chilly at the moment. Sleep well my friend. Love, Patty

Puss-in-Boots said...

It's been very cold here, Merle, that dry cold that hurts when you breathe it in. We get it from you lot down south...southerly winds whistling straight up from the alps. Thanks a!

See Peter's been in a bit of strife, looks expensive, too. Oh dear...

Hope all is well with you, Merle. Take care. Hugs.

linda may said...

G'day Merlie girl. And....May you always be overwhelmed by the grace of God rather than the cares of life too.
Just think......... I always wanted to be a Mum, right from the time I was a toddler I always said that. But you always remember the nicest bits and choose to disregard the yucky bits don't you.Then one day you look at them and say I wasn't so bad after all was I?

Jeanette said...

Gday Merle.
It has been rather chilly last couple of weeks and icy winds from the Alps BRRRRRRr.My House locked and blinds down by 5pm. to keep the warm in.
great jokes OHHH i just loved Wazza..

It would have been my 50th wedding Anniversary on the 3rd and My Alans birthday on the 4th july .so just had a quiet few days,,Ill update in the next day or 2, take good care Merle love Janxxxx

Gattina said...

For once we have very hot weather here in Belgium sometimes over 30 °C and we have no wind so it feels very hot. I am glad that winter is a few months away, but then starts your summer. I should move then, lol !

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I envy your cool temperatures, we had 101 for the last week.

Great post, I really liked the mom one.

Take care and have a great week.


Dave said...

Wonderful post Merle!!! Loved the jokes! *laughing*

Lady Di Tn said...

As usual loved the jokes. May you smile as much as we out here in blogland. Keep warm, Peace

Jim said...

Hi Merle, I thought maybe your Wazza and the woodpile joke would elicit a comment from Warren? Guess he is working too hard or traveling again.

My first kids were twins, I could ditto your Mom post and substitute 'before I was a Dad.'
If it takes two to raise two, how many does it take to raise eight?
(Answer, more than one, poor kids.)

Joy Des Jardins said...

Hi Merle,

I've been busy this last week with Julie and her family in town; so I haven't been visiting lately. I hope you have been fine my friend. Bella and Bastian saw some great fireworks for the 4th of July. We've had a great visit. I see your weather is getting much cooler...ours is warm, but not all that hot right now.

Stay well sweetie...hope your aches and pains are very minimal. Lots of love, Joy

Big Dave T said...

Isn't Wazza one of Peter's friends? I know I've heard that name somewhere. Hope you're doing well in the cold weather. When its winter here, I always worry that I'm going to slip on the ice. We grilled ribs and burgers for our Fourth of July dinner. Summer here.

I liked that tribute to mothers. All true (I know that and I'm not even a mother).

Big Dave T said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jack K. said...

As usual, a delightful posting.

The "Mom" story is so true. When I read it I thought of my daughter who just gave birth to her first, Eli. He is such a delight.

The jokes were a scream too. That principal was probably not alone, and young Harry is bright young man. snerx.

Lucy Stern said...

WE have had temperatures here in the high 90's and low 100's.... Enjoy you cold weather....

I liked you "before I was a mom" story.... Mom's are special people. Have a great week, Merle.