Post 612 ~~ Saturday, 4th July, 2009.
Happy Independence Day to the Americans who visit here. Have a great day.
Hello Everyone ~ ~ I hope all is well with you all and life is good. It is OK here, although the
weather has turned quite a bit colder. Which I expect is quite normal for winter. I hear next
week we are to have some frosts which means very cold mornings, but usually a nice day afterwards. I don't know where the week has gone, so will get on with this post right now.
The first item tonight was sent to me by my good friend, Patty. Thank you Patty.
Before I was a Mom, I never tripped over toys, or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about imminizations.
Before I was a Mom, I had never been puked on, pooped on, Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom, I never held a screaming child so doctors could do tests or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom, i never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom, I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I din't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom, I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure he was OK, I had never known the warmth, the joy,
the love, the heartache, the wonderment or satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.
May you always be overwhelmed by the Grace of God rather than the cares of life.
After that nice one from Patty, she also sent the next item. Thanks again my friend.
A first grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher
asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I am smarter than she is. I think I should be in the 3rd grade too."
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the Principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the
situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry : "9"
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry : "36"
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, " I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I only have two of?"
Harry, after a moment, : "Legs."
Ms. Brooks : "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered why she would ask such a question.
Harry replied "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks : "What does a dog do that man steps into?"
Harry : "pants."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks : "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide before he could stop the answer.
Harry replied : "Bubble Gum."
Ms. Brooks : "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" Harry: "Shake hands." The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks : 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and
excitement?" Harry : "Firetruck."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth grade, I got
the last six questions wrong . . . . "
When the fellow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told
him that the rates depended on room size and number of people.
"Do you take children?" the man asked.
"No sir," replied the clerk, "Only cash and credit cards."
An English traveller, asked by Australian immigration if he had a criminal record, expressed some surprise that such a qualification was still required.
The miserly millionaire called a family conference. "I am placing a box of money in the attic."
he said. "When I die, I intend to grab it on my way to heaven. See to it that no-one
touches it until it's my time to go."
The family respected his wishes. After his death, the millionaire's wife looked in the attic.
The box was still there. "The fool." she said, "I told himm to put it in the basement.
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakes
after surgery to find himself in care of nuns in a Catholic hospital
As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he would likke to pay
for his treatment. She asked if he had health insurance.
He replied in a raspy voice. "No health insurance."
The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied, "No money in the bank."
The nun asked if he had any relative who could help you?"
He said, " have only a spinster sister, who is a nun.
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters, Nuns are
married to God."
The patient replied, "Send the bill to my brother-in-law."
"Hello. Is this the Police?" "Yes it is, how can we help you?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor, Wazza, he keeps his cocaine in his fire wood."
"Thank you very much for your call, sir. we will investigate straight away."
The next day police officers and sniffer dogs descend on Wazza's house in great
numbers They search the house and then proceed to the shed where the firewood is kept.
Usung axes, they bust open every piece of firewood, but there is no cocaine. They swear
at Wazza and then leave. Then the phone rang at Wazza's house.
"Did the police come?" "Yeah." "Did they chop the firewood?" "Yeah."
"Happy Birthday, mate."
Some parenthood quotes. . . .
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
~ ~ ~ Phyllis Diller.
If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do matters very much.
~ ~ ~ Jackie Kennedy Onassis.
We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and
the next 12 years telling them to sit down and shut up, ~ ~ ~ Phyllis Diller.
Always end the name of your child witha vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
~ ~ ~ Bill Cosby.
Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you.
~ ~ ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Time to call it a day. Look after each other and yourselves. Enjoy the 4th July celebrations
but take great care my friends. My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.
Post 612 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 4th July, 2009.