Post 613 ~ ~ ~ Wednesday, 8th July, 2009.
Hello my friends ~ ~ I hope all is well at your place and you are enjoying all the days of
your lives. I am fine and went shopping with Kerry yesterday, so all stocked up again.
I have made a big Slow Cooker of steak and Kidney and vegies, and then put some nice
dumplings on the top. Smells and tastes good to me, this cool weather.
Today I had some blood tests done, to keep check on my diabetes etc - 3 monthly.
See my doctor on Monday. I was surprised to receive a letter from my clinic a couple of weeks ago and couldn't guess what it would be about. It said Happy Birthday and now
you are 75, would you like to be assessed for free, one hour with the nurse and your
regular doctor. I guess to see if I am capable of living alone and caring for myself.
So far, I don't see the need for an assessment. Does this happen in other countries?
My first item tonight will be familiar to many of you, but I do love it and like to post it
occasionally. It is from Ecclesiastes 3:18.
There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven
A time to be born and a time to die,
A time to plant and a time to uproot.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build.
A time to weep and a time to laugh,
A time to mourn and a time to dance,
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them.
A time to embrace and a time to refrain,
A time to serch and a time to give up,
A time to keep and a time to throw away,
A time to tear and a time to mend,
A time to be silent and a time to speak,
A time for love and a time to hate,
A time for war and a time for peace.
First joke is Why you should never take your partner shopping with you.
Letter - - - Mrs Fenton,
Our store is considering banning your family unless your husband stops his antics.
Below is a list of offences over the last few months, all verified by our surveillance
MEMO Re Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse/partner is shopping.
1. June 15th: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts
when they weren't looking.
2. July 2nd" Set all the alarm clocks in 'home wares' to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. July 7th : Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. July 19th: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in
house wares. And watched what happened.
5. August 4th: Went to Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M & Ms on lay-by.
6. Sept. 14th : Moved a 'CAUTION -WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Sept 15th: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd
invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. Sept 23rd: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4th: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror and picked
10. Nov 10th: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knew
where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dec 3rd: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission
Impossible " theme.
12. Dec 6th: In the auto department, practised his "Madonna Look" using different
13. Dec 18th. He hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled
"PICK ME, PICK ME."
14. Dec 21st...When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the
foetal position and screams, "NO NO - it's the voices again."
(And last, but not least)
15. Dec 23rd: Went in the fitting room, shut the door and waited awhile then yelled
very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here."
<><> I laughed typing some of those, so I hope no coffee was spilt.<><>
One day, when a seamstress was sewing near to a river, when her thimble fell into the
river. When she cried out.the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you
crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen in the water and she needed
it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord put his hand into the
water and pulled out a golden thimble set with sapphires.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies.
Again the Lord asked, "Is this your thimble?" Again the seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.
"Is this your thimble?" The seamstress replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to
keep and she went home happy.
Some years later, she was walking with her husband along the river bank and her
husband fell in and disappeared under the water.
When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked why she was crying.
"Oh. Lord, my husband has fallen into the river."
The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. "Is this your
husband?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. "You lied. That is an untruth."
The seamstress replied. "Oh forgive me my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see,
if I had said No to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt, Then if
I said No to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'Yes'
you would have given me all three. Lord, I am not in the best of health and would not
be able to take care of three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.
And so the Lord let her keep him.
The moral of this story is: Whenever a women lies, it's for a good and honourable
reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story and we are sticking to it.
If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer
model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting
a little dull...but that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus and it's
especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I sllp and slide and skid and bump into
thingseven in the best of weather. My whitewalls are are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach our maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently .
But here's the worst of it. Almost every time I sneeze, cough or splutter . . .either
my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.... Doesn't stop us having a little fun though.
Steve had just gotten back from the doctors. The day after his check-up the doctor
called and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. First the good news,
You are very sick and only 24 hours to live.... now for the bad news, I should
have told you yesterday."
A nursery rhyme ~ Mary had a little watch, she swallowed it one day, now she's taking'Epsom salts to pass the time away.
But the Epsom salts they didn't work and time refused to pass.
So now if you want to know the time, just look up Mary's...... uncle, he's got a watch..
TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria.
Just a few quotes to finish tonight.
I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.
~ ~ ~ Jack Benny.
Oh. what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive. ~ ~ Walter Scott.
The big secret in life is that there is no big secret . Whatever your goal, you can get there
if you are willing to work. ~ ~ ~ Oprah Winfrey.
Forty is the old age of youth. Fifty is the youth of old age. ~~Victor Hugo.
In love, one and one are one. ~ ~ Jean -paul Sartre.
Bye for now my friends. Time to say Goodnight for now. Enjoy your lives and take
great care of yourselves and each other. My love and best wishes to all. Cheers, Merle,
Post 613. Wednesday, 8th July, 2009.