Post 615 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 17th July, 2009.
Hello my friends ~ ~ The week has just flown by, as they all seem to do these days or
maybe it is because we are getting older. It is not only me either, because every day
we live we are all getting older. The alternative is not attractive, so let's keep going.
Every day above ground is a pretty good day. I am late starting again tonight so will
get on with it. Hope you are all doing well and enjoying your lives.
The first item was sent to me a long time ago by my blogging friend Nick. Thank you.
You're . . . . .
Through good times and bad,
Through happy and sad,
Beside me you stand,
Beside me you walk,
You're there to listen,
You're there to talk,
With pain and tears,
I know you'll be there, throughout the years.
First joke came from my dear friend Patty Lincoln. Maybe not a joke. Thanks Patty.
Forgetter Be Forgotten.
My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may sound funny
But, to me , that is no joke.
For when I'm 'here' I'm wondering
If I really should be 'there'
And when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer !!
Oft times I walk into a room,
Say 'what am I here for?'
I rack my brain, but all in vain !
A zero is my score.
At times I put something away
where it is safe, but Gee,
The person it is safest from
Is, generally me.
When shopping I may see someone,
Say 'Hi' and have a chat,
Then when the person walks away
Ask myself, now who was that?
Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.
Please send this to everyone you know, because I don't remember who I sent this to.
LIVE, LOVE, & LAUGH A LOT.
Ahmed and Hamid are both beggars at several traffic lights in Sydney.
Ahmed drives a Mercedes and lives in a mortgage-free house, and has a lot of money
to spend.. Hamid only brings home 2 to 3 dollars a day. Hamid asks Ahmed how he
manages to bring home a suitcase full of Ten dollar notes every day?
Ahmed said, "Look at your sign, it says you have no work, a wife and six kids to feed.
Aussies that see that do not feel as though they accomplish anything by giving you
money. You will still have no job and a large family whether they give you money or
not. Now look at my sign!!"
So Hamid looks at Ahmed's sign.
"I only need another $10 to move back to Lebanon."
Paddy and Mick are walking down a street in London. Paddy happens to look in one
of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye. The sign said, "Suits, $5.00
each. Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 per pair."
Paddy says to his pal, "Mick, look. We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we
get back to Ireland, we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you
be quiet, okay? Just let me do the talking cause if they hear your accent, they might
not be nice to us. I'll speak in my best English accent."
"Right you are Paddy. I'll keep my mouth shut, I will," says Mick.
They go in and Paddy says, "I'll take 50 suits at $5.00 each, 100 shirts at $2.00 ea,
and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my truck. . . ."
The owner of the shop interrupts, "You are from Ireland, aren't you?"
"Well. . .yes," says a surprised Paddy, "How the hell did you know that?"
The owner says, "This is a dry cleaners."
It is the Football Grand Final and a man makes his way to his seat and notices the
seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be
sitting there. "No," the neighbor, " the seat is empty."
The man said, "This is incredible. Who in his right mind would have a seat for the
Grand Final and not use it?"
The neighbor said, "Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come
with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Grand Final we haven't been to
together since we got married in 1967."
"Oh, . . .I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else,
a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head, "They are all at the funeral."
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding.
Older Woman : "Is there a problem, Officer?"
Officer : "Ma'am, you were speeding."
Older Woman : "Oh, I see."
Officer : "Can I see your license please ?"
Older Woman : I would give it to you, but I don't have one."
Officer : "Don't have one?"
Older Woman : "Lost it years ago for drink driving."
Officer : " I see . . . Can I see your registration papers, please?"
Older Woman : "I can't do that."
Officer : "Why not?"
Older Woman : " I stole this car."
Officer : "Stole it?"
Older Woman : " Yes and I killed and hacked up the owner."
Officer : You what?"
Older Woman : His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see."
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back
up. Within minutes, 5 police cars circle her car. A senior officer slowly approaches
the car, holding his half-drawn gun.
Officer 2 : "Ma'am, could you step out of the vehicle please?"
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older Woman : "Is there a problem, sir?"
Officer: "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered
Older Woman : " Murdered the owner?"
Officer 2 : "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car?"
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2 : " Is this your car, ma'am?"
Older Woman : "Yes, here are the registration papers." The officer is stunned.
Officer 2 : " One of my officers claims you do not have a driver's license."
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the
officer. He examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2 : "Thank you ma'am. One of my officers told me you didn't have a license,
that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner."
Older Woman : "Bet the liar told you I was speeding too"
Don't mess with Old Ladies.
A few quotes before I close for tonight.
The indispensable first step in getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide
what you want. ~ ~ ~ Ben Stein.
The secret of my success is that I bit off more than I could chew and chewed as
fast as I could. ~ ~ ~ Paul Hogan.
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternising with
the enemy. ~ ~ ~ Henry Kissinger.
It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have
car windows. ~ ~ ~ Erma Bombeck.
You ain't learnin' nothin' when you are talkin'. ~ ~ ~ Lyndon B. Johnson.
Love means not ever having to say you're sorry. ~ ~ ~ Erich Segal.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She is 97 now
and we don't know where the hell she is. ~ ~ ~ Ellen DeGeneres.
Bye for now folks. Have a great weekend. Love and best wishes to you all.
Post 615 ~~ Friday, 17th July, 2009. <><><>