Post 616 ~ ~ Monday, 20th July, 2009.
Hello again my friends. ~~ I have had a few frustrating days of being unable to
receive my e mails. I could send them , but not get them for four days. After
more than an hour on the phone today, I have finally got it sorted out, so all is
well. It involved getting a new password as it previously was a 6 letter name,
but that is not acceptable without a couple of figures after it. Funny it worked
earlier last week.
A very Happy Birthday to a blogging friend Kerri for tomorrow 21st July.
Have a wonderful day Kerri. Please wish her a good day.
I hope everything is going well for all of you and that life is good. My son, John
arrived home after being away since last Thursday. Another far rider's meeting,
where they have to ride 1000 kilometres from home, he was in Queensland
for the meeting, but didn't have time to visit my brother, Peter. It is always
such a rush, but he is home safe, thankfully. Mothers do worry, especially with
motor-cycles and such long distances.
Just a short opening article. called "One Day at a Time." Unknown author.
One day at a time, this is enough.
Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone. . . .
And do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come.
Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth
My friend Lisa sent me the first joke. Thank you Lisa.
Old Timer Sex. This is too funny to be dirty - enjoy.
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time
we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern
where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
"Yes," she says, "I remember it well."
"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again, and we can do
it again for old time's sake?"
"Oh, Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea."
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having
a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-
timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's
no trouble. So he follows them.
The old couple walk haltingly along leaning on each other for support aided by
walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way
to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.
As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they
erupt into the most furious se that the policeman has ever seen.
This goes on for about 10 minutes while both are making loud noises, and
moaning and screaming. They finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman isamazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and
old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle
to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and
thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something
else. You must have had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago, that wasn't an
Santa came down the chimney to be greeted by a gorgeous young woman
who says in a very sexy voice, "Hi Santa...want to stay and play awhile?"
Santa replies, "Ho Ho Ho I have to go. I must take toys to the children, you
So the gorgeous young woman takes off her dress and standing there in her
skimpy underwear says, "Santa. . ., please stay and play awhile?"
Santa says, "Ho Ho Ho, I have to go. I must take toys to the children, you
know." So the young woman takes off her skimpy underwear and standing
there stark naked, says "Santa . . .now do you want to stay and play awhile?"
Santa takes one look at her and looks down (towards his feet?) looks back
at her and says, "Hey Hey Hey, I will have to stay. . . .I can't get up the
chimney this way."
A young redhead goes to the doctor's office and says that her body hurts
wherever she touches it. "Impossible." says the doctor, :Show Me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes
her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she
touches makes her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"
"No," she says, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."
What do UFOs and smart blondes have in common?
You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
What is the difference between a blonde and a penny?
A penny has more cents.
Why do blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
Dear Cat Owner.
How to bath your cat.
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Lift both lids and add shampoo.
3. Find and soothe cat as you carry him to the bathroom.
4. In one swift move, place cat in toilet, close both lids and stand on top so
cat cannot escape.
5. The cat will self agitate and produce ample suda. (Ignore ruckus from
inside toilet, cat is enjoyng this.)
6. Flush toilet three or four times This provides power rinse, which is quite
7. Have someone open the back door, stand as far from the toilet as possible
and quickly open both lids.
8. Clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and outdoors, where he will air dry.
Sincerely, The Dog.
A bassoon player who had recently had abdominal surgery was anxious to
know whether he could resume playing. A note was duly pinned to his medical
notes to ask his consulting surgeon.
"Certainly," came the reply, "as long as it's not within five miles of this hospital."
A young vicar about to deliver his first sermon asked the advice of a retired
minister on how to capture the congregation's attention.
"Start with an opening line that's certain to grab them," the cleric told him.
For example: Some of the best years of my life were spent in the arms of
He smiled at the young vicar's shocked look before adding, "She was my
The next Sunday the vicar nervously the vicar nervously clutched the pulpit
rail before the congregation and stated, "Some of the best years of my life
were spent in the arms of a woma."
He was pleased at the instant reaction -- then panic-stricken. "But for the
life of me, I can't remember who she was."
A few quotes from my big book full of them.
We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the kerb and
applaud when they go by. ~ ~ ~ Will Rogers.
One voice can enter ten ears, but ten voices cannot enter one ear.
~ ~ ~ Leone Levi.
Personality can open doors but only character can keep them open.
~ ~ ~ Elmer G. Letterman.
I have witnessed the softening of the hardest hearts by a simple smile.
~ ~ ~ Goldie Hawn.
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
~ ~ ~ Will Rogers.
I am not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes, because I know I am not
dumb, and I also know I am not a blonde. ~ ~ ~ Dolly Parton.
You may be right I may be crazy
But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for. ~ ~ ~ Billy Joel.
That is it for this post my friends. Take good care of yourselves and
of each other. May you find joy in your lives. My love and best wishes
to you all. Cheers, Merle.
Post 616 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 20th July, 2009.