Friday, July 24, 2009

A Father's ABCs.

Post 617 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 24th July, 2009.

Hello My Dear Friends ~~ About time to post again, after doing some cooking- just a
chicken casserole and lots of vegetables, so have a break from that for a few days.
I hope you are all enjoying your lives wherever you are. I hope your weather is
pleasant and not too hot or too cold.

It was -3 C this morning here which is only about 26 F. So it was quite cold and it
doesn't get much colder than that - thank goodness. It went up to 13C, about 55F.
I went on my shopping trip on Tuesday with a lovely new lady, as Kerry has resigned.
I was surprised as she had said, "See you Tuesday." Cheryl seems to be very nice.

I also had a perm put into my hair and it looks better. The taxi driver who took me
to the hairdresser also picked me up and said "Nearly didn't recognize me."

So, now to get on with it. It is called "a fATHER'S ABCs" Author Unknown.

A-lways trust your children to God's care.

B-ring them to church.

C-hallenge them to high goals.

D-elight in their adventures.

E-xalt the Lord in their presence.

F-rown on evil.

G-ive them love

H-ear their problems.

I-gnore not their childish fears.

J-oyfully accept their apologies.

K-eep their confidence.

L-ive a good example before them.

M-ake them your friends.

N-ever ignore their endless questions.

O-pen your heart to their love.

P-ray for them by name.

Q-uicken your interest in their spirituality.

R-emember their needs.

S-how them the way of salvation.

T-each them to work.

U-nderstand they are still young.

V-erify your statements.

W-ean them from bad company.

e-Xpect them to obey.

Y-earn for God's best for them.

Z-ealously guide them in Bible truth.
<><>

Strange Tongue Twisters. Here are some tongue twisters to test your skills.

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. A peck of pickled peppers
Peter Piper picked. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. Where's the
peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

I thought a thought. But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought
I thought.

How can a cram in a clean cream can.

I saw Susie sitting in a shoe-shine shop. Where she sits she shines, and where
she shines she sits.

Santa's Short Suit Shrunk,

If Stu chews shoes, Should Stu choose the shoes he chews?

One-one was a race-horse. Two-two was one too.
O
ne-one won one race. Two-two won one too.

Can you can a can as a canner can can a can?

Which wristwatches are Swiss wristwatches?

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
He would chuck, he
would, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood as
a woodchuck would if a woodchuck would if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
<><>

This one could be about anyone and the Irish, Thanks to Sue & Bob in England.

The French President is sitting in his office when the telephone rings.
:Hello, Mr Stazkozy," a heavily accented voice said, "This is Paddy down at
the Harp Pub in County, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are
officially declaring war on you. We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty."

"Well, Paddy, " Sarkozy replied, "This is indeed important news. How big is
your army.?"
"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there's myself, me
Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire Dart's tean the
pub. That makes eleven."

Sarkozy paused, "I must tell you Paddy, that, that I have 100,000 men in my
army waiting to move on my command."
:Begorra," says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough the next day,
Paddy calls again. "Mr. Sarkozy the war is still on. We have managed to get us
some infantry equipment."
"And what equipment would that be Paddy?, Sarkozy asks.
"Well we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Sarkozy sighs amused. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000
armoured personel carriers. Also I have increased my army to 150,000 since we
last spoke."
"Saints, preserve us," says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr, Sarkozy, the war is still on.
We have managed to get ourselves airborne. We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's
ultra- light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the
Shamrock Bar have joined us as well."

Sarkozy was silent
and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have
100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser
-guided, surface to air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my
army to 200,000."
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph," says Paddy, "I will have toring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top of the morning, Mr. Sarkozy.
I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."

"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Sarkozy, "Why the change of heart?"
"Well," say Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and
packets of crisps, and we decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000
prisoners.
<><>

My friend, Embee also from England sent me this amazing List. Many thanks, Mike.
For those who love the philosphy of ambiguity, as well as the idiosyncrasies of
the English language.

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys & apes?

5. The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad
girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman "where's the Self-help
section?". She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions.

8. If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap.

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered
a hostage situation?

10. Is there another word for synonym?

11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered
plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly with no wings, be called a walk?

15. Why do they lock petrol station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone
will clean them?

16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

19. Why do they put braille on drive-through bank machines.

20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people,

23. Does the little mermaid wear an algaebra?

24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

25. How is it possible to have a civil war?

26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

27. If you ate both pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

28, If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?

29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 's' in it?

30. Why are hemorrhoids called 'hem orrhoids' instead of 'assteroids?

31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

33. If you spin an oriental person in a circle three times, do they become
disoriented?
<><>

A lady was having an argument with her maid. Before leaving the room, the
maid decided to say exactly what she thought.

"You might like to know," she said, "that your husband told me only last week
that I am a far better housekeeper and cook than you are He also said I was
much bettter looking."

The lady remained silent. "And that's not all, continued the maid. "I am far better
than you are in bed."
"I suppose my husband told you that as well, " snapped the lady.
"No," replied the maid, the gardener did!"
<><>

A school teacher asked the class, "Who wrote Hamlet?" and one little boy
said, "Please sir, it wasn't me."

The teacher was mentioning this at the local that same evening and the story
provoked much laughter, especially when one man, who, after wiping his eyes,
blurted out: "and I expect the little beggar wrote it all the time."
<><>

A few quotes from Oscar Wilde.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

I can resist everything except temptation.

Always forgive your enemies --nothing annoys them as much.

To get back my youth, I would do anything in the world, except take exercise,
get up early or be respectable.

I see when men love women, they give them but a little of their lives.
But when women love, they give everything.

Time for me to go to bed tonight. Be kind to everybody and take great care.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and enjoy your lives.
My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 617 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 24th July, 2009.
<><><>


17 comments:

Lady Di Tn said...

Another great post. Thanks for taking the time to make us all smile. Peace

Not the Good Scissors! said...

Merle I can always count on you for my weekly laughs. Thank you!
Hugs, Susan

Dave said...

Very good post as always Merle... and I bet that new hairdo makes you look great!

Have a wonderful weekend...

Sharon's Cottage Quilts said...

Oh Merle! I laughed so hard at the Irish joke I thought I would burst!! How funny is that? Hilarious!! Thanks Sweet Merle!!

Beth E. said...

Thank you for another great post, Merle! You always bring a smile to my face. :-)

Puss-in-Boots said...

Good morning, Merle. Well, all I can say is I'm glad I don't live down your way...I couldn't handle those temperatures at all. 13 degree maximum! Ye gods, I find an 18 degree max hard to handle.

Love those jokes, especially all those puzzling questions and the Oscar Wilde quotes...that man always put his finger on it.

I hope your new lady is as nice as Kerry was. That was sudden, wasn't it? Oh well, I guess she had her reasons.

Glad to hear all is well. Hugs.

Christina said...

Another good post! Those tongue-twisters were impossible (of course I had to try to say them all)

Patty said...

Good evening Merle,
Dinner time is over, dishes are done. Daughter is sitting out front in the drive way, while the granddaughter rides her bike. I'm getting ready to call my Mother to see how things are going with her. She's waiting for my niece and her husband to drop in and stay until Sunday. That way they can go visit her Mother who is now in Hospice. She put up a good fight, but she's losing her battle against cancer. Cancer is a dirty word. Takes too many too early and so often they have to suffer too much before it's all over and the family suffers to, watching it take it's toll.

Glad you got some extra cooking done and can have a few days where you don't have to prepare anything except eat the left overs. I love left overs myself, but sometimes I have picky eaters around here. LOL

Have a lovely evening, sleep well and wake up all rested and refreshed.
Love, Patty

Linda said...

This is great. Love the ABC's and I think it's funny in the tongue twisters how some are so much easier for me to say than others - guess it's just the use of certain consonents that are easier to twirl off the tongue. Love the funny quotes as well - many of these, I have seen on the sign of a local business, who always posts some new funny quote there.

Hope you have a blessed weekend,
Linda in Illinois

audrey` said...

Wow! Our dear Merle has a new perm =)

Father's ABC is so encouraging.

Gledwood said...

I think the best thing before sliced bread was probably the WHEEL!!

Boy does it get cold where you are. That sounds mighty inconvenient. And I thought Australia was HOT all the time!!

Chicken casserole sounds lovely. Did you do dumplings on top..?

Margaret Cloud said...

Our weather has been a little on the cool side, but I bet August will be a scorcher. I liked the tongue twister, can remember saying that as a child. The Irish one made me smile, prisoner's indeed, ha, ha. I also enjoyed the rest of them, you do make a person smile. Thank you for coming by, have a great day, take care friend and be safe.

Pamela said...

I have a tongue twister to add:

One Smart Fellow - He Felt Smart
Two Smart Fellows - they Felt Smart
Three Smart Fellow - they Felt Smart

Ha Ha Ha - they all Felt Smart


It has been my favorite since I was a small child

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I liked the joke about the Irish, it gave me a chuckle.

Take care and stay warm. We're still in the hundreds over here.

Janice~

Jeanette said...

Hello Dear Merle, Firstly I am a very relieved person tonight. after being recalled for a Biopsy after my routine ultra sound. I got good results from my specialist today , benign cysts..the waiting and worrying is over .

Great post . Ohh i need that laugh
read a couple of the tongue twisters from the local paper last week, I got my tongue twisted trying to read them aloud.

Love the ABc a lot of truth there.and quite a chuckle at the Irish joke..
Well dear Merle the weather has been very bitter and Icy, I have hardly been out the door, only venturing out when the need arose.. Keep warm stay insde near the heater, im off to bed love Janxxxx

Pearl said...

Hello my friend. Always love to come and visit your blog.
Those tongue twisters could get a person in trouble...lol The things I thought I heard come out of my mouth were not for mixed company...lol.
Sending you big hugs,
Take care.

Mountain Mama said...

Hello Merle. I used to get perms but since I let my hair grow out I no longer do. However I remember how good it felt to have one and know I wouldn't have to be fussing with my hair so much. Now days I tie it up in a bun or pony tail unless I'm going someplace.
We are having some really hot temps here. It's supposed to be 100 degrees tomorrow and is already in the 90s today. I don't like it at all. I don't have air conditioning but am thinking I shou;d get some. I am staying home except for Doctor appointments until this heat wave passes, and I pray it's soon!

Take care my friend and stay happy!