Saturday, August 01, 2009

Who's Colored?

Post 619 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 1st August, 2009.
Hello My Friends ~ ~ Aha, success, I was able to move the photo down. I type
straight into Blogger as I find that best for me. All fine here on this cool winter
day, but the heater is my friend. I hope you are all doing well and the weather
is just right for you, not too hot or too cold. We only have a month to go for
this Winter, Spring starts on 1st September, so that is something to look forward
to. Hopefully some nice sunnier days and getting gardens on the go again.

This was taken in 2005 and was Kate's Debut. All the family and me.

Back Daughter Kathy, GS Joh, GD Kate, S-I-L Arien

Front GD Kristen, GS Nick, GD Jorja and Grandma.

I might add that ALL those grands are now taller than I am. I kept telling

them not to eat. But they didn't listen.

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First item tonight is called "Who's Colored?" It was written by an

aboriginal bloke to a white bloke. Hope you enjoy.

We are born black, We live black and We die black.

You are born pink, You grow up white, and You die grey.

When sick, you are green. When angry, you are purple.

When sad, you are blue. When frightened, you are yellow.

When hot, you are red.

And you have the bloody cheek to call us colored.

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First joke tonight is a bit long, but a good one. It was sent to me by my good friend Nancy Kudlock. Thank you so much. for this one.

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery,knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down...Do you think I could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later the same man breaks down in front of the same monestery.

The monks again accept him, feed him and even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he heard some years earlier. The next morning he asks what the sound was, but the monk's reply was, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk. "

The man says, "All right, all right, I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk. How do I become a monk?"

The monk's reply. "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers you will become a monk."

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He say, " I have traveled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.

The monks reply, "Congratulations, you are correct and now you are a monk. We shall show you the way to the sound." The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, " The sound is behind that door." The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, "May I have the key?" The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door. He open it only to find a door made of ruby. He demands the key and behind that door is another made of sapphire. And so it went on until the man had gone through doors of emerald, ..silver, topaz and amethyst. Finally the monks say, "This is the key to the last door."

The man is relieved no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It truly is an amazing and unbelievable sight....

But, I can't tell you what it is because you are not a monk...

DON'T GET MAD AT ME . . . I'M STILL HUNTING FOR THE IDIOT WHO SENT THIS TO ME !! <><>

My dear friend Gina sent me this one. Many thanks, Gina.

While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits etc.

Finally she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while yor captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan."

An old MSgt, sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?" When the attendant came by he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?" "Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female." "My God," he said, " I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit."

"That's another thing, Sergeant," said the crew member, "We no longer call it The Cockpit. It's the Box Office." <><>

One from my dear friend, Linda May. Thanks for "Cowboy's Honeymoon."

A cowboy and his wife had just got married and found a nice hotel for their wedding night. The man approached the front desk and asked for a room. He said, "We are on our honeymoon and we need a nice room with a strong bed. The clerk winked, "You want the Bridal?"

The cowboy reflected on this for a moment and then replied, "Nope, I reckon not. I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it. <><>

An excited woman rang her husband at work. "I won the lottery," she exclaimed. "Pack your clothes." "Great ," he replied, "Summer or winter clothes?" "All of them. I want you out of the house by six." <><>

A married souple saw a counselor, because they both seemed to have trouble with forgetfulness. So the counselor advised them to write everything down, to help them remember. One night they were watching TV, when the wife said, "You know, I could really go for a big bowl of ice cream." The husband said, "No problem, I'll get it for you." The wife said,"Now remember what the counselor said, you should write it down."

The husband said, "Don't worry, I won't forget. I'm just going to the kitchen."

A few minutes later he came back in with a big plate of bacon and eggs. The wife said, "I know you should have written it down, you forgot my toast." <><> Now a few quotes . . . .

The day will happen whether or not you get up. ~ ~ ~ John Ciardi.

Between two evils, I always choose the one I haven't tried before. ~ ~ Mae West.

He may look like an idiot, walk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot. ~ ~ ~ Groucho Marx.

Too many people spend money they haven'r earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they do not like. ~ ~ ~ Will Smith.

Indecision may or may not, be, my problem. ~ ~ ~ Jimmy Buffett.

You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. ~ ~ ~ Olin Miller.

Nobody realises that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. ~ ~ ~ Albert Camus.

To err is human but to really foul things up you need a computer.~Paul Ehrlich. <><>

Bye for now my friends - it is midnight and time to go to bed. I hope you are having a really great week end and that Life is good for you. My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 619~ ~ ~ Saturday 1st August, 2009.

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15 comments:

Winifred said...

Great laughs once again Merle.

My those grandchildren! Maybe they put manure in their shoes nowadays. My husband can't believe the height of the girls coming out of the comprehensive school near us. There are some bigguns!

Gledwood said...

You got a beautiful family, Merle

;->...

Lady Di Tn said...

That was a really nice photo of ya'll. Again you bright and lighten my day with your jokes. Peace

Beth E. said...

Great jokes, as usual Merle! I particularly liked the one about the monks. Haha...

We are having warmer weather right now. Highs in the 80's (F). I'm looking forward to cooler temps!

Hope you're having a great weekend.

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

What a great family. It is a rainy day here in La and I have enjoyed some blog reading....So glad I stopped by yours. I enjoyed my visit.

Jack K. said...

What a great family. You are truly blessed.

You bless us all by sharing.

Loved the jokes as usual. I have seen some of them before, but they are still funny.

Take care.

Patty said...

Dear Merle,
What a lovely family photo. I'm like you, the only one that isn't as tall as me is the 9 year old, but she's almost there. I loved the cowboy on his honeymoon joke. It's really cool here this morning, well almost lunch time, it's 11:35am temp is only about 71F, that's cool compared to the last couple of days. Have a terrific Sunday. Love, Patty

Jim said...

I think I'd a learned that Monk secret. I believe I could 'fake it.' My motto, borrowed from Groucho Marx, "the secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
Your jokes were good today, so was the colors article.
..

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

You have a very handsome family. Your not a lone in being the short one, I'm the shortest of both my mom's and dad's side of the family. Even my own daughter is taller than me!

I loved the Monk Joke, cute, lol.

Janice~

Dave said...

Hilarious post as always Merle.. thanks for the chuckles! *S*

Christina said...

Great family photo, good post as always, but the monk joke was TERRIBLE!!!! (ha ha ha ha ha)

Puss-in-Boots said...

That's a lovely photo, Merle. I'm the shortest in my family now. All the grandkids, apart from Cooper, have left me behind. All my brothers are over six feet tall. Not sure what happened to me...

Merle, that monk joke is enough to make me tear my hair out! You realise I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight wondering what's behind that door? How could you do that...lol!

Have a great week.

Pamela said...

hang on to her ears... OMG. ha ha ha ha

Jeanette said...

Gday Dear Merlejust having a cuppa while i do a few visits before bed. Lovely photo of Grandma,Kathy and family.
Great jokes.
Haha read the Monk through and no answer.
Bring on Spring and some warm sunshine so we can spend time outdoors My garden needs some TLC.
Take care Dear merle stay indoors with your friend,,.. Love Janxxx

audrey` said...

HaHa! It's so funny. You asked your grandchildren not to eat but they didn't listen =D