Post 633 ~ ~ Wednesday, 30th September, 2009.
Hello Everyone ~~ I have had quite a few visitors and haven't been
able to get to the computer much. I had my friend Lorraine call in on
Monday, shopping day Tuesday, and today my friend Michael called
in and did some gardening for me as he has finished his season of
pruning fruit trees for this year. He will pick the fruit when it is ready.
My cousins, Phyll and Gordon came this afternoon and it was lovely
to see them as it has been a while.
I hope all is well with you all, and life is being good for you.
I have a small quote that I like, called Mizpah. It is from the Bible.
May the Lord watch between thee and me,
When we are absent one from the other.
As I have started late, I will find some jokes and get on with it.
First one is from my good friend Gina. Thanks Gina.
When Nothing Goes Right.
A short guy sitting at a bar just staring at his drink for half an hour
when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink,
gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing
stare as if to say, "What'cha gonna do about it?
The poor little guy starts to crying . . . . . . .
"Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time," the biker says.
I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," said the little guy, between sobs.
"I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important
meeting, so my boss fired me . . . When I went to the parking lot,
I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my
wallet in the cab I took home."
He continues, crying even harder. "Then I found my wife in bed
with the gardener and my dog bit me. So I came to this bar trying to
work trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then
you show up and drink the damn poison."
A few from my dear friend Linda May. Thank you Linda.
Woman over 50 don't have babies because they would put them
down and forget where they put them.
A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth contol pills . . .
She has 14 kids but doesn't really care.
One of life's mysteries is how a a 2-pound box of chocolates
can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The nice thing about living in a small town is that when you don't
know what you are doing, someone else does.
The older you get. the tougher it is to lose weight because by then
your body and your fat are really good friends.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain
Amazing. You hang something in your closet for a while and it
shrinks 2 sizes.
Skinny people irritate me. Especially when they say things like . .
"You know, sometimes I forget to eat." . . . Now I have forgotten
my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have
never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to
forget to eat.
The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing
and then they marry him.
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating
too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding?
That's my idea of a perfect day.
One from my dear friend, Barbara. Thank you for this one.
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how he
determines whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.
"Well" said the director, we fill up a bath-tub, then we offer,
A teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or
her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said."A normal person would use the bucket
because it's bigger than the teaspoon or teacup."
"No," said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do
you want a bed near the window?"
Well, time for me to go to bed. Have been on my feet, nearly all
day. Take great care dear friends. My love and best wishes to
you all. Cheers, Merle.
Post 633 ~ ~ ~ Wednesday, 30th September, 2009.