Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Mizpah.

Post 633 ~ ~ Wednesday, 30th September, 2009.

Hello Everyone ~~ I have had quite a few visitors and haven't been
able to get to the computer much. I had my friend Lorraine call in on
Monday, shopping day Tuesday, and today my friend Michael called
in and did some gardening for me as he has finished his season of
pruning fruit trees for this year. He will pick the fruit when it is ready.

My cousins, Phyll and Gordon came this afternoon and it was lovely
to see them as it has been a while.
I hope all is well with you all, and life is being good for you.

I have a small quote that I like, called Mizpah. It is from the Bible.

May the Lord watch between thee and me,
When we are absent one from the other.

As I have started late, I will find some jokes and get on with it.
First one is from my good friend Gina. Thanks Gina.

When Nothing Goes Right.

A short guy sitting at a bar just staring at his drink for half an hour
when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink,
gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing
stare as if to say, "What'cha gonna do about it?

The poor little guy starts to crying . . . . . . .

"Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time," the biker says.
I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," said the little guy, between sobs.

"I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important
meeting, so my boss fired me . . . When I went to the parking lot,
I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my
wallet in the cab I took home."

He continues, crying even harder. "Then I found my wife in bed
with the gardener and my dog bit me. So I came to this bar trying to
work trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then
you show up and drink the damn poison."
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A few from my dear friend Linda May. Thank you Linda.

Woman over 50 don't have babies because they would put them
down and forget where they put them.

A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth contol pills . . .
She has 14 kids but doesn't really care.

One of life's mysteries is how a a 2-pound box of chocolates
can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

The nice thing about living in a small town is that when you don't
know what you are doing, someone else does.

The older you get. the tougher it is to lose weight because by then
your body and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain
consciousness.

Amazing. You hang something in your closet for a while and it
shrinks 2 sizes.

Skinny people irritate me. Especially when they say things like . .
"You know, sometimes I forget to eat." . . . Now I have forgotten
my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have
never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to
forget to eat.

The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing
and then they marry him.

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating
too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding?
That's my idea of a perfect day.
<><>

One from my dear friend, Barbara. Thank you for this one.

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how he
determines whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.

"Well" said the director, we fill up a bath-tub, then we offer,
A teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or
her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said."A normal person would use the bucket
because it's bigger than the teaspoon or teacup."

"No," said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do
you want a bed near the window?"
<><>

Well, time for me to go to bed. Have been on my feet, nearly all
day. Take great care dear friends. My love and best wishes to
you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 633 ~ ~ ~ Wednesday, 30th September, 2009.
<><><>


14 comments:

Jim said...

Hi Merle, you were short (no pun, I forgot your short joke) and sweet (as always) today.
I am glad you are having a lot of company. You won't have to be given the mental tests as long as you will put friends in person ahead of blogging!

Your quote about the over fifty lady forgetting where her baby was put reminded me of my pigs.
Do you know what the number one killer of baby pigs is?

The mother hog is given to lay on her babies.
Now I undersstand why. It is because they are so old the have forgotten where they put them.
..

Gattina said...

It's nice to hear from you again and that real life and people kept you busy !!

Big Dave T said...

Hi Merle, Hope the dust is settling in your neck of the woods. That was something. My mine wanders constantly. But I figure I'm getting my exercise that way.

That joke about the asylum reminds me of one where this psychiatrist was visiting the ward where they put all these patients with delusions of grandeur. He went up to this one patient and asked him his name. "I'm Napoleon,"he said, hand stuffed into his shirt. The psychiatrist asked him, "Who told you that you were Napoleon." The patient sniffed. "God told me I was Napoleon." Then a voice came from a patient across the room, "No I didn't."

Patty said...

Dear Merle, hope you are sleeping well. Probably a little worn out from company and shopping. It seems it's been a busy week for me also. I usually go shopping on Thursday mornings, so tomorrow is the day (again) it seems I was just there yesterday.

I don't know where the month of Sept. has gone, but it has. It gets dark around 7:45 now, and I know it won't be much longer it will be dark before 7. It's almost still dark when I take the Granddaughter to school around 7:30 am.

Well I haven't taken my evening medication yet. So guess I better go do that. I cleaned the office today, swept the family room and kitchen, tomorrow I want to do the living room and give the bed rooms a lick and a promise to do better the next time. LOL I also mowed the backyard this afternoon.

Until later, have a good day tomorrow. Love, Patty

audrey` said...

I love your favourite quote too =)

"May the Lord watch between thee and me,
When we are absent one from the other."

Take care, dear Merle.

Dave said...

Sounds like you've been very busy Merle.. and that's a good thing! *S*

Hope the rest of your week is just as wonderful.

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
I am so happy you have had so much togetherness. Your quote is beautiful just like you. Thanks for sharing. Peace

Gramma Ann said...

Hi Merle,

I am still laughing at the biker drinking the poison...

Well, the cooler weather has gotten here in my little corner of the world, but I understand it is quite warm there in your little corner of the world. Enjoy the warmer weather.

It is so nice that you have help with the outside work and someone to help you shop, etc. I love company, but always nice to set down and put up the legs and relax when they leave. ; )

I hope you have a great week-end.

Ann

Margaret Cloud said...

I guess you have had some company, sometimes company can be tiring. I enjoyed your stories as usual. It is rainy and cold here, seems like summer and fall is all mixed up, I really don't want to get my winter coat out yet. Take care my friend and be safe. Hope you are having a nice weekend.

LZ Blogger said...

Merle ~ That one from your friend Barbara was a cute one! ~ jb///

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle. Nice to see you having so many visitors,Onlt it can be very tiring having so many at once, Always a feast or a famine.. great jokes hahaha little shortie..
have a great week hope the weather warms up again soon. love my friend . Janxxxxxx

linda may said...

G'Day Merlie Girl, Busy is good especially when it comes from friends and rellies visiting.
Mizpah to you too, love ya.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Merle. You have been popular lately. How nice to have people visiting, though.

Hope it hasn't been too cold for you...the weather has been so unpredictable lately, hasn't it?

I've just come inside and put a jumper and jeans on after being in shorts and a tee shirt all day...crazy!

Loved the jokes. Have a good week. Hugs.

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I hope you have been enjoying the visits, and I'm glad you had some work down in your garden. Your in the begining of your growing season.

I think my garden has had it, lol. It fall here and it finally cooled down.

I loved the jokes, have a great week.
Janice~