Friday, October 23, 2009

Advice from a donkey.

Post 638 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 23rd October, 2009.

Hello my friends ~~ I hope all is well with you and your loved ones
wherever you live and that your lives are going well. I am fine and
am expecting my younger daughter to arrive tomorrow with her three
daughters for the weekend. It will be Kathy's 48th birthday, so I
have a lovely cake in the fridge for her ~~ ssh don't tell her.
It is 5 months to the day since I saw them for MY birthday, so it
will be really nice to have them visit even for a short time.

A very Happy Birthday to a blogging friend Diane J, I hpoe you have
a wonderful day Diane and many Happy Returns.

My first story is from my good friend, Linda L. Thank you so much.
It is about a donkey, with a moral at the end. From the donkey.

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried
piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.





Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed
to be covered up anyway.

It just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors
to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began
to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was
happening and cried horribly. Then to everyone's amazement he
quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well.
He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that
hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing...He would
shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the
animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over
the edge of the well and happily trotted off.

********
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick is to shake
shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping-
stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping,
and never giving up. Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
Free your heart from hatred -- Forgive.
Free your mind from worries -- most never happen.
Live simply and appreciate what you have.
Give more.
Expect less.

NOW. . . . .

Enough of that crap. The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer
who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and
the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.



MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:

When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass. it always
comes back to bite you.
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The first joke was e mailed to me by my dear friend, Lorraine. (The
very helpful friend who does so much for me.) Thank
you so much.

A mother was driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, " how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replies.
"It's not polite." "OK," the little girl says. "How much do you weigh?"
"Now, really," the mother says, "those are personal questions that are
none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
"That's enough questions, young lady. Honestly."
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl told her friend.
"Well," says the friend, All you need is her driverr's license. It's like a
report card, it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you
are. You're 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 130 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How on Heaven's name
did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why Daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks, "Why?"

"Because you got an F in sex."
<><><>

Next joke was sent by my good friend Sharon K. Thank you Sharon.

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks
from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who
doesn't lie to you.

4. It is important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes
to be with you.

5. It's very very important that these four women do not know each
other.
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A few short ones from my good friend Linda. Thank you fir these.

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive
him; Patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength,
I'll beat him to death. AMEN.


Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. They are practicing to be MEN.


Q. What do you call a handcuffed man? A. Trustworthy.


Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath
and calling your name?
A. You did not hold the pillow down long enough.


Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e mail?
A. Rename the e mail folder "Instruction Manual."


KIDS ARE QUICK . . . . . also from Linda . . .

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America.
Class: Maria.

Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables.

Teacher" Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile'?
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
Glenn: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.


Teacher:
Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it's H to O.


Teacher: Winnie, name one important thing we have today
that we didn't have 10 years ago.
Winnie: Me.


Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me honestly, do you say prayers
before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.


Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps talking
when people are no longer interested?
Harold: A Teacher.

<><><>

A young woman sat in her stalled car, awaiting help. Finally two men
walked up to her. "I'm out of fuel," she purred. "Could you push me
to a service station?"

They readily put their muscles to the car and rolled it several blocks.
After a while, one looked up, exhausted, to see they had just passed
a filling station.
"How come you didn't turn in?" he yelled.

"I never go there," the woman shouted back. "They don't have full
service."
<><>

During a lecture for medical students, the professor listed as the
two best qualities of a doctor the ability to conquer revulsion and
the need for keen powers of observation. He illustrated this by
stirring a messy substance with his finger and then licking his
finger clean. Then he called a student to the front and made him
do the same.
Afterwards the professor remarked, "You conquered your revulsion,
but your powers of observation are not very good. I stirred with my
forefinger, but I licked my middle finger."
<><>

A few quotes to close with . . . .

A college degree is not a sign that one is a finished product but an
indication a person is prepared for life. ~ ~ Edward A. Malloy.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
~ ~ ~ Honore de Balzac.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them
sooner. ~ ~ ~ Red Skelton.

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife
to go swimming. ~ ~ ~ Jimmy Carter.

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? ~~ George Carlin.

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't
work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. ~~ Mickey Rooney.
<><>

Well time to say Bye for now. I hope you found something to interest
or amuse you. Love and best wishes to you all and enjoy your lives.
Have a wonderful weekend, Cheers, Merle.

Post 638 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 23rd October, 2009.
<><><>

18 comments:

Gledwood said...

I luuurve that trotterdonkey storey!

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Merle...more visitors for you, what a nice thing to look forward to. No, I promise I won't spill the beans about the birthday cake.

The jokes and anecdotes were great, as usual. Hope all is well with you, Merle. We need some rain...can you send some up?

Hugs.

Dave said...

Excellent post Merle... I laughed through the whole thing! *S*

Have a wonderful weekend.

Christina said...

Great post , Merle! I hope you enjoy your visitors.

Gramma Ann said...

Hello Merle,

I enjoyed the whole post, today, but, the ones about the youngsters was the best. And some of those quotes were funny, esp. the one by Mickey Rooney to get married in the morning.... he should know... ;)

We are having rainy weather here the last two days, we got about 3 inches of rain. But, the good news is it is to clear up this afternoon and be nice for a few days.

Enjoy your daughter and her children's visit, and don't eat to much cake.. haha

Ann

Sharon's Cottage Quilts said...

Dearest Merle,
Have a wonderful visit with your lovely daughter on her birthday!! Cake...Yummy!!!
Bless you sweet friend,
Sharon

Diane@Diane's Place said...

Great stories and jokes as always, Merle.

Thanks for your birthday greetings.

Hope you have a great visit with your daughter and her family, and a happy birthday to her. :o)

Love and hugs,

Diane

Fred said...

Hi Merle! It's been too long since I've been by to visit. I've missed so much.

I loved the Red Skelton quote. The Missus absolutely loved him. He was an accomplished artist and we bought one of his paintings.

Hope you are enjoying your daughter's visit. Have a great weekend, and hopefully I'll be by more often!

Patty said...

Dear Merle, once again some great ones. Loved the donkey joke and him biting the farmer. But then some say I have a sick sense of humor. I also loved these: Free your heart from hatred -- Forgive.
Free your mind from worries -- most never happen.
Live simply and appreciate what you have.
Give more, Expect less.
How true these are.

Eye surgery went great. It's amazing at all the dirt I'm able to see today. Didn't realize my kitchen tile (white) had so many spots on them, also didn't realize the underneath side of my range hood had so many grease splatters on it. So that will be a cleaning job next week, since doctor said to take it easy for a week. The hardest part is trying to remember not to bend from the waist to pick something up from the floor. Also rubbing the eye. Well it's getting late for me to be on the computer and I have to give my Mom a call yet, although I have already talked to her twice today. You have a terrific week-end and take care of yourself. Like they say, if you don't take care of yourself, no one else is going to. Love, Patty

audrey` said...

Have a very splendid weekend with Kathy and your grandchildren, Merle.
Take care =)

Pamela said...

how did they get that donkey to pose in that hole

POTPOURRI said...

I liked the whole post and read it twice as there is something for everyone to learn from the post. Thanks for leaving a comment on one of my posts,(copy paste) I loved the poem and have read it for the first time so felt like pasting it. Have a gr8 day with your loved ones.
rekha

Gina E. said...

Some good ones in that lot, Merle! We were up at Violet Town again today, and I dropped a hint to Ken about making a slight detour to Shepparton, but he said if it is 50 kls there from here, it is a 100kl round trip, and we don't have time. Bummer!!

Janice said...

Merle,

I've read the donkey story before, but this is the first time that I have seen it with pictures.

Have a great week and have a nice vist with your daughter.

Janice~

Jim said...

Merle, you were wonderful here. I do hope your weekend with family went really good! BTW, we were blessed witht the new granddaughter from Wednesday until Saturday morning. Karen came Friday night to get her back home. We had a nice visit too.

Your jokes--The donkey one is always good.
--I loved the driver license one, I will send it to my sister. I do wish she would read your blog. She's younger than me by five years and needs a blog.
--Some guys really do have more than one of these woman, Mrs. Jim does pretty good filling all those roles for us.
Cheers,
..

Rosezilla said...

Thanks for the laughs today, Merle! Some great quotes, and I esp. liked the ones by the kids. I hope you enjoy your family. My son and daughter in law get here Thursday and I can't wait!

Lady Di Tn said...

Great post. Have a great time with your daughter. Peace

softech said...

Interesting… I might try some of this on my blog, too. It’s quite interesting how you sometimes stop being innovative and just go for an accepted solution without actually trying to improve it… you make a couple of good points.

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