Friday, October 09, 2009

By Degrees.

Post 635 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 9th October, 2009.

Hello Everyone ~~~ I hope all is well with you,
my friends. I am OK and just put some roses on
to brighten the blog and because I like them.

I had some blood tests yesterday, and my hair cut
today, so that feels better. I get 3 monthly tests
on my diabetes etc, so see Doctor next week.




We have several birthdays among our blogging friends and I hope they
all have a wonderful day for their birthdays. First is Susie tomorrow
on the 10th. On Tuesday 12th Mary of Canada and on the 13th there
are two Pea also from Canada and Jack K. from the US.
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First
item tonight is a small poem by Robert Heyward - "By Degrees."

One step upon another, And the longest walk is ended;
One stitch upon another, And the longest rent is mended;
One brick upon another, And the highest wall is made;
One flake upon another, And the deepest snow is laid.

Then do not look disheartened, On the work you have to do,
And say that such a mighty task,
You never can get through.
But just endeavour day by day , Another point to gain;
And soon the mountain which you fear, Will prove to be a plain.
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First joke is called "Dust to Dust."

After church little Johnny told his parents he needed to speak to
the pastor. When he spoke with the pastor, he said, "I heard you
say today that we came from dust and when we die we go back
to dust."

The pastor said, "Yes I did and I am glad you were listening. Why
do you ask?" Little Johnny said, "Well, you better come back to my
house and look under the bed because either someone is coming
or going."
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One from Sue and Bob in England. Thanks for this one.

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer
for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next
day.The next day he drove up and said, "Sorry son, the donkey died."

Chuck replied, "Well then just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Chuck said, "OK, then just bring me the dead donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"

Chuck said, "I'm gonna raffle him."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle a dead donkey."
Chuck said, "Sure I can Watch me.. I won't tell anyone he's dead."

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What
happened with that dead donkey?"
Chuck said , "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a
piece and made a profit of $898.00."

The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"

Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars
back."
Chuck now works for the government.
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One from my friend Warren called "The Buttocks." Thanks.

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face
was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from
his body because he was too skinny.

So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the
only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have
to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about
where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor
honor their secret.

After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was
completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face.

He looked more handsome than he ever had before. All his friends
and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty.

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with
emotion at her sacrifice.

He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for
me. How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see
your mother kiss you on the cheek.
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One from Lady Di called "Grandfathers and Grandmothers." Thanks Di.

Have you ever wondered about the difference between Grandfathers
and Grandmothers? Well here it is:

A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a
special effort with his family on the weekends.

Every Sunday morning he would take his 7 year old granddaughter
out for a drive in the car for some bonding time . . . just he and his
granddaughter.

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't
feel like being up at all. Luckily his wife came to the rescue and said
that she would take their granddaughter out.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her
grandfather. "Well did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?"

"Oh yes, Papa," the girl replied, "and do you know what? . . . . We
didn't see a single dumb Bas***d, or a dip sh*t, or an a*sh*le
anywhere we went today."
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I found this one on the Internet - it's not very nice, funny ending.
The Date.

Cross my heart, this happened to someone. This guy lives in
Winchester NY and goes to school at Ithica College. For two years,
he has wanted to ask a certain girl out on a date but has never
had the courage.

Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters
up the courage to ask her out. She accepts and they make a date for
Saturday night.
Friday night, this guy goes out with all his buddies and drinks like
Prohibition is coming back.

Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can;t make it through 20
minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After
several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but is still running
to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date,
because he is afraid he won't ever talk to her again.

So they meet in Westchester and take the train to NY city (about a 30
minute ridee.) They get to the restaurant , and he excuses himself
during the appetizers to use the bathroom. They enjoy the rest of the
appetizers without interruption, but he has to go back again during the
entrees.

They decide to get dessert. During dessert, our hero feels another
rumbling, but doesn't want to look a complete bathroom freak, so he
holds it. The rumbling subsides, but he still has some gas stored up.

He decides to let this little bit of gas fly right there at the table (discreetly
of course) Unfortunately, this little bit of gas came with another little
surprise. Instead of running straight to the bathroom, our hero immediately
leans on the arms of his chair to keep from sitting on this little surprise.
He maintains this yoga position trying to figure out what to do.

He quickly pays for dinner, and they leave the restaurant. Oh by the
way, he is walking like a cowboy. On the way to the train station, they
pass The Gap clothing store.

"Do you mind if I run in and buy a sweater I was looking at last week?"
"No problem, I'd like to look around too," she replies. They go into
the Gap and fortunately men's fashions are on the right, and ladies on
the left. They split up.

Our hero grabs the first sweater he sees and hurries back to the khakis.

After selecting a pair that resembled his current outfit, he brings both
items to the register. His eyes on his date to make sure she doesn't
see him buying pants. He doesn't even want the sweater, so he says,
"just the pants." he says to the clerk. He pays for the pants and walks
over to his date, and they leave the store.

They board the train just before it leaves the station and find two seats
in the middle of the car. Without sitting down, our hero excuses himself
and walks to the bathroom in the back of the car.

He gets to the bathroom as the train departs, and quickly rips off his
pants and boxer shorts. He rolls them into a ball and throws them out
the window. After cleaning himself off, he opens the Gap bag and pulls
out . . .

Just the sweater.
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A few quotes to get over that one. . . . .

I do not fear computers. I fear lack of them. ~ ~ Isaac Asimov.

The dangers from computers is not that they will eventually get as
smart as men, but we will meanwhile agree to meet them halfway.
~ ~ ~ Bernard Avishai.

The best car safety device is a rearview mirror with a cop in it.
~ ~ ~ Dudley Moore.

The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.
~ ~ ~ B. F. Skinner.

If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs, but the push-button finger.
~ ~ ~ Frank Lloyd Wright.

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
~ ~ ~ Robert Benchley.

Well folks it's time to say Goodnight. Take great care of yourselves
and each other. Enjoy your lives and have some fun every day.
My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 635 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 9th October, 2009.
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16 comments:

Jack K. said...

Glad to know you are doing well.

Thanks for the shout out about my birthday. It promises to be a quiet one.

Pearl said...

Love the beatiful roses. Such a nice touch to any blog.
So glad you are doing well.
Thanks for stopping by my blog.
Sending you hugs,

Christina said...

Hi merle, what beautiful roses! I hope your blood tests come back ok. Great stories and jokes as always

Pamela said...

always get a good laugh when i visit.
Its my medicine.. ha ha

Margaret Cloud said...

Those roses are so beautiful, hope your blood test is okay. I liked them all but really liked the Buttocks one the best. I hate to say this but those swear words are used by my husband a lot when we drive. Hope you are having a nice weekend, we are still very cold and rainy. Take care friend and be safe.

Indy Cookie said...

Greetings from Indianapolis, sweet Merle! You always lift my mood and make me smile.
I recently gave you and your blog an award. If you would like, you can go to http://kathyskandids.blogspot.com/2009/10/first-award.html#comments
to read about it.
God bless!
Kathy

Gina E. said...

Hi Merle,
Lovely roses and funny jokes - you are my last stop tonight, after several hours of blog surfing! Glad you are keeping well. We might drop in on you one day; we've been driving up to Violet Town regularly to check on our dingo pups, and every time I see the turn-off to Shepparton, I ask Ken "how long would it take to get there?" and he says "too long!" One day I'll persuade him otherwise!

Jim said...

Hi Merle, I like your roses. Thank you for putting them on.

I had forgotten that dust coming
or going joke. Not necessarily in our house but for sure some of my areas must have people sneaking in to die.

I think Chucks mule was purchased by an insurance company and spread around so they all could skin the mule off on us now.
..

audrey` said...

The roses are so lovely, Merle =)
Take care.

Dave said...

Very beautiful roses Merle!!!

Sorry I haven't been here since Friday, it's been a busy long weekend here! *S*

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
Thanks for sharing the joke. Little Brother does not send me as many as he once did. I always like the little johnnie jokes. Hope the blood work comes gets a good report. The roses are lovely. Peace

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

Good post. I like the roses they are pretty, and the story butt was funny at the end. Pun intended.

We finally got some rain.

Have a great week.
Janice~

Big Dave T said...

I like the joke about the buttocks. My son lives in Ithaca, NY now and knows a couple people who got to Ithaca college there. Some day he may make it to NYC.

Hea, that cat (Maukie' brother) is acting up on my blog. He keeps flashing ads hawking Michigan State University tickets. Remember, I'm a University of Michigan fan so Michigan State is our arch-enemy. If he doesn't behave better, he may have to go.

Mountain Mama said...

Hi Merle. I thought I was too tired tonight to do much laughing but your jokes got to me! LOL
The one about throwing away his pants was hillarious! HAHAHA But wouldn't that be just awful?

Your rose pictures are lovely. I still have a few blooming but we have had frost a few mornings already so they won't last long.

We had rain today and are supposed to get more for the next few days. I don't mind too much but I do hate to see our fall turning rainy already. I love an Indian summer.

I hope your blood test results are favorable.
take care.
Hugs

linda may said...

Drs give blood tests for everything nowdays don't they. I hope you don't feel too much like a pin cushion.
I wonder if that bloke got a second date? hehehehe.
Roses are my favorite flower of all time. I can't wait to see what the roses in this house are like when they start to flower next month. Ah lovely.I have a garden again, it is not mine.... but I have a garden!

Gramma Ann said...

Hi Merle,

Roses are my favorite flowers and the pictures of the ones you posted are lovely.

The poem was so nice, I really enjoyed reading it. And the one about the Cowboy in the post on Monday, October 5, was cute too. And of course I always enjoy quotes, they are among some of my favorite things along with roses.

I hope the blood work is found to be good and all continues to be well with you. I also like clean sheets, hee,hee.

Thanks for the visit to my blog. I am taking a blogging break just for the month of October and maybe some of November, I need to do some other things this month.

Have a great week and week-end.

Ann