Post 635 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 9th October, 2009.
Hello Everyone ~~~ I hope all is well with you,
my friends. I am OK and just put some roses on
to brighten the blog and because I like them.
I had some blood tests yesterday, and my hair cut
today, so that feels better. I get 3 monthly tests
on my diabetes etc, so see Doctor next week.
We have several birthdays among our blogging friends and I hope they
all have a wonderful day for their birthdays. First is Susie tomorrow
on the 10th. On Tuesday 12th Mary of Canada and on the 13th there
are two Pea also from Canada and Jack K. from the US.
First item tonight is a small poem by Robert Heyward - "By Degrees."
One step upon another, And the longest walk is ended;
One stitch upon another, And the longest rent is mended;
One brick upon another, And the highest wall is made;
One flake upon another, And the deepest snow is laid.
Then do not look disheartened, On the work you have to do,
And say that such a mighty task, You never can get through.
But just endeavour day by day , Another point to gain;
And soon the mountain which you fear, Will prove to be a plain.
First joke is called "Dust to Dust."
After church little Johnny told his parents he needed to speak to
the pastor. When he spoke with the pastor, he said, "I heard you
say today that we came from dust and when we die we go back
The pastor said, "Yes I did and I am glad you were listening. Why
do you ask?" Little Johnny said, "Well, you better come back to my
house and look under the bed because either someone is coming
One from Sue and Bob in England. Thanks for this one.
Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer
for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next
day.The next day he drove up and said, "Sorry son, the donkey died."
Chuck replied, "Well then just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Chuck said, "OK, then just bring me the dead donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Chuck said, "I'm gonna raffle him."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle a dead donkey."
Chuck said, "Sure I can Watch me.. I won't tell anyone he's dead."
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What
happened with that dead donkey?"
Chuck said , "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a
piece and made a profit of $898.00."
The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars
Chuck now works for the government.
One from my friend Warren called "The Buttocks." Thanks.
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face
was severely burned.
The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from
his body because he was too skinny.
So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the
only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have
to come from her buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about
where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor
honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was
completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face.
He looked more handsome than he ever had before. All his friends
and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty.
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with
emotion at her sacrifice.
He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for
me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see
your mother kiss you on the cheek.
One from Lady Di called "Grandfathers and Grandmothers." Thanks Di.
Have you ever wondered about the difference between Grandfathers
and Grandmothers? Well here it is:
A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a
special effort with his family on the weekends.
Every Sunday morning he would take his 7 year old granddaughter
out for a drive in the car for some bonding time . . . just he and his
One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't
feel like being up at all. Luckily his wife came to the rescue and said
that she would take their granddaughter out.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her
grandfather. "Well did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?"
"Oh yes, Papa," the girl replied, "and do you know what? . . . . We
didn't see a single dumb Bas***d, or a dip sh*t, or an a*sh*le
anywhere we went today."
I found this one on the Internet - it's not very nice, funny ending.
Cross my heart, this happened to someone. This guy lives in
Winchester NY and goes to school at Ithica College. For two years,
he has wanted to ask a certain girl out on a date but has never
had the courage.
Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters
up the courage to ask her out. She accepts and they make a date for
Friday night, this guy goes out with all his buddies and drinks like
Prohibition is coming back.
Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can;t make it through 20
minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After
several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but is still running
to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date,
because he is afraid he won't ever talk to her again.
So they meet in Westchester and take the train to NY city (about a 30
minute ridee.) They get to the restaurant , and he excuses himself
during the appetizers to use the bathroom. They enjoy the rest of the
appetizers without interruption, but he has to go back again during the
They decide to get dessert. During dessert, our hero feels another
rumbling, but doesn't want to look a complete bathroom freak, so he
holds it. The rumbling subsides, but he still has some gas stored up.
He decides to let this little bit of gas fly right there at the table (discreetly
of course) Unfortunately, this little bit of gas came with another little
surprise. Instead of running straight to the bathroom, our hero immediately
leans on the arms of his chair to keep from sitting on this little surprise.
He maintains this yoga position trying to figure out what to do.
He quickly pays for dinner, and they leave the restaurant. Oh by the
way, he is walking like a cowboy. On the way to the train station, they
pass The Gap clothing store.
"Do you mind if I run in and buy a sweater I was looking at last week?"
"No problem, I'd like to look around too," she replies. They go into
the Gap and fortunately men's fashions are on the right, and ladies on
the left. They split up.
Our hero grabs the first sweater he sees and hurries back to the khakis.
After selecting a pair that resembled his current outfit, he brings both
items to the register. His eyes on his date to make sure she doesn't
see him buying pants. He doesn't even want the sweater, so he says,
"just the pants." he says to the clerk. He pays for the pants and walks
over to his date, and they leave the store.
They board the train just before it leaves the station and find two seats
in the middle of the car. Without sitting down, our hero excuses himself
and walks to the bathroom in the back of the car.
He gets to the bathroom as the train departs, and quickly rips off his
pants and boxer shorts. He rolls them into a ball and throws them out
the window. After cleaning himself off, he opens the Gap bag and pulls
out . . .
Just the sweater.
A few quotes to get over that one. . . . .
I do not fear computers. I fear lack of them. ~ ~ Isaac Asimov.
The dangers from computers is not that they will eventually get as
smart as men, but we will meanwhile agree to meet them halfway.
~ ~ ~ Bernard Avishai.
The best car safety device is a rearview mirror with a cop in it.
~ ~ ~ Dudley Moore.
The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.
~ ~ ~ B. F. Skinner.
If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs, but the push-button finger.
~ ~ ~ Frank Lloyd Wright.
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
~ ~ ~ Robert Benchley.
Well folks it's time to say Goodnight. Take great care of yourselves
and each other. Enjoy your lives and have some fun every day.
My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.
Post 635 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 9th October, 2009.