The Aussie Version of Creation.

Post 645 ~ ~ ~ Wednesday, 25th November, 2009.

A very Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate it. Have a very happy
day and enjoy the time with family and friends.

Hello Everyone ~ ~ I hope all is well in your corner of the world and
life is good. I am fine and really enjoyed having my brother Peter
here for 5 days. He left yesterday, and may call on his way home,
which would be great. We went out for two days, to Yarrawonga
to see Jeanette, her daughter Carol and sister Pauline, and we had
a lovely day, meal and enjoyed the company.

On Monday we went to Tocumwall to visit more friends, that we have
known since he was 16. Keith and his wife Anne. It was great to see
them and both look well, despite Anne having a melenoma removed
and having chemo and radiation. I hope she will be quite well very soon.

After Peter left, I did some laundry and then went shopping with my
carer lady for 2 hours. So I was pretty beat after all of that. I still
haven't checked my grocery list yet, but will get to it. It is all put away
which is the main thing.

The first item tonight was sent to me by Sue and Bob from England,
Thanks for this one, I liked it.

It is called "THE AUSSIE VERSION OF CREATION."

In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footy
matches, going to the beach and BBQ's. He created night for going
prawning, sleeping and BBQ's.....and God saw that it was good.















On the Second Day, God created water. . . for surfing, swimming and
BBQ's on the beach. And God saw that it was good.


On the Third Day, God created the earth to bring forth plants to
provide malt and yeast for beer, and wood for BBQ's, and God saw
that it was good.


On the Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans. . . . chops,
sausages steak and prawns for BBQ's and God saw that it was good.


On the Fifth day, God created a Bloke . . . to go to the footy, enjoy
the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQ's
and God saw that it was good.



On the Sixth Day God saw that the Bloke was lonely and needed someone to go
to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the Barbie with.

So God created Mates . . . and God saw that they were good Blokes, and God saw
that it was good..


On the Seventh Day, God looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard the
hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes. He smelled
the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God saw that it was good.

Well. . . almost good.

He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.

So God created sheilas . . . . to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, to cook
and to clean the Barbie, and then God saw that it was not just good. . . . .

It was better than that, it was bloody awesome!!

IT WAS AUSTRALIA !!!!














<><>

Another friend from the United Kingdom, Mike sent the next one.Thanks Mike.

Baby's First Doctor Visit.

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's waiting room waiting for the
doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being
a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.

"Breast fed," she replied.

"Well strip dpwn to your waist," the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed and kneaded and rubbed both
breasts.for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, "No wonder this baby
is underweight. You don't have any milk."

"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."
<><>

My son John sent this next one. Thanks John.

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports
car and was pulled over by a police-woman who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug
through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and
handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is." she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
"OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
<><>

My good friend Linda L. sent some Lexophiles for us. Thanks Linda.

1. A bicycle cannot stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's
your Count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road; poultry in motion.

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you a flat
miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France and resulted in
Linoleum Blownapart.

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia " the LAN down under.

15. A calander's days are numbered.

16. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

17. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

18. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison: a small
medium at large.

19. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

20. When you have seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.

21. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

(There are more of these for another time.)
<><>

A few from my good friend Robyn. Thanks Robyn.

Actual call centre conversations.!!!

Customer: "I've been ringing 2100 for two days and can't get through
to enquiries, can you help?"

Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?"

Customer: It was on the door to the Travel Centre."

Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours."
<><>

Samsung Electronics.

Caller: "Can you give the telephone number for Jack?"

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, I don't understand who you are talking about."

Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I
need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone
Jack before cleaning. Now can you give me the number for Jack?"

Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall."
<><>

RAC Motoring Services.

Caller: Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
travelling in Australia?"

Operator: "Doesn't the product name give you a clue?"
<><>

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"

Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label. Woven in Scotland."
<><>

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a
phone box told a worried operator:

"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the
number on."
<><>

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer" "No."
Techsupport: "OK, Right-click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Caller: "No.."
Tech support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write "click" and I wrote "click."
<><>

Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you
see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow, How can you see my screen from there?"
<><>

Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realized
that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have
my file back again.?"
<><>

Just a few quotes to close with . . . . . . .

I'd like to live like a poor man---only with lots of money.
~~~ Pablo Picasso.

It isn't necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It's only
necessary to be rich. ~ ~ Alan Alda.

A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.
~ ~ ~ Jane Austen.

I am not a has-been. I am a will be. ~ ~ Lauren Bacall.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
~ ~ ~ J. Paul Getty.

The secret to success is to know something nobody else knows.
~ ~ ~ Aristotle Onassis.
<><>

Time to say Goodnight my friends. Look after yourselves and
each other. Enjoy a little fun and laughter each day.
Love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 645 ~ ~ ~ Wednesday, 25th November, 2009.
<><><>