Friday, November 20, 2009

Noah's Ark.

Post 644 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 20th November, 2009.

Hello Everyone ~~ I hope all is well with you and that your lives are
going well in this busy busy world of ours. My brother Peter is here at
the moment. He arrived on Wednesday night and yesterday we just
sat around catching up and playing on our computers. the temperature
went up to 41C which is around 105F, so it was darn hot and we were
very glad of the air conditioning. My son John came to see Peter and
came back to have the evening meal with us. (Pork chops and Vegs etc.)

Today , a little cooler we went out in Peter's lovely new car to do a bit of
shopping. Tomorrow we are going to Yarrawonga to see our friend Jan -
Jeanette, so that will be nice. She has had a bad time after her cataracts
were done, by developing fluid in the retinas of both eyes. I do hope that
they come good very soon for her. Her daughter, Carol is still there being
a great daughter, looking after her.

A very Happy 22nd birthday to my dear granddaughter, Kate today. I hope
it has been a great day Kate. Love always, Grandma. X X

Also a very Happy Birthday to my good friend Linda May who has a Birthday
tomorrow on Saturday, 21st November. Have a great day.


My first item tonight is called "Noah's Ark" Thank you to whoever sent this one.

NOAH'S ARK.
Everything I need to know, I learned from Noah's Ark.

ONE : Don't miss the boat.

TWO : Remember that we are all in the same boat!

THREE: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

FOUR : Stay fit. When you're 60 years old , someone may ask you
to do something really bog.

FIVE : Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to
be done.

SIX : Build your future on high ground.

SEVEN : For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

EIGHT : Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board
with the cheetahs.

NINE : When you're stressed, float awhile.

TEN : Remember the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by
Professionals.

ELEVEN : No matter what the storm, when you are with God, there's
always a rainbow waiting.

Please pass this on to people you want to be blessed.

Most people walk in and out of your life ..... but FRIENDS leave
footprints in your heart.
<><>

This one was sent to me by Patty and Sue and Bob. Thank you.

THE GOOD OLD DAYS.

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went out and found them.

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
lawsuits from these accidents. We would get spankings with wooden
spoons. switches, ping pong paddles, or just a bare hand and no one
would call child services to report abuse.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not
live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our tenth birthdays, made up games with
sticks and tennis balls. and although we were told it would happen, we
did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door
or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.

Little League had try-outs and not everyone made the team. Those
who didn't had to learn to live with the disappointment. Imagine that.!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law.!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers,
problem solvers and inventors ever.

The past 50 years have been an
explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom. failure. success and responsibility, and we learned
how to deal with it all.

So, if you're one of US, CONGRATULATIONS.

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to
grow up as kids before the lawyers and the government started
regulating so much of our lives for 'our own good.' And while you
are at it, forward to your kids so they will know how brave and
lucky their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors,
doesn't it ??
<><>

Skipping Church.

Lately, Pastor Mike had grown weary from the demands of his
growing church. He was getting very little sleep and a couple of
deacons had really been putting him to the test.

So one beautiful Spring Sunday morning he decides he will feel
better with a relaxing game of golf. Pretending to be sick, he calls
the deacons and informs them he is sick and will not be able to
make it that day. He scheduled a guest speaker so everything
was under control without him.

As Pastor Mike was preparing to tee off on the first hole, the
Archangel Michael looked over at God and said, "I'm sorry sir,
but what are you going to do? Pastor Mike called in to his deacons
and said he was sick. He lied to them and the church. And he is
skipping church. Shouldn't you punish him somehow for his behavior?"

"Sure," said the Father. "I'm going to make him hit a hole-in-one on
every hole."

"A hole-in-one on every hole?" said Michael. "That's not punishment.
That's a blessing. No one has ever done that and you're going to help
this lazy, lying pastor score a hole-in-one on every hole. How is that
punishment?"

"Who's he gonna tell?"
<><>

My good friend, Lady Di sent me the next lot, called the "Top 8
Morons of 2008!!!! Thank you Dianne. I LoL reading these.

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?

AT & T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he
lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance
package, Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
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2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS.

Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gun-
man who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten
gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside
them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
<><>

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???

An Illinois man pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and
forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines,
wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own
bank accounts.
<><>

4. THE GETAWAY !!

A man walked into a Topeka, Kansasa Kwik Shop and asked for all
the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small,
so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for
three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
<><>

5. DID I SAY THAT???

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who
just couldn't control himself in a line-up. When detectives asked
each man in the line-up to repeat the words: "Give me all your
money or I'll shoot" the man shouted, "Thta's not what I said."
<><>

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???

A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and
her contractions are only 2 minutes apart." "Is this her first child?"
the doctor asked. "NO," the man shouted, "This is her husband."
<><>

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED.

In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold
up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb
and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his
hand in his pocket. (hellooooo)
<><>

8. THE GRAND FINALE!!!

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an
hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks new to boating, were
having a problem. No matter how hard they tried. they couldn't
get their brand new 22 foot boat going.. It was very sluggish in
almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied.

After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby
marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was
wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect
working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and
down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So one of the
Marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up
choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

NOW REMEMBER THIS IS TRUE.

Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was
the trailer.
<><>

Well, it is time to close for tonight. Look after yourselves my friends
and enjoy your lives. Love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 644 ~ ~ ~ Friday 20th November, 2009.
<><><>


11 comments:

audrey` said...

Hi Merle =) Happy Birthday, Kate =)

Read about the bush fires and Code Red in Australia. Please take very good care of yourself. Try to drink water (((HUGS)))

Patty said...

Good afternoon, once again you have a page of some good jokes and one liners.

Love the boat and trailer, that should go under the most poplar for the most stupid award.

Happy week-end. Today the sun is shining and it's very nice out there. We've had rain for the past several days.
Love, Patty

Annie said...

105! Ugh. I know how that feels far too well. At least here the air is dry. Much higher though and one feels as though the lungs are being cooked. Enjoy that A/C and keep it rolling. And drink lots of water.

Peter said...

Like Audrey said, try to drink water....
I've been telling you for years to "take more water with your drinks!!!

Gina E. said...

Hi Merle, hope you are getting this rain up there - it's fabulous! Everything has cooled down, all our windows and doors are open (thank goodness nobody is having parties tonight...) and the plants are looking happier (and greener) than they have for weeks!
Have you seen Jeanette yet? If not, please pass on my love and best wishes if you think of it; you've probably had 20 similar requests ;-)

Jack K. said...

Great post. Have fun with Peter. Enjoy the wine.

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

Ugh that's too hot, I bet you are greatfull for the AC. We finally got cold, and had a light frost. If I hadn't already taken out my tomatoes they would be black by now.

I got a pretty good laugh at the boat trailer story, my dad always had a boat while I was growning up. He would have just shook his head over that, lol.

Have a great weekend and stay cool.

Janice~

Puss-in-Boots said...

Oh, I liked that last lot, Merle, and they were all men! We can be blonde and still be a little more clever than that...or can we? When some of the blonde jokes come to mind, maybe not.

I think you're getting all our hot weather... although it's in the 30s today, hot enough for the air con.

Have fun and say hi to Peter. Hugs.

Dave said...

Great post Merle....! I loved a bunch of them today.

Say hi to Peter for me!

Granny on the Web said...

Loved the post Merle.
Have a great time with Peter.
Love Granny

Margaret Cloud said...

Glad you are having fun with Peter and son John. Liked you cartoon of the ark, very good points. I liked the Good Old Days and you are right. Very nice post, liked them all. Thank you for coming by my friend.