Post 643 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 15th November, 2009.
Hello Everyone ~~ At this stage my cousin rang and so it is now
a good half hour later as we always talk for a while, so I had better
get on with this. I hope all is well at your house and life is good.
I have been busy taking cutting from my pelargoniums and potting
them for gifts and to replace any plants. I am using tank water to
get them started. The weather has been hot so they need help.
I am looking forward to my brother Peter's visit next week and no
doubt we will burn some midnight oil catching up etc. Unfortunately
Warren couldn't get time off work to come with him, which is a
shame because it is a long way on your own.
First item tonight is called "A Gift of Love." Author Unknown.
"Can I see my baby?' the happy new mother asked.
When the bundle was nestled in her arms and she moved the fold
of cloth to look upon his tiny face, she gasped. The doctor turned
quickly and looked out the tall hospital window. The baby had been
born without ears.
Time proved the baby's hearing was perfect. It was only his
appearance that was marred. When he rushed home from school,
one day and flung himself into his mother's arms, she sighed, knowing
that his life was to be a succession of heartbreaks.
He blurted out the tragedy "A boy, a big boy . . . called me a freak."
He grew up, handsome for his misfortune. A favorite with his fellow
students, he might have been class president, but for that.He developed
a gift, a talent for literature and music. "But you might mingle with other
young people," his mother reproved him, but felt a kindness in her heart.
The boy's father had a session with the family physican. Could nothing be
done?" "I believe I could graft on a pair of outer ears. if they could be
procured," the doctor decided.
Whereupon the search began for a person who would make such a sacrifice
for a young man. Two years went by.
Then, "You are going to the hospital, Son. Mother and I have someone
who will donate the ears you need. But it's a secret," says the father.
The operation was a brilliant success, and a new person emerged. His
talents blossomed into genius, and school and college became a series
of triumphs. Later he married and entered the diplomatic service.
"But I must know." He urged his father. Who gave so much for me?
I could never do enough for him."
"I do not believe you could," said the father, but the agreement was
that you are not to know . . . not yet."
The years kept their profound secret, but the day did come. . . . one of
the darkest days that a son must endure. He stood with his father over
his mother's casket.
Slowly, tenderly, the father stretched forth a hand and raised the thick
reddish brown hair to reveal that the mother had no outer ears.
"Mother said she was glad she never let her hair be cut," whispered the
father gently, "and nobody ever thought Mother less beautiful, did they."
Real beauty lies not in the physical appearance, but in the heart. Real
treasure lies not in what can be seen, but what cannot be seen.
Real love lies not in what is done and known, but in what is done,
but not known.
First joke tonight was sent to me by my good friend Sharon. Thank you.
I truly didn't know this. Las Vegas Churches accept gambling chips.
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but
there are more Catholic churches than Casinos.
Not surprisingly , some worshipers at Sunday services will give Casino
chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have
devised a method to collect the offerings.
The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan
Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of
origin and cashed in.
THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.
You didn't even see it coming, did you?
One from my dear friend Patty. Thanks for this one.
A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It is after
midnight. While en route home he asks the cab driver if he would
be a witness.
The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch
her in the act. For $100, the cab driver agrees.
Quietly arriving home, the husband and the cab driver tip toe into
the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket
back and there is his wife in bed with another man.
The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head.
The wife shouts, "Dpn't do it. I lied when I told you I inherited money."
He paid for the Corvette I gave you.
He paid for our cabin cruiser.
He paid for your St. Louis Rams season tickets.
He paid for our house at the lake.
He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the
Shaking his head from side to side, the husband lowers the gun.
He looks over at the cab driver and says, "What would you do?"
The cab driver replies, "I'd cover him up with that blanket before
he catches cold."
One from my good friend, Lady Di. Thank you, my friend.
It was the little girl's first day at school, and the teacher asked her
what her name was. She replied, "Happy Butt."
The teacher said, "Honey, I don't think that's your name. You need
to go to the Principal's office and get this straightened out."
So she went to the Principal's office and he asked, "What's your name?"
And the little girl said, "Happy Butt."
The Principal called the girl's mother to get this straightened out once
and for all.
After getting off the phone, he looked at the little girl and said, "Honey,
your name is Gladys, not Happy Butt."
The girl exclaimed, "Glad Ass, Happy Butt, what's the difference?"
My friend Linda May sent the next one. Thank you Linda.
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.
"Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."
The teacher knowing how precious some of these stories could
become, she asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we
knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard."
"That must have been scary," said the teacher.
"It sure was," said the little girl said. "My kitty raised her back, went
"Ffffff, Ffffff, Ffffff"," but before she could say 'F*** Off', the
Rottweiler ate her."
The teacher had to leave the room.
Last one tonight called "Posthumous Interest.
A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February
and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and
then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance
had been $0.00 but now it was somewhere around $60.00.
A family member placed a call to Citibank:
Family Member, "I'm calling to tell you that she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges
Family Member: "Maybe you should turn it over to Collections."
Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."
Family Member: "So what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Citibank: :Either report her account to the frauds division or report
her to the credit bureau, maybe both."
Family Member: Do you think God will be mad at her?"
Citibank: " Excuse me?"
Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you . . . the part
about her being dead?"
Citibank: "Sir, you will have to speak to my supervisor."
Supervisor gets on the phone.
Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you she died in January."
Citibank: :The account was never closed and the late fees and
charges still apply."
Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Citibank: (stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"
Family Member: "No. I'm her great nephew." (lawyer info given.)
Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Family Member: "Sure." (the fax number is given.)
After they get the fax . . . .
Citibank: "Our system is not set up for death. I don't know what
more I can do to help."
Family Mmember: "Well if you figure it out, great. If not you could
just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."
Citibank: "Well the late fees and charges do still apply."
Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"
Citibank: "That might help."
Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129,
Plot number 69.
Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery."
Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"
Just a couple of quotes to finish with . . . . .
The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an
honest coward, like everyone else. ~ ~ ~ Umberto Eco.
Courage is being scared to death -- but saddling up anyway.
~ ~ ~ John Wayne.
Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.
~ ~ ~ Quentin Crisp.
I generally avoid temptation, unless I can't resist it. ~~Mae West.
Insanity : Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting
different results. ~ ~ ~ Albert Einstein.
Bye for now my friends until next time. Take great care of each
other and yourselves . Don't worry, it may never happen.
My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.
Post 643 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 15th November, 2009.