Post 655 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 10th January, 2010.
Hello My Friends ~~ I hope this finds you all well and enjoying life, even
if the weather is way too cold or way too hot. If we are above ground, I
guess that is a good start and with food and shelter, we are better off
than many others. I spent a lot of time today cooking a pork roast and
a heap of vegetables and with apple sauce on the sliced pork. It was hot
work, but we have to eat, so have to cook every few days.
The first item tonight is called :A Little Ice Cream." I have posted it
before, but found it again in the Mountain Wings e mails that I get.
Last week I took my children to a restaurant. My six year old son asked
if he could say grace. As we bowed our heads, he said, "God is good.
God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more
if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and Justice for all. Amen."
Along with the laughter from other customers nearby, I heard a woman
remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids don't even know how
to pray. Asking God for ice cream. Why, I never."
Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong?
Is God mad at me?"
As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job and God was
certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.
He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that
was a great prayer."
"Really?" my son asked. "Cross my heart," the man replied. Then in a
theatrical whisper he added (indicating the woman whose remark had
started this whole thing) "too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A
little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."
Naturally I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal. My son
stared at his for a moment and then did something I will remember
the rest of my life.
He picked up his sundae and without a word, walked over and placed it in
front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you.
Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes, and my soul is good already."
First joke came from my dear friend Connie aka Meow. My brother
posted it too but we have some different readers, AND Connie
deserves the blame for this one. Gotcha my friend. I hope the
camping is going well and the heat isn't getting you down.
You are welcome to call in for a cuppa or cool drink, just as long as
you are not too stressed.!!!!
STRESS MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUE.
Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management
technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The
funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.
1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out
over a crystal clear stream.
2. Picture yourself with both hands dangling in the cool running water.
3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.
4. No one knows your secret place.
5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.
6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade
7. The water is so clear that you can easily make out the face of the
person you are holding under water.
There!! See!! It really does work . . . you are smiling already. Feel free to
forward this if you know others who might benefit from this technique.
Next one was sent by my good friend Patty. Thanks for this one.
F 16 versus C-130 (which are two aeroplanes.)
A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by.
The jet jockey decided to show off.
The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot to "watch this " and promptly
went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished
with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier. The F-16 pilot
asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that?
The C-130 pilot said, " That was impressive, but watch this."
The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130
pilot came back and said, "What did you think of that?"
Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, "What the heck did you do?"-
The 130 pilot chuckled, "I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the
back, took a leak, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll."
THE MORAL OF THIS STORY . . . . .
When you are young and foolish - speed and flash may seem a good thing!
When you get older and smarter - comfort and dull is not such a bad thing!
Us older folks understand this one.
My good friend Sherrill sent me Your Yearly Dementia Test. I hope you
remember the answers from last time. Thanks Sherrill.
It's that time of year for us to take our annual senior citizen test.
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we
grow older, it is important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it,
you lose it. Below is a very private way to gauge you memory. Some may
think it is too easy, but the ones with memory problems may have
difficulty. Take the test to determine if you're losing it or not.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
ANSWER : Bread. if you said toast give up now and do something else and
try not to hurt yourself.
If you said bread, go to Question 2
2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk' What do cows drink?
ANSWER : Cows drink water If you said milk, don't attempt the next
question. Your brain is over-stressed ad may even overheat. Content
yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World.
However if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks, and a blue house is made from
blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house
is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from.
ANSWER : Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said green bricks
why are you still reading these? If you said 'glass' go to question 4.
4. It's twenty years ago and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany
(If you recall, Germany at that time was politiclly divided into East Germany
and West Germany) Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot
realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash
landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and
the plane fatally crashes in the middle of 'no man's land' between East &
West . . . . Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West
Germany or no man's land ?
ANSWER : You don't bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you're a
dunce and you must stop. If you said, you don't bury survivors go to No.5.
5. Without using a calculator - - you are driving a bus from London to
Milford Haven in Wales.
In London 17 people got on the bus.
In Reading, 6 people get off and 9 get on
In Swindon 2 people got off and 4 got on
In Cardiff 11 people got off and 16 got on
In Swansea 3 people got off and 5 got on
In Carmathen 6 people got off and 3 got on.
You then arrive at Milford Haven.
Without scrolling back to review, how old is the bus driver?
ANSWER : Oh for crying out loud!!
Don't you remember your own age?
It was YOU driving the bus!!
PS: 95 % of people fail most of the questions.
Three applicants were all applying for the last available position on the
Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked
at three of them and said, "So you all want to be cops. Huh?"
The three all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder.
Sitting back down he opened it, pulled out a picture and said, "To be
a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice
things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth."
So saying , he stuck the photo in the face of the first applicant and
withdrew it after about 2 seconds. "Now," he said, "Did you notice any
distinguishing features about ths man?
The applicant immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye."
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye
in this picture. It's a profile of his face. You're dismissed."
He then turned to the second applicant, stuck the photo in her face for
two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything
unusual or outstanding about the man?"
"Yes ! He has only one ear."
The detective put his head in his hads and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear
what I told the other lady" This is a profile of the man's face, so of course
you can only see one ear. You're excused too."
The second applicant sheepishly walks out of the office.
The detective turns to the third and last applicant, "This is probably
a waste of time, but . . . . He flashed the photo in his face for a couple
of seconds and withdrew it saying, "All right, did you notice anything
distinguishing or unusual about this man?"
The applicant said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began
looking at the papers in the folder.
He looked up at the applicant with a puzzled expression and said,
"You're absolutely right. But how in the world could you tell that by
looking at his picture?"
The applicant rolled his eyes and said, "Hellooooooooooo!
With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."
I will close tonight with a few quotes . . . . .
Miracles happen to those who believe in them.~~Bernard Berenson.
To us also through every star, through every blade of grass,
is not God made visible if we will open our minds and eyes.
~ ~ ~ Thomas Carlyle.
Pray for my soul. More things are wrought by prayer
Than this world dreams of. ~~ Lord Alfred Tennyson.
Doubt is a pain too lonely to kow that Faith is his twin brother.
~ ~ ~ Kahlil Gibran.
Sometimes God lets you and me struggle until we recognize our
dependence on Him. In so doing He gives our Faith an
opportunity to grow and mature. ~~ Hames Dobson.
Well time to get off to bed and try to sleep - it is just after midnight
and still 28 C which is about 82 F. Take care my friends, until next
time. MY love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.
Post 655 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 10th January, 2010.