Thursday, January 14, 2010

Seven Things.

Post 656 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 14th January, 2010.

Hello my Friends ~~ Our heatwave has gone for the next few days and I
am delighted. After some horrible days, we had a cool change and even a
little rain, yesterday was about 25C and today about 30C. I can handle
that and 34C tomorrow will be OK and a couple more coolish days.

Hopefully your weather is more to your liking these days and warming a
little for you. I hope the first fortnight of 2010 has been good for you
all and that there will be lots more good days to come.

First item tonight is called "Seven Things" from Mountain Wings.
It was obviously written by a minister.

I have seen much in my 15 years of ministry and in life before formal
ministry. I can tell you seven things:

1. Money can make you comfortable, but it will not comfort you for long.

2. Health is your greatest material asset, if you are healthy, you are rich.

3. You must be content within yourself first, your completeness will not
come from another person.

4. Less than 20% of people are happy in marriage.

5. Less than 20% of people are happy single.

6. Single or marriage does NOT make the difference in whether you are
happy or not.

7. There is one relationship that takes precedence and matters more
than any other.

It's your relationship with God.
<><><>

How Much Do You Make In An Hour? Author Unknown.

A boy asked his father, "How much do you make in an hour?

The father got mad and answered roughly, "Don't bother me." He was
tired and irritable after a tough day at work, but the boy insisted,
"Please, how much do you make?"

The father said in a bad tone of voice, "$8.00 for now."
Then his son asked
, "Father, can you loan me four dollars?"

The father said to him in a bad way, "I told you not to bother me, so
shut up and go to bed."

At bedtime, the father was more calm and felt bad about the way he had
treated his son. He went upstairs to his son's room and asked,
"Are you asleep?" And he gave the boy the four dollars he asked for.

The boy thanked his father, put his hand under his pillow, and pulled out
four crumpled dollars, and said, "I have $8.00 now father, could I buy
one hour of your time?"

<><> Pretty sad one isn't it?

A few short jokes from my friend Linda L. Thank you my friend.

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak.
Have you ever spoken and wished you could take the words back . . . .
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did.

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My husband didn't say a word. . . . he knew better.
<><>

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.

After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the
good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked me if he
could help me.

Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing
with men's balls."
<><>

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and uts.

As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter
asked if we needed any help.

I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned
beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
<><>

FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.

I told her if she didn't start behaving 'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go 'right now', I will tell Grandma that I
saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night."

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers
stopped what they were doing.

I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out with my daughter in
tow. The last thing I heard as I closed the door behind me, was screams
of laughter.
<><>

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My 3 year old
son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.

One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled
something funny, so of course I checked my seven month old daughter
and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty
in a while. I asked him if he needed to go and he said "NO."

I kept thinking "Oh Lord,, that child has had an accident and I don't have
any clean clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No." he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an acccident, because
the smell was getting worse. So I asked one more time, "Danny, did you
have an accident?"

This time, he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread
his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT' S JUST FARTS."

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their Tacos laughing, he calmly
pulled up his pants and sat down. An older couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had.
<><>

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This one had the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will in future, likely think before
she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow, but don't get any?
We had a female news anchor who the day after it was supposed to snow
and didn't turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that
8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they
were laughing so hard.
<><><>

The Bus Ride sent by my friend Kim. Thank you KIm.

Two bowling teams, one all blondes, and one all brunettes, charter a double
decker bus for a weekend trip to Kalbarri.

The brunette team rode in the bottom deck of the bus, and the blondes
rode in the Upper deck. The brunette team really whooped it up and
had a great time, when one of them realised she hadn't heard anything
from the Blonde team, so she went up to investigate.

When the brunette reached the top, she found all the blondes in fear,
staring straight ahead at the road. The brunette asked, "What the heck
is going on up here. We are having a great time downstairs."

One of the blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered,
"YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!!!"
<><>

I will finish off with a few quotes . . . . .

It was when I found out I could make mistakes that I knew I was
on to something. ~ ~ ~Ornette Coleman.

An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the "WilliamTell
Overture" and not think of the Lone Ranger. ~~ Dan Rather.

If you don't have the time to read, you don't have the time or
the tools to write. ~ ~ ~ Stephen King.

As you get older it is harder to have heroes, but it is sort of
necessary. ~ ~ ~ Ernest Hemingway.

He who limps is still walking. ~ ~ ~ Joan Rivers.

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.
~ ~ ~ Winston Churchill.
<><>

Well, time to say Goodnight my friends. My heart goes out to all
those many people who were caught up in the awful Earthquake in
Haiti. I hope the rescue and aid gets to them very quickly. Such a
tragic loss of life and homes and everything - even their water supply.
Let us all keep them in our prayers. Bye for now, Love and best
wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 656 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 14th January, 2010.
<><><>


12 comments:

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
Glad your weather has been better, we are beginning to warm up here and the fact we are above freezing is delightful. We got all the way to 44 degrees yesterday. That little boy story gives us a jolt to give more time to those we love. The little boy in Taco Bell left me bending over in laughter. Thanks and Peace

Jack K. said...

Merle, you are a treasure. I can always count on finding lots of things to enjoy in your postings.

The serious things are always on target and the funny things give me that jolt of humour that makes my day.

You are a blessing. Thanks for sharing.

Stay cool.

Patty said...

Glad it has gotten a little cooler for you. Wish I could bottle some of this cold and ship over to you, and you could send me a little of your heat.

Another busy day. Before I know it, will be time to pick up the Granddaughter from school. I think tonight for dinner I will fix fried perch, buttered potatoes and creamed corn. I asked the Granddaughter what she would like for supper and she said left overs, I asked left overs? What kind, she said the riffles from supper last night. I had simmered some stew meat for about three hours, added some chicken and beef bouillon cubes to it, then mixed together 2 cups of flour, 2 beaten eggs, 1t salt, and about 3 T water, adding water a spoon at a time. Mix till crumbly, we like rather large crumbles, you may have to add more water, and I work it with my hands, then drop into the boiling broth and cook. We call them riffles, not sure how you spell it, rivels, riffles, revels? We had coleslaw and cranberry slices with it. Sleep well tonight. I should I ahd been to grocery and had my weekly shopping done and put away by 10:15, also made a stop at the Feed store, and Pharmacy, fed the birds and emptied a 25 pound bag of slip peanuts into this container we keep in the garage just got the nuts. We feed the squirrels, and some of the larger birds also eat the nuts. We also put out chipped sun flower seeds.

Well I need to get off here and get busy again. I'm almost falling asleep. Good night, sweet dreams.

PEA said...

Hello dear Merle:)

I'm so glad to hear that the heatwave seems to have broken, even 30c I find hot! lol We were having frigid temperatures for a few weeks, going down to -24c but today it was -3c so much better. We don't have half as much snow as we usually have for this time of year but I'm sure not complaining:-)

Yes, it is very sad about the lives that were lost due to the earthquake in Haiti. I've been watching CNN and it's really heartbreaking to see all the devastation.

I really enjoyed the "Seven Things" and the Testimonials were hilarious, especially the first one! hehe Thank you for always making me laugh when I come here:-)

I loved seeing your Christmas pictures, what a beautiful family you have!! Wishing you and yours all the very best in 2010. Love & Hugs xoxox

Mountain Mama said...

Hello Merle. I'm so glad it has cooled down some for you. I don't know how people endure those horrific temps!

I had a good laugh at the bus joke. I sent it to a lot of my contacts so they can laugh too.

It has been rainy and windy here today. In fact my phone and internet were out for a while this afternoon. It went out just as I had finished a new blog post and one of those nasty red blogger notices came up saying that blogger was not able to load my post and may not be able to save it. I prayed because I had spent a lot of time setting it up and thank the Lord it was saved! Everything is working again for now. I hope it lasts!
Hope you have a good end of the week and I'll be back soon. Hugs!

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Merle. That is a post full of laughs today. I thoroughly enjoyed it all.

I was thinking of you during those awful temperatures. I'm glad the weather has cooled down for a little while. Let's hope it lasts longer than a few days.

I agree with you. Those poor people in Haiti...what next is going to happen in the world? Makes you wonder, doesn't it? At least we can give monetary assistance...it's something.

Have a lovely weekend, Merle. Hugs to a lovely friend.

Dave said...

Merle, I'm glad it's gotten cooler for you... it's actually warming up here! Supposed to hit 45F here tomorrow! *S*

I absolutely LOVED the "How much do you make an hour" story... I may borrow it for my post next week.

Have a wonderful weekend my friend!

Big Dave T said...

Our priest recently repeated that story about the son trying to buy an hour of his son's time.

I think I saw that news clip on the lady wondering why she didn't get the eight inches of snow the weatherman promised. It was on a bloopers show.

Eight inches is a lot though. Snow, I mean. No fun shoveling that.

Jeanette said...

Hello Dear Merle. Phewwwwwwwwwwww its been hot 29.7 the low Monday night high 44c tuesday. ive nearly melted away. well ive got a weeks reprieve everyone and more will be back next weekend Carols Birthday 50.at Donna's .another post. Great post had lots of laughs here tonight. "how much do you make in hour" LOved it.
Take care Merle stay indoors in the cool . we had 35.7 today. a/c running overtime.. Love Janxxxxxx

Cathy said...

Hello Merle
Dropped in via Pea's blog - loved your jokes. The Churchill quote is spot on.
Will be back for more another day
Take care
Cathy

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Pamela said...

I love it when a newscaster makes a gaffe like that on air. Thanks for the laughs.