Seven Things.

Post 656 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 14th January, 2010.

Hello my Friends ~~ Our heatwave has gone for the next few days and I
am delighted. After some horrible days, we had a cool change and even a
little rain, yesterday was about 25C and today about 30C. I can handle
that and 34C tomorrow will be OK and a couple more coolish days.

Hopefully your weather is more to your liking these days and warming a
little for you. I hope the first fortnight of 2010 has been good for you
all and that there will be lots more good days to come.

First item tonight is called "Seven Things" from Mountain Wings.
It was obviously written by a minister.

I have seen much in my 15 years of ministry and in life before formal
ministry. I can tell you seven things:

1. Money can make you comfortable, but it will not comfort you for long.

2. Health is your greatest material asset, if you are healthy, you are rich.

3. You must be content within yourself first, your completeness will not
come from another person.

4. Less than 20% of people are happy in marriage.

5. Less than 20% of people are happy single.

6. Single or marriage does NOT make the difference in whether you are
happy or not.

7. There is one relationship that takes precedence and matters more
than any other.

It's your relationship with God.
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How Much Do You Make In An Hour? Author Unknown.

A boy asked his father, "How much do you make in an hour?

The father got mad and answered roughly, "Don't bother me." He was
tired and irritable after a tough day at work, but the boy insisted,
"Please, how much do you make?"

The father said in a bad tone of voice, "$8.00 for now."
Then his son asked, "Father, can you loan me four dollars?"

The father said to him in a bad way, "I told you not to bother me, so
shut up and go to bed."

At bedtime, the father was more calm and felt bad about the way he had
treated his son. He went upstairs to his son's room and asked,
"Are you asleep?" And he gave the boy the four dollars he asked for.

The boy thanked his father, put his hand under his pillow, and pulled out
four crumpled dollars, and said, "I have $8.00 now father, could I buy
one hour of your time?"

<><> Pretty sad one isn't it?

A few short jokes from my friend Linda L. Thank you my friend.

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak.
Have you ever spoken and wished you could take the words back . . . .
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did.

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My husband didn't say a word. . . . he knew better.
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SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.

After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the
good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked me if he
could help me.

Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing
with men's balls."
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THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and uts.

As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter
asked if we needed any help.

I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned
beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
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FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.

I told her if she didn't start behaving 'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go 'right now', I will tell Grandma that I
saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night."

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers
stopped what they were doing.

I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out with my daughter in
tow. The last thing I heard as I closed the door behind me, was screams
of laughter.
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FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My 3 year old
son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.

One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled
something funny, so of course I checked my seven month old daughter
and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty
in a while. I asked him if he needed to go and he said "NO."

I kept thinking "Oh Lord,, that child has had an accident and I don't have
any clean clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No." he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an acccident, because
the smell was getting worse. So I asked one more time, "Danny, did you
have an accident?"

This time, he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread
his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT' S JUST FARTS."

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their Tacos laughing, he calmly
pulled up his pants and sat down. An older couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had.
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LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This one had the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will in future, likely think before
she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow, but don't get any?
We had a female news anchor who the day after it was supposed to snow
and didn't turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that
8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they
were laughing so hard.
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The Bus Ride sent by my friend Kim. Thank you KIm.

Two bowling teams, one all blondes, and one all brunettes, charter a double
decker bus for a weekend trip to Kalbarri.

The brunette team rode in the bottom deck of the bus, and the blondes
rode in the Upper deck. The brunette team really whooped it up and
had a great time, when one of them realised she hadn't heard anything
from the Blonde team, so she went up to investigate.

When the brunette reached the top, she found all the blondes in fear,
staring straight ahead at the road. The brunette asked, "What the heck
is going on up here. We are having a great time downstairs."

One of the blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered,
"YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!!!"
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I will finish off with a few quotes . . . . .

It was when I found out I could make mistakes that I knew I was
on to something. ~ ~ ~Ornette Coleman.

An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the "WilliamTell
Overture" and not think of the Lone Ranger. ~~ Dan Rather.

If you don't have the time to read, you don't have the time or
the tools to write. ~ ~ ~ Stephen King.

As you get older it is harder to have heroes, but it is sort of
necessary. ~ ~ ~ Ernest Hemingway.

He who limps is still walking. ~ ~ ~ Joan Rivers.

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.
~ ~ ~ Winston Churchill.
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Well, time to say Goodnight my friends. My heart goes out to all
those many people who were caught up in the awful Earthquake in
Haiti. I hope the rescue and aid gets to them very quickly. Such a
tragic loss of life and homes and everything - even their water supply.
Let us all keep them in our prayers. Bye for now, Love and best
wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 656 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 14th January, 2010.
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