Post 666 ~~ Tuesday, 23rd February, 2010.
Hello again my Friends ~~ I hope all is well with you and life is good. I am about the
same - no better, no worse. Darned underlining. It should stop soon I hope.
The first item tonight is called " TWO WOLVES" Thank you Gina for this one.
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on
He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all."
"One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance,
self-pity. guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies,false pride, superiority, and ego.
"The other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility,kindness,
benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked the grandfather,
"Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
My good friend Sherrill sent me the next one and it is called,
"God bless the churck ladies." Thanks Sherrill.
The following have all genuinely appeared in church magazines so let us
thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
* Next weekend's Fasting and Prayer Conference in Whitby includes all meals.
* Sunday morning sermon: "Jesus Walks on the water.
Sunday evening sermon: "Searching for Jesus."
* Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile
at some one who is hard to love.
* Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
* Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again". Giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.
* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
* Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
* Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir.
* Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
* Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
* The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
and gracious hostility.
* Potluck supper Sunday at 5 pm - prayer and medication to follow.
* This evening at 7 pm there will be hymn singing in the park across
from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
* Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 pm. Please
use the back door.
* The school drama group will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in
the church hall on Friday at 7 pm. The congregation is invited to
attend this tragedy.
* Weight Watchers will meet at 7 pm at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Another one from my dear friend Gina . . . .
I finally got around to going fishing this morning, but after a while I
ran out of worms. Then I saw a viper snake with a frog in his mouth
and frogs are good bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the
frog in his mouth; I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog
and put it in my bait bucket. Now the dilemma was how to release
the snake without getting bit.
I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in his
mouth. His eyes rolled back and he went limp. I released him into
the lake without incident and carried on fishing with the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that darned snake
sitting there with two frogs in his mouth.
A Quiz from my friends in Britain, Sue and Bob. Thank you.
This is a quiz for people who know everything. I found out in a hurry
that I didn't. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions
with straight answers.
1. Name the one sport to which neither the spectators and the
participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several
growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What
are the two vegetable?
4. What fruit has the seeds on the outside.
5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside
The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in
any way. How did the pear get into the bottle?
6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters 'dw' and
they are all common words. Name two of them.
7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammer. Can you name at
least half of them?
8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned,
processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning
with the letter 's'.
Hey don't peek. Answers to Quiz.
1. The one sport in which neither spectators know the score or the
leader until the contest ends. BOXING.
2. North American landmark moving backward is Niagra Falls. The rim
is worn down about 2 1/2 feet each year because of the millions of
gallons of water that rush over it every minute.
3. The only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for
several seasons are . . Asparagus and rhubarb.
4. The fruit with seeds on outside . . .Strawberry.
5. How did the pear get in the bottle? It grew inside the bottle.
The bottles are placed over the pear buds when they are small and are
wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire
growing sowing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off
at the stems.
6. Three English words starting 'dw': dwarf, dwell and dwindle.
7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English. Period, comma, colon,
semicolen, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point,
quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis,braces and ellipses.
8. The only vegetable only sold fresh . . . Lettuce.
9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 's'.
Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snow-shoes,
One from my dear friend in Canberra, capital of Australia. Thanks
Linda.. They are called Men strike back.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be open when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because if the woman can't even afford a washing machine, she
will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand
closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me . . . ."
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that dimishes a woman's sex
drive by 90%.
It is called Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Women will never be equal to men?
Until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut
and still think they are sexy.
In the beginning, God created the earth and then rested. Then God
created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God or Man has rested.
Time for me to call it a day. Take great care of yourselves and each other.
And enjoy your lives. Love and Best Wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.
Post 666 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 23rd February, 2010.