Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Two Wolves.

Post 666 ~~ Tuesday, 23rd February, 2010.

Hello again my Friends ~~ I hope all is well with you and life is good. I am about the
same - no better, no worse. Darned underlining. It should stop soon I hope.

The first item tonight is called " TWO WOLVES" Thank you Gina for this one.

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on
inside people.
He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all."

"One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance,
self-pity. guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies,false pride, superiority, and ego.

"The other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility,kindness,
benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked the grandfather,
"Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

My good friend Sherrill sent me the next one and it is called,
"God bless the churck ladies." Thanks Sherrill.

The following have all genuinely appeared in church magazines so let us
thank God for church ladies with typewriters.

* Next weekend's Fasting and Prayer Conference in Whitby includes all meals.

* Sunday morning sermon: "Jesus Walks on the water.
Sunday evening sermon: "Searching for Jesus."

* Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile
at some one who is hard to love.

* Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

* Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again". Giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.

* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.

* Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.

* Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir.

* Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

* Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.

* The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
and gracious hostility.

* Potluck supper Sunday at 5 pm - prayer and medication to follow.

* This evening at 7 pm there will be hymn singing in the park across
from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

* Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 pm. Please
use the back door.

* The school drama group will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in
the church hall on Friday at 7 pm. The congregation is invited to
attend this tragedy.

* Weight Watchers will meet at 7 pm at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Another one from my dear friend Gina . . . .

I finally got around to going fishing this morning, but after a while I
ran out of worms. Then I saw a viper snake with a frog in his mouth
and frogs are good bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the
frog in his mouth; I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog
and put it in my bait bucket. Now the dilemma was how to release
the snake without getting bit.

I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in his
mouth. His eyes rolled back and he went limp. I released him into
the lake without incident and carried on fishing with the frog.

A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that darned snake
sitting there with two frogs in his mouth.

A Quiz from my friends in Britain, Sue and Bob. Thank you.

This is a quiz for people who know everything. I found out in a hurry
that I didn't. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions
with straight answers.

1. Name the one sport to which neither the spectators and the
participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several
growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What
are the two vegetable?

4. What fruit has the seeds on the outside.

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside
the bottle.
The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in
any way. How did the pear get into the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters 'dw' and
they are all common words. Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammer. Can you name at
least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned,
processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning
with the letter 's'.

Hey don't peek. Answers to Quiz.

1. The one sport in which neither spectators know the score or the
leader until the contest ends. BOXING.

2. North American landmark moving backward is Niagra Falls. The rim
is worn down about 2 1/2 feet each year because of the millions of
gallons of water that rush over it every minute.

3. The only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for
several seasons are . . Asparagus
and rhubarb.

4. The fruit with seeds on outside . . .Strawberry.

5. How did the pear get in the bottle? It grew inside the bottle.
The bottles are placed over the pear buds when they are small and are
wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire
growing sowing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off
at the stems.

6. Three English words starting 'dw': dwarf, dwell and dwindle.

7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English. Period, comma, colon,
semicolen, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point,
quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis,braces and ellipses.

8. The only vegetable only sold fresh . . . Lettuce.

9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 's'.
Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snow-sh
stockings, stilts.

One from my dear friend in Canberra, capital of Australia. Thanks
Linda.. They are called Men strike back.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be open when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because if the woman can't even afford a washing machine, she
will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand
closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me . . . ."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that dimishes a woman's sex
drive by 90%.
It is called Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men?
Until they can walk down the street
with a bald head and a beer gut
and still think they are sexy.

In the beginning, God created the earth and then rested. Then God
created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God or Man has rested.

Time for me to call it a day. Take great care of yourselves and each other.
And enjoy your lives. Love and Best Wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 666 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 23rd February, 2010.


Jack K. said...

Feed the right wolf within. How true. You might find this site of interest. It helps you keep in touch with the positive wolf.

I've seen the church bulletin notices before. They are still a scream.

Be careful, the snake will end up drinking all your Jack Daniels.

Interesting quiz.

Linda, Linda, Linda you have a wonderful sense of humour and self. Thanks for sharing. Now, if only I could get Maryann to agree. snerx.

Thanks for sharing.

LZ Blogger said...

Merle ~ I loved the Two Wolves story... smart Indian there! ~ jb///

bigbikerbob said...

Hi, Nice post again, love the jokes too. Keep well.

Margaret Cloud said...

The Two Wolves story is so true, which ever side of your personality is dominate, then that is what a person is like. I really got a chuckle out of the fish story. I flunked the one sent by Britain. Hope this finds you doing well. Have a great week.

Mountain Mama said...

Hello Merle. I like the story about the two wolves! It sure is true. I copied the one about fishing and sent it to some of my contacts. HAHAHA! As for me I would have used a Smith & Wesson instead of the whiskey. I would not like any kind of snake nudging my foot. EEK!

Dave said...

Love the post Merle, especially the church bulletin post!!! That was great.

Have a wonderful week.. *S*

Gina E. said...

Glad you and your readers liked the story about Two Wolves. I loved the Church bulletin posts!
I'm concerned that you aren't feeling any better Merle - a second opinion may be a good idea. Even the best GP should admit he or she is not a specialist, and they should refer you to a heart specialist. Ken saw his cardiologist today and has referred Ken to another specialist. I've posted about it on my blog. Take care, dear lady.

Lady Di Tn said...

Very good story with a true ending.
The jokes were hysterical. Thanks for sharing Peace. BTW it was 18 degrees here again this morning. Pack me up a little warmth and send it over the big pond.

Big Dave T said...

I love print bloopers. Something you wear on your feet, sucks? Is that a misspelling or is that what the Aussies call our "socks."

My favorite news blooper: CORRECTION: Yesterday the Tribune said that John Doe was a defective in the police force. This was a typographical error. Mr. Doe is actually a detective in the police farce.

Patty said...

Dear Merle, once again you have out done yourself. Love them all, especially Women will never be equal to men, until...., which has a lot of truth behind it. It does seem most men think they always are looking sexy. Also the one about Weight Watchers going through the double doors. LOL

Time to run over to school and get a spot to wait, I take a book along and read while waiting for the Granddaughter.

Have a great evening, hope that increase in the medicine is working. Have a wonderful week-end. Love, Patty

Rosezilla said...

Love the church bulletin ones! and the quiz - I got a couple right, anyway. Strawberries, for instance. Sorry you're not feeling better. Glad you're not feeling worse! Still praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Hi Merle,

Just discovered your blog a short time ago tonight, and I have been howling with laughter ever since.

Thanks so much for an uplifting blog. Just what I needed.

Wishing you an improvement in your health.

Judy in Sydney

PEA said...

Hello dear Merle:-)

I'm hoping that the extra tablet your doctor prescribed for your CHF is going to make you feel better soon. Just take good care of YOU!!!

I loved the Two Wolves story, how very true it is. I'm glad that I'm feeding the right wolf:-) Oh my, the church magazine entries were so very funny...goes to show how a typo or the way it's said, can change the whole meaning of a sentence! lol

I enjoyed doing that quiz...I wouldn't have passed it, though, I didn't get very many answers right! lol I did know about Niagara Falls and how it gets worn away a couple of feet each year.

Take good care of yourself, dear friend. Love you. xoxox

Lee said...

Hi Merle...I love the wolf story. What magnificent animals they are, too.

Hope you're feeling a lot better. Just take things easily...you don't have to push yourself for anyone. Go at your own pace! Relax and enjoy!