Post 670 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 13th March, 2010.
Hello My Friends ~~ How are things in your part of the world? All going
well I hope. All is well here, pleasant days, no more storms, although I have
a couple of pictures to show what happened in the house next door which
would have completely fill the picture with large green trees.
The second one is of a large trampoline up in a tree, in the yard behind next
door. They have got it down now. At 8.30 pm one night with a chain saw!!
You can see my 4 little meerkats in right hand bottom corner of this one.
Now to my better news, I went back to the doctor who sent me for the echo-
cardiogram and she told me that my heart is OK, no real problems, so that
has been a relief. Because I am still so short of breath, she sent me for a
breathing test to see how much air I had in my lungs, then gave me some
Ventolin and did the tests again. However it showed that the Ventolin did
not help me enough to warrant a prescription.
So the good news is I probably won't die of a heart attack or a stroke, but
I have the lung disease called Emphysema, which nowadays they just call
Lung Disease. It seems likely that is the one that will get me in the end, but
I may have a few more decent years. It is entirely self-inflicted as I smoked
for 40 years and when I started at 17, there was no warnings of danger.
Thank you so much to all those who worried about me and wished me well.
So now to find a few jokes . . . . . .
An older couple is lying in bed one morning. They had just awakened from
a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch
me." "Why not?" he asked.
She answered, "Because I'm dead."
The husband asked, .. "What are you talking about? We are both lying
here in bed talking to one another."
She said, "No, I'm definitely dead." He insisted, "You are not dead. What
in the world makes you think you are dead?"
"Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts."
From the same forward, that I have not put a name to. Thank you.
If you look like your passport picture . . you probably need the trip.
Once you get over the hill, you'll begin to pick up speed.
If it weren't for STRESS, I'd have no energy at all.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have any film.
I always know . . . God won't give me more than I can handle. There are
times I just wish He didn't trust me quite so much.
Dogs have Owners. Cats have Staff.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian. . .Not any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.
Junk is something you have kept for years and throw away three weeks
before you need it.
Experience is a wonderful thing. . . It enables you to recognize a mistake
when you make it.. again.
Learn from the mistakes of others. Trust me . . . you can't live long enough
to make them all yourself. . . I've tried.
Hold your loved ones close,
tell them you love them,
for if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today.
A few blonde jokes sent to me by my friend Jim. Thank you.
Two blondes were going to Disneyland. They were driving on the
Interstate when they saw the sign that said "Disneyland left".
They started to cry and turned around and went home.
Florida or the Moon.
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one
says to the other, "Which do you think is further away . . . Florida or
The other blonde turns and says, "Hellooooooooo, can you see Florida?"
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he
could see her license.
She replied in a huff, : I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me
to show it to you."
Thank you Sue and Bob for this one.
An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe with a full grown emu behind
him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The truckie says, "A hamburger, chips and a coke," and turns to the emu
"What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the emu.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40.
please," and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change
The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, "A hamburger
chips and a coke," The emu says, "I'll have the same."
Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad" says
the man. "Same." says the emu.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."
Once again the man pulls out the exact change out of his pocket and places
it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, mate,
how do you always manage to come up with the exact change in your
pocket every time?"
"Well, love," say the truckie, "a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back
shed, and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and
offered me two wishes. My first wish was if I ever had to pay for anything
I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money
would always be there."
"That's brilliant," says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million
dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for so
long as you live."
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money
is always there." says the man. The waitress asks, "What's with the bloody
The truckie sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall bird
with a big backside and long legs, who agrees with everything I say..."
My good friend from Canberra, Linda sent me The Cuckoo Clock. Thanks.
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married . . . .
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls'. I told my
husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise."
Well the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway atarted up
and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed
another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick witted
solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed . . . 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos total 12 cuckoos.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in. I told him
"MIDNIGHT" . . . he didn't seem pissed off in the least.
"Whew, I got away with that one. Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo
"When I asked him why, he said, "Well last night our clock cuckooed
3 times, then said, 'Oh sh*t' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat,
cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more and then tripped
over the coffee table."
Time to call it a day, my friends. Enjoy your lives and look after yourselves
and each other. Share some smiles with those without them. Love and
Best Wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.
Post 670 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 13th March, 2010.