Saturday, March 13, 2010

Better News.

Post 670 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 13th March, 2010.

Hello My Friends ~~ How are things in your part of the world? All going
well I hope. All is well here, pleasant days, no more storms, although I have
a couple of pictures to show what happened in the house next door which
would have completely fill the picture with large green trees.

The second one is of a large trampoline up in a tree, in the yard behind next
door. They have got it down now. At 8.30 pm one night with a chain saw!!

You can see my 4 little meerkats in right hand bottom corner of this one.

Now to my better news, I went back to the doctor who sent me for the echo-
cardiogram and she told me that my heart is OK, no real problems, so that
has been a relief. Because I am still so short of breath, she sent me for a
breathing test to see how much air I had in my lungs, then gave me some
Ventolin and did the tests again. However it showed that the Ventolin did
not help me enough to warrant a prescription.

So the good news is I probably won't die of a heart attack or a stroke, but
I have the lung disease called Emphysema, which nowadays they just call
Lung Disease. It seems likely that is the one that will get me in the end, but
I may have a few more decent years. It is entirely self-inflicted as I smoked
for 40 years and when I started at 17, there was no warnings of danger.
Thank you so much to all those who worried about me and wished me well.

So now to find a few jokes . . . . . .

An older couple is lying in bed one morning. They had just awakened from
a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch
me." "Why not?" he asked.

She answered, "Because I'm dead."
The husband asked, .. "What are you talking about? We are both lying
here in bed talking to one another."

She said, "No, I'm definitely dead." He insisted, "You are not dead. What
in the world makes you think you are dead?"

"Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts."

From the same forward, that I have not put a name to. Thank you.

If you look like your passport picture . . you probably need the trip.

Once you get over the hill, you'll begin to pick up speed.

If it weren't for STRESS, I'd have no energy at all.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have any film.

I always know . . . God won't give me more than I can handle. There are
times I just wish He didn't trust me quite so much.

Dogs have Owners. Cats have Staff.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian. . .Not any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.

Junk is something you have kept for years and throw away three weeks
before you need it.

Experience is a wonderful thing. . . It enables you to recognize a mistake
when you make it.. again.

Learn from the mistakes of others. Trust me . . . you can't live long enough
to make them all yourself. . . I've tried.

Hold your loved ones close,
tell them you love them,
for if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today.

A few blonde jokes sent to me by my friend Jim. Thank you.

Two blondes were going to Disneyland. They were driving on the
Interstate when they saw the sign that said "Disneyland left".

They started to cry and turned around and went home.

Florida or the Moon.
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one
says to the other, "Which do you think is further away . . . Florida or
the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says, "Hellooooooooo, can you see Florida?"

Speeding Ticket.
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he
could see her license.

She replied in a huff, : I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me
to show it to you."
Thank you Sue and Bob for this one.

An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe with a full grown emu behind
him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The truckie says, "A hamburger, chips and a coke," and turns to the emu
"What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the emu.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40.
please," and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change
for payment.

The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, "A hamburger
chips and a coke," The emu says, "I'll have the same."
Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad" says
the man. "Same." says the emu.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls out the exact change out of his pocket and places
it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, mate,
how do you always manage to come up with the exact change in your
pocket every time?"

"Well, love," say the truckie, "a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back
shed, and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and
offered me two wishes. My first wish was if I ever had to pay for anything
I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money
would always be there."

"That's brilliant," says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million
dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for so
long as you live."

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money
is always there." says the man. The waitress asks, "What's with the bloody

The truckie sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall bird
with a big backside and long legs, who agrees with everything I say..."

My good friend from Canberra, Linda sent me The Cuckoo Clock. Thanks.

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married . . . .
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls'. I told my
husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise."

Well the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway atarted up
and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed
another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick witted
solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

(Even when totally smashed . . . 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos total 12 cuckoos.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in. I told him
"MIDNIGHT" . . . he didn't seem pissed off in the least.

"Whew, I got away with that one. Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo

"When I asked him why, he said, "Well last night our clock cuckooed
3 times, then said, 'Oh sh*t' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat,
cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more and then tripped
over the coffee table."

Time to call it a day, my friends. Enjoy your lives and look after yourselves
and each other. Share some smiles with those without them. Love and
Best Wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 670 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 13th March, 2010.


Gattina said...

Wow, that must have been a terrible storm ! You know it's not said that lung Disease is due to cigarette smoking ! I know people who never smoked and have it too. It's fashion today to put all desease on smoking ! (even a broken leg, lol) Most important is that you feel good now !

Rosezilla said...

I love your meeerkats! But the bad weather, not so much. We just had 24 hours of rain, so the streets are flooding and stuff, but nothing too bad and we needed the rain. usually this is our bone-dry season! I'm sorry about the emphysema diagnosis, that's no fun; but sometimes it is nice to know what you are dealing with. Thanks for all the funnies, i was reading them to hubby and we both got a good laugh.

Jack K. said...

Merle, as usual, your post is great. Those photos are something else. Nature can be quite destructive.

Loved the stories, jokes and comments.

While I had seen Linda's joke about the Cuckoo Clock before, I still laugh a lot.

Glad to know your doctor has discovered what has been causing your discomfort. Take care of yourself.

Our best to you.

Pearl said...

My 95 year old Dad used to tell me that none of us are getting out of here alive. Then he would giggle.
So happy about your test but I know it must not be easy living with lung disease. I am sure you will just have to learn to do everything in moderation as to not get out of breath.
Take good care my friend.

Patty said...

Good news about your heart, bad news about the lungs. Abe has it also, along with asthma. He uses two inhalers, one four times a day, two puffs and one two times a day, two puffs. He also has a nebulizer he can use every four hours as needed. They gave him that after his lung collapsed twice with in a few weeks. Since he's had this upper respiratory problem since right after Christmas, he's been using it a lot. Thank goodness we don't have to pay for the medicine that does into the machine. It's rather expensive. But it does seem to help him. He's to go in April for another breathing test to see how well he's doing. I know when I had that problem with my lungs called (sarcoidosis) I had a horrible time breathing. Would get short of breath walking from one end of the house to the other. Thank goodness Prednisone cleared it up. Sometimes for some people it doesn't. Good luck with yours. That's more or less what Abe's first lung doctor told him, something else will kill him before his Emphysema will. That doctor retired, and he now has a different doctor. Abe also sleeps with a machine that makes oxygen at night, so he can breathe and sleep better. They checked him out and found he has sleep apnea. Have they ever checked you for that? Have to sign off, have a good Sunday, what's left of it. Hope you don't have anymore storms.

Lee said...

Well said, Gattina! Twelve years ago, my brother died from a vicious throat cancer and he never once put a cigarette to his lips, not once, not even as a teenager.

So Merle - I'm glad a huge weight has been lifted from your mind. We're all getting old as are our "parts"! If I had my way, I'd stick around being 40-45 years for the rest of my life. Dammit! I lost my magic wand somewhere along the way! ;)

Take good care, Merle.

Lady Di Tn said...

really good news about the heart. I am afraid lots of folks smoked for years and now have found it was not a healthy thing to do. My BIL started smokin at six or seven. His father was workin long hours makin ends meet and his Mother had run off so he had to more of less raise himself. He saw other smokin and thought he should too. I hope they can find something that will help you with your breathin. Glad the storms have subsided . Those jokes were a hoot. Thanks for makin us lol. Peace

Janice said...

Good heavens, did you have a tornado? That was quite a storm.

I'm glad your heart is fine, but I'm sorry you have lung disease.

This sounds like my husband: Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have any film.

Take care of yourself.


Jim said...

Hi Merle. You had good news and bad news about yourself. I am sorry you had to have the bad. I started smoking in high school but quit in my early forties. No one has looked for damage from that.

I like your meerkats. I would not have known what to call them. Now I can if I can remember the name.

I liked your blonde jokes, thank you for putting them on. For a fellow liking blondes you'd think I would be against those jokes.

You have a good idea for ladies to avoid a girls night out after they are married. Our daughter belongs to a book club. No one ever reads the selected book but they sure all do enjoy a night out.

Puss-in-Boots said...

We haven't had any violent storms but we have a category 5 cyclone heading towards Queensland...lovely.

Love the story of the girls' night out...must remember never to buy a cuckoo clock.

I'm sorry to hear you've got emphysema, Merle. Harold (mum's husband) has that too and puffs and wheezes like a grampus at times. He does take Ventolin, though (when mum nags him too, that is).

I smoked for some time, too, so that's probably why I have asthma...but, as you say, there were no warnings about it. In fact, it used to be advertised as a very sophisticated thing to do. And now we're paying the price for that sophistication.

Take care and stay well. Hugs.

Dave said...

Great post as always Merle... I especially love the one with the cukoo clock!

AND... great news about your health! WHOO HOO!!!

Just take care of the lung part please!

Gledwood said...

A trampoline in a tree... that is hilarious!!

Hey maybe that means the famous Aussie drought is over now??... or has the rain only been costal?

Do people farm very much in teh outback anyway?... When I read the Thorn Birds by Culeen McCullough, they said the first sheep stations were staked out by a man riding on a horse. As far as he could ride in 24 hours, shoving stakes in the ground as he went, those were the borders of the new settlers' land. Hence multi thousand square mile properties... in what sounded to me like the outback. Surely people still farm sheep out there to this day?...

I heard Australia was like a giant population donut... ie houses and people all along the coastlines, especially in Membourne-Sydney-Brisbane... but hardly anyone at all in the this true?

Hope you had a cheery weekend? Spring is springing here, so it must feel decidedly autumnal your end...

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Gledwood said...

"teh outback"


Pamela said...

everything gave me a chuckle, but I especially appreciated the one liners.

Mountain Mama said...

The trampoline in the tree must have looked like a giant sized Frisbee when it was flying through the air!
I hope the emphysema can be controlled with med's merle.Like you, I smoked for several years. I have some shortness of breath too but attribute it to weight and not getting enough exercise. Now if my back would just cooperate, I could exercise more. If it isn't one thing it's another!I just trust the Lord to take care of me in the areas I can't. Loved Your jokes!
Take care.

Art Is Life, Life Is Art said...

WONDERFUL post, as always!! :-) I am glad you are doing well, except for your lungs. :-( AMAZING photos you have, btw!! :-)

Margaret Cloud said...

Oh my gosh, that trampoline looks awesome up there. Glad to hear that about your heart, what a relief, but too bad about your lungs. I know you have a lot of living to do, saying prayers for you, God Bless. I liked those first jokes, very funny. That was a good one from Sue and Bob. Very nice post as usual. Take care friend and have a nice day.