Post 669 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 8th March, 2010.
Hello Everyone ~~ How are things in your part of the world? All going well
I hope and the weather improving. Melbourne had a horrific storm on
Saturday with huge damages to homes and buildings and trees. Flooding
in the streets -- an awful mess and cars were a big loser with fist sized
hail smashing windows and doing damage.
Then yesterday was Shepparton's turn and while not as bad as Melbourne
we sure had a lot of damage done, trees down and flooding in the streets.
I was lucky with a few things broken in the garden and a couple needed
staking up. I live next to a home with huge trees in the back yard, well, all
but one snapped off during the mini tornado they say we had. The power
went out in most of Shepparton for 5 or 6 hours.
It was quite a shock to see the trees down next door and unfortunately
some of them fell on my neighbor Helen's shed and even next to her again.
Apparently a large branch landed in their swimming pool. There is a huge
trampoline sitting straight up in the air and in a tree over the back.
That will take a bit of getting down and straightening out. The Emergency
services are flat out, and have had volunteers come from interstate,
We have had a lot of wonderful rain and it even went into the Catchment
areas. But at what cost?? They estimate Melbourne damages will reach
$200,000,000. Less here in Shepp thankfully. We in Victoria have had a
Pubic Holiday today for Labour Day, So I bet a lot of folks were cleaning
up. I heard a few chain saws going. I have quite a lot of small branches
to rake up - just when I am trying to take it easy. Maybe tomorrow.
John is lucky he is all the way in Western Australia at Albany, isn't he?
I will post a small verse from my Friendship Book, called "When Friends
Walk Beside us." I hope you enjoy it.
When good friends walk beside us,
On the trails that we must keep,
Our burdens seem less heavy
And the hills are not so steep.
The weary miles pass swiftly,
Taken in a joyous stride,
And all the world seems brighter
When friends walk by our side.
Now to find some jokes - - - -
From my good friend, Nancy K. Thanks for this one
Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect girls' get-away trip - - -
shopping, massages, and facials.
Two days before the group is to leave, Mary's husband puts his foot
down and tells her, she is not going.
Mary's friends are very upset that she can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the three get to the hotel only to fid Mary sitting in the
bar drinking a glass of wine.
"Wow, how long have you been here and how did you talk your husband
into letting you go?"
"Well, I have been here since last night . . . . . . Yesterday evening, I was
sitting on the couch and my husband came up behind me and put his
hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'"
I pulled his hands off to find all he was wearing was his birthday suit. He
took my hand and lead me to our bedroom. The room was scented with
perfume, had two dozen candles and rose petals all over . . . . . On the
bed, he had handcuffs and ropes. He told me to tie and cuff him to the bed
so I did. And then he said, "Now you can do whatever you want."
"So, here I am."
Thank you Sue and Bob for "Brain Surgery."
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where the
family member lay gravely ill.
Finally the doctor came in looking tired and sombre.
"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the
worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a
brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the
only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay
for the brain yourselves."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news.
After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well how much does a
The doctor quickly responded "$5,000 for a male brain and $200 for a
female brain." The moment turned awkward.
Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women,
but some actually smirked.
A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone
wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire
group. "It's just standard pricing procedure.
We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've
actually been used."
My good friend Margaret from Queensland sent me this next one which
is about Australia and our customs. Thank you Margaret.
Australia Day . . . we are unique. You know you are Australian if . . . .
- -You know the meaning of 'girt'
- -You believe that stubbies can either be worn or drunk.
- -You think it's normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin.
- -You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for
something illegal such as watering the garden.
- -When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder
how often and with whom.
- - You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black
thongs' refers to footwear.
- -You pronounce Melbourne as "Mel-bin."
- -You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'
- -You believe the 'L' in Australia is optional.
- -You can translate: "Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way
- -You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways
with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
- - You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.
- -You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that is twice
as big as its $2 coin.
- -You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga'
but "Woy Woy can't be called 'Woy.'
- -You believe that cooked down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread.
- -You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up,
at which point they again become Kiwis.
- -You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says 'cobber.'
- -You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionery known as
the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.
- -You still don't get why the 'Labor' in Australian Labor Party is not
spelt with a 'U'
- -You believe that the more you shorten someone's name, the more
you like them.
- -You understand that 'you' has a plural and it is 'youse.'
- -You know it's not Summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.
- -You still think of Kylie as 'that girl from Neighbours.'
- -You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential
in the government's new test for migrants.
- -You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.
You will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and
overseas, realizing that only they will understand.
One from my good friend Linda L called 'House Values' Thanks Linda.
A proposed council tax-evaluation policy will mean reassessment of
current house values which will mean they will charge us more if we
live in a nice area. That ought to mean discounts for those of us who
live in rough areas.
There is a huge house in our street. The extended family is run by a
grumpy old woman with a pack of irritable dogs allowed to run without
leads. Her car isn't taxed or insured and doesn't even have a number
plate, but the police do nothing. To the best of my knowledge, she
has never worked.
Her bad-tempered old man is notorious for racist comments. A
shopkeeper blamed him for arranging the murder of his son and his
son's girlfriend, but nothing has been proved.
All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who
everyone thought was gay.
Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always out
partying in nightclubs. It is not known if they have the same father.
They are out of control.
I hate living near Windsor Castle.
Last one from my good friend Lorraine called 'My Living Will' Thanks.
Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said
to them, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some
machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, pull the plug."
They got up, unplugged the computer and threw out my wine.
They are such a**holes . . .!!!
Well time to say Goodnight for this post. I hope your lives are going
well and you have some fun each day. Love and best wishes to you
all. Cheers, Merle.
Post 669 ~~ Monday, 8th March, 2010.