Post 668 ~ ~ ~ Wednesday, 3rd March, 2010.
Hello my Friends ~~ I hope all is well with you and that life is good.
I am OK, the swelling has gone down quite a bit. On Monday, I went to
see this other doctor and she ordered blood tests and also a procedure
that I had done today.
An echo-cardiogram, so at least we are getting somewhere. I asked the
girl doing the echo thing when I could expect to hear the results.
She surprised me that the test and report go to St. Vincent's Hospital
in Melbourne and then come back to my doctor so it will likely take a week.
I live about 2 hours north of Melbourne in Shepparton. Although I have
to wait a week, I am pleased the report will be seen by city doctors who
have more experience with these things. Enough !!
We will start with a joke called 'Blonde Moment". Thank you Linda.
A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises
coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs only to find her husband
naked, lying on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" she asked.
"I think I'm having a heart attack." cries the husband.
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialling
her four year old son comes up and says, "Mommy, Mummy, Aunt Shirley
is hiding in your wardrobe and she's got no clothes on."
The blonde slams the phone down and storms back up to the bedroom,
right past her husband, rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough,
there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.
"You rotten b*tch," she screams.
"My husband's having a heart attack and you're running around naked
playing hide and seek with the kids."!!!
My son John went off on his motor bike and trailer with sleep accomodation and he
is on his way to Western Australia for a couple of weeks.
My other son, Geoff and his wife Joanne are coming to visit overnight
tomorrow. They usually come on Friday nights, but Geoff has a day off
and Jo doesn't work on Fridays. So I thought I had better do this tonight
but it will be a shortish post, as I am very tired.
I will try to find some jokes for you . . . . .A couple from English friends
Sue and Bob. First one is called "Medical mix-up." Thanks for these.
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers. "Hello."
"Mrs. Sanders please." "Speaking."
Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When
your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy
from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are uncertain which one
belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not good."
"What do you mean?" Mrs Sanders asks nervously.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimers and the
other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which."
"That's dreadful. Can you do the tests again?" asked Mrs. Sanders.
"Normally we can but MEDICARE will only pay for these expensive
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
The MEDICARE Help-desk recommended that you drop your husband
off somewhere in the middle of town.
If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."
PREGNANT AT 61.
A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of
the younger doctors. After about 4 minutes in the examination room
she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor
stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.
After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older
doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was
writing on his clipboard.
"What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs Terry
is 61 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and
you told her she was pregnant?"
The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up, said,
"Does she still have the hiccups?"
One from my friend Warren called "Walking Eagle." Thanks mate.
The American Indians seem to be smarter than we are, as we elected
him as our Prime Minister ??
On a recent trip to the U.S.A. Prime Minister Kevin Rudd was invited
to address a major gathering of the American Indians Nations in
Kitimat, B.C., due to his experience in handling the indgienous situation
He spoke for almost an hour on his ideas for increasing every First
Nation's present standard of living.
At the conclusion of his speech, the tribes presented the Prime Minister
with a plague inscribed with his new Indian name -- "Walking Eagle."
The proud Rudd then departed with his entourage, waving to the crowd
as he left.
A news reporter later asked the chiefs how they came to select the new
name given to Rudd.
They explained that "Walking Eagle" is the name given to a bird so full
of sh*t, it can no longer fly.
Last one tonight is "Locker Room Cell."
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone rings
and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk.
MAN : "Hello."
WOMAN : "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN : "Yes."
WOMAN : "I am at the Mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only $1,000. Is it okay if I buy it?"
MAN : "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN : "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new
2011 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN : "How much?"
WOMAN : "$60,000."
MAN : "Okay, but for that price, I want it with all the options."
WOMAN : "Great. Oh and one more thing, the house we wanted last
year is back on the market, They are asking $950,000."
MAN : "Well then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer
WOMAN : "OK. I'll see you later. I love you."
MAN : "Bye, I love you too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at
him in astonishment.
Then he asks, "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
Well folks, I am off to bed. Take great acre of yourselves and each
other. And enjoy your lives. Love and best wishes to you all.
Post 668 ~ ~ ~ Wednesday, 3rd March, 2010.