Sunday, February 28, 2010

Blonde Moment.

Post 668 ~ ~ ~ Wednesday, 3rd March, 2010.
Hello my Friends ~~ I hope all is well with you and that life is good.
I am OK, the swelling has gone down quite a bit. On Monday, I went to
see this other doctor and she ordered blood tests and also a procedure
that I had done today.

An echo-cardiogram, so at least we are getting somewhere. I asked the
girl doing the echo thing when I could expect to hear the results.
She surprised me that the test and report go to St. Vincent's Hospital
in Melbourne and then come back to my doctor so it will likely take a week.

I live about 2 hours north of Melbourne in Shepparton. Although I have
to wait a week, I am pleased the report will be seen by city doctors who
have more experience with these things. Enough !!

We will start with a joke called 'Blonde Moment". Thank you Linda.

A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises
coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs only to find her husband
naked, lying on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" she asked.
"I think I'm having a heart attack." cries the husband.

The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialling
her four year old son comes up and says, "Mommy, Mummy, Aunt Shirley
is hiding in your wardrobe and she's got no clothes on."

The blonde slams the phone down and storms back up to the bedroom,
right past her husband, rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough,
there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.

"You rotten b*tch," she screams.
"My husband's having a heart attack and you're running around naked
playing hide and seek with the kids."!!!




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My son John went off on his motor bike and trailer with sleep accomodation and he
is on his way to Western Australia for a couple of weeks.
My other son, Geoff and his wife Joanne are coming to visit overnight
tomorrow. They usually come on Friday nights, but Geoff has a day off
and Jo doesn't work on Fridays. So I thought I had better do this tonight
but it will be a shortish post, as I am very tired.

I will try to find some jokes for you . . . . .A couple from English friends
Sue and Bob. First one is called "Medical mix-up." Thanks for these.

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers. "Hello."

"Mrs. Sanders please." "Speaking."

Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When
your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy
from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are uncertain which one
belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not good."

"What do you mean?" Mrs Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimers and the
other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which."

"That's dreadful. Can you do the tests again?" asked Mrs. Sanders.

"Normally we can but MEDICARE will only pay for these expensive
tests once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

The MEDICARE Help-desk recommended that you drop your husband
off somewhere in the middle of town.

If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."
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PREGNANT AT 61.

A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of
the younger doctors. After about 4 minutes in the examination room
she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor
stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.

After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older
doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was
writing on his clipboard.

"What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs Terry
is 61 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and
you told her she was pregnant?"

The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up, said,

"Does she still have the hiccups?"
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One from my friend Warren called "Walking Eagle." Thanks mate.

The American Indians seem to be smarter than we are, as we elected
him as our Prime Minister ??

On a recent trip to the U.S.A. Prime Minister Kevin Rudd was invited
to address a major gathering of the American Indians Nations in
Kitimat, B.C., due to his experience in handling the indgienous situation
in Australia.

He spoke for almost an hour on his ideas for increasing every First
Nation's present standard of living.

At the conclusion of his speech, the tribes presented the Prime Minister
with a plague inscribed with his new Indian name -- "Walking Eagle."
The proud Rudd then departed with his entourage, waving to the crowd
as he left.

A news reporter later asked the chiefs how they came to select the new
name given to Rudd.

They explained that "Walking Eagle" is the name given to a bird so full
of sh*t, it can no longer fly.
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Last one tonight is "Locker Room Cell."

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone rings
and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk.

MAN : "Hello."
WOMAN : "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN : "Yes."
WOMAN : "I am at the Mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only $1,000. Is it okay if I buy it?"
MAN : "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN : "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new
2011 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN : "How much?"
WOMAN : "$60,000."
MAN : "Okay, but for that price, I want it with all the options."

WOMAN : "Great. Oh and one more thing, the house we wanted last
year is back on the market, They are asking $950,000."
MAN : "Well then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer
900,000.
WOMAN : "OK. I'll see you later. I love you."
MAN : "Bye, I love you too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at
him in astonishment.
Then he asks, "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
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Well folks, I am off to bed. Take great acre of yourselves and each
other. And enjoy your lives. Love and best wishes to you all.
Cheers, Merle.

Post 668 ~ ~ ~ Wednesday, 3rd March, 2010.
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13 comments:

Dave said...

*LOL* Great post and jokes Merle... glad you're doing better! *S*

Sharon's Cottage Quilts said...

Dearest Merle, it's so good to hear from you!! I have been keeping you in my prayers daily, and I hope that you know that I am thinking positive thoughts for you. So relieved that you have sought a specialist. I will be praying that they find the cause...fix it...so you can get on with it!! I'm sending you lots of love and great big hugs~Sharon

Jim said...

Hi Merle, I too am glad your ankles are doing better and more happy still that you are going to a specialist.
Did you have a choice of getting one in Melbourne? Mine (cardiologist) is in Houston, about 65 miles from here. It is a two hour drive but his office is attached to the hosptital. I spend all day there and he gets most test results the same day we do them.

Thank you for finding the blonde joke. That would teach a person not to play H & S naked with the kids. Evidently the Old Man is too old to be playing that game.
Your blonde cartoon is cute too.

All your jokes are cute tonight, the Alzheimers story was great.
I haven't quit smiling yet from reading all of these in one sitting.

Thank you, I will keep on praying for you and the doctors,
cheers,
..

Patty said...

Good afternoon Merle, glad the swelling is going down. I get this now and then. Especially if I've been on my feet a lot, by the end of the day, usually my right ankle is more swollen then the left one. I've had several echocardiograms. The last was in Jan. 07 before they started my radiation treatments. The lady doctor (radiologist) heard a heart murmur and wanted it checked out. Apparently my family doctor knew this, and never said anything, because he said almost all older people get one and mine wasn't that bad. I take two blood pressure pills a day, and they also help regulate the beat of my heart. Slows it down.

I'm glad they are getting you checked out to make sure all is ok. Have a nice visit with your family that's coming. And sleep well. Love, Patty

audrey` said...

It's very good to know that you're feeling better now, Merle. Take care.

Margaret Cloud said...

I am glad the swelling is going down and will be glad to hear how your echo-cardiogram turned out.Boy, talk about dumb blondes. I am praying that John has a safe trip. The jokes were all very funny, I especially liked the :Walking Eagle", this goes to all politicians. Thank you for coming by, have a nice day.

Big Dave T said...

I've been tired lately too but I blame it on the weather. At least you didn't have to do a stress echocardiogram, where they make you walk on a treadmill or something like that. Those really make you tired.

I thought about you today because my wife is cooking a meal in our crockpot. She doesn't do that too often but I know you make wonderful crockpot meals there.

Liked the joke about the walking eagle. There are probably people around who would like to call me that at times.

Gina E. said...

Glad to hear you are being looked after now, Merle. Ken has the echoes every six months - they can tell a lot about your heart from those.

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I fixed my contact information, so you can try again if you'd like.

Janice~

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Merle. I hope the echo sheds some light on the problem for you. At least if it is positive you will be able to something done in the way of medication. If negative, that's good, but doesn't explain the swelling.

Good luck and I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Hugs

Gledwood said...

My hair is the colour of vacuum cleaner dust... Maybe this is very telling but when we put sun-in all over it about 5 years ago, it went blond in about 2 minutes! No wonder I am considered intellectually challenged!!

Happy weekend, Merle :-)

Lady Di Tn said...

Hope y'all are better. I must say I sure enjoyed the "Walking Eagle" story. Have a good visit with Geoff and family. Peace

ACE Soft said...

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