Saturday, April 24, 2010
Post 677 ~ ~ ~ Saturday. 24th April, 2010.
Hello my friends ~~~ I hope all is going well in your lives
and you are enjoying life. I feel very flat since I have
finished my many tests and appointments. I guess it is
relief that all seems to be OK. I saw about the aneurysm
yesterday and got on well with the specialist, who is going
to look at my latest scans and then write to me.
If I need to have an operation, it will be done through the
groin and they seem to think that will be simple.
I would like to put it off for some months at least, so will
wait until I hear from him.
First joke tonight is from my good friend Linda who lives in Canberra. Thanks Linda for The Old Cowboy.
Picture at the top.
You think you have lived to be 60 and know who you are,
then along comes someone and blows it all to the dickens.
An old cowboy sat down at Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, " Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows,
going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, cleaning my barn, fixing
flats, working on tractors, baling hay, doctoring calves, and feeding
my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked
women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked
women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch
TV I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think
about naked women."
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy
and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I am a
My nice story for tonight was sent to me by my daughter, Julie who
lives in Gladstone, Queensland - Too far away. Thanks Julie.
A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up
a silk paper wrapped package.
"This," he said," isn't any ordinary package. He unwrapped the box
and stared at both the silk paper and the box.
"She got this the first time we went to New York, 8 or 9 years ago.
She never put it on, was saving it for a special occasion.
Well, I guess this is it."
He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing
he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died.
He turned to me and said, "Never save something for a special occasion.
Every day in your life is a special occasion."
I still think those words changed my life.
Now I read more and clean less.
I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.
I spend more time with my family, and less at work.
I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived
up to, not survived through.
I no longer keep anything.
I use crystal glasses every day . . .
I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket; if I feel like it.
I don't save my special perfume for special occasions. I use it
whenever I want to.
The words 'Someday' and ..'One Day . . .are fading away from
If it's worth seeing, listening, or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now.
I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she
wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell.
I think she may have called her relatives and closest friends. She might
call old friends to make peace over past quarrels.
I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favorite food.
It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my
time had come...
Each day, each hour, each minute is special.
Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.
The rest of the "How to speak New Zulander.
Ear roebucks . . . . . . . exercise at the gym
Duffy cult . . . . . . . not easy
Amejen . . . . . . . . . visualise
Chuck . . . . . . . . . very young poultry
Bug Hut . . . . . . . popular recording
Bun button . . . . . . been bitten by insect
Beard . . . . . . . . a place to sleep
Sucks peck . . . . . . Half a dozen beers
Ear New Zulland . . . . an extinct airline
Beers . . . . . . . . . . . large savage animals found in the U.S.
Veerjun . . . . . . . . . mythical New Zealand maiden
One doze . . . . . . . . well known computer program
Brudge . . . . . . . . . structure spanning a stream
Sex . . . . . . . . . . . . one less than sivven
Tin . . . . . . . . . . .one more than nine
Iggs Ecktly . . . . . . . Precisely
Cuds . . . . . . . . . . Children
Pits . . . . . . . . . . domestic animals
Cuttin . . . . . . . baby cat
Sivven Sucks Sivven..large Boeing aircraft
Sivven Four Sivven. . larger Boeing aircraft
Earplane . . . . . . . . large flying machine
Beggage Chucken . . place to leave your suitcases at the airport.
One from my friend Warren. Thanks Mate.
Retarded Grandparents.(This was actually reported by a teacher.)
After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent
their holiday from school.
One child wrote the following:
We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa.
They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded
and they moved to Bateman's Bay where everyone lives in nice
little houses, and so they don't have to mow the grass anymore.
They ride around on their bicycles and scooters and wear name tags
because they don't know who they are anymore.
They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got
it fixed because it is all OK now. They do some exercises there, but
they don't do them very well.
There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it
with hats on.
At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it.
He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out
and go cruising in their golf carts.
Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing
every night--- early birds.
Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house.
The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for
My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his Retardment
and says I should work hard so I can be retardment someday too.
When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house.
Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.
You spend the first 2 years of Your child's life teaching th4eem to
walk and talk. then you tell them for the next 16 years to sit down
and shut up.
Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact they usually repeat word for
word what you shouldn't have said.
The main purpose of children's parties is to remind yourself that
there are children more awful than your own.
We childproof our homes, but they are still getting in.
Moral of this story : Be nice to your kids. They will choose your
Last one tonight. (I seem to always be tired. -sorry.)
Statement of the Century// Thought from the Greatest Living
Scots Thinker - - - Billy Connolly.
"If women are so bl***y perfect at multi-tasking, how come
they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
Bye for now, 'till next time. Enjoy your lives and be kind to
yourselves and others. Love and Best Wishes to you all.
Post 677 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 24th April, 2010.