Friday, July 09, 2010

Alphabet.

Post 691 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 9th July, 2010.

Hello My Friends ~~ Would you believe I meant to do this last night and then
the power went out for 5 hours, as a car had hit a power pole? But here we
are again and it has been a lovely day as my grand-daughter, Kate called in
to see me and had lunch with me. Kate is a chef, so what to give her for lunch?
I lined some muffin pans with a slice of bacon and then filled a mixture of eggs,
grated onion, red and green bell peppers, and lots of cheese. Baked them in the
oven, so we had some of them and Kate approved and plans to make them.!!!
But what to make next time? She was going on to Deniliquin for the weekend.
Her brother Joh( pronounced Joe) lives and works there. Also a boyfriend,so I hear.

I hope all is well with you all, my friends around the country and the world.
I hope you are neither too hot or too cold. It was darn cold here last night with
no electric blanket. We don't have many blackouts, fortunately. It went off at 9 pm
and came on about 2.30 am.

The first item tonight is from Mountain Wings and called Alphabets.

Although things are not perfect

Because of trial or pain

Continue in thanksgiving

Do not begin to blame

Even when times are hard

Fierce winds are bound to blow.

God is forever able,

Hold on to what you know!

Imagine life without His love,

Joy would cease to be.

Keep thanking Him for all things

Love imparts to Thee.

Move out of "Camp Complaining!"

No weapon that is known

On earth can yield the power

Praise can do alone.

Quit looking at the future;

Redeem the time at hand;

Start every day with worship ---

To "thank" is a command.

Until we see Him coming,

Victorious in the sky

We'll run the race with gratitude

Xalting God most high,

Yes, there'll be good times and yes some will be bad, but . . .

Zion waits in glory . . .where none are ever sad!

Author Unknown.
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A couple from my friend Linda L. in Canberra, where the dipsticks live.
Thanks Linda for all the things you send me. There are supposed to be
pictures with these, but you can imagine, a giraffe, a lion and a crocodile
and also a frog or two. Please try to imagine them helpful friends.

Giraffe test.
1...How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down.


The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the
door. This question tests whether you tend to do things in a complicated way.

2...How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator?

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the door?


Wrong answer. Correct answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe,
put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through
the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. ..The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend
. . . Except one. Which animal. Which animal does not attend?


Correct answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just
put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the
three previous questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show
your true abilities.

4...There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not
have a boat. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer: You jump in and swim across. Have you not been listening?
All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn
quickly from your mistakes.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals
they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct
answers This conclusively disproves the theory that professionals do not have the
brains of a four year old.

Pass this on to frustrate all your smart friends.

PS: Just the fact I have posted it for you should make you feel good. And smart.
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A Frog story which I will type in Green - naturally.

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see by her name-plate
that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog said his name
was Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank
manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure, I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant,
about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager
and disappears into a back office . . . .

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there
who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000 "I mean, what in the
world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It' a knick-knack Patty Whack..
Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

(You're singing it, aren't you? I know you are..)

Never take life too seriously!!
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One my son Geoff sent me called "Cardiologist's Funeral."

A very prestigious cardiologist died and was given a very elaborate funeral
by the hospital he worked for most of his life . . . .

A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service
as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.
The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral....
I'm a gynacologist."

The vicar fainted.
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One from my friend, Lady Di called "Redneck Church." Thanks Dianne.

You Know if Your Church is a Redneck
If...The finance committee refuses to buy a chandelier because no-one
knows how to pllay one.

If ... People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000 whether the fish
were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch them.

If ...When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take the offering,"
five guys and two women stand up.

If... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck
because, "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

If,,,The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."

If... the congregation
has 500 members, there are only seven last names in
the Church directory.

If... Baptism is referred to as "branding."

If... High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

If...People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

If...The collection plates are really Hub Caps from a '56 Chevy.

If... The minister and his wife drive matching pick-up trucks.

If. ..The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink."

If..."Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs too.

If...The final words of the Benediction are "Y'all come back now. Ya hear."
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Next one from my friend Warren. Thanks Mate. See you soon.

They were in the Pub and were commenting on the drinks and the atmosphere.

"As good as this is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home.
In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord there goes
out of his way for the locals. When you buy 4 drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well Angus," said the Englishman, "at my local in London, The Red Lion, the
barman will buy your third drink after you buy the first two.

"Ahhh, Dat's nothin'" said the Irishman, "back home in my favorite pub, the
moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink and then another,
all the drinks you like, actually. Then when you have had enough drinks,
they take you upstairs and see you get laid, all on the house."

The Englishman and the Scotsman were suspicious of the claim.

The Irishman swore every word was true.

"Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not meself, personally," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me
sister quite a few times."
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Last one tonight, again from Linda L in Canberra. Thanks again my friend.

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed
the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time,
with them to correct their ways.

She decided she would take her lunch; sit with workers; and talk to them.

She put a sandwich in a brown paper bag and walked over to the spot
where the men were eating.

Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked, "And do you
men know Jesus Christ?"

They shook their heads and looked at each other....very confused.

One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out.
"Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"

One of the steelworkers yelled down, "Why?"


"Cause His wife's here with his lunch."
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Take good care of yourselves my friends and have some fun every day.
Love and good wishes to you all. Until next time, cheers Merle.

Post 691 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 9th July, 2010.

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10 comments:

Big Dave T said...

I always like to visit when you're cooking something. It sounds delicious too, though I'm not sure my cardiologist would approve. Fortunately, I just passed my stress EKG so I don't have to worry about my heart for a while, so they say.

Very hot here. We've been running the air conditioner that last few days, but it's supposed to cool down today.

Funny jokes. I only got the last question right, about crossing the river with the crocodiles.

Jack K. said...

The recipe sounds terrific.

Sorry to hear about the power outage.

I'll never think of a funeral in quite the same way again. chuckle.

Pamela said...

I've GOT to remember the Nun joke. oh my

Janice said...

Your lunch with your grand-daughter sounded pretty good, I may try that one out myself. Make a good brekky too. *wink*

Great jokes, I don't think I'll think about funerals the same myself either.

Janice~

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hello Merle. Long time no comment, but I'm here now. I love the sound of the lunch you made for Kate. I wouldn't worry about what to give her next time. If she doesn't have to make it herself, it'll be fine. That's what a chef friend of mine says, anyway.

I love the cardiologist's funeral joke and laughed myself silly at the mental picture it conjured up.

Oooh, not nice having a power cut in the middle of winter. I have gas cooking so I can at least heat up some water for a hot water bottle.

Hope all is well with you, Merle. Look after yourself and cross your fingers for no more blackouts.

Hugs.

Patty said...

Dear Merle, Loved Lady Di's Redneck church one liners. Do you by any chance have something there called Rednecks? Also like the nun story and her having lunch with the fellows. LOL

Hope you've been well. we're about the same. We've been having some really warm weather with high humidities.

My brother just found out he has an aortic aneurysm, not sure if his is ascending or descending. He goes to see a heart doctor on Tuesday.

Take care my friend and stay well.
Love, Patty

Lady Di Tn said...

I am with all the others, you can cook me lunch anytime as it. Glad you had a good visit with Kate. Thanks for sharing the Rednecks in Church. The nun and funeral jokes were tooooo funny. I need to copy the Nun joke to our Rector. LOL
We finally got some rain on the hill this weekend instead of watching it rain all around. Not fond of black outs. Peace

Dave said...

Oh Goodness Merle, I spit out my coffee again with the redneck church ones! *ROTFL*

Jim said...

Hi Merle ~~ I had forgotten Kate was a chef. She had been in France a month to work, right?

Mrs. Jim says if she were our granddaughter and a chef then after this nice bacon-egg muffiny dish you mader her that it would now be Kate's turn to make you something nice.

I liked your red-neck church joke. I will send it to our new preacher as he is from Texas (Houston) but has been at Gainsville, Texas (a whole bunch smaller) before coming to us.

Cheers,
..

Anonymous said...

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Is this possible?