Sunday, November 14, 2010

God and Lawn Care.

Post 712 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 14th November, 2010.

Hello Everyone ~~ Nice to be with you again and I hope all
is well in your lives - everyone well and happy would be nice.
I am OK, a little despondent as I still don't have the CT scan
results about my aneurysm. Really, How long does it take to
say, "No change," "Small change," or "Big change" ?? The
only bright thought amongst all that is if it was a big change
I may have heard by now.

We were promised a huge downpour of rain all weekend, but
what we got was a nice steady rain yesterday afternoon.
I have pulled out the pea plants, after nice crop of peas that
never made the kitchen!! So now have some beans sown -
some green and some butter beans. The weather is warmer
and I sit here with slacks and only a blouse on top, not a
cardigan in sight.

John is away on another far ride, this time to see a memorial
to his friend Dave who was killed in America when a deer hit
his bike. He started the Far Riders club and was well loved.
I am pleased to say that John is well on his way home now.

First item was sent to me by my dear friend Jeanette, and I
have posted it before, but it is worth another run.Thanks Jan.

God and Lawn Care.

GOD:
Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world
is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the
dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago?
I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow
in any sort of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon.
The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies,
honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast
garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

St. FRANCIS:
It's the tribes that settled there, Lord..The Suburbanites. They
started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths
to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD:
Grass? But it's so boring. It is not colorful. It doesn't attract
butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It is
sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want
all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep
it green. They begin each Spring by fertilizing grass and
poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably makes grass grow
really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it -
sometimes twice a week.

GOD:
They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS:
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS:
No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD:
Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will
grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw
it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.

GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in Summer when we cut
back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the
growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS:
You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops
growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to
water it so they can continue to mow and pay to get rid of it.

GOD:
What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was
a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say myself. The trees grow
leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer.
In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural
blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and
bushes. It is a natural cycle of life.

ST. FRANCIS:
You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new
circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great
piles and pay to have them taken away.

GOD:
NO? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the
winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something
that they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in
place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them to make mulch.

GOD:
Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore.
St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie
have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE: 'Dumb and Dumber", Lord, it's a story about ...

GOD:
Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St.Francis.
<><>
Next is a Mountain Wings item called "The Right Words".

Lord, give me the right words to say
To broken hearts that come my way
To those who have been hurt before
That, I not hurt them any more.

To those whose hearts have hardened up
To those who won't hold out their cup
That, Lord, You long to overflow
With Love and Mercy. Lord, let me know

That I might have the words to say
That I might plant a seed today
That glory would be given to You
Through all I say and all I do.

Lord, give me the right words to say
More hearts are breaking every day
They're out there crying in the night
I long to help them see the light.

But, fragile are those souls and weak
So this is why Your words I seek
And pray Thee give me words to say
That I, not one soul, turn away. ~~by Susan Tier.
<><>

One sent by my cousin Carol. Thank you so much.
An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers
on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger said: "I am President Obama, the chosen
one. The world needs me, I can't afford to die." So he took
the first parachute and left the plane.

The second passenger, Julia Gillard said, " I am the prime
minister of Australia and I am the smartest woman in Australian
history, so people don't want me to die." She took the second
parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The third passenger, John Kerry said, "I am a Senator, and a
decorated war hero from the U.S. Army." So he grabbed the
parachute next to him and jumped.

The fourth passenger, ex President George W. Bush, said to
the fifth passenger, a 10 year old schoolgirl. "I have lived a
full life, and served my country the best I could. I will
sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The little girl said, "That's OK Mr. President. There's a
parachute left for you. Australia's smartest woman took my
schoolbag."
<><>
One from my friend Patricia called "Lena and Ole"
Thanks Patty.

Lena is pregnant with Ole's child, their first-born. Late
one night Lena wakes Ole and says, "I tink it's time."

So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere tractor and took her to the
hospital to have their first baby.

She had a little boy, and the Doctor looked over at Ole and
said, "A son. Ain't dat great?" Well, Ole got excited bu dis
but yust then the doctor spoke up and said, "Hold on, Ve
ain't finished yet." The doctor held up a little girl.. He said,
"Hey Ole. You got you a daughter. She's pretty too."

Ole got kind of puzzled by this, and then the doctor said,
"Holey Moley, Ole, we still ain't done yet." He then delivered
another boy and said, "Ole, you yust had yourself anudder boy."

Ole was flabbergasted by this news.

A couple of days later, Ole brought Lena and their three
children home in the self-propelled combine. He was real
serious when he asked Lena, "How come we got three first try?

Lena said, "You remember dat night we ran out of Vaseline
and you vent out in the garage and got dat 3-in1- Oil?"

Ole said, "Yeah, I do. It's a damn good ting I didn't get the
WD-40."
<><>

Last one for this post. It was sent by my good friend Margaret
in Gympie. Thanks Margaret. Humour for Lexophiles. (Lovers
of Words.)

1. I wondered why the basketball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

2. Police were called to a day care where a 3 year old was
resisting a rest.

3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was
cut off? He's all right now.

4. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

5. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a
small medium at large.

6. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

7. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

8. The math professor went crazy with the blackboard.
He did a number on it.

9. The professor discovered her theory of earthquakes was
on shaky ground.

10. The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

11. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

12. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's two-tired.

13. A will is a dead giveaway.

14. A backward poet writes inverse.

15. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

16. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

17. A grenade fell onto the kitchen floor in France, resulted
in linoleum blown apart.

18. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

19. A calendar's days are numbered.

20. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

21. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine..

22. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she
thought she'd dye.

23. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

24. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
<><>

Well time to close this post. Take great care of yourselves
my friends and also of your loved ones.Love and Best wishes
to you all. John just rang to say he was home. Terrific.
Cheers, Merle.

Post 712 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 14th November, 2010.
<><><>



10 comments:

Linda May said...

G'day Merle,
I just read back through your last few posts. Goodness mate, you have been having a rough time. That fire sure was scary and I hope you get your test results back soon. As the saying goes, no news is good news eh. My sympathies for the loss of your friend.
I have had a hectic few weeks but am settling into the latest rental house, bonus, it has a good garden, fruit trees galore and a vege patch. It as overgrown but Pete has done a lot of work already weeding and planting. I hope we get to stay here for a while.

Gina E. said...

heheheh...you know which one I laughed most at, don't you?!
Don't fret about your scan results. As the saying goes, no news is good news, so hopefully that is why you haven't been contacted. Ken is waiting to hear from his cardio. re having surgery on his one good artery which isn't so good. At least his heart is ticking over now, with the ICD.
Sorry to hear you didn't get the heavy rain yesterday - we got 15 mm. here. Just posted some photos I took at Sugarloaf today - it is almost full again!

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
The story shows just how "Stupid" we humans can be. LOL
My favorite were 5 & 21. Very funny stuff.
The WD 40 one put a stitch in my side from laughter.
Have a wonderful week.
love and peace

jel said...

Merle, ya know what they say no news is good news ;)



read the WD story to HD , and he laughed :)


take care
huggs

Dave said...

Great post as always Merle... *S*

Hope you get good news from the doctor...

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Margaret Cloud said...

That was a good one about God and Lawn are, I enjoyed reading it. Loved the mountain poem. Liked the list sent by Margaret. Glad to hear John is safe. Take care friend and have a nice week.

Rob said...

Hi Merle, I know what you mean about the waiting. When I used to have to have my tests they only told you if something was wrong and they wanted to see you again so you were in limbo for weeks waiting and hoping you got no letter through the post. Thankfully I don't have to go through that anymore. Anyway I hope all goes well for you and take heart in the saying that no news is good news.

Joy Des Jardins said...

I've always believed that if you don't hear back shortly about medical tests...it's most likely nothing to worry about. I think they really do contact you quickly if they have any concerns; but it's very frustrating and nerve-wracking waiting to hear. I hate it too Merle....but try not to worry over it.

Lots of hugs to you sweet friend... ~Joy

Annie said...

No news is good news, Merle. My best wishes are flying your way.

I'm very sorry to read of your friend's passing in such a bizarre way and so far from home. That must have been very hard on his family.

Thank you for the lovely surprise birthday wish. I'm about to hit 63. Can hardly believe it.