Friday, January 28, 2011

The Shoes Next to Mine.

Post 722 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 28th January, 2011.

Hello my Friends ~~Nice to be with you again and I hope all is well in your lives.
Mine is going well, my daughter Kathy and her two younger daughters came to
visit on late Saturday night after Kristen knocked off work in Geelong
where
she lives now. So about midnight we exchanged presents and all had fun.

Next day we traveled to Deniliquin just over the border in New South Wales, to see
Kathy's eldest daughter and her new restaurant. Kate works 6 days so only has Sunday
off to show us around. The restaurant is very nice and doing very well so far and
the house that she lives in is lovely too. Her brother and boyfriend all live
there. We didn't see Joh, though as he was away working harvesting.




The photo is from left Jorja 12, Kathy, Me, and Krissy who will be 18 next week.

Jorja will be 13 in May, but is very tall as is big sister Kate. My home helper took photo.

Kathy came to the Doctor with me on Monday and he is happy to leave the
kidney stones alone at this stage. I have to see a specialist next week for a
second opinion, so hope to get similar news. Then after the Dr. we all went
shopping. Kathy had made Queen size beds for all the kids for Christmas.
So she bought Doonas, Underlays and sheets and a pillow for the girls.

I bought a clock radio with a CD player in the top, so I can play CDs when
I go to bed. Kathy bought me two, Keith Urban and Susan Boyle. Lovely.
They left here on Tuesday to go to the SPC food and fruit factory outlet and
bought a heap of produce. Then they went and bought me a DVD-Video
combined which Krissy set up in a few minutes, so now I can play my nice
country music videos and DVDs. I like Alan Jackson, Tim McGraw and
Travis Tritt, Slim Dusty, Ray Stevens comedy and various others. So I feel
thoroughly spoilt.

Now to find some jokes for you. How to get to Heaven from Scotland.
Thanks whoever sent this one, I forgot to write it on it.

I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday School class to see if they
understood the concept of getting into heaven . . . .

I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and
gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"

"NO." the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden and kept every-
thing tidy, would that get me into heaven?"

Again the answer was, "No."
By now I was starting to smile.

"Well, then if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the children and
loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?"

Again, they all answered "No."

I was bursting with pride for them.
I continued, "Then how can I get to heaven?"

A six year old boy shouted, " You've got to b
e dead first."
<><>

One from Mountain Wings called "Cold and Chilly.

An elderly married couple in their 80s scheduled their annual medical
examination the same day so they could travel together.

After the examination, the doctor said to the elderly man, "You appear
to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns to ask me?"

"In fact I do," said the old man.
"After I have sex with my wife the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty
and then after I have sex with my wife the second time, I'm usually
cold and chilly."

The doctor was impressed with the octogenarian's performance, yet
baffled and had no answer for the old man.

After examining the old lady, the doctor said, "Everything appears to be
fine. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to discuss with me?"

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then asked, "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims
that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you
and then cold and chilly after the second time.

"Do you know why?"

"Oh, that crazy old coot," she replied.

"That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is
usually in December."
<><>

Next one is called "Arthur is 90 years old."

He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day
he arrives home looking downcast.
"That's it," he tells his wife.
"I'm giving up golf.. My eyesight has got so bad, once I've hit the ball,
I can't see where it went."

His wife sympathizes. As they sir down, she has a suggestion.
"Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try?"

"That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother is a hundred and three.
He can't help."
"He may be one hundred and three," says the wife, but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.
He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway.

He turns to his brother-in-law. "Did you see that ball?"
"Of course I did." says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."

"Where did it go?" asks Arthur.

"Can't remember."
<><>

Next story is not a joke, but a nice story sent by my dear friend, Lady Di.
Thank you for "The Shoes Next to Mine."

Shoes in Church.
I showered and shaved . . . . . . . . .I adjusted my tie.
I got there and sat . . . . . . .. . . .in a pew just in time.
Bowing my head in prayer . . . . as I closed my eyes.
I saw the shoe of the man next to me . . . .touching my own, I sighed.

With plenty of room on either side . . .I thought, "Why must our shoes touch?
It bothered me, his shoes touching mine . .But it didn't bother him much."
A prayer began: "Our Father". . . I thought, "This man with the shoes has no pride.
They're dusty, worn, and scratched. Even worse, there are holes on the side."

"Thank you for your blessings," the prayer went on.
The shoe man said . . . . a quiet "Amen."
I tried to focus on the prayer . . . but my thoughts were on his shoes again.
Aren't we supposed to look our best, when walking through that door?
Well, this certainly isn't it," I thought, Glancing toward the floor.

Then the prayer was ended . . . . . .And songs of praise began.
The shoe man was certainly loud . . .sounding proud as he sang.
His voice lifted the rafters . . .His hands raised high.
The Lord could surely hear.. The shoe man's voice from the sky.

It was time for the offering . . .And what I threw was steep.
I watched as the shoe man reached . . .into his pockets so deep.
I saw what was pulled out . . . .What the shoe man put in.
I heard a soft 'clink' . . . As when silver hits tin.

The sermon really bored me . . .to tears and that's no lie.
It was the same for the shoe man .. for tears fell from his eyes.
At the end of the service . . . . As is the custom here.
We must greet new visitors . .Ans show them all good cheer.

But I felt moved somehow . . .And wanted to meet the shoe man.
So after the closing prayer . . I reached over and shook his hand.
He was old and his skin was dark . . And his hair was truly a mess...
But I thanked him for coming . . . . For being our guest.

He said, "My name is Charlie . . . .I'm glad to meet you my friend."
There were tears in his eyes . . . But he had a large wide grin..
"Let me explain," he said . . . . Wiping tears from his eyes.
"I've been coming here for months , , , And you're the first to say 'Hi.""

"I know that my appearance . . . . . Is not like all the rest
"But I really do try . . . . . . . . To always look my best."
I always clean and polish my shoes . . .before my long walk
But by the time I get here . . .They're dirty and dusty, like chalk.

My heart filled with pain . . . . And I swallowed to hide my tears.
As he continued to apologize . . . For daring to sit so near.
He said, "When I got here . . . . .I know I must look a sight
"But I thought if I could touch you . . .Then maybe our souls might unite."

I was silent for a moment . . . . . .Knowing whatever was said
Would pale io comparison . . .I spoke from my heart, not my head.
"Oh, you've touched me," I said . . . . And taught me, in part
"That the best of any man . . . . is what is found in his heart."

The rest, I thought . . . .This shoe man will never know.
Like just how thankful I really am . . .that his dirty old shoe touched my soul
You are special to me and you have made a difference in my life.
I respect you, and truly cherish you.

Send this to your friends,no matter how often you talk.
Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them and tell new friends
you never will.

Remember, everyone needs a friend. Someday you might feel like
you have no friends at all.
Live each day as your last, for we never know our time here on earth.
Love and Peace my Friends.
<><>
Some more short jokes my cousin Bill sent me. Thank you Bill.

ELDERLY.
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins. I used to take my 4 year old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass
. As I braced myself
for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered,
"The tooth fairy will never believe this."

DRESS-UP.
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her
Dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."

"And why not, darling?"
"You know it always gives you a headache next morning."

DEATH.
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar melt.
Apparently his five year old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they ad secured a
small box and cotton-wool, then dug a hole and made ready for the
disposal of the deceased.

The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity said, "Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn,
and into the hole he goooes."

SCHOOL.
A little girl had just finished her first week at school. "I'm wasting my time,"
she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk."


BIBLE.
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He
picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that
had been pressed in betwee
n the pages.

"Mam. look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's
Adam's underwear."
<><>

Lastly, a small item my dear friend Patricia Lincoln sent me.
Thank you Patty for "I wrote your name.

I wrote your name on a piece of paper, but by accident I threw it away.

I wrote your name on my hand, but it washed away.

I wrote your name in the sand, but the waves whispered it away.

I wrote your name in my heart, and forever it will stay.

I believe in angels, the kind that heaven sends,
I'm surrounded by angels, but I call them my friends.
<><>

Enough for this post, I hope you found something of interest here, or
enjoyed a chuckle. Take great care of yourselves, my friends and of
those you love. Share some smiles. Love and Best Wishes to you
all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 722 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 28th January, 2011.
<><><>


20 comments:

Art by JFM said...

Merle it was so nice to see the photo of you, your daughter and grand-daughters. What a nice visit you all had. I also hope that the second opinion will be the same as the first one.
Love the jokes! They always make my day! Thank you so much for sharing...

Dave said...

Beautiful post as always Merle!

You have such a wonderful family to always be visiting and taking you places. You're truly blessed. *S*

Granny Annie said...

If anyone can stop by your blog and not find something interesting then there is something wrong with them. Love the humorous stories and love the family photo.

Gerry's Soap N Stuff said...

Good morning Merle,
Your blog is my first to read this morning and I found it to be perfect to start off my day.
The family picture is very nice. I could not help but notice that your granddaughter Krissy has your facial features. Beautiful family!
Gerry - from the SE in the USA

Sue @ Not the Good Scissors! said...

Good Morning Merle. Your jokes are so much fun. Love the picture of you and your family.

Hope you are doing well.
Sue

Sharon's Cottage Quilts said...

Good Morning My Beautiful Friend!
I'm so happy to see you and your beautiful family! I have been thinking about you so much lately with the flooding and all. It's on our news everyday. God bless you! Thanks for the funnies!! You always brighten my day.
Hugs and Love, Sharon

HORIZON said...

I just wanted to come by and say hello to you Merle- l've been gone for so long and just wanted to say l was still thinking of you. A lot has happened, some sad things and some happy-l have a new wee granddaughter. Loved the Scottish joke. The pic of you with family is lovely. Hope you're doing ok apart from the kidney stones- ouch. x

Patty said...

Dear Merle, another very good post. I'm sorry it seems I don't make my rounds like I use to. I think I'm getting slower, and taking care of things, plus running granddaughter to and from school, errands for Abe and me, doctors and etc, plus housework, it seems I just can't stay caught up. I am getting a treat for dinner this evening. Our one daughter (the one that just retired this past July) and she's only 48, is going to fix it. The daughter that has been living with us, tries to fix something different over the week-end. But she's taking an all day nurse's aid class right now, so that leaves Sundays, which is also when she has her laundry for herself and her daughter, plus her school work and etc. So for this Sunday I bought a ham and we will have that. No work involved, it's one of those spiral cut hams, fully cooked and we like it cold. Anyway I should be doing laundry, but thought I could do it tomorrow when daughter is in class so I have spent my day at the computer trying to catch up. If you have kidney stones, unless they are stuck, why wouldn't they let them stay where they are? I wouldn't see any reason to have to operate to remove them, unless they are stuck and blocking an opening. My brother's aneurysm is about the same, apparently it is growing slowly. He's thankful for that. Glad you ahd a nice visit with your daughter and granddaughters. Speaking of granddaughter;s it's almost time to run over and fetch mine from school. I try to get there about 30 mins early to find a good spot to park, and while I wait I read one of the Chicken Soup For The Soul books. Take care and thanks for your visits. I truly enjoy your friendship. Love, Patty

Jack K. said...

As usual, your posting is inspirational. Glad to know all is well. What a great photo of an even more spectacular family.

Thanks for sharing.

Hope you don't mind, I linked this post to my facebook page. Your postings are worth sharing with more folks.

Take care, dear friend.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hello Merle. It sounds as if you had a lovely time with your family, as did with mine.

I loved the poems and of course, the joke about the minister's son burying the dead bird.

Keep well. Hugs.

Theanne... said...

Love, love, love the jokes...sometimes I wish my Don was still here so I could share them with him...but he's getting a good laugh up in heaven!

What a nice looking family you have...sounds like you had a lot of fun shopping!

Big Dave T said...

You get out and about more than I do here. I think it would be exciting visiting a new restaurant owned by someone in the family. Nobody in my family is in the restaurant business. I know it takes a lot of time and effort though.

Always enjoy your humor there, as well as the inspirational stories.

Rhi said...

You ALWAYS give me a chuckle! It was so nice to see a photo of you and your family. I'm glad all seems to be going well and I hope the specialist gives you good news, too. Have a wonderful week and I can't wait for more laughs from you. Take care!
-Rhi

Jim said...

You have a nice family, Merle. And good looking too. I can tell they think big of you!

You can keep us posted on your kidney stones. As I remember, they hurt a lot.

I like your old folk jokes. I remembered the July and December one but as usual, I couldn't remember the punch line.
..
Oh yes, I agree with your taste in music. On going to bed, I'd rather go to sleep with the TV on 'sleep timer' than listen to music.
..

Gledwood said...

Krissy looks like my Aussie cousin who was in London for 3 years.

She was the coolest person I have ever met it's a privilege to be related to her. There's a proverb that "a (wo)man is known by his{her} friends" and her friends were the very best bunch of people I have ever met at any time anywhere.

I so wish she could be here. It makes me sad just to think of her. We didn't even get on when we first met, all stiff, formal, missing each other's jokes ~ like a scene in a film.

Then I got to know her and this amazing person burst out of the bloom of a lotus (so to speak). I used to be into Eastern religion. Now I'm Christian.

I hope all is good with you. Thanks v much for your messages they're v much appreciated.

I know I went cuckoo and I understand it isn't always easy to know what to say so I'm v grateful that you said it then, when I was still woofing (not barking mad full on, just a few yaps and semi-deranged snarls!)

:-)

Mountain Mama said...

Hi Merle. I hope the kidney stones can be left alone too. I know it's not any fun at all to have an attack though so take care.
Loved the jokes and am sending a few to an old friend.

Joy Des Jardins said...

Hi Merle....I love the photo of all you girls. Everyone seems to tower over you Merle....you're just a little thing. Everyone towers over me too. You all look great. Hope your kidney stones don't present any problems for you sweetie.

Thinking of you from a very snowy and cold Illinois...but I'm dug-out and in pretty good shape so far. Take care my dear friend... Love, Joy

JunieRose2005 said...

Dear Merle,

I enjoyed the picture of you and your girls.

As Joy says in her post-they DO tower over you! At just 5ft. everyone is very tall next to me, also!:) I don't mind. I feel well protected with all my tall girls and boys around me.

That purple flower is very pretty and one I do not know!

Take care Merle,

Love,
June

Margaret Cloud said...

Glad you had a nice visit with your daughter and granddaughters, very nice picture. I liked your jokes, they were very funny.

audrey` said...

You look very good in the photo, Merle =)

I love Susan Boyle's voice too. She can sing so well.