Post 722 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 28th January, 2011.
Hello my Friends ~~Nice to be with you again and I hope all is well in your lives.
Mine is going well, my daughter Kathy and her two younger daughters came to
visit on late Saturday night after Kristen knocked off work in Geelong where
she lives now. So about midnight we exchanged presents and all had fun.
Next day we traveled to Deniliquin just over the border in New South Wales, to see
Kathy's eldest daughter and her new restaurant. Kate works 6 days so only has Sunday
off to show us around. The restaurant is very nice and doing very well so far and
the house that she lives in is lovely too. Her brother and boyfriend all live
there. We didn't see Joh, though as he was away working harvesting.
The photo is from left Jorja 12, Kathy, Me, and Krissy who will be 18 next week.
Jorja will be 13 in May, but is very tall as is big sister Kate. My home helper took photo.
Kathy came to the Doctor with me on Monday and he is happy to leave the
kidney stones alone at this stage. I have to see a specialist next week for a
second opinion, so hope to get similar news. Then after the Dr. we all went
shopping. Kathy had made Queen size beds for all the kids for Christmas.
So she bought Doonas, Underlays and sheets and a pillow for the girls.
I bought a clock radio with a CD player in the top, so I can play CDs when
I go to bed. Kathy bought me two, Keith Urban and Susan Boyle. Lovely.
They left here on Tuesday to go to the SPC food and fruit factory outlet and
bought a heap of produce. Then they went and bought me a DVD-Video
combined which Krissy set up in a few minutes, so now I can play my nice
country music videos and DVDs. I like Alan Jackson, Tim McGraw and
Travis Tritt, Slim Dusty, Ray Stevens comedy and various others. So I feel
Now to find some jokes for you. How to get to Heaven from Scotland.
Thanks whoever sent this one, I forgot to write it on it.
I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday School class to see if they
understood the concept of getting into heaven . . . .
I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and
gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"
"NO." the children answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden and kept every-
thing tidy, would that get me into heaven?"
Again the answer was, "No."
By now I was starting to smile.
"Well, then if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the children and
loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?"
Again, they all answered "No."
I was bursting with pride for them.
I continued, "Then how can I get to heaven?"
A six year old boy shouted, " You've got to be dead first."
One from Mountain Wings called "Cold and Chilly.
An elderly married couple in their 80s scheduled their annual medical
examination the same day so they could travel together.
After the examination, the doctor said to the elderly man, "You appear
to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns to ask me?"
"In fact I do," said the old man.
"After I have sex with my wife the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty
and then after I have sex with my wife the second time, I'm usually
cold and chilly."
The doctor was impressed with the octogenarian's performance, yet
baffled and had no answer for the old man.
After examining the old lady, the doctor said, "Everything appears to be
fine. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to discuss with me?"
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then asked, "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims
that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you
and then cold and chilly after the second time.
"Do you know why?"
"Oh, that crazy old coot," she replied.
"That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is
usually in December."
Next one is called "Arthur is 90 years old."
He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day
he arrives home looking downcast.
"That's it," he tells his wife.
"I'm giving up golf.. My eyesight has got so bad, once I've hit the ball,
I can't see where it went."
His wife sympathizes. As they sir down, she has a suggestion.
"Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try?"
"That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother is a hundred and three.
He can't help."
"He may be one hundred and three," says the wife, but his eyesight is perfect."
So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.
He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway.
He turns to his brother-in-law. "Did you see that ball?"
"Of course I did." says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."
"Where did it go?" asks Arthur.
Next story is not a joke, but a nice story sent by my dear friend, Lady Di.
Thank you for "The Shoes Next to Mine."
Shoes in Church.
I showered and shaved . . . . . . . . .I adjusted my tie.
I got there and sat . . . . . . .. . . .in a pew just in time.
Bowing my head in prayer . . . . as I closed my eyes.
I saw the shoe of the man next to me . . . .touching my own, I sighed.
With plenty of room on either side . . .I thought, "Why must our shoes touch?
It bothered me, his shoes touching mine . .But it didn't bother him much."
A prayer began: "Our Father". . . I thought, "This man with the shoes has no pride.
They're dusty, worn, and scratched. Even worse, there are holes on the side."
"Thank you for your blessings," the prayer went on.
The shoe man said . . . . a quiet "Amen."
I tried to focus on the prayer . . . but my thoughts were on his shoes again.
Aren't we supposed to look our best, when walking through that door?
Well, this certainly isn't it," I thought, Glancing toward the floor.
Then the prayer was ended . . . . . .And songs of praise began.
The shoe man was certainly loud . . .sounding proud as he sang.
His voice lifted the rafters . . .His hands raised high.
The Lord could surely hear.. The shoe man's voice from the sky.
It was time for the offering . . .And what I threw was steep.
I watched as the shoe man reached . . .into his pockets so deep.
I saw what was pulled out . . . .What the shoe man put in.
I heard a soft 'clink' . . . As when silver hits tin.
The sermon really bored me . . .to tears and that's no lie.
It was the same for the shoe man .. for tears fell from his eyes.
At the end of the service . . . . As is the custom here.
We must greet new visitors . .Ans show them all good cheer.
But I felt moved somehow . . .And wanted to meet the shoe man.
So after the closing prayer . . I reached over and shook his hand.
He was old and his skin was dark . . And his hair was truly a mess...
But I thanked him for coming . . . . For being our guest.
He said, "My name is Charlie . . . .I'm glad to meet you my friend."
There were tears in his eyes . . . But he had a large wide grin..
"Let me explain," he said . . . . Wiping tears from his eyes.
"I've been coming here for months , , , And you're the first to say 'Hi.""
"I know that my appearance . . . . . Is not like all the rest
"But I really do try . . . . . . . . To always look my best."
I always clean and polish my shoes . . .before my long walk
But by the time I get here . . .They're dirty and dusty, like chalk.
My heart filled with pain . . . . And I swallowed to hide my tears.
As he continued to apologize . . . For daring to sit so near.
He said, "When I got here . . . . .I know I must look a sight
"But I thought if I could touch you . . .Then maybe our souls might unite."
I was silent for a moment . . . . . .Knowing whatever was said
Would pale io comparison . . .I spoke from my heart, not my head.
"Oh, you've touched me," I said . . . . And taught me, in part
"That the best of any man . . . . is what is found in his heart."
The rest, I thought . . . .This shoe man will never know.
Like just how thankful I really am . . .that his dirty old shoe touched my soul
You are special to me and you have made a difference in my life.
I respect you, and truly cherish you.
Send this to your friends,no matter how often you talk.
Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them and tell new friends
you never will.
Remember, everyone needs a friend. Someday you might feel like
you have no friends at all.
Live each day as your last, for we never know our time here on earth.
Love and Peace my Friends.
Some more short jokes my cousin Bill sent me. Thank you Bill.
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins. I used to take my 4 year old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself
for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered,
"The tooth fairy will never believe this."
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her
Dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know it always gives you a headache next morning."
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar melt.
Apparently his five year old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they ad secured a
small box and cotton-wool, then dug a hole and made ready for the
disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity said, "Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn,
and into the hole he goooes."
A little girl had just finished her first week at school. "I'm wasting my time,"
she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk."
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He
picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that
had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mam. look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's
Lastly, a small item my dear friend Patricia Lincoln sent me.
Thank you Patty for "I wrote your name.
I wrote your name on a piece of paper, but by accident I threw it away.
I wrote your name on my hand, but it washed away.
I wrote your name in the sand, but the waves whispered it away.
I wrote your name in my heart, and forever it will stay.
I believe in angels, the kind that heaven sends,
I'm surrounded by angels, but I call them my friends.
Enough for this post, I hope you found something of interest here, or
enjoyed a chuckle. Take great care of yourselves, my friends and of
those you love. Share some smiles. Love and Best Wishes to you
all. Cheers, Merle.
Post 722 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 28th January, 2011.