Friday, February 25, 2011

More funny pictures.

Post 726 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 25th February, 2011.

Hello again my friends ~~ I trust all is well with you all. I am doing OK and
I hope to get some energy back soon. I have a procedure to get done
next week which has me very nervous, so if I survive that I should be OK.
I found a few more pictures that may interest you.

He sure doesn't look like the Blue bird of Happiness, does he?

This is called a Totem cat - - it must be mother cat and her kitten.

I like this one but I guess it was posed that way. If only the world could be like that.

Before I get on with this, I would like to say how very saddened I am about
the Earthquakes in New Zealand, with so much loss of life. My sympathy
and prayers for them all,the lost, the bereaved and the shocked citizens.
Once again the emergency workers and police do such a wonderful job.
I am happy quite a few Australians went over to help, as when we had
the Black Saturday fires two years ago, some New Zealaders came to help.

My blogging friend Jim sent me the next joke called "Retirement"Thank you.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred
to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women and
loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from
the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,
Over the last six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both
of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are
listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at five
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
"Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it straight away" This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her
Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance causing management
to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Moved a "CAUTION -WET FLOOR sign to a carpeted area.

6. August 14: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms
on Layaway.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children complied.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began crying
and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. September 4: Looked right into the security
camera and used it as a
mirror to pick his nose.

10 September 10: While handling guns in the hunting gepartment, he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously humming the "Mission
Impossible" theme.

12 October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna Look"
by using different sizes of funnels.

13 October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people btowsed through,
yelled :PICK ME, PICK ME"

14 October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed, "OH. NO IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN."

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then
yelled very loudly, "Hey, There's no toilet paper in here." One of the clerks
passed out.

One from my friend Warren. Thanks Mate.
A newly married couple was preparing dinner together , a roast and the man
watched as his new bride rubbed the roast with olive oil, sprinkle salt/pepper
on it and then cut an inch off the right side of the roast and an inch on the
left side, put it in the pan and then into the oven'

did you cut an inch off each side of the roast?" His wife replied, "That's just
how you make a roast. My mother showed me, and I don't see any reason
to change.

A few weeks later they were invited to her mother's house for dinner. She
saiid she was having a roast and hoped they would like it.
The husband said, "Definitely." and he thought he would get to the bottom
of how this started.

When they arrived at his mother-in-law's house, he asked if he could watch
her prepare the meal. "Of course" she said.. So he watched her rub it with
olive oil, sprinkle salt/ pepper, cut a inch of the right side and an inch off the
left side. Put the roast in the pan and into the oven. He asked, "Why did you
cut an inch off both sides of the roast?" She replied, "That's how you make
a roast. The man was getting more and more baffled, but he enjoyed his
dinner and they returned home.

A couple of months later they were invited to her grandmother's house
for dinner. The man, as determined as ever called ahead and asked if they
could have a roast as a special request. She agreed and he sat down
and watched her rub the roast with olive oil, sprinkle it with salt/pepper,
put it in the pan and put it in the oven.

He said, "Haven't you forgotten something?"
She said, "No, I don't think so. Why do you ask?"
He said, " You didn't cut an inch off each side of the roast before putting
it into the pan."
She laughed, and said, "Oh, that. I stopped doing that years ago.
'5 got a bigger pan."

Next one came from my dear cousin Bill. Thanks Bill.

A man on a Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky
clouded over ad in a booming voice, God said, "because you have tried to be
faithful to me in all ways,I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can ride over
Any time I want."

God said, "Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for
that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the

Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take. I can do it, but it is hard
for me to justify your desire of worldly things Take a little more time and
think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a log time. Finally, he said, "God I wish that
I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know h
ow she feels
inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she
cries; what she means when she says 'nothing's wrong', why she snaps and
complains when I try to help. and how can I make a woman truly happy?"

God replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

"Smart Dog." was sent by my friend in U.K. Bikerbob. Thank you.

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the Plane, when
another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever
in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was
allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement
Agency and that the dog was a sniffer dog. His name is Sniffer and he's the
best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.

The plane took off, and once it had levelled out, the Policeman, said,
"Watch this." He told Sniffer to search.

Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally settled down next to
a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one
paw on the policeman's arm.

The policeman said, "Good boy," and he turned to the man and said, "That
woman is in possession of marijuana. I'm making a note of her seat number
ad the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
"Gee, that's pretty good," said the first man.

The Policemansent Sniffer once again to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed
about , sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to his seat
and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm. The policeman
said, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again I;m making a note of his
seat number for the Police."
"I like it," said his seat mate/
The policeman then told Sniffer to search again.

Sniffer walked up and down the aisles sat down for a moment and then came
racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to
sh*t all over the place .

The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn't figure how
or why a well trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman,
"What's going on?"

The Policeman nervously replied, "He's just found a bomb."
short Irish Joke from my friend Gina in Melbourne. Thank you Gina.

Paddy tells Mick that he is thinking of buying a labrador.

"Bugger off
" says Mick, :are ya mad!!!! Have you seen how
many of their owners go blind?"

Next one from my 2nd cousin Karyn in New Zealand. Glad you are safe.

As I grow in age, I value women over 50 most of all. Here are a few
reasons why 9 BY Andy Rooney on 60 Minutes.

A woman over 50 will never wake you up in the middle of the night
and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you're thinking.

If a woman over 50 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit
around whining about it. She does something she wants to do ad it's
usually more interesting.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know
what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins
to a woman over 50.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50 is far sexier than
her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you
are a jerk or if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder
where you stand with her.

Yes we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately
it's not reciprocal. For every smart, well coiffed, hot woman over 50,
there's a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself
with some 22 year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the
milk for free?" Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are
against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying
a entire pig just to get a little sausage."

An interesting note that I got from another 2nd cousin, Kerry. Thanks.

This year we have 4 unusual da
tes . . . . . .
1/1/11. 11/1/11; 1/11/11; 11/11/11.

Two are gone but the others are in November.

Now take the last 2 digits of the year you were born,
add the age you will be this yearl

and it will equal out to be " 111 "

Well, time to call it a day. take good care of yourselves and each
other. Love and Best Wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 726 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 25th February, 2011.


Rob said...

Hi Merle, I hope everything goes ok for you, I'm sure it will as they are very good in the hospitals.

That Bluebird reminds me of my old boss when I asked him for some holiday time, he even turned the same colour as the bird!

Dave said...

Great post Merle... good thing I wasn't drinking coffee when I read the "roast" joke!!!

Hope the procedure goes well.. you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Jack K. said...

I hope the procedure goes well for you and you will not have much "down" time. Yeah, I know, you probably won't be playing much tennis. chuckle.

Loved the pictures. I agree that we should all be able to get along like those three cats.

Loved the retirement story, too. I'd seen it before, but it still brought out the laughter. We need more laughter.

Sending lots of positive energy to you and the folks in New Zealand.

Gledwood said...

That bird does look mighty pissed off...

... I once saw my 3 hamsters sleeping like that like a pile of bear-head rugs... SO MUCH wished I'd had a camera as it just doesn't work when you say "this happened" in this day and age you need to SHOW it...

Hope you're OK. I got diagnosed I'm not really happy about it but it's chez moi yesterday (thurs) if you want to look

Gledwood said...

ps I can't believe that thing in NZ I didn't even know they had earthquakes out there it's all too horrible for words what's gone on in your country and their country

jel said...

hey Merle, will tell what my dad use to say
(don't get nervous,Call all serves)
:) it would make me laugh!

will be thinking about ya!

love the jokes!


Theanne and Baron said...

Dear Merle,
Hope your procedure goes well.
Love the kitty photos.
Sympathy and prayers for New Zealand, especially the families and friends of those lost their lives in the quake.
All the jokes cracked me up, especially the "Target" one...he doesn't have to worry about going to Target with his wife anymore (or anywhere else with her for that matter LOL)
Hugs, Theanne

Ozkatt said...

Hi Merle. I do hope your procedure goes well but it worries me when you say, "If I survive it." I certainly hope you do survive! We need your jokes and inspirational stories and quotes.

And if that's the Bluebird of Happiness, I think I'll give him a miss,!

All the best with your procedure, Merle.


Big Dave T said...

If it's a procedure they're going to do next week, you'll be okay. It's the procedures that they have to do emergently that can cause problems.

Coincidentally, I also have a picture of the bluebird of happiness that I was going to maybe post in my next blog. Not the same bluebird though.

That is terrible about the earthquakes. I ran into some New Zealanders (don't they call them Kiwis too?) in England and they seemed like such a happy-go-lucky bunch.

Liked your jokes as always.

audrey` said...

Dearest Merle (((HUGS))) Hope and pray that your procedure will go well. God is in control. Take care.

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

Love the post as always. I hate shopping but my husband does. If I act like that man did at Target, do you think I'll get band from Wal-mart and never have to shop there again?


Jim said...

Best wishes for good outcomes on your procedure this week, Merle. I will be praying for this too.

Thanks for posting the story sent to me. Also I am betting that next time they will let that dog sniff BEFORE the plane takes off.

Yes, the Queensland earthquake caused a lot of misery and heartaches. I am sure you will hear of many heroic rescues and tragedies. It is waning now in our news.

Joy Des Jardins said...

I hope all goes well with your procedure Merle...I hate going for these things too; but I'm sure you'll feel a lot better...and relieved when you're done. I'll be thinking about you sweetie...big hugs to you.


Margaret Cloud said...

I am praying you procedure goes well and you will be okay. Also praying for the misfortune of the people of New Zea land, seems like around the world it is one thing after another. That was a funny one about Target, number three was a dozy. The one from Warren, just shows how traditions are passed down and in their case without an explanation. That was a good one 111. Have a nice week, I enjoyed all the jokes and storys.

HORIZON said...

Thinking of you and hope your hospital visit goes well. These places and procedures are always nerve wracking. hugs for you (((Merle))) xx

Toyin O. said...

Praying for you about your procedure:)

audrey` said...

(((HUGS))) Merle <3 We're praying for you. Please try to sleep well tonight. God is in control of the whole procedure. Take care. Love and blessings to you my dear friend.

Gina E. said...

Hi Merle, I'm hoping that your procedure has been successfully carried out, and that you will be bringing us all up to date in the next few days.
Ken has just been told he will have open heart surgery next TUESDAY and is in a state of shock, as we didn't think it would be so soon. Oh well, the sooner it is done, the sooner he will be able to get on with his life. Fingers crossed for both you and my Ken!

Mountain Mama said...

I thought I left you a comment a few days ago but apparently I just gleaned one of your jokes to send my friends and forgot to comment!
Anyhow I sure enjoyed all the jokes and am glad you are feeling ok.