Post 730 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 20th March, 2011.
Hello my friends ~~ How are things going for you? I hope all is well
in your lives and you are happy with some Joy in your lives. I am
keeping well and the weather is pleasant - cool nights to sleep
and warm days with just enough showers to water the gardens.
I could stand this all year around, speaking for myself.
I will start with a joke that I received twice with slight differences
My cousin Carol sent this one,and Bikerbob sent a similar one.
Thanks to you both.
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight
around looking for valuables, when a voice in the dark said,
"Jesus knows you're here."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked off his flash-light and froze.
When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear
as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shone his light around looking for the source of the voice.
Finally in the corner his flash-light beam came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed and then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn
you that he is watching you."
The burglar relaxed, "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. What kind of people would name a parrot
"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."
Bikerbob's version was the Parrot was called 'Butch' and the Rottweiler 'Fluffy.'
Next item was sent by my friend Linda in Canberra. Thanks Linda.
It is called "Thinking of You."
Have you ever been just sitting there and all of a sudden you feel like
doing something nice for someone you care for?
That's God talking to you through the Holy Spirit.
Have you ever been down and out and nobody seems to be around
for you to talk to?
That's God wanting you to talk to Him.
Have you ever been thinking of somebody that you haven't seen for a
long time and then next thing you know you see them or receive a
phone call from them?
That's God. There is no such thing as coincidence.
Have you ever received something wonderful that you didn't even ask for,
like money in the mail, a debt that had been mysteriously cleared, or
a coupon to a department store where you had just seen something you
needed, but couldn't afford?
That's God knowing the desires of your heart.
Have you ever been in a situation and you had no clue how it was going to
get better, how the hurting would stop, how the pain would ease, but you
now look back on it?
That's God passing us through tribulation to see a brighter day.
Do you think that this e-mail was accidentally sent to you?
NO. I was thinking of you. Keep this going. You have no idea which one of
your e-mail buddies could use a little hope today.
Dear God.... I know you're watching over me and I am feeling truly blessed
For no matter what I pray for, You always know what's best.
I have this circle of e-mail friends, who mean a lot to me,
Some days I 'send' and 'send. At other times I let them be.
I am so blessed to have these friends, with whom I've grown so close;
so this little poem I dictate to them, Because to me, they are the "Most".
When I see each name download, and view the message they've sent;
I know they've thought of me that day, and "well wishes" was their intent.
So to you, my friends, I would like to say, "Thank you for being a part,
of all my daily contacts. This comes right from my heart.
God bless you all is my prayer today, I'm honored to call you "friend"l
I pray God will keep you safe, until we write again.
Thanks to whoever sent this one. I don't think it was Confucius.
Confucius say .......
Man who want pretty nurse must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping must beware evil in-tent.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catches crabs.
Finally, Confucius say . . . .
"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood."
Two from my good friend Patricia Lincoln. Thank you Patty.
Comments made in 1955, only 56 years ago.
"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's
going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $10.00.
"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long
before $1,000 will only buy a used one."
"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit; 20c a pack
"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents just
to mail a letter."
"if they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire
outside help at the store."
"When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would
someday cost 25 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving
the car in the garage."
"I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they
let Clark Gable get by with saying Damn in Gone With the Wind, it
seems every new movie has either 'hell' or 'damn' in it.
"I read the other day where some scientist thinks it possible to put
a man on the moon, before the end of the century. They even have
some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."
"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for
$50,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday
they'll be making more than the President."
"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be
electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."
"It won't be be long before young couples are going to have to hire
someone to watch their kids so they can both work."
"I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole
lot of foreign business."
"Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government
takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing
the best people to government."
"The drive-in restaurant is convenient i nice weather, but I seriously
doubt they will ever catch on."
"There is no sense going on short trips anymore for a weekend.It
costs nearly $7.00 a night to stay in a hotel."
"No one can afford to be sick anymore. At $15.00 a day in hospital,
it's too rich for my blood."
"If they think I'll pay 75 cents for a hair cut, forget it."
What is the Answer? Thanks Patty.
You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night,
when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting
for the bus. . . . .
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there
could only be one passenger in your car.Think before you continue reading.
This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of
a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to
die and thus you should save her first. Or you could take your old friend
because he once saved your life,, and this would be the ideal chance to
repay him. However you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.
YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS . . . . . .
The candidate who was hired out of 200 applicants, had no trouble coming
up with his answer. He simply answered: "I would give my car keys to my
old friend and let him take the old lady to the hospital. I would stay behind
with the partner of my dreams."
Never forget to "Think Outside the Box."
HOWEVER . . . The correct answer is to run over the old lady and put her
out of her misery because the health care won't pay for the hospital visit,
have sex with your perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off
with your old friend for a few beers.
I just love Happy Endings.
A few short ones from my friend of long standing.Barbare. Thanks.
One Sunday morning, a mother went to wake her son and tell him it was
time to go to church. To which, he replied, "I'm not going."
"Why not?" she asked
"I'll give you two good reasons." he said.
1. They don't like me, and
2. I don't like them."
His mother replied, "I'll give you 2 good reasons why you SHOULD
go to church.
1. "You're 59 years old and
2. You're the pastor."
A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic priest met at the town's annual 4th July
picnic. They began their usual banter.
"This baked ham is really delicious," the priest said. "You really should
taste it, I can't understand that such a wonderful food is against
your religion.. You don't know what you're missing. Tell me Rabbi, when
are you going to break down and try it?"
The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin and said, "At your wedding."
An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher
greeted her ad helped her up the steps. "Where would you like to sit?"
"The front row, please."
"You really don't want to do that," the usher said, "The pastor is really
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.
"No," he said.
"I'm the pastor's mother." she replied indignantly.
Do you know who I am ?" asked the usher.
"No," she said.
"Good," he answered.
Well time to close this off, I hope you found a laugh or two.
I know some of the jokes are repeats, but hope you still enjoy them.
Take care of yourselves and your loved ones. Love and Best Wishes
to you all. Cheers, Merle.
Post 730 ~~ ~ Sunday, 20th March, 2011.