Sunday, June 26, 2011

Stolen Photo.

Post 741 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 26th June, 2011.

Hello Everyone ~~ It is a pleasant day here, sunny and about 15 C which
is almost 60 F. I am inside doing this and hope to watch 2 games of football
one of which is a Footy flashback of the main game. I think we might win
both, but nev
er too sure. My son John barracks for West Coast and I go for the
Carlton Blues. This is AFL football, the main brand of football in Victoria at least.

Carlton won the first match that was 16 years ago, but West Coast played much
better in the current match which we lost. There's always next week.!!

I hope you are all doing well and enjoying your warmer weather and longer
days. My brother Peter and his daughter recently visited me and then went
on to my nephew Marcus; 50th birthday. See more photos etc on Peter's
blog. I stole this one from him, and it is too far for him to come back and
"get" me for stealing it. I guess he could sue me from a distance. Ssh.


The birthday boy, Marcus, Vicki and Peter (of the twisted face) his words, not mine.

I had another lovely visit from a granddaughter, Kristen who got her licence
earlier this year, so she is 18. It was great to see her and she did quite a few
things for me, like hanging out washing that I managed to get in later.
She could only stay one night as she had to work at a Pasta and Pizza place
in Geelong where she lives with 2 other girls. Thanks Krissy for your help
and kindness. She is also doing a Beauty Course as well for the future.

Well it is about time for some jokes --First one from my cousin Karyn in N.Z.
Thanks Karyn for the Australian Poem "Poor 'Ol' Grandad"
The word 'dunny" used to be used for outdoor toilets. I don't like the word.

Poor 'Ol' Grandad

Poor old Grandad's passed away, cut off in his prime.
He never had a day off crook - gone before his time.
We found him in the dunny, collapsed there on the seat,
A startled look upon his face, his trousers around his feet.

The doctor said his heart was good - fit as any trout.
The Constable had his say, 'foul play' was not ruled out.
There were theories at the inquest of snakebite without trace.
Of redbacks quietly creeping and death from outer space.

No-one had a clue at all - the judge was in some doubt.
When Dad was called to have his say as to how it came about,
"I reckon I can clear it up," said Dad with trembling breath,
"You see it's quite a story - but it could explain his death."

"This here exploration mob had been looking at our soil,
And they reckoned that our farm was just the place to look for oil.
So they came and put a bore down and said they'd make some trials.
They drilled a hole as deep as hell, they said about three miles.

Well, they never found a trace of oil and off they went, post haste.
But I couldn't see a hole like that go to flamin' waste.
So I moved the dunny over it -a real smart move I thought.
I'd never have to dig again - I'd never be 'caught short'.

The day I moved the dunny, it looked a proper sight,
But I didn't dream poor Grandad would pass away that night,
Now I reckon what has happened - poor Grandad didn't know,
The dunny was relocated when that night he had to go.

And you'll probably be wondering how poor Grandad did his dash--
Well he always used to hold his breath - - -
Until he heard the splash!!"

Written by Grahame (Skewiff) Watt.
Thanks to the reader who supplied the information about the author.

Thanks to my friend in Queensland, Lee, for a Health Message.

1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would
be immortal.

2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat.

3. A rabbit runs and hops AND eats their greens and only lives
fifteen years.

4. A tortoise doesn't run, does nothing ...... yet lives for 450 years.

AND YOU TELL ME TO EXERCISE.
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Another from Lee called "Women's ass size study"

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their
asses, the results were pretty interesting.

105 of women think their ass is too fat

10% of women think their ass is too skinny

20% want to change their ass --and

the remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he is a good
man and wouldn't trade him for the world.
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Some more interesting facts from my son John. Thanks again John.

The Banana plant cannot reproduce itself. It can only be propagated'
by the hand of man.

Airports at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower
air density.

The University of Alaska spans four time zones.

In ancient Greece tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional
proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted.

The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself.

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song
"Happy Birthday."

A comet's tail always points away from the sun,

The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more deaths and illness than the
disease it was intended to prevent.

Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why
it is found in some medicines.

The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when
knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity.

If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up,
you can see stars, even in the middle of the day.

In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed.

When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense
lost is sight.

Strawberries are the only fruit whose seedsgrow on the outside.

Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per
hundred grams.

The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth each year.

The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust.

Due to the Earth's gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher
than 15,000 meters.

Mickey Mouse is known as "Topolino: in Italy.

Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they
could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down.

Everything weighs one per cent less at the equator.

For every extra kilogram carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess fuel
are needed at lift-off.

The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements.

And last, but not least :

In 2011, July has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays, and 5 Sundays. This happened
once every 823 years. This is called 'money bags'. So send this last one to
5 and money will arrive in 5 days. Based on Chinese Feng Shui, the one
who doesn't pass it on will have money troubles for the rest of the year.

Like John, I do not believe this, but I'm not taking any chances.!!!
<><>

A short one from a granddaughter -- Thanks Bec.

The first testicular guard, the 'Cup' was used in Hockey in 1874
and the first helmet was used in 1974.

That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their
brain is also important.

(Ladies,,,,,, Quit Laughing.) Sorry guys!!!
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One from my friend in Canberra - Thank you Linda for this one.
FORGOT MY GLASSES.

Yesterday my daughter asked why I didn't do something useful with my
time. She suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with
the guys.

I did this and when I got home last night I told her I had joined a
parachute club.

She said, "Are you nuts? You are almost 70 years old and you are going
to start jumping out of airplanes?"

I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.

She said to me, "For heaven's sake, where are your glasses? This is a
membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."

I'm in trouble again and don't know what to do. I signed up for five
jumps a week.

Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier.!!
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A few quotes to finish with. - - -

Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age.

Middle age is later than we think and sooner than expected.

Birthdays are good for you and statistics show that the people
who have the most live the longest.

My Friend ~ When weare together, you bring joy to my heart
Full of love and kindness. You've blessed me from the start.

The road to a friend's house is never long. - - Danish Proverb.
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Enough for tonight my friends. I hope you found something of interest.
Look after yourselves and each other. Find some joy in every day.
My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 741 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 26th June, 2011.
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18 comments:

Peter said...

I'll let you off with a warning this time!!!!

Jack K. said...

It's good to know that Peter will "play" nice.

As usual your posting is uplifting. Thanks for sharing your life with us.

Janice said...

I loved your post.

After reading your quotes I don't feel so bad about being fifty.

Janice~

Dave said...

I find joy every day I read your blog Merle!

Great jokes as always... *S*

Patty said...

Dear Merle, once again a lot of funny stuff to read. Even though I read them all and enjoyed them, I still like Grandpa going to the out house the best. Poor ole fella waiting to hear the splash. It's been rather cool here, which has been nice. A/C doesn't have to run as much. We're still waiting for the men to come and measure the skylights that got damaged in the hail storm. We've been told the house will need a complete new roof, this one now is only about 14 years old, but the hail really did a lot of damage and they no longer have shingles to match what we have. Just more worries. LOL But thank goodness our insurance will cover it and we have $100.00 deductible, so that isn't too much we'll have to pay out of our pocket. Take care, more later. Love, Patty

Big Dave T said...

Hi Merle. Weather is good here in Michigan too. Not sure we're going to have professional football yet this year. They're still in negotiations. I wonder how they know which is the last sense to go. Do they ask somebody who's dying? I wonder.

It's nice that you get so many visits from family. You must be an easy person to get along with. Not everyone is so blessed.

HORIZON said...

Well done to Carlton for at least winning the first match. Your brother Peter is such a sport Merle and you both have such a great sense of humour so l think he might let you off with the photo :)
The granddad poem was funny and all of those facts from John- a worry about the swine flu vaccine- hmm.
You've started my day off well Merle- thanks for that xx
I'm away to help my neighbour (91) today get his place in order, run the hoover around and have a chat. I know he gets quite lonely and enjoys the company- so do l.
bests for now dear friend xx

Lady Di Tn said...

Great photo of the burpday boy (I use that term loosely since he was the big 50) I am still laughing about the cup and helmet. I was so nice of your Krissy to come and help out. As for me I have been washing windows for two weeks and it may be over a month before I finish. I feel like the Snapdragon more times than not. LOL
Take care and have a wonderful weekend. Peace

Margaret Cloud said...

That was nice of Kristen to help you out. The grandpa one was sure funny. I always hated out outhouse. We all need some sort of exercise. Liked the facts, especially the tooth one. I enjoyed these, very funny.

Mountain Mama said...

Looks like Peter is going to forgive you this time Merle.LOL
I'm glad to hear you are doing well.
I loved the poem about Grandpa. I never hear od the outhouse being called a dunny. I wonder how it got that name?

LZ Blogger said...

Merle ~ Thanks for checking in at my blog. I am afraid that I just keep getting LAZIER everyday at blogging. Loved the picture of Peter, Markus and Vicki. All your jokes were cute and thanks for the explaination of dunny. It made the poem a lot more understandable to us yanks! ~ j///b

Granny Annie said...

Merle, it sounds like your granddaughter's visit was great even though it was short. Most of my grandchildren are driving now and one grandson got his first ticket. Oh his poor papa's insurance premium!

Loved Bec's joke. Also loved the fact about whales. It needs to also mention that whales live a very long time. LOL

audrey` said...

HaHa! I enjoy the lovely online comments between you and your brother. Take care, Merle. xox

Kila said...

Hi Merle! Thank you so much for the comment and Happy Birthday wishes!

I greatly enjoyed your post! :)

Jim said...

Oops, telling your brother's secrets! Except we have been keeping track of his progress so we knew.

A couple of years ago I visited the airport at Teluride, Colorado. It is the highest portion of a mountain there in ski country and scary enough without know about John's words. It is a small one with a fairly short runway. Miss the end and you'll be down the mountain.
I did know about seeing the stars in the daylight from a cave.

Merle, did you also realize that this July (2003) has a Blue Moon? When a month has a second full moon it is called that. July 1 and July 30 have full moons.
Cheers,
..

the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...

Hi Merle,
Words of wisdom and of laughter, it just can't be any better.

I got one for you (corny again)..What do you call a guy that breaks dishes?

:)
j.

Rosezilla said...

Hi, Merle! I'm back to blogging - I missed everyone too much to stay away. These were great as always! Loved the health tips, and the one about 50 being the youth of old age - I just turned 50! It's good to "see" you again!

Joy Des Jardins said...

Love the pic. Weather was pretty hot here today, and we're still having storm warnings...it seems like all the time.

Hope you're feeling well Merle...Happy weekend to you. ~Joy