Post 740 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 10th June, 2011.
Hello Everyone ~~ I hope all is as well at your place as it is at mine. I am getting
better at walking unaided, indoors. Still glad of the walker when I get tired
and always use it outdoors. I am not outdoors a lot, this cold weather.
Well, my brother Peter and his daughter Vicki arrived on Thursday for a
brief visit and left Friday afternoon. I forgot to take photos, sorry about
that, so put some old ones on. We have both lost a bit of weight since
these. Peter's face has improved a bit, and didn't look too bad to me, so
I greeted him with "You don't look TOO bad," and got a similar reply !!
He still has trouble with the eye that won't close and it waters or else it
is dry, so he has drops and ointment for it. And he managed to eat OK.
We had a nice lamb roast and next day some Sweet and Sour Chicken.
He managed both quite well, but from his point of view, maybe it wasn't
so easy. We talked and laughed a lot and my son John spent a lot of
time with us here. It was so great to see both Vicki and her Dad.
They went on to Peter's middle son, Marcus who turns 50 next week
to have a BBQ yesterday and then go to the football at night and I think
they will all go out for a meal today. Peter flew down and Vicki flew
from Adelaide and she drove Peter up which was good. He got the OK
from his doctor to drive, but probably should only do short trips for now.
February, 2006. with Vicki.
Christmas Day, at Gympie, 2010.
Yesterday I did some more cooking so didn't get here to post, but will now try
to find some jokes for you.
First one comes from my good friend Patty called "Senior Sex."
After his exam the doctor asked the elderly man: "You appear to be in
good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me?"
"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After my wife and I make love I am
usually cold and chilly, then after we make love the second time, I am
usually hot and sweaty.?"
Later after examining the elderly gentleman's wife, the doctor said,
"Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns you
would like to discuss with me?"
She replied she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then told her, "Your husband had an unusual concern. He
claims he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first
time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"
"Oh that crazy old man," she replied. That's because the first time is usually
in January and the second time is in AUGUST."
A couple from my cousin in New Zealand. Thank you Karyn.
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy went to
the local church for confession.
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father
During World War 2, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked
urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in
The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did and you have no need
to confess that."
"There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors.
This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays."
The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, placed
the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances
can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly
sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."
"Thank you Father. That's a great load off my mind, but I do have one more
"And what is that?" asked the priest.
"Should I tell her the war is over?"
$5.37. Thanks Karyn.
$5.37. That's what the kid behind the counter at Tim Horton's said to me.
I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something
that used to be a Lifesaver. Having already handed the kid a five-spot,
I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change, when the kid
with the Elmo hairdo said the worst thing anyone has ever said to me. He said,
"It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."
I turned to see who he was talking to, and then heard the sound of change
hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully.
I stood there stupified. I am only 57, not yet even 60.A mere child. Senior
I took my food and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with
Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?
I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode
to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.
Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me
like I could be that easily distracted. What am I now? A toddler?
"Dude, Can't get too far without your keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain
at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind.
"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly. It could happen to anyone."
I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition,
but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still
That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.
I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.
Then a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat.
Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut
on the dashboard.
Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.
Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to be finally
leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the
bowels of my stomach: hunger. My stomach growled and churned, and I
reached out to grab my coffee, only it was nowhere to be found.
I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back to the
restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black
nail polish. All I could think, "What is this world coming to?"
All I could say, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point, I
was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then
go straight home and apply for Social Assistance benefits.
Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young
lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was
holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this
in my truck by mistake.
I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.
She offered these kind words, "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like
this all the time."
All of this to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing
some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And No I told the officer, I'm not too
old to be driving this fast.
As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I
handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly
sat in my rocking chair and covered my legs with a blankey.
The good news was I had successfully found my way home.
Pass this on to any old fogies on your list.
P.S. Save the earth.... it's the only planet with chocolate. !!!!
"Some Additions to your Dictionary." Thank you Gina.
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now
growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLORS: A place where women go to curl up and dye.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after
they are dead.
COMMITTEE: a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: A grape with sunburn
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
WRINKLES: Something other people have. Similar to my character lines.
Well, it is time to say Bye for now my friends. I hope your lives are happy
and that you are taking care of yourselves and each other. My love and
best wishes to you all. I so enjoyed seeing my little brother Peter again
and I hope his face improves a lot more yet. Thank you Vicki for your
help while you were here. I meant dishes etc NOT throwing things out,
with John aiding and abetting. I hope that Marcus is enjoying his birthday
celebrations. Cheers, Merle.
Post 740 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 19th June, 2011.